BiMale, Wife Won't Share - any advice?

[CumSlurper]

My wife & I have been married for 14 years. About a year before we got together, I had my first MMF and realized how much I love sucking cock. My wife is completely open to creampies, cumswapping, shooting my load into my mouth (if I can shoot it far enough!), however she simply isn't into sharing. We've talked about my bi-side, I've dressed up many times, we play with toys (anal on me as well). She knows I want to give head, knows I love sucking cock, but to her it's always just a fantasy that will never be fullfilled - it always comes down to this simple statement:

"How would you make it happen, and how could you guarantee that we wouldn't catch anything?"

I want to suck cock SOOO bad, swallow a big load while my wife watches, and I want to watch her get fucked as well. But she's right, how do we breech that gap, make sure we are safe, and still "cum" out OK?

Any advice?

 

[alaskabibear]

This is the same dilemma most of the married bi/bi-curious guys are in here on Lit.

First, your wife is correct. Casual sex is not safe. So, what to do????

The only thing I can suggest is that you concentrate on finding a good friend that shares your feelings and stick with him. Even if you do find such a committed friend, it would still be wise to do some mutual STD testing to be sure no one is infected. There are many consumer testing labs that can do this for a very reasonable price.

Well, that's the only solution I know. Good luck

 

[CumSlurper]

It does really "suck". You can get AIDS from any fluid from what I've read, and that really puts a stop to any "external" playing. It's really sad because she would really go for it if it wasn't for that. She's even hinted at having a FFM as well, which of course is a huge fantasy of mine (Ahem, all men stand up and say HELL YA!). But, until we can be sure we're safe, it won't happen.

Someone needs to come up with an STD home kit, just like the pregancy kits that take only a few minutes. Hell, I'd lead a round of vesting in that! Can you imagine...bring a guy/gal home, do a quick test and then have some fun????

For now, I'll just have to settle with a fantastic, wonderful wife that loves to swap come, let me dress up, fuck my ass...it could be worse!!!!

 

[alaskabibear]

Yes!!! It could be a whole lot worse than what you have.

 

[Etoile]

There are paper results from STD tests. I had an AIDS test a while back and I seem to remember getting the results on paper. You can at least ask for that I would think? Also, it doesn't have to be casual...you would probably have just as much fun finding somebody in the personals, getting to know them a little bit with lunch or something, and THEN doing the sex thing.

 

[A_Kefka]

Sounds to me like she is doing what she can to take care of your desires except for making it an open relationship. If thats what you really want and she doesn't then you are with a woman who won't be able to make you happy. However if you'd rather be with her than lose her you will just have to deal.

 

[alaskabibear]

There are paper results from STD tests. I had an AIDS test a while back and I seem to remember getting the results on paper. You can at least ask for that I would think? Also, it doesn't have to be casual...you would probably have just as much fun finding somebody in the personals, getting to know them a little bit with lunch or something, and THEN doing the sex thing.

My wife and I have already thought through this. We may be a bit paranoid, but for us there is just too much risk not being safe. There are a lot of "bugs" out there that may not kill you but would still change your life (herpes, for example).

So, our plan is this; First find someone we can both truly like and care for to have a LTR with. Then, he and I would go to the lab together, I would put his address for delivery of my test results and I would get his results. That way we are all certain to get true results (not something someone altered--- I said I was paranoid already).


As you can see, there are a lot of obstacles in finding a third member for our marriage. Be that as it may, that's the only way for us. Again, Good Luck and be thankful for the loving wife you have.

 

[Kierae]

Biggest issue with testing: Most people develop detectable HIV antibodies within 6 to 12 weeks of infection. In very rare cases, it can take up to 6 months. It is exceedingly rare for someone to take longer than 6 months to develop antibodies. This is why they suggest taking another test 6 months after the first one to confirm the negative.

So basically doing a test with someone (ie IF there were a home test) wouldn't tell you jack. As it is, unless the person who does agree to go do the testing practices safe sex from then on - there is still no guarantee.

