Bi and married?

[Effigy]

How does this work into your marriage. Are you singly devoted, or are you allowed a bit of the other side. How dos it affect your relationship with your other half?

 

[sexy-girl]

i actually was thinking of starting a thread about this sort of thing

im not sure if i could be with a bi person because i'd have trust issues and that maybe they would always be longing for something i couldn't give them

 

[April]

I don't see why it should make a difference whether you're bi or not. If you're in a committed relationship, then either person shouldn't be going anywhere else for their "amusement". I really don't see it as a bi issue. I see it as a fidelity issue.

Or am I totally wrong?

 

[april-wine]

A fidelity issue definately....If you don't have trust, you have nothing a relationship....

 

[Quint]

Does this have to be limited to married couples, or can anyone in a serious relationship answer? Does it have to be a relationship that is understood as monogamous, although some marriages are deliberately not?

 

[Guest]

It's a definately a trust issue... and it depends on how secure you are in a relationship. If you are asking if being married to someone and still having a relationship with someone of the same sex on the side... or combining your marriage with this other relationship... I say you better be damn secure and you aren't a jealous person.

Adding anyone to a relationship is risky. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't. You definately have to have some kick ass communication with your husband/wife. And you have to make sure that if you do decide to involve someone else in that relationship...that they understand the boundaries.

 

[Effigy]

Does this have to be limited to married couples, or can anyone in a serious relationship answer? Does it have to be a relationship that is understood as monogamous, although some marriages are deliberately not?

No, and yes.

damn definitions.

It is a fidelity issue, but as sexygirl said... that maybe they would always be longing for something i couldn't give them.

i think maybe the question is more about how that is handled, by both partis.

 

[Pookie]

I don't see why it should make a difference whether you're bi or not. If you're in a committed relationship, then either person shouldn't be going anywhere else for their "amusement". I really don't see it as a bi issue. I see it as a fidelity issue.

Or am I totally wrong?

It's a fidelity issue depending on the relationship the couple has developed. I'm sure each couple is different.

I disagree with anyone having sex with anyone else but their partner, unless there has been some agreement to allow it. Nothing should ever have to be done secretively from their partner, or there are some serious relationship issues. How it is allowed will depend on each couple.

 

[WhisperHaven]

It's very difficult for me, having finally admitted to myself that I was bi about 7 years into a marriage. I was terrified to tell my husband because the last thing I wanted to do was bruise his fragile male ego.

When I finally got drunk and told him, I was pleasantly surprised at his reaction. He had a hard time with it at first, and I promised him that I would abide by his wishes. After a couple of months of him thinking it over (and my not pressuring him), he decided that it would be ok if I played, as long as I included him every once in a while.

The hard part is in finding a woman who wants to play with a married woman. My best bet would be to find another married bi-woman. Unfortunately, if she has permission to play without him on occasion, that puts her in the same position as me.

I have a very close friend with whom I have not become lovers because of just such a situation. Her boyfriend was all set to send her out to play with me, but decided at the last minute that he couldn't handle the situation, since I couldn't play with him included.

Alas, I'm relegated to a lot of fantasizing (where my best creative work comes from) and self gratification. I really should think about submitting some of my stories to be published here.

 

[april-wine]

No, and yes.

damn definitions.

It is a fidelity issue, but as sexygirl said... that maybe they would always be longing for something i couldn't give them.

i think maybe the question is more about how that is handled, by both partis.

I have had these same worries, my girl having been married previously....But it's about communication....Honestly I don't want to share and neither does she, but that doesn't mean that things might not progress to that....We talk a lot, and that is the most important thing....

 

[Ms_Lilith]

A fidelity issue definately....If you don't have trust, you have nothing a relationship....

I agree with this and yet I don't. "Fidelity" seems to be the wrong word, or too narrow a word, or something to me. Having been in a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time, where both knew about the other, and both were (at least, for some time) happy with the situation, I think that the word 'fidelity' brings with it the idea of monogomy. If I am a woman who is in a relationship with a man and another woman, all I ask is that those partners trust me to stay within those bounds. It is in no way monogamous, but I am faithful to the two of them.

And as a side note... I always was.

 

[red_rose]

Share and share alike, I always say.

Heh... j/k.

Talking is very important, as April said.

 

[Effigy]

Share and share alike, I always say.

Heh...

Talking is very important, as April said.

honey, I'm bringing home someone.

COOL!

 

[red_rose]

honey, I'm bringing home someone.

COOL!

"Is he cute?!" "Is he brown??"

-- from Swingers

 

[RisiaSkye]

honey, I'm bringing home someone.

COOL!

Been there, done that.
Complications abound.

Being bi and married is in fact harder than being straight, I think. At least, I've often found myself wishing I were simply straight and vanilla and stuff.
Then again, what fun is life without some interesting personal relationship fiascos?

