Bicurious guy needs advice

[bicurmuscle21]

Hi everyone,
I have been on Literotica for some time now, but I have never posted before. I am a 21 year old bicurious male with limited
guy on guy experience. I am currently in a relationship with a girl
who is 6 years older than I am. She is aware that I am bicurious
and is very supportive and understanding of me wanting to experiment sexually. After all, she went through the same thing when she was my age. At one point we almost had a threesome with her gay male best friend and she was very turned on by it. We made out, kissed each other, and at another time, he briefly went down on me at a party. But I was so nervous, that I "chickened out" to have a full-blown threesome and I terribly regret it. As our relationship with my girlfriend became more serious, she abandoned the idea of having another threesome with her friend or anyone else. I really
love this girl, but I cannot go on like this forever. Also, I don't want to cheat on her. Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I
should do, your advice would be appreciated.

 

[glamorilla]

have you ever considered dating a pre op transexual?

 

[John Doe]

Why did she give up the threesome idea?

 

[bicurmuscle21]

No, I never considered dating a pre-op transsexual and the reason she gave up on the idea was because the relationship
got to be more serious and more feelings were involved. She said
that she could not stand seeing someone else having sex with me, whether it's a man or a woman, because it would hurt too much. I tried to tell her that my feelings for her would not change
and that I would not consider a relationship with anyone else, but
all to no avail.

 

[Jander1]

Though this may not be what you want to hear. You may have to make a choice between your girlfriend and your other desires. I recently told my wife of over 5 years about my interest in men, she has said that if I need to I could have a relationship with a man if I was safe about it, though that it would hurt her. I am taking this as, if I do decide to explore my bi side it may or may not hurt the relationship. What I think about upon making this decision is a) how much do I really want to be with a man b) Would it cause problems in our relationship as it has done in the past that I am supressing these needs? c) I know I dont want to lose her and also break up our family through divorce in any case.
My answer always leads back to this ..If I feel it is a bigger risk to our relationship to harbor these feelings within that may effect her in negative ways then I will pursue M2M contact. If it would seem that the M2M contact would cause more problems I should not proceed. The win/win situation in all of this is that I have told her my issue and that even if i pursue M2M and it destroys our marriage I was honest, we still respect each other and the familly can work itself out without all the drama. Anyway if I feel the urge strong enough it will happen!! I have dreamed of males since I was 17.
Jander

Whatever it takes!

 

[WyldSpirit]

Hi, first of all, I'll let you know, I can empathize with you very much. I just posted a few days ago with a situation extremely similar. If you would like to check out that post it's under this forum, the title is "What do you guys think, Need Advice"

Anyway, To introduce myself, I'm a 27 y/o bi woman, currently in a LTR with a man.

Before I can fully give you advice, I do have to ask you a few questions to clarify, you said your g/f is very supportive and understands your need to experiment sexually (ie figure out whether or not this is just curiousity or if you are, in fact, bi sexual) however, as your relationship has progressed and become more serious she now does not want to have a threesome correct? By this, do you mean that she does not have a problem with you exploring this on your own with out her there? Or do you mean that she has now decided that she is no longer ok with you exploring this side of your sexuality at all?

If she doesn't have a problem with you exploring on your own, but just has a problem with being there for a threesome, (i.e. actually watching you with another partner) then, don't deny yourself this. It isn't cheating if your partner is giving you her blessing. You will regret it if you don't explore this side of your sexuality and figure out what is going on and who you really are. You may actually find that it is easier for you to get past the nervousness if there is just one partner to deal with and you aren't worrying about a threesome for your first time anyway. It isn't that unusual at all when a person thinks that they may be or knows that they are bi and come out to their partner for that partner to be supportive, but to be unwilling or unable to participate in threesomes for emotional reasons. She may even be willing to set up some "private time" with you and her friend. I just want to reiterate, if she is ok with it, and you talk with her about it before hand to find out what level of communication she wants about it (how much details does she want, does she want to know the who, what, when, where, and how, some of them, none of them etc.) it isn't cheating.

If she has a problem with you going outside of the relationship at all, i.e. she has changed her mind as you two have gotten more serious and has decided that any kind sexual contact with either sex would be cheating then you have some serious soul searching to do and some decisions to make. Unfortunately, if she doesn't give her blessing for you to explore this side of your sexuality, then it would be cheating if you went outside of the relationship to explore it. That would be the decisions that you would have to make.

So, before I get into trying to discuss this any further and running anymore pros and cons, what is her position? Willing to allow you to explore, just no threesome? Or completely unwilling altogether?

