Bisexual, or bi-curious? Bisexual with no "bi" experience?

[pixielust]

Bisexual with no "bi" experience is pretty much how I see myself. I do not see myself as bi-curious for several reasons.
1) I am not really *curious* about it. It's an inate part of my sexuality. I am sexually attracted to women most often more so than most men.
2) Just because I have never been sexually intimate with a woman and the entirety of my sexual experience has been with men, for me doesn't mean that I am not bisexual. If the opportunity had presented itself I definately would have been with a woman. The opportunity in fact did present itself once, but we discovered through getting to know each other that we really weren't all that attracted to each other, and didn't really even like each other. *That* would probably have not been a positive experience.
3) Now I have a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that I am still not attracted to women. I am just monogamous. A monogamous bisexual. It may seem like an oxymoron, but it really is not. My boyfriend knows...(and loves it, because he can get away with openly admitting that a woman is hot, because he has a girlfriend who is more than likely checking her out at the same time, and agreeing with him)

So, all in all, I'm happy. Sometimes it's hard to explain, and I've had problems with people saying, "You're not bisexual, you've never had the experience." My personal opinion is that if you're not in someone's body, if you're not in someone's mind, it's not yours to judge.

Any thoughts? (Yes, I know I'm opening this up to discussion and even disagreement, on a public forum.) My personal opinion on this is that everyone is entitled to a personal opinion

 

[PanosGreece]

Your description matches me almost perfectly.the only difference is that I'm a guy and haven't had sexual act with a guy.but since i am attracted to guys AND girls I think the only term I can use is bisexual.
Well, maybe bi-curious but I don't think that I will just imagine about having sex with another guy.I am quite sure that if the opportunity comes up I'll take it(regarding that I am attracted to the person..I wouldn't just go for it if I wasn't at ALL interested..)
But even my friends say I'm bi though I haven't experienced man-to-man sex.
The only thing that gets on my nerves though..because I like a guy and haven't been for a girl for,like, a year one of my friends started saying that I might become gay...I know this isn't the case but...it is annoying...
I know what I am, not someone else...And what I am is attracted to both sexes..be it girls or guys

 

[LuciousBi-Writes4U]

with good intention and best regards to you all

hi all.... please take this as a loving and honest comment from someone who has trancended your palateau by YEARS of expierence......
and by the way i wish you all the best and FIRSTs SOOON!!

as a fully expierenced bi-sexual female... I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

so I would say to call yourself ready and able bi-curious people... or bi-curious seriously seeking to make it more than curiosity ....

what gets on peoples nerves is personal ad responses where some talks a lot of crap and then doesn't go through with their end of the deal at all or for a year of talking or longer!
All of this has happened to me.... and then i have been fortunate enough to have had some who i've hooked up with within weeks of first chatting!

the most important part of all of this is to be truethful to a fault... if you haven't had an encounter yet then call yourself bi-curious ...seeking a great new teacher... flattery gets you everywhere in the alternative dating world!!
hugs, kisses, and best wishes for wonderful 1sts for you all!

 

[minsue]

I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

So, do you consider straight people with no sexual experience hetero-curious? (I don't mean that in a confrontational way, it's an honest question.)

 

[Volz]

Bisexual with no "bi" experience is pretty much how I see myself. I do not see myself as bi-curious for several reasons.
1) I am not really *curious* about it. It's an inate part of my sexuality. I am sexually attracted to women most often more so than most men.
2) Just because I have never been sexually intimate with a woman and the entirety of my sexual experience has been with men, for me doesn't mean that I am not bisexual. If the opportunity had presented itself I definately would have been with a woman. The opportunity in fact did present itself once, but we discovered through getting to know each other that we really weren't all that attracted to each other, and didn't really even like each other. *That* would probably have not been a positive experience.
3) Now I have a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that I am still not attracted to women. I am just monogamous. A monogamous bisexual. It may seem like an oxymoron, but it really is not. My boyfriend knows...(and loves it, because he can get away with openly admitting that a woman is hot, because he has a girlfriend who is more than likely checking her out at the same time, and agreeing with him)

So, all in all, I'm happy. Sometimes it's hard to explain, and I've had problems with people saying, "You're not bisexual, you've never had the experience." My personal opinion is that if you're not in someone's body, if you're not in someone's mind, it's not yours to judge.

Any thoughts? (Yes, I know I'm opening this up to discussion and even disagreement, on a public forum.) My personal opinion on this is that everyone is entitled to a personal opinion

This is me exactly too.

And to LuciousBi-Writes4U, it's no different than knowing you're straight with no sexual experience.

