Bizet's Carmen - Definitely a Premiere

[scheherazade_79]

The most worrying thing about this is that it actually comes from a real printed programme that accompanied a performance by the Genoa Opera Company. I can't understand how a translator could end up with something like this through pure ineptitude in the English language. He or she must have been pissed off with their employer...

I'm starting to think I'd love to be a translator!

Act 1
Carmen, a cigarmakeress from a tobago factory, loves Don Jose of the Mounting Guard. Carmen takes a flower from her corsets and lances it to Don Joes. (Duet: 'Take Me or My Mother'). There was a noise outside the tobago factory and revolting cigarmakeresses burst onto the stage. Carmen is arrested and Don Jose ordered to do mounting guard on her, but she subduces him and escape.

Act Two - The Tavern
Carmen sings (Aria: 'The Cisterns Tinkling'). Enter two smugglers ('Ho, we have in mind a business'). Enter Escamillio, a balls fighter. Carmen refuses to penetrate, because Don Jose has libertied her. He just now arrives ('Slop here who comes'), But here are the bugles singing his retreat. Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by Carmen's shrieks the two smugglers interfere with her. Jose is bound to dessert. Final aria - 'Opening Wondering Life'.

Act Three - A Rocky Landscape
Smugglers chatter. Carmen sees her death in the cards. Don Jose makes a date with her for the next balls fight.

Act Four - A Place in Seville
Procession of ballfighters. The roaring of balls is heard in the arena. Escamillio enters (Aria: 'Toreador! Toreador! All hail the balls of a toreador!) Enter Don Jose (Aria: 'I besmooch thee') Carmen repels him. She wants to join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabs her (Aria: 'oh, rupture! rupture!) He sings, 'Oh, my subductive Carmen!'

 

[Antfarmer77]

The most worrying thing about this is that it actually comes from a real printed programme that accompanied a performance by the Genoa Opera Company. I can't understand how a translator could end up with something like this through pure ineptitude in the English language. He or she must have been pissed off with their employer...

I'm starting to think I'd love to be a translator!

Act 1
Carmen, a cigarmakeress from a tobago factory, loves Don Jose of the Mounting Guard. Carmen takes a flower from her corsets and lances it to Don Joes. (Duet: 'Take Me or My Mother'). There was a noise outside the tobago factory and revolting cigarmakeresses burst onto the stage. Carmen is arrested and Don Jose ordered to do mounting guard on her, but she subduces him and escape.

Act Two - The Tavern
Carmen sings (Aria: 'The Cisterns Tinkling'). Enter two smugglers ('Ho, we have in mind a business'). Enter Escamillio, a balls fighter. Carmen refuses to penetrate, because Don Jose has libertied her. He just now arrives ('Slop here who comes'), But here are the bugles singing his retreat. Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by Carmen's shrieks the two smugglers interfere with her. Jose is bound to dessert. Final aria - 'Opening Wondering Life'.

Act Three - A Rocky Landscape
Smugglers chatter. Carmen sees her death in the cards. Don Jose makes a date with her for the next balls fight.

Act Four - A Place in Seville
Procession of ballfighters. The roaring of balls is heard in the arena. Escamillio enters (Aria: 'Toreador! Toreador! All hail the balls of a toreador!) Enter Don Jose (Aria: 'I besmooch thee') Carmen repels him. She wants to join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabs her (Aria: 'oh, rupture! rupture!) He sings, 'Oh, my subductive Carmen!'

But what if none of these are typo's?!?

 

[scheherazade_79]

But what if none of these are typo's?!?

There's no way you could make that many terrible mistakes in a translation and not be aware of them. Either way, I think this person has a real talent for translation. Can you imagine what would become of the UN if they hired someone like that as a translator? There'd be far more weapons of mass destraction, and maybe they could even get the mounting guard to go on a peach-keeping mission to the Middle East

Almost as good (but not quite) as the guy who got kicked off my college music course for writing a serious essay on'Tristan and the Soldier'....

 

[McKenna]

There's no way you could make that many terrible mistakes in a translation and not be aware of them. Either way, I think this person has a real talent for translation. Can you imagine what would become of the UN if they hired someone like that as a translator? There'd be far more weapons of mass destraction, and maybe they could even get the mounting guard to go on a peach-keeping mission to the Middle East

Wouldn't that be the Middle Yeast?

 

[scheherazade_79]

Wouldn't that be the Middle Yeast?

Of course! And the only opponents to UN intervention would the United Straights of America

 

[McKenna]

Of course! And the only opponents to UN intervention would the United Straights of America

LMAO!!! You're hilarious!

 

[scheherazade_79]

LMAO!!! You're hilarious!

Het geeft toegevoegde betekenis aan de stad van Kut, Afghanistan

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

My hover craft is full of eels

 

[McKenna]

Het geeft toegevoegde betekenis aan de stad van Kut, Afghanistan

Inderdaad, dat is waar! Je bent een slimme en gekke meid! (Ik vind dat schattig in jou...)