 

[bicurmuscle21]

When I asked her if I could do it on my own, she didn't give me a clear answer.
However, she did say that she'd rather
have me do it without her knowing anything and not mentioning that topic again. She wants me to get over this
"phase" and move on. She is either in
denial or convinced that I'm straight(which may very well be, but I have to find out for myself). So it looks like I will be doing it on my own.

 

[kbate]

Hi everyone,
but I cannot go on like this forever. Also, I don't want to cheat on her. Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I
should do, your advice would be appreciated.

Honestly, I can't figure out why people have such a hard time being honest with themselves and their loved ones.

Sit down with your girl. Tell her exactly what you just posted here, that you want/have to do the rest, and that you probably will be a "one timer."

If she agrees, do it, don't wait do it sooner. If she disagrees, make your mind up now, leave her, cheat once or give up your bi dreams.

It doesn't have to be a threesome, just let her bring her friend or a mutually agreed upon friend.

Let her watch, and join if she wants after you start.

If you are not true to yourself, before you go into a long term relationship with her, you will never be fully happy and will always be wondering what you missed.

 

[WyldSpirit]

When I asked her if I could do it on my own, she didn't give me a clear answer.
However, she did say that she'd rather
have me do it without her knowing anything and not mentioning that topic again. She wants me to get over this
"phase" and move on. She is either in
denial or convinced that I'm straight(which may very well be, but I have to find out for myself). So it looks like I will be doing it on my own.

Ewwww... I definately don't envy your position. I agree that you do have to find out. It will haunt you if you don't. It could eventually even cause a lot of resentment and strain in your relationship. You could end up feeling that she is the reason that you didn't explore this area of your sexuality and therefore end up resenting her for it. I'm sure you are right about her being in denial and just having herself convinced (or atleast hoping she has herself convinced) that you are just simply straight.

It sounds like you have decided (and I agree that it is probably the right decision for you) to go ahead and figure this out for yourself. Since she has said that she doesn't want to know about it, follow her wishes on it to a point. If you find you didn't like it, have no further desire to be with males and just once is enough for you, fine, drop it, absolutely no discussion with her is needed at that point, you can happily go back to identifying yourself as just straight and refer to this time as a "phase", if you ever refer to it at all.

If you find that just once was not enough, that you are, in fact, bi-sexual, then, you cannot follow her wishes to have no further discussion on the matter. Unless, ofcourse, just knowing is enough for you and you love this girl so much that you can give up men for the length of this relationship, so, possibly forever. Even then, I still advocate telling her. She has a right to know and you have a right not to have to pretend that you are straight (if in fact you are not)

I wish you luck, this can not possibly be an easy situation for you at all. We are here for you if you need advice or a sympathetic ear.

 

[bicurmuscle21]

Sorry I couldn't reply earlier, as I had no access to the internet
over the last couple of days. However, I did bring up the subject
of my bicuriousity with my girlfriend once again. I told her that I am going to go and experiment with men and she did not protest
and get mad, she just does not want to get involved. She even
had a "talk" with me on which condoms I should use. I haven't been so excited in a long time(and very, very nervous). Thanks
to all of you guys and girls.

 

[John Doe]

Sorry I couldn't reply earlier, as I had no access to the internet
over the last couple of days. However, I did bring up the subject
of my bicuriousity with my girlfriend once again. I told her that I am going to go and experiment with men and she did not protest
and get mad, she just does not want to get involved. She even
had a "talk" with me on which condoms I should use. I haven't been so excited in a long time(and very, very nervous). Thanks
to all of you guys and girls.

Well, it wasn't exactly what you were hoping for, but that's more supportive than a lot of people would be in that situation.

 

[strokin951]

More to this isn't there?

kbate wrote: "Honestly, I can't figure out why people have such a hard time being honest with themselves and their loved ones."

Whoa - life is replete with little, social deceits. That's what keeps from killing each other. Examples ...

How are you today? - I'm fine.
Do I look fat in this? - No, honey, you look perfect.
Were you checking out that girl? - Huh, what girl, Oh her, No! I'm with you.

Fact is, a hell of a lot of people are not comfortable with homosexuality or bisexuality. Similarly, a hell of a lot might try it if the circumstances were right, but would never 'fess up to that for fear of what others would think.

Yeah, we all care what others think. Even those people who are in-your-face rebellious do it for their audiences' benefit, not their own.

Jander1 wrote: "What I think about upon making this decision is a) how much do I really want to be with a man b) Would it cause problems in our relationship as it has done in the past that I am supressing these needs?"