In my opinion, my exeperience (or lack of) is inconsequential. (sp??) I didn't need to have an experience with a man to know that I would like it and do it again just like I don't need an experience with a woman to know that I would like it and do it again.

 

[LuciousBi-Writes4U]

no ....just sexually curious in general.... LOL

i had my FIRST expierence with a girl at 13 ...... and have continued to have both since 18.........

so bisexual virgin.... hows that for a term???

and yes... i get that your trying not to be confrontational ,,,, so am I

 

[SweetErika]

hi all.... please take this as a loving and honest comment from someone who has trancended your palateau by YEARS of expierence......
and by the way i wish you all the best and FIRSTs SOOON!!

as a fully expierenced bi-sexual female... I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

so I would say to call yourself ready and able bi-curious people... or bi-curious seriously seeking to make it more than curiosity ....

what gets on peoples nerves is personal ad responses where some talks a lot of crap and then doesn't go through with their end of the deal at all or for a year of talking or longer!
All of this has happened to me.... and then i have been fortunate enough to have had some who i've hooked up with within weeks of first chatting!

the most important part of all of this is to be truethful to a fault... if you haven't had an encounter yet then call yourself bi-curious ...seeking a great new teacher... flattery gets you everywhere in the alternative dating world!!
hugs, kisses, and best wishes for wonderful 1sts for you all!

I disagree. I think you should call yourself whatever you feel suits you best, or nothing at all.

Like you, Pixie, I did not care to call myself "bi-curious" because I was way more than curious about women, and was 99% sure I was bi before I ever had a solid experience. The first experience simply confirmed what I already knew. I felt "bicurious" was better suited to people who really wondered and maybe just had an interest in trying it. I was "more bi than curious" where others were "more curious than bi" and I don't think the term "bicurious" accurately describes both of those mindsets.

I would agree on wanting to know if a potential partner is inexperienced. One reason is because they might bolt (but I don't think that's common with people who really consider themselves bi). The most important reason is that I want to be extra sensitive to their feelings and needs...I know it can be nervewracking, and want to make sure they feel good about everything before, during, and after.

 

[anne27]

I didn't consider myself bi until I had my first experience, but that's me and how I define myself. Use whatever term/label you are most comfortable with to define yourself. It's what is in your head and in your heart that's important.

 

[pixielust]

as a fully expierenced bi-sexual female... I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

so I would say to call yourself ready and able bi-curious people... or bi-curious seriously seeking to make it more than curiosity ....

I respectfully disagree with this for 2 reasons.

1) One is not generally considered to have to have personal experience to be called straight or gay. For instance, if you're a virgin. Would you consider yourself asexual or nonsexual simply because you haven't had a sexual experience? Of course not.

2) I don't think it matters what society calls a person, it's what you yourself think and know about yourself. My other point, which I'm not sure I made, is that *just* because I am attracted to women does not mean that I want to be with a woman at this point because I'm already in a relationship with my boyfriend. I am monogamous, and very loyal in my relationships.

Ms LuciousBi-Writes4U, I am sorry you had that experience with being stood up/led on. That also has happened to me when I've tried to develop an intimate relationship with a woman. (When I was unattached, that is) I wish I *had* the experience simply to say that I had it, and other people wouldn't be confused about me anymore. Are you bi or bi curious? I personally know I'm bi.

My humble opinion is that everybody's sexually is completely their own to decide. In my case, I have only had experience with men, but I do believe that I am bisexual because of my deep attraction to women. And my knowledge that I could possibly be in a relationship with a female, if I weren't already in a relationship.

I'm not curious as to whether or not I'm attracted to women, nor am I curious as to whether I believe sex with a woman would turn me on. Just like if you're straight, or gay...you know. You don't need experience to tell you what you prefer sexually.

Wow. That's my rant. I hope I didnt come off as snappish or defensive, because I really didn't mean to. I'm enjoying the discussion

 

[John Doe]

hi all.... please take this as a loving and honest comment from someone who has trancended your palateau by YEARS of expierence......
and by the way i wish you all the best and FIRSTs SOOON!!

as a fully expierenced bi-sexual female... I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

so I would say to call yourself ready and able bi-curious people... or bi-curious seriously seeking to make it more than curiosity ....

what gets on peoples nerves is personal ad responses where some talks a lot of crap and then doesn't go through with their end of the deal at all or for a year of talking or longer!
All of this has happened to me.... and then i have been fortunate enough to have had some who i've hooked up with within weeks of first chatting!

the most important part of all of this is to be truethful to a fault... if you haven't had an encounter yet then call yourself bi-curious ...seeking a great new teacher... flattery gets you everywhere in the alternative dating world!!
hugs, kisses, and best wishes for wonderful 1sts for you all!

