Bi-Curious Male With Questions

[Ryan29m]

I guess I've pretty much always been attracted to guys on some level. I've also been somewhat of a social misfit, not wanting to follow the crowd, give in to peer pressure, be popular, etc. It's a chicken and the egg thing, I guess, I don't know if being bi caused me to be a misfit or the other way around.

Here's the issue. I'm 29 years old, and I'm pretty much ok with the fact that I'm interested in guys, finally. In my teens, it was an issue that was pretty socially devastating to me, I had trouble connecting with girls, and I didn't have a relationship until I was 20. Then I met my current girlfriend, who is 7 years younger than I, and she's been very supportive as me as far as me exploring my deviant sexual nature. This has helped me a lot with me coming to grips with being bi, or at least bi curious. I'm not comfortable to the point of telling my family or anything like that, but at least I'm not lying to myself.

The question is what to do about it. My girlfriend has said on a number of occasions that she doesn't want me experimenting with other girls, but that she doesn't have a problem with boys. I would really like a guy-guy experience, would definatly be into bj's, fondling and kissing but probably not ready for anal yet. I don't know how to go about it. I'm shy to start out with, I'm not going to just walk up to some guy, even if I know he is gay, and ask him to come over. I have some trust issues, so I'm not sure that I want to pick up someone off the street and go right at it, but I don't want to wait a year either. And I don't know weather I should tell my girlfriend or not. She's been mostly supportive but she is not into girls at all and I'm not sure if she'd change her mind once something actually happened. Any suggestions?

 

[Thundercat]

wow, you have a great girl. definitely hold on to her! I know what you men about being scared of going up to a guy and asking. If I were you I'd definitely put your trust in your girl and tell her about how you feel and then explore for yourself. If you don't you'll just be curious forever. You may try hooking up with someone from your area here....or maybe bring your gf with you to a local gay bar and see if you hook up with anyone, if you become uncomfortable your girl can bail you out of the situation. You don't have to come right out and say "hey, wanna mess around". Strike up a conversation and see if you feel comfortable talking to him...if you do....get his number and take it from there. Good luck....the most important thing is to appreciate your girlfriends openness and let her help you through this. communicate with her....let her help you.

 

[Ryan29m]

wow, you have a great girl. definitely hold on to her! I know what you men about being scared of going up to a guy and asking. If I were you I'd definitely put your trust in your girl and tell her about how you feel and then explore for yourself. If you don't you'll just be curious forever. You may try hooking up with someone from your area here....or maybe bring your gf with you to a local gay bar and see if you hook up with anyone, if you become uncomfortable your girl can bail you out of the situation. You don't have to come right out and say "hey, wanna mess around". Strike up a conversation and see if you feel comfortable talking to him...if you do....get his number and take it from there. Good luck....the most important thing is to appreciate your girlfriends openness and let her help you through this. communicate with her....let her help you.

Thanks for the advice. It's definatly good to have a g/f that's supportive, I just don't know if she'd be supportive in practice as well as in theory. And I don't think that she'd be supportive to the point of taking me out to pick up guys. Like I said, she's not into the gay scene at all, she was raised in the military and I think that has something to do with it. I think she wants to be supportive but not involved, so to speak.

As far as going to a gay bar, I live in a rural area and the closest major city is about 2 hours away, so it's not something that's really feasable. Also, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 years, so the idea of being with someone else is definatly exciting, but also not something that we've experimented with before. She's talked about wanting to have a MMF experience, so that's definatly something that I could go on, but like I said I'm in a rural area and I don't know how many bi guys I could find that are into women too and we like. We are not into smoking, drinking, or drugs so that kind of limits your options. It's not like you can go to church to find guys(not that I go to church). It's a frustrating situation, I'm sure there's a solution, but like I said I'm new to this.

 

[pudge310]

hi there

hi there, im 22 bi curious also, id be interested in getting together or for whatever your interested in, ive never been with a guy but am very curious, i live near boca. email me if ur interested at donbradley310@hotmail.com

 

[none2_none2]

I grew up in a rural area and didn't do it until I was 21.5. I personally wouldn't mess around someone in a small town as to many people don't mind their own business. Word could get around pretty quickly if someone your seeing gets labeled as gay/bi and your cars have been seen in the other's driveway...

Two hours may seem a ways away, but it means your odds of others finding out would be reduced. I personally don't like bars -- except when I went to one for two-step dancing lessons. You might enjoy bars, but if you don't drink, smoke you might not like them. Dancing is kind of nice if the loud music doesn't bother you. Two step in C&W gay bars are kind of nice because you can dance and don't have to worry whether someone will ask you -- or being rejected if you ask.

You might want to try to chat online with people from that city closest to you. However, make sure you know the person really well before you drive that far. Not only do you want to make sure you avoid psychos, you want to make sure you don't get stood up. It seems like there are many guys who don't understand how rude (or cruel) it is to have someone go to the trouble to meet, then they cop out and don't show.

You'll also want to see if you can first see them on cam. Many guys are notorious about lying about age, weight, cock size, marital status, health, etc. So if you have a certain thing in a guy you think you want or certain things that turn you off, you better do some camming. (Its the old saying: "Let the buyer beware.")

Also make sure your upfront about your own limits. You don't want some guy to think you might be really gay, available, and looking for a lover. You said you aren't ready for anal -- make sure they know that. If you think you might be looking for more than a one-night-stand (such as a f-buddy), you'll need to be honest and tell them you are

You mentioned sexuality/misfit. I used to struggle with that when I was your age. I used to blame anything unusual about myself on my sexuality: If I flinched, if I crossed my legs the wrong way, if my voice wasn't deep enough, if I didn't want to watch spectator sports, etc. I also tended to argue for whatever the majority tended to agree with. It was just so easy to blame my gayness. However, I have met str8 guys who are off the wall, so eventually I got over it. Simply put, there is more to a personality than the gay/bi/str8 stuff.

Finally, on the shyness, lots of us have it. However, for me the desire for sex (other than Mr Right Hand) was just too strong. MM sex didn't turn me into an extravert, but it did cause me to put the shyness on the shelf when I needed to be with another guy. The desire was just too strong for my shyness to hold me back.

Best wishes for you and your g/f.