If you want to be with a same-gender partner badly enough to jeopardize your present heterosexual relationship doesn't that nean that you're not really bi, you're gay? I suppose that comes back to kbates' honest-with-yourself comment.

Just my thoughts. I'm glad bicurmuscle21 got his dilema resolved, though.

 

[Jander1]

Strokin 951 made a comment about this passage that I had written previously
Jander1 wrote: "What I think about upon making this decision is a) how much do I really want to be with a man b) Would it cause problems in our relationship as it has done in the past that I am supressing these needs?"
Strokin 951's comment:
"If you want to be with a same-gender partner badly enough to jeopardize your present heterosexual relationship doesn't that nean that you're not really bi, you're gay? I suppose that comes back to kbates' honest-with-yourself comment."

I can see where strokin is coming from with this comment about being honest with yourself. Though I also believe it is made without looking at the big picture. In my situation I have never been with a man, only women. I have stated before I have thought about the possiblity of being with a man for many years. I may be with a man and realize that it is not something that I would want to do again or I may very well decide the opposite. My point is that not doing anything and wondering about it has caused more problems in my relationship than doing something with a man and finding out. Having said this, if my wife were to tell me that doing anything with a man would end our relationship I would not do it, however she has said that I should find out. In my situation there is no way that I am completely gay (if I were it would be easier) because I still have fantastic sex with my wife and enjoy looking at women very much as I always have.
It is really very simple, just because one has a strong urge to do one thing does not imply that one does not have a strong urge to do something else. Is this not what bisexuality is?

Whatever it takes!

 

[strokin951]

In my situation I have never been with a man, only women. I have stated before I have thought about the possiblity of being with a man for many years. I may be with a man and realize that it is not something that I would want to do again or I may very well decide the opposite. My point is that not doing anything and wondering about it has caused more problems in my relationship than doing something with a man and finding out. Having said this, if my wife were to tell me that doing anything with a man would end our relationship I would not do it, however she has said that I should find out. In my situation there is no way that I am completely gay (if I were it would be easier) because I still have fantastic sex with my wife and enjoy looking at women very much as I always have.

Actually, Jander, I agree with you 100%.
Like you, I am curious. Like you, I have never been with a man, only women. I don't think it's caused any problems for me, though. If I got the chance to fool around with a guy I wouild try it. In the past I would not have said that.

But, I don't feel curious enough to dump my wife just to try. I think if the attraction to same-sex is THAT strong then I would classify it as homosexual.

Lucky for you it sounds like your wife is willing to play along. Mine ain't, I'm pretty sure of that.

 

[Jander1]

Actually, Jander, I agree with you 100%.
Like you, I am curious. Like you, I have never been with a man, only women. I don't think it's caused any problems for me, though. If I got the chance to fool around with a guy I wouild try it. In the past I would not have said that.

But, I don't feel curious enough to dump my wife just to try. I think if the attraction to same-sex is THAT strong then I would classify it as homosexual.

Lucky for you it sounds like your wife is willing to play along. Mine ain't, I'm pretty sure of that.

It seems we do both agree that neither one of us would dump our wives in order to be with a man. I am curious however, you said that if you got the chance to be with a guy you would do so. Does this mean that you would do this behind your wifes back? It seems this would be a fairly big risk to take. Could this not end your marriage if you were caught?
A good point was brought up by WyldSpirit " Ewwww... I definately don't envy your position. I agree that you do have to find out. It will haunt you if you don't. It could eventually even cause a lot of resentment and strain in your relationship. You could end up feeling that she is the reason that you didn't explore this area of your sexuality and therefore end up resenting her for it."
This is why I chose to tell my wife of my bisexuality. Also though it really does not matter what one is labeled, I would still have to stay that if a man likes sex with both men and women he would still be considered bisexual no matter the situation.

 

[strokin951]

I am curious however, you said that if you got the chance to be with a guy you would do so. Does this mean that you would do this behind your wifes back? It seems this would be a fairly big risk to take.

No, I wouldn't do it behind her back. I am not a paragon of fidelity, but, you're right, its too big a risk. If she ever sanctioned such a thing as a MMF event and I had the chance I would do it; otherwise, it's unlikely ever to happen.

I resently explored the possibility here on Lit., even to the extent of a couple of PMs. When I thought about it, though, anyone who would do a one time fling is by definition promiscuous. Promiscuous gay-sex is dangerous, more so than straight sex, I think. Forgive me if that sounds like stereotyping. The AIDS risk is bit too much Russian roulette for me.

If a MMF scene was ever planned I would need to be damn sure it was a low risk disease free activity.

All this means that my curiousity will most likely remain unsatisfied. For me, so be it. I wouldn't hold that against my wife. It's my choice.

 

[speedo_z]

Curiosity

I do think that you should be honest with your feelings about what you are curious about.

It's very easy when you are nervious about what you want to happen to get into a situation that you may not enjoy because you haven't thought through what you want.

So fantasize a little to work out what the bits are that really turn you on about this.

as you will know from your straight experiences there are things you like and things that you are not so hot on, i.e. body parts, doing things/having things done to you.
The other guy will have some sort of agenda about what makes him happy - and why not - but to my mind it's far better to be a bit of a tease and take it at your pace.

Certainly getting fucked is something that I wouldn't advide anyone to try out before they've had a bit of a session home alone with a smallish dildo, a video and a lot of lubrication.

the main thing is HAVE FUN!

 

[Raimondin]

But I was so nervous, that I "chickened out" to have a full-blown threesome and I terribly regret it. As our relationship with my girlfriend became more serious, she abandoned the idea of having another threesome with her friend or anyone else. I really
love this girl, but I cannot go on like this forever. Also, I don't want to cheat on her. Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I
should do, your advice would be appreciated.

Yeah, it's too bad you passed up the opportunity when you had the chance. I would say talk to her again about it but pick the right time or moment . At least by her still knowing your desires would not be so much like cheating as you say. Otherwise if you're going to do it then do it and stop putting yourself in the middle. Remember, there's a price you pay for everything in life. Regretting is worse.

 

[bicurmuscle21]

Well, after long conversations and discussions about my sexual
experimentations, I have finally been able to convince her that
we should do it. Not only did she agree to do it, but I have a hunch that she might be turned on by it as well. I am not surprised though, since she was very turned on the first time we tried having a threesome. This weekend we both went to a guy strip joint. We might start going to gay bars and night clubs more often. It seems to me that getting hooked up with a guy is not too hard, but I don't know if any gay guys would be willing to have a threesome with a woman involved. Does anyone have any advice on meeting a guy to have a threesome with?

 

[kraziekat]

......

 

[Mistress L]

Well folks from a female stand point honesty is the best policy. After 20 years of being happily married my husband approached me with his bicuriousity. We had always had a kinky sex life but it was stricktly he and I. I knew for a long while that he viewed the bisexual sites on the net but I never really thought much about it. It really wasn't as shocking as most people would think. Yes of course I questioned weather or not I in some way was inadequit and didn't please him but once I talked more with him I realized that it really didn't have anything to do with me. Since that time we have experimented together with his bisexuality and so far it has been beyond my wildest dreams. I enjoy a nice cock so what is wrong with him enjoying one too. Besides I'm very well taken care of in all situations. Earlier in our relationship I know I would not have been able to handle all the thoughts and questions that have run through my head over the past two years but I'm glad he loved and trusted me enough to share his fantisies with me. But one thing we have both learned is COMMUNICATION is the only way to deal with an issue of this depth. I love him now more than ever.
Mistress L

 

[Jander1]

Well folks from a female stand point honesty is the best policy. After 20 years of being happily married my husband approached me with his bicuriousity. We had always had a kinky sex life but it was stricktly he and I. I knew for a long while that he viewed the bisexual sites on the net but I never really thought much about it. It really wasn't as shocking as most people would think. Yes of course I questioned weather or not I in some way was inadequit and didn't please him but once I talked more with him I realized that it really didn't have anything to do with me. Since that time we have experimented together with his bisexuality and so far it has been beyond my wildest dreams. I enjoy a nice cock so what is wrong with him enjoying one too. Besides I'm very well taken care of in all situations. Earlier in our relationship I know I would not have been able to handle all the thoughts and questions that have run through my head over the past two years but I'm glad he loved and trusted me enough to share his fantisies with me. But one thing we have both learned is COMMUNICATION is the only way to deal with an issue of this depth. I love him now more than ever.
Mistress L

My wife and best friend of 5 years handled me telling her of my bisexuality almost exactly the same way. We have had a better relationship since. I am now just waiting for the right moment to act on my feelings, have a few possiblities! I also def agree with KK's comment. If one has these feelings it is best to act on, no matter if one decides it is not for him or her. There is nothing that can eat at a person more than thinking that they have not been true to theirself or thinking that their life could have been much more enjoyable had they only had the courage. It had caused difficulties with me since I was 17 (some that I did not realize until I became completely honest with myself and my wife.)
Thanx to bicurmuscle21 for starting the thread and to all who have contributed thus far




Whatever it takes!