Do you feel the same way about homosexuals with no experience, particularly those who say they've known they were gay (or at least different) for as long as they can remember?

 

[pixielust]

I would agree on wanting to know if a potential partner is inexperienced. .

I highly agree with that, and if I were to ever have that opportunity, (but right now, for me, that would not be possible) I would definately share my inexperience with a potential partner. My experience, though, is in sharing *that* particular fact, the woman usually runs the other way. But I believe honesty is the start of every friendship, especially potentially sexual

 

[SweetErika]

I highly agree with that, and if I were to ever have that opportunity, (but right now, for me, that would not be possible) I would definately share my inexperience with a potential partner. My experience, though, is in sharing *that* particular fact, the woman usually runs the other way. But I believe honesty is the start of every friendship, especially potentially sexual

Yes, I've heard women put the "no newbies" qualification out there. And to be fair, I've heard lots of newbies/self-identified bicurious say they just want a woman to pleasure them, but aren't sure if they can or don't want to reciprocate. My thought is that a good woman and true friend doesn't care how much experience you have as long as you are ready, willing, and able to try and enjoy giving and receiving pleasure. If a woman doesn't want to be with me because I don't have a ton of experience, she's probably not someone I want to be intimate with in the first place.

 

[WyldSpirit]

hi all.... please take this as a loving and honest comment from someone who has trancended your palateau by YEARS of expierence......
and by the way i wish you all the best and FIRSTs SOOON!!

as a fully expierenced bi-sexual female... I would say that people like me don't like to hear bi-curious people act as if they are more than that.... even if you are like me and have know since pubirty that you like it both ways you are defiinetly not bisexual until you've actually had a first experience.

so I would say to call yourself ready and able bi-curious people... or bi-curious seriously seeking to make it more than curiosity ....

what gets on peoples nerves is personal ad responses where some talks a lot of crap and then doesn't go through with their end of the deal at all or for a year of talking or longer!
All of this has happened to me.... and then i have been fortunate enough to have had some who i've hooked up with within weeks of first chatting!

the most important part of all of this is to be truethful to a fault... if you haven't had an encounter yet then call yourself bi-curious ...seeking a great new teacher... flattery gets you everywhere in the alternative dating world!!
hugs, kisses, and best wishes for wonderful 1sts for you all!

I am struck almost speechless by this post. Especially when posted by someone who has "known since puberty" that they were bi.

I have known basically my whole life that I was bisexual. I knew I was bi before I knew what it meant to be bi, before I really knew what sex was. There was never any doubt, as soon as I was noticing boys I was also noticing girls. When I did start to have an interest in sex, it was an interest in both sexes. Yes, it did take longer for me to have my first sexual experience with a female than with a male, but that was only due to lack of opportunity. There was nothing bicurious about me, I was, am, and always have been 100% bisexual.

I do agree with you on one thing Lucious, it is extremely important when using online dating to be completely honest. If you are inexperienced, let the person know that you are inexperienced. That does not mean that if you know that you are bi that you have to ID as anything else, but you should let them know that you are new to the scene. (You wouldn't want to take someone's virginity without knowing it was their first time, would you? Same idea here.) Really, honesty is the best policy anyway online IMHO, especially for online dating. It sucks that you've been burned Lucious, but atleast you have had some good experiences to balance the bad as well. It's just too bad that the people that you talked with weren't honest with you. However, just because they weren't honest with you doesn't mean that it requires a sexual experience to know what your sexual orientation is. As the previous posters stated, does a straight or gay person have to now ID as "straight-curious" when they are virgins just because they haven't had sex? Really that makes as much sense as what you've posted about bi-sexuality. Yes, there are people who are genuinely "bi-curious" but not all bi-sexual people were first bi-curious.

 

[Netzach]

I never really passed through the questioning or curious portal. I don't think experience means everything, I've done stuff with lots of girls over the years too, and frankly, a lot of girls with experience are still flaky and apt to not follow through and not sure of what they want. Unsure doesn't really bother me. Sometimes I don't feel like reciprocating. I'm a Top, I make it clear that I'm not a huge reciprocator out of a sense of obligation.

When it occured to me that a person could be both things it was a moment of "oh....THAT'S it!"

If you are, and you know you are, bully for you.

 

[Never]

I went eight years between learning I was gay and having sex.

That said, the rule of thumb is that whomever buys dinner gets to come first but she has to reciprocate unless it was a really good dinner.

 

[John Doe]

I never really passed through the questioning or curious portal. I don't think experience means everything, I've done stuff with lots of girls over the years too, and frankly, a lot of girls with experience are still flaky and apt to not follow through and not sure of what they want. Unsure doesn't really bother me. Sometimes I don't feel like reciprocating. I'm a Top, I make it clear that I'm not a huge reciprocator out of a sense of obligation.

When it occured to me that a person could be both things it was a moment of "oh....THAT'S it!"

If you are, and you know you are, bully for you.

There's a PORTAL now?!

I went eight years between learning I was gay and having sex.

That said, the rule of thumb is that whomever buys dinner gets to come first but she has to reciprocate unless it was a really good dinner.

Nah, I never believed there's any food better than sex. Whenever someone says that, I figure they've only had shitty sex.

 

[LuciousBi-Writes4U]

I am struck almost speechless by this post. Especially when posted by someone who has "known since puberty" that they were bi.

I have known basically my whole life that I was bisexual. I knew I was bi before I knew what it meant to be bi, before I really knew what sex was. There was never any doubt, as soon as I was noticing boys I was also noticing girls. When I did start to have an interest in sex, it was an interest in both sexes. Yes, it did take longer for me to have my first sexual experience with a female than with a male, but that was only due to lack of opportunity. There was nothing bicurious about me, I was, am, and always have been 100% bisexual.

I do agree with you on one thing Lucious, it is extremely important when using online dating to be completely honest. If you are inexperienced, let the person know that you are inexperienced. That does not mean that if you know that you are bi that you have to ID as anything else, but you should let them know that you are new to the scene. (You wouldn't want to take someone's virginity without knowing it was their first time, would you? Same idea here.) Really, honesty is the best policy anyway online IMHO, especially for online dating. It sucks that you've been burned Lucious, but atleast you have had some good experiences to balance the bad as well. It's just too bad that the people that you talked with weren't honest with you. However, just because they weren't honest with you doesn't mean that it requires a sexual experience to know what your sexual orientation is. As the previous posters stated, does a straight or gay person have to now ID as "straight-curious" when they are virgins just because they haven't had sex? Really that makes as much sense as what you've posted about bi-sexuality. Yes, there are people who are genuinely "bi-curious" but not all bi-sexual people were first bi-curious.

True....
and i knew tooo.... when i was 7 and 8 yrs old and snuck into my big brothers room to steal glimpses at his sports illustrated swimsuit issue... and his joy of photography books... to see both sexes in all there glory...
and the only reason i had my first expiereince with a girl rather than the guys i was still dating at the time was becuase i was scarred of not being a "real virgin" anymore... and of getting pregnant... I was raised in a very strictly religous quaker household.... and that said.... it was both safer and easier for it to be with one of my "girls that i was friends with" as my parent's would have thought of it.... nothing abnormal there for teenage girls to spend every weekend switching from one parents house to the others ..... so that made it more comfortable for me I guess.....
you're right.... you really don't neeed a label period.... but you do need to let people know your level of expierence... i always but something like.... long-time bifem seeking new pleasure pal or something like that as my ad heading these days... there are people who are looking for their first time even that want to be with someone that is going to take them by the hand... and gently lead them through the whole act and make it as glorious as a first time for them as possible..... and if that's what they want that is sure what i try to give them....
And i wouldn't say that online has been a horrible expierence .... not at all over the past 7 yrs the net has helped me to meet 2 long time girlfriends for myself and my hubby... that all lasted a year or better.... and only ended do to them having to move away with their military hubby's or becuase they were military.....
and i am currently in a new long term relationship with someone.... and she is with me at times, with both of us occasionally...
and inbetween those 3 there's been probably 4 that have floated in and floated out from time to time... that wanted purely sexual with no ties at all....
so online has been over all a good thing for me too....oyu just have to be completely up front .... no matter if it's online or not!
that would be my best advice.... state your expierence level!!

 

[Pookie]

I tend to see people that say their bi-curious as those with doubts about themselves still, but could easily have already had some experiences with both genders. I think most queers experience this to some degree at some point in our lives anyways. I don't think it's unusual to still be unsure if you're bisexual after having some experiences. But when you do discover you're bisexual, then you've been one all along. It's hard to discover something that's not there.