 

[Guest]

Well, I feel as though I can only echo earlier thoughts. I will say that my bisexuality is everpresent; meaning that I have the capability of being attracted to either sex, falling in love with either, and building a relationship with either. Capability is the key word. If I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship, as I am presently with Gatsby, the potential for another relationship
(homosexual or heterosexual)is moot. I fall in love with the person, not the sex. Cliche. Maybe. Truth. Definitely.

 

[celiaKitten]

Communication is key - complete, honest discussion.

End of advice story.

 

[ammre]

Kon and i have talked about this, It is a combination of trust and the bi part. (Or maybe that's the way i see it considering i'd be the one getting the extra pice of ass)
I think fo rhim it's all a trust issue. But he does trust me and he knows that if i do anything i'll either ask his permission or tell him afterwards and take all punishment (ranging formt he silly slaps on the ass to a break up or even his hatred towards me) i'd still tell him and since he knows that he trusts me more.
for me though. I've only have one lesbian encounter with another female and there were certian things i didn't do with her that i would have liked to do. If i ever marry Kon i will never have the chance to do those things. I would at least like to try it once before i die. He's made the arguemtn that if i get to do something with a girl he also gets to do something with her... I cna't help but think that's verry flawed because the fact that i would want a girl is becasue it's something he can't supply. If he were to want a girl (besides me) i'd feel hurt since that's something that i could supply but he's coosing to not get it form me... I told him that he can have any man he wants... but he's all about the pussy so that wont be happning soon...

but anyway... yeah... It's an ongoing open debate in our relationship which will prorbbaly never have a conclusion.. he's short i'm tall... he's straight i'm crooked... he's jewish i'm catholic.... he's virgo i'm libra... based on almost everything we're not suppossed to even be together... but we've managed for over a year so far... this one debate won't hurt us.

 

[Netzach]

I have to partner with other bisexuals. Other people don't understand where I'm coming from well enough.

I have to partner with other NON-monogamous bisexuals.

If my fiance were not bi and didn't understand that monogamy is not the same as fidelity...I could never even imagine doing a marriage thing. I never thought I would be, because I never thought I'd meet someone who was compatible on these very specific needs.

AND kinky. AND a sub.

I'm a lucky bitch.

 

[Angel]

With me, its a non issue. I'm with who I'm with, and I'm with them because they're giving me what I need in a relationship.

I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend or want to be with another guy while I'm with him, and the same goes for a female.

 

[WhisperHaven]

I feel that one person (my husband) can give me everything I need in my relationship, except for the sexual fulfillment that only a woman can bring.

I don't desire other men. He gives me all the testosterone male thingy stuff that I need. However, the one thing he simply cannot provide is a wet, sweet, wonderful, tasty pussy. Not to get too graphic here, but I can taste myself, but any bi or lez female can attest to the fact that there is nothing sweeter than being between the thighs of an aroused woman.

My head just won't reach my own.

 

[69seminole]

This is a really good subject to make my first post to.

My bi girlfriend of over 4 years and I just recently broke up, as she needed space from me to figure things out.

We were exclusively in a serious relationship, until the last 6 months, when she asked what my thoughts were about her having a girlfriend, as she had not had the urge since we met to be with a woman again. I agreed, along with some rules that I could live with. The rules basically kept her from having a relationship with her where she would spend more time with her, my concern being mostly for the sexual part.

It worked for the most part, except that my gf had trouble with communicating with me and little secrets that she thought that I couldn't handle hearing or learning about. Also, her gf is bi and married, and her husband didn't really want her to do much without him around, which I had reservations about cuz I knew that he wanted my gf also. Her gf and husband were nice about it, asking my gf and I if we wanted to explore together. They didn't force it upon her.

Anyway, we broke up for many reasons, one being her sexuality, she had a hard time controlling it, and I had at times had a hard time dealing with it. I'm over it now, loving her for who she is without exception, and we have discussed our sexuality if we got back together.

We have agreed that we can handle each other's sexual needs and wants, and if that includes bisexual involvements, it will. I am looking forward to the possibility, unlike before.

So, in response to the original post, I think that bi and married can work, with a lot of trust, communication and love for your s/o.

 

[The Lorax]

Both my wife and myself are Bisexual. For us, being married means that we are with each other exclusively. Yeah, we both admire models and stars and say "He's hot." or "She's hot," but we don't solicit other lovers.

 

[sweet_little_cookie]

I guess i'm a little too old fashioned~ cheating is cheating... while I am willing to play with my s/o and another person, I am really jealous, and would hate to share... Guess I always was a brat.

But because of that, I'd never be able to play on the side.

 

[onewingedangel]

I am menogomous in all my relationships