Biaffectionality

[revolution724]

Hmm... another thread brought this back up into my head...

This has been asked the other way around a lot on this board (i.e. people who desire both genders sexually, but only love one), but are there any out there in Lit land who have emotional feelings for both genders, but only sexual desire for one?

I ask this because I think it's my own situation, and a darn confusing one, at that. I've felt really strong, loving emotional connections beyond ordinary friendship for men and to women throughout my life - maybe even a bit more frequently for men. However, sexual expression with men was a dismal failure that I struggled with for way, way too long. Started acknowledging that I was attracted to women, and lo and behold - sexual desire popped right up, as did enjoyment once the opportunity presented itself. And fortunately, no problem forming an emotional bond at the same time. (God, it would be awfully hard to love one gender only and desire only the other.)

The confusing thing was to feel somehow "in love" with people I ultimately, when honest with myself, did not desire sexually - way confusing for them, too, poor guys. I didn't have a word for/understanding of this concept until pretty recently, that that could be one of the marks on the spectrum of human sexuality instead of all a figment of my own individual perception. Labels don't matter much, except when they let you know that it's not just you, you know? I actually like the word "queer" a lot more than "gay" or "lesbian" in that I feel like it's more inclusive of spectrum-identities like this.

Anyway. Any other bi-affectionals out there?

 

[Xectxny19X]

*raises my hand*

I think I may be 'biaffectional' is it...correct me if I'm wrong will you? *smiles*

Here's a little something that goes on in my weird heard, when it comes to the love and sexual desires subject. With love, I can see myself w/ either gender in the long run. Call me gender blind when it comes to love I guess. But sexually, I'm highly attracted to females than males. I've always been that way since my days in the cradle.

Since I'm more tamed now a days (sexually...I used to even have f*ck buddies), I find it hard to connect w/ someone on an emotional level. I have very few people who I "connect" with on many levels. With most people, conversation tend to stay on very few subjects that we do connect on. At this point in my life, I guess it all depends. Should I wait for the one who I...

-love and have sexual desires for
-have sexual desires for
-love

For me, it's going to be down to picking one of those mentioned above and go solo if I don't find the person who fits what I want. I hope this made some sense (I'm not very good with words when it comes to expressing my thoughts). If this post didn't make any sense, I just wanted to let you know there are people out there who are going through the same thing you are!

 

[DarkAurora]

I guess I could be biaffectional in a way. I've always thought women were very beautiful and I'd even go as far as to say I may have had a crush on a few but there is no raw sexual desire there. I could never be initimate with a woman. When I was a teenager, I used to think I was only sexually attracted to men but that I was emotionally attracted to women. Now that I'm older, I think the "love" that I had for women was the desire to have a close friendship bond because all my friends were boys growing up. Since I came out of the closet, I've been able to have that kind of close relationship with a girl because a lot of straight/bi girls feel more comfortable around gay men. I'm not really sure if it applies to gay girls.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I see women with roommates that you would swear are their forever loves. They cuddle, and pet, and call home to check in. Everything but sex. And then one girl finds a boyfriend, and moves out, leaving the other alone.
and, sometimes, the BF doesn't work out, and the two are roomies again, sharing their grievances against those horrible men.... but they still can't possibly make the leap and start sharing the body of the one they love most- because it happens to be a girl's body.

I DON'T GET IT!!
I said- Honey, if you just don't know how to do it- I'll give you some lessons!" *grin, evil grin*
The reaction was a delicate shudder.
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!g
All that potential happiness, going to waste, and mizz do-gooder here can't do a thing about it.
pisses me off!

 

[RavenousRae]

I can fit in with this label as well. While I've only ever been in love with one person, a man, I know I'm more attracted to women physically and emotionally. However despite knowing my attraction to women I'm still convinced I will end up with a man. I think I prefer the whole package with men and I'm more selfish with women - wanting more of a physical relationship only. But who knows!

 

[revolution724]

I'm not sure if that's quite what I mean, Rae - it sounds like you desire/enjoy people of both genders sexually, but feel mainly capable of loving males. That's sort of the opposite of what I'm talking about (where one loves both genders, but only *wants* one), and it seems to be the more common pattern. Sort of complicated, I know, but does that make sense?

Anyway, thanks to everyone for responding. Very interesting, all.

 

[DarkAurora]

I see women with roommates that you would swear are their forever loves. They cuddle, and pet, and call home to check in. Everything but sex. And then one girl finds a boyfriend, and moves out, leaving the other alone.
and, sometimes, the BF doesn't work out, and the two are roomies again, sharing their grievances against those horrible men.... but they still can't possibly make the leap and start sharing the body of the one they love most- because it happens to be a girl's body.