Only thing that is going to be safe is no body fluid exchange which it sounds like the wife might agree to.

~kierae

 

[Netzach]

Yeah. Given a choice between

1. total monogamy
2. lots of latex
3. cream pies and cum guzzling

I'm more than fine with 2. Open rel. is about more than cum for me.

 

[neonflux]

Kierae, I cannot add anything to what you wrote about testing.

Regarding swallowing cum, that is another matter. I began doing HIV education in the mid-80s. At that time, the thinking was that unprotected oral was potentially almost as risky as unprotected vaginal (but much less risky than unprotected anal) when it came to HIV. After many years of controversy, most educators now maintain that it is only minimally risky when - the CDC claims only a handful of documented cases of transmission through oral, although this is debatable since anytime a person has had both unprotected anal and oral (as is the case with most men who have sex with men who have HIV), they automatically list the transmission risk as anal sex. That said, I have known a couple of HIV+ men who were certain that their only risk was unprotected oral.

alaskabibear, Here are some links from SF City Clinic (one of the clinics that helped to identify the phenomenon of Grid which became known as AIDS):

http://www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/stdbasics/hivaids.asp (go to the bottom of the page)
http://www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/drk/oralsex.asp (questions about oral sex and STI)

There are some precautions one can take before having oral sex if one decides not to use a condom, chief among them, making sure that you don't brush or floss your teeth for several hours before you do it, swallowing immediately (the longer you leave the cum in your mouth, the greater the risk of infection - spitting it out is a horrible idea, btw, as doing this will leave it in your mouth much longer). Another option if you are turned on by another man's cum but don't want to swallow? Let him pull out and cum on your chest or such - just make sure it's away from your mouth and eyes (mucus membranes can absorb HIV).

Ultimately, I think when it comes to oral sex, you and your wife will need to decide what she considers a "comfortable" level of risk after reading all of the information. While oral sex presents minimal risk for HIV transmission (I need to state that some people strongly disagree with this), there are other STIs that can be transmitted via oral, including syphilis (on the rise until a recent campaign among gay/bi men in SF), gonorrhea, and herpes 1 (referred to as the oral kind, although it also loves the genitals).

Even though testing for any STI only gives you an indication of the person's status when they tested, I would feel much safer with someone who regularly tested, just because he is more cognizant of the risks and so less likely to take risks.

Good wishes to you and your wife!
Neon

P.S., I think you are wonderful and your wife is very lucky that you are so concerned with her safety in all of this. I got flamed in the creampie board a while back when I suggested that men were putting their wives at risk for STIs by eating other men's cum out of their wives vaginas. It truly wasn't a moral approbation, just a health warning...

 

[alaskabibear]

Thanks

Neon,

Thanks so much for the time to put forth this info. It is so important that we all think with the correct head when it come to bringing others into our lives.

Now with this new information, I've modified my plan. I will kidnap the man of our dreams, quarantine him, have him tested, use him when needed, and return him to his cell. (just kidding, please don't call the FBI!)

 

[bimori]

For now, I'll just have to settle with a fantastic, wonderful wife that loves to swap come, let me dress up, fuck my ass...it could be worse!!!![/QUOTE]


Wow your wife sound like so much fun . Ok I'm in I'll take the test then lets play I'm sure we could have so much fun .

 

[alaskabibear]

Me Too!

I'll do the test too! Sounds too good to pass up!
( If you knew how much hate needles you would know what a generous offer I just made--- take me quick before I change my mind, or did I mean loose my mind???)

 

[neonflux]

Neon,

Thanks so much for the time to put forth this info. It is so important that we all think with the correct head when it come to bringing others into our lives.

Now with this new information, I've modified my plan. I will kidnap the man of our dreams, quarantine him, have him tested, use him when needed, and return him to his cell. (just kidding, please don't call the FBI!)

You're welcome! Re: your plan... Hey, that's my fantasy! well, um, almost