 

[LuciousBi-Writes4U]

I highly agree with that, and if I were to ever have that opportunity, (but right now, for me, that would not be possible) I would definately share my inexperience with a potential partner. My experience, though, is in sharing *that* particular fact, the woman usually runs the other way. But I believe honesty is the start of every friendship, especially potentially sexual

Not all of us run the other way.... In fact it's really special to me when i get the opportunity to be someone's first... and I try to make it as wonderful of an expirience for them as i can........my husband actually has a joke that he tells all our friends... that goes like this: "all the women think they're straight, or bi-curious..... until they meet (my name) !! LOL then she just changes everything.... and once they try her....they never go back!
LOL
now I am not sure that he's totally right... about the not going back part... but i know that I have made even tons of my friends who are just girls i know from my old sorority or what have you ... our other couple friends who have decided because of the free and playful nature that i have all the time... and how I generally ooze sex appeal from every pore... along with my unquestionable happiness constantly that they need to explore their ownselves, and their own feelings more well. ....I have made quite a few women give it a thought and most often a try or two who would have never thought of it until exposed to a very outgoing and funloving bi who doesn't hide her sexuality or her sexual attraction to anyone... male female married not married ... it jsut doesn't matter... i am an incurable flirt!
and most of the time that gets me anywhere and everywhere i want to go with a person!

so CONFIDENCE is a big thing i see different between the curious and the decided and experinced! .........and even my straight couple friends say that it is a turn on to see how sexually confident i am in myself ... and how they wish they could be that way too.

 

[Soulfiregirl]

I think of my brain as bisexual period. I've only had limited experience with womena but I'd like to try more. And although my exboyfriend was cool with it at first, the longer we dated, the more he wanted me to be exclusive. I think a lot of guys are actually threatened by it eventually.

Anyway, I don't call myself bi-curious because I've gotten past the curious part. I've know for years that I'm attracted to women. Sometimes I wonder if we "bisexuals" annoy the gay and lesbian poplulation because they think to themselves, oh come on! Can't you bi's make up your minds? (I've had lesbian women tell me that in the past...saying I wasn't really bi, I was either straight and just wanted to experiment or I was a lesbian in denial)

But I do think it is possible to be attracted to both. I played "doctor" with girlfriends starting at a young age and I liked it. A lot. I often fantasize about having a lovely harem of women to do my bidding....heh.

 

[John Doe]

I think of my brain as bisexual period. I've only had limited experience with womena but I'd like to try more. And although my exboyfriend was cool with it at first, the longer we dated, the more he wanted me to be exclusive. I think a lot of guys are actually threatened by it eventually.

Anyway, I don't call myself bi-curious because I've gotten past the curious part. I've know for years that I'm attracted to women. Sometimes I wonder if we "bisexuals" annoy the gay and lesbian poplulation because they think to themselves, oh come on! Can't you bi's make up your minds? (I've had lesbian women tell me that in the past...saying I wasn't really bi, I was either straight and just wanted to experiment or I was a lesbian in denial)

But I do think it is possible to be attracted to both. I played "doctor" with girlfriends starting at a young age and I liked it. A lot. I often fantasize about having a lovely harem of women to do my bidding....heh.

I think a lot of people have that fantasy, myself included. And when I say harem, I don't just mean a bunch of subservient women, I mean they're dressed like harem girls, and there are 72 of them and they're all virgins, like what you get in Paradise when you blow up a busful of Israelis.

 

[Soulfiregirl]

I think a lot of people have that fantasy, myself included. And when I say harem, I don't just mean a bunch of subservient women, I mean they're dressed like harem girls, and there are 72 of them and they're all virgins, like what you get in Paradise when you blow up a busful of Israelis.

You're hopeless you know that?

 

[John Doe]

You're hopeless you know that?

Whah, wha'd I say?

 

[Volz]

I think a lot of people have that fantasy, myself included. And when I say harem, I don't just mean a bunch of subservient women, I mean they're dressed like harem girls, and there are 72 of them and they're all virgins, like what you get in Paradise when you blow up a busful of Israelis.

Were you reading my mind?

 

[bi golly]

I tend to see people that say their bi-curious as those with doubts about themselves still, but could easily have already had some experiences with both genders. I think most queers experience this to some degree at some point in our lives anyways. I don't think it's unusual to still be unsure if you're bisexual after having some experiences. But when you do discover you're bisexual, then you've been one all along. It's hard to discover something that's not there.

I have dreams about having sex with both men and women. I woke up from one the other night where I was riding one guy on the floor and had another beautiful cock in my mouth.

The next night, I had a dream where I was dancing in a swimsuit with a woman and I could feel her shaven pubes through the thin nylon of the suit.

I have never had sex with a man, but I feel bi. I would like to be with a man, but it hasn't worked out.