BEWARE! This Thread Is About Kids!
- Thread starter Cheri
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Nobody Special's wife
Just Peeking
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I believe to give a child all the love you can give it also be a good diaplanary.( we really go to stop the child services the have gone to far!!) I want my child to feel safe and comfort in my arms and with his/her home also I want to make sure the house is child prof...Also I would take parenting classes and first aide to protect my child...
THat is all I can think of for now But If I think of more I will let you know ..Keep smilein'
THE WIFE
THat is all I can think of for now But If I think of more I will let you know ..Keep smilein'
THE WIFE
G
Guest
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Thor's Hammer
Literotica Guru
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Guide, but don't dominate.
Protect, but let them experience a bit of pain.
Love, and love some more.
Enjoy their successes, share in their failures.
Let go at the right time.
Support, but don't support (a paradox, but think about it).
Be a positive example (they are always watching).
Don't sweat the small stuff; or some of the larger stuff too.
Ignore most advice; your instincts are probably right.
There is NO perfect parent. We all make mistakes...just try and trust your own feelings.
Protect, but let them experience a bit of pain.
Love, and love some more.
Enjoy their successes, share in their failures.
Let go at the right time.
Support, but don't support (a paradox, but think about it).
Be a positive example (they are always watching).
Don't sweat the small stuff; or some of the larger stuff too.
Ignore most advice; your instincts are probably right.
There is NO perfect parent. We all make mistakes...just try and trust your own feelings.
Adoratrice
Inculpable
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My father told me once that the fact that I was concerned about BEING a good mom....probably meant that I WAS a good mom.
Silverlily
Kitty Mama - East Coast
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Thor, that was excellent.
All I can really add is honesty. My parents never let me see them as real people, they were always infalliable. I go out of my way to show my girls that is not true of their mother. I make mistakes just like they do and when it happens, we work through them together. In my house, moms get mad, they get sad, they are silly sometimes, and they are very human.
All I can really add is honesty. My parents never let me see them as real people, they were always infalliable. I go out of my way to show my girls that is not true of their mother. I make mistakes just like they do and when it happens, we work through them together. In my house, moms get mad, they get sad, they are silly sometimes, and they are very human.
Juliangel
Georgia's Juiciest Peach, ...and my nectar dribble
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- Sep 5, 2000
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JOB LISTING
Position: PARENT
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
~Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing.
~Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.
~Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.
~Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of.
~Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above mentioned skills in conflict resolution.
~Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns.
~Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."
~Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly.
~Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
~Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
~Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
~Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
~Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. ~Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name.
~Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What
makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadam Hussein?" on the fly.
~Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
~Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
~Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Position: PARENT
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
~Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing.
~Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.
~Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.
~Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of.
~Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above mentioned skills in conflict resolution.
~Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns.
~Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."
~Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly.
~Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
~Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
~Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
~Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
~Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. ~Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name.
~Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What
makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadam Hussein?" on the fly.
~Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
~Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
~Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2000
- Posts
- 23,768
Juliangel said:
A very good description of what being a good parent entails.
The one thing I would add:
Never make an idle threat!
If just once in a child's lifetime you say "If you do xxx one more time, you're grounded," and don't follow through, the child will push you to the limit every time in hopes you'll flinch one more time.
A corollary is: "never make a threat you can't follow through on."
Threatened punishments should be realistic, and punishment should never be assigned or carried out when angry.
I do have a lot of other thories about how to raise a good child, but this is the one thing that seems to be missed by most parents.
Sparky Kronkite
Spam Eater Extraordinare'
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- Aug 15, 2000
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Well.....
Near relentless commitment, driven by love. Huge amounts of understanding and patience. And a big giant sense of humor.
Every good thing you can muster and bestowe, without spoiling the kid rotten.
Near relentless commitment, driