Blind-Faith-Based Initiatives

[shereads]

From The Onion's Top Stories/Year in Review

Bush Unveils New Blind-Faith-Based Initiatives

COLUMBUS, OH (Sept. 27)—Seeking to broaden his appeal among undecided voters, President Bush unveiled a new set of blind-faith-based initiatives during a campaign stop in the battleground state of Ohio Sunday. According to a senior staff member, the sweeping initiatives—which address such complex matters as climate change, the faltering economy, and challenges to American security at home and abroad—are founded on the unquestioned assumption that the Bush Administration will "take care of everything." "My blind-faith initiatives are far-reaching, and like many large issues, they are simple," Bush said. "I call upon all Americans to surrender any doubts they may have about my record. After all, naysaying is no substitute for real governance." Officials from the newly created Office Of Blind-Faith-Based Initiatives were at church and unavailable for comment.

 

[carsonshepherd]

From The Onion's Top Stories/Year in Review

I got almost all the way to the end before I realized it was the Onion.

 

[cantdog]

Forget Norway. Onions are all right.

 

[Guest]

These days I can't tell the difference between Bush real-life and the Onion.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Well, all infighting aside
it is true that the 9/11 attack
was a faith-based initiative.

 

[Kassiana]

Love the Onion. The "Museum of the Middle Class" article they had after the election was PERFECT.

 

[shereads]

Also from the Year in Review (excerpt):

WMDs FOUND
Nuclear Weapons Programs Discovered in Korea, Iran

TEHRAN, IRAN (June 19)—The U.S. military's long search for weapons of mass destruction ended Wednesday when state officials in North Korea and Iran admitted to having nuclear-weapons programs.

"Our uranium-enrichment program is part of our plan to make Iran a nuclear state," Iranian foreign minister Kamal Kharazi said.

North Korean Vice-Foreign Minister Paek Nam Sum said North Korea resumed its plutonium-reprocessing program as a part of its plan to produce nuclear weapons.
"The United States is correct: Weapons of mass destruction are falling into the hands of their enemies," Paek said. "My country has been reprocessing plutonium ever since the U.S. withdrew from an aid agreement after accusing North Korea of enriching uranium. Consider the situation highly destabilized."

Secretary of State Colin Powell expressed relief that the long and difficult hunt for WMDs is finally over.

 

[shereads]

Well, all infighting aside
it is true that the 9/11 attack
was a faith-based initiative.

True. Maybe the Dept. of Homeland Security should absorb the White House Dept. of Faith-Based Initiatives.