I DON'T GET IT!!
I said- Honey, if you just don't know how to do it- I'll give you some lessons!" *grin, evil grin*
The reaction was a delicate shudder.
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!g
All that potential happiness, going to waste, and mizz do-gooder here can't do a thing about it.
pisses me off!

A very close friendship bond can look like a romantic bond but trust me it's not. For someone who is only sexually attracted to men, the way they love a woman is not at all the same way they love a man. I can see how it's hard for a bisexual person to understand this.

*raises my hand*

I think I may be 'biaffectional' is it...correct me if I'm wrong will you? *smiles*

Here's a little something that goes on in my weird heard, when it comes to the love and sexual desires subject. With love, I can see myself w/ either gender in the long run. Call me gender blind when it comes to love I guess. But sexually, I'm highly attracted to females than males. I've always been that way since my days in the cradle.

Since I'm more tamed now a days (sexually...I used to even have f*ck buddies), I find it hard to connect w/ someone on an emotional level. I have very few people who I "connect" with on many levels. With most people, conversation tend to stay on very few subjects that we do connect on. At this point in my life, I guess it all depends. Should I wait for the one who I...

-love and have sexual desires for
-have sexual desires for
-love

For me, it's going to be down to picking one of those mentioned above and go solo if I don't find the person who fits what I want. I hope this made some sense (I'm not very good with words when it comes to expressing my thoughts). If this post didn't make any sense, I just wanted to let you know there are people out there who are going through the same thing you are!

If you don't have any sexual attraction for a person, then you can't really love them in a romantic way. The opposite is true though too. If you're only sexually attracted to someone, a relationship will never work out. You have to have both to be truly involved with someone.

 

[QueryGirl]

All of this makes a great deal of sense to me -- though I can't quite say I identify.

I tend to love folks on a case-by-case basis. There's only ever been one woman who's torn my insides out completely, but there've been a handful of men to claim that honour. (Tho', in retrospect, so very few of the men should be so lucky!)

The wanting -- that's easier. These days, I'm almost always wanting. I do, generally, desire men more so than women. But those really special girls...<sigh> there's something to be said for them, too.

Just adding my own ditherings in here.

Great thread, by the way!

QG

 

[toy!]

your past sounds like mine Revolution,

I'm pretty much only attracted to women, although have had a few male encounters of the ugly kind in a past life... lets not go there .... I prolly havent been truly "in love" with either gender .. sigh

 

[RavenousRae]

I'm not sure if that's quite what I mean, Rae - it sounds like you desire/enjoy people of both genders sexually, but feel mainly capable of loving males. That's sort of the opposite of what I'm talking about (where one loves both genders, but only *wants* one), and it seems to be the more common pattern. Sort of complicated, I know, but does that make sense?

Anyway, thanks to everyone for responding. Very interesting, all.

Yeah I really do have emotional and sexual desires for both genders although I feel stronger sexually towards women and stronger emotionally towards men.

 

[coachmn]

Bisexuality revisited

This recent NY Times article "...BISEXUALITY REVISTED" makes me know there are a lot of people that just can't accept thier own truth. I knew by the age of nine and waivered and struggled over the next 20 years. I paid my dues to become comfortable wih my sexuality and rejoice in being very content with who I am.

Now if I could just get as much of each flavor.

 

[chrk1]

excuse me please. i'm in the wrong thread.

 

[BosozokuX]

Sounds like I'm rambling. And I probably am

I find it hard sometimes to figure out what I really want. I do know however that when it comes to other men, its just a sex thing. I cannot become emotionally attached to another guy. I just dont like guys. I dont like hanging out with them, I dont like being friends with them. All my friends are women and I like it like that. I like being able to surround myslef with with hot chicks that i can have good friendly sex with, or just have a plutonic relationship with. But at the same time, I like just have to have a guy and really show him who THE man is... i dunno.

To be honest, I havent met a chick who can suck a cock half as well as a guy. At the same time, Im not deterred from finding that perfect mouth on a woman either, and Id prefer it like that too. But sometimes I just get an itch I cant scratch.

I love lit. I love having an open forum like this where I can discuss things that bounce around my head late at night, and come maybe that much closer to accecpting who I really am. I operated under another scrren name until a short while ago. But i decided to switch just because it wasnt who i was anymore. Have a good night all