Bleh. Why do I even try.

[Cirrus]

*Warning: Rant Ahead*

You know the new guy I was with? The one that wanted to use the condoms? Yeah, well, he's apparently history.

We had a "heavy" discussion the other day on why I act like I'm, and I quote, afraid of him. I've had some absolute SHIT relationships...in fact, all of them have been shit. To say that I have not had good luck is the understatement of the century. So I went on a 2 1/2 year dating and sex hiatus. And then I met him.

I'm a wuss at talking about my emotions. I always feel like I'm going to be judged. So I wrote him a nice, long letter, explaining why I feel the way I do...or rather don't yet. Not the best way to do it, I know, but he asked, and I wouldn't EVER feel comfortable enough with ANYONE to do that face to face. I didn't get too mushy on him, didn't make ultimatums or expections, just laid out my reasons.

That was 2 days ago. I know he's read it by now. Have I heard anything? Nada. Not a phone call, not a "let's talk" jotted e-mail, not a visit...nothing. I guess I'm just too screwed up to have a normal relationship.

I wasn't asking for a guarantee that he'd never hurt me. The guy's not Kreskin and neither am I, no one can see what will happen in the future. All I was hoping for was something along the lines of him understanding and being willing to be patient with me. Even him saying I'm a total headcase and I scare him to death would have been better than silence.

I just feel so disposable sometimes. Is everyone just out for themselves? And the ultimate question...WHY DO I EVEN TRY?

I don't expect sympathy, empathy, advice or consolation...I just thought maybe if I wrote it down I'd feel better. I don't. It was worth a try though.

 

[Starfish]

Silence is usuallly due because of a simple loss for words.
Or a loss of how to put his feelings into perspective now that he knows what you've got going on.

Give it time. People sometimes need huge periods of time to digest something to a point that is comfortable.

 

[estevie]

You try because you have to..its a need.

I'm sorry things are shitty for you.

Things can only get better, right?

 

[DopeyAngel]

Nobody is too screwed up for a relationship so don't be daft.......I know you don't want votes of sympathy but I really do feel for you, I have times like this myself......it's natural to want to bother but maybe you should bother about yourself for a while - be a tiny bit selfish.......I hope that writing everything down may help a little bit even if it doesn't make you feel wholly better.......and remember, men (yes I am generalising hugely) are fickle beings......give him a while..........big hugs........

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Give it time - sometimes it's hard to absorb such honesty. If he doesn't contact you in the next day or two, and you are still interested, try to find the courage to call him.

If he is worthy of your interest so far (and you sound pretty discriminating), he knows that you are still the same person he was attracted to BEFORE the letter - just with more facets than he knew about.

ahhh...new love. <sigh> and every good and bad thing that comes with it...

VBG

 

[LukkyKnight]

Well, before somebody else jumps in to say it - why not ask him instead of us? Yeah, yeah, he's being quiet, but is there some rule about taking turns? The silence eats at you, so go make a little noise, he's bound to react if you're on the phone or in his face, right?

Seriously, without meaning to sound harsh, why wait? Fearing "the worst" is worse than knowing and then being able to start adjusting and moving on.

 

[riff]

I am sorry this is happening in your life. Everyone deserves a loving and comfortable relationship.

I am horrible with relationships. They terrify the hell out of me. To complicate matters even more, I seem to attract people who are just as terrified as I am.

This is part of the reason I go to a therapist. I am not saying you should.

Please be kind to yourself. I have a problem with being kind to myself (I would not associate with people who tell me the things about me that I tell myself).

Be kind to yourself. ((hug))