Bi-sexual dilemna

[Samuelx]

Hi.


I am a bi-sexual black guy living in Boston. I am 19 years old. Deeply closeted.


I am a student at a small new england college. Studying computer science. I am quite lonely at times. I've had sexual partners, both male and female in the past but lately, I've been celibate.


Basically, last year I was in love with two people. The first was my longtime friend Karl. He is the coolest guy. He is masculine and fine and totally awesome. He has been my best friend since high school.
He also has a girlfriend named Annie. I've been in love with Karl
for some time. He doesnt return my affections and seems to be homophobic. He calls himself straight.

One day, I almost died and he came to the rescue and told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. He held me in his arms. Later, he would deny anythin happened and tells me he just wants to be friends.


The other person that I fell in love with was Lauren B.


She was a nice girl at my school. A beautiful and sexy tomboy. Totally awesome. Great listener. Sexy as hell. We got along great. She had a boyfriend named Joe. I was deeply saddened when she left the school.


I've had brief, intimate moments with both Lauren and Karl. Both of them of course have relationships and basically use me when they feel down and I did not mind because I loved them.

Lauren came to me for a "weak but passionate moment" after she had a fight with her bf. Karl came to me after he had gotten kicked out by his gf. How neat.


I kind of lost belief in love. Men and women basically just use me.
I am a nice guy. I help people. I dont ask for anything in return.


I miss them. That was last year.


This year, enter Stacey.

A tall and sexy, drop-dead gorgeous black girl. So damn fine it should be a crime !!!!!!!

She is a tomboy, too !! Neat !!!!
We are friendly. She found out that I was bisexual and seems cool with it. Hasnt told anyone my secret. I like her and get nervous around her. She has a boyfriend named Tim. Tim is an angry dude who has a gun fetish. He is controlling and sometimes violent. She can be violent too, I heard.


I like Stacey. She knows ALL about me, apparently. I am NOT interested in any other male or female at the moment.


Today was her birthday. She looked so nice. I wanted to hold her and comfort her. Her moronic boyfriend didnt even buy her a gift.
He occasionally hits her. He treats her like crap. Her family doesnt want her to see him. Yet she still wants to be with him.


Chicks are a mystery to me.


I think I may have given my feelings away by the way I looked at her today. She is so lovely....damn !!!!!


What do you think I should do ?

 

[Betticus]

You should go to the BDSM forum and lurk there for a while. Read some of the literature.

A lot of people like to be handled roughly. You may just have an outwardly seeming overly caring personality type that causes people to label you as "friend". Once you get that label it is difficult to get out of it. The people that you want may actually see you as the friend and not as a love interest or even a sexy piece of man that can be used for carnal pleasure.

If that is the case there are some things you can do to avoid the "friend" trap without compromising your morals and becoming an asshole.

What I see from your post is that people can depend on you for emotional support and trust you but don't necessarily view you as a boyfriend or sex partner. You need to figure out what it is about you that makes you the friend and not the lover before you do much more. You can always ask the girls straight out about it, I've always found that when you ask them a very clear question they will give you a straight answer.


Good luck.

 

[Etoile]

You should go to the BDSM forum and lurk there for a while. Read some of the literature.

Huh???

I'm not sure why you gave this recommendation, Betticus. Is there something I missed in Samuelx's post that made you suggest this??