 

[scheherazade_79]

Inderdaad, dat is waar! Je bent een slimme en gekke meid! (Ik vind dat schattig in jou...)

Zult u me huwen?

 

[matriarch]

Of course! And the only opponents to UN intervention would the United Straights of America

United Straights of America?

I thought they were called the Democrats??

 

[Guest]

United Straights of America?

I thought they were called the Democrats??

No, love, I think you have to be Republican to be straight. It's even part of their political platform - against gays, against birth control, against free choice.

Democrats can love and have sex which whomever they wish.

 

[Guest]

The most worrying thing about this is that it actually comes from a real printed programme that accompanied a performance by the Genoa Opera Company. I can't understand how a translator could end up with something like this through pure ineptitude in the English language. He or she must have been pissed off with their employer...

I'm starting to think I'd love to be a translator!

Act 1
Carmen, a cigarmakeress from a tobago factory, loves Don Jose of the Mounting Guard. Carmen takes a flower from her corsets and lances it to Don Joes. (Duet: 'Take Me or My Mother'). There was a noise outside the tobago factory and revolting cigarmakeresses burst onto the stage. Carmen is arrested and Don Jose ordered to do mounting guard on her, but she subduces him and escape.

Act Two - The Tavern
Carmen sings (Aria: 'The Cisterns Tinkling'). Enter two smugglers ('Ho, we have in mind a business'). Enter Escamillio, a balls fighter. Carmen refuses to penetrate, because Don Jose has libertied her. He just now arrives ('Slop here who comes'), But here are the bugles singing his retreat. Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by Carmen's shrieks the two smugglers interfere with her. Jose is bound to dessert. Final aria - 'Opening Wondering Life'.

Act Three - A Rocky Landscape
Smugglers chatter. Carmen sees her death in the cards. Don Jose makes a date with her for the next balls fight.

Act Four - A Place in Seville
Procession of ballfighters. The roaring of balls is heard in the arena. Escamillio enters (Aria: 'Toreador! Toreador! All hail the balls of a toreador!) Enter Don Jose (Aria: 'I besmooch thee') Carmen repels him. She wants to join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabs her (Aria: 'oh, rupture! rupture!) He sings, 'Oh, my subductive Carmen!'

I'm giggling in horror, actually.

Damn.

I besmooch thee???

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Procession of ball fighters......

I want to be a ball fighter! I have balls of fury! FEAR MY BALLS!

 

[Guest]

Procession of ball fighters......

I want to be a ball fighter! I have balls of fury! FEAR MY BALLS!

I think I've seen that porn flick, actually.

 

[Aurora Black]

No, love, I think you have to be Republican to be straight. It's even part of their political platform - against gays, against birth control, against free choice.

Democrats can love and have sex which whomever they wish.

Damn straight!

 

[rgraham666]

All your bases are belong to us.

I suspect someone actually ran the thing through babelfish or some other on-line translator. Sounds like it.

I heard a story once, probably apocryphal but silly enough to be true.

Apparently the CIA was running short of Russian translators, or perhaps didn't trust any of them. Communism was infectious, don't ya know?

Anyway they put together the first Russian-English computer translator.

To test it they fed in "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Translated to Russian and back again.

The result was "The vodka was pretty good but the beef was bad."

 

[oggbashan]

The other computer translation from English to Russian and back was:

"Out of sight: out of mind"

That came back as:


























"Invisible idiot"

Og

 

[R. Richard]

To give you an idea of translation problems, you need to know about technical translation. If you want to translate technical material from a foreign language to English for the US government, you must:
1) Be a native born speaker of the foreign language.
2) Be educated at least through high school in said foreign language.
3) Have a college degree in the area of the material to be translated.

If you wonder why, consider Og's example. There is also another story about a translated technical doument that had the phrase "water goat" repeating. The matter was brought to the attention of an engineer who crossed out "water goat" and wrote "hydraulic ram." The final example is the idiot who translated Cinderella from the French. Apparently the French words for "fur" and "glass" are similar. The original story featured a fur slipper. The translator gave us a glass slipper.

 

[Antfarmer77]

My hover craft is full of eels

Oh man...you made me spit beer outta my nose

 

[Stella_Omega]

To give you an idea of translation problems, you need to know about technical translation. If you want to translate technical material from a foreign language to English for the US government, you must:
1) Be a native born speaker of the foreign language.
2) Be educated at least through high school in said foreign language.
3) Have a college degree in the area of the material to be translated.

If you wonder why, consider Og's example. There is also another story about a translated technical doument that had the phrase "water goat" repeating. The matter was brought to the attention of an engineer who crossed out "water goat" and wrote "hydraulic ram." The final example is the idiot who translated Cinderella from the French. Apparently the French words for "fur" and "glass" are similar. The original story featured a fur slipper. The translator gave us a glass slipper.

Whee, water goats!

The French slipper was made of "vair" (miniver fur, a little white weasel) and someone mis-read, or misheard it as "verre" (glass)
I have to say, though, the accident produced one of the most delicious of all fairytales!