blink (feedback greatly appreciated)

[jeutsler]

Stop a moment, World,
at my lonely window.
Pause and let me look upon
your complicated beauty.
Shining silver clouds race by,
speeding seasons change-
life seems like a small town
viewed from my speeding car:
blink and I have missed it,
a blurry landscape in the night.
-----je-----

 

[aquaglide1]

some thoughts on your poem

I like the language in general and it has a nice rhythm to it. On the other hand it seems to be a bit of a mixed set of images. Your lonely window, then your speeding car. Are you sitting and watching life pass you by, or are you moving too fast and not really watching at all. Just some thoughts, hope they’re useful. Keep it up, especially if you’re having fun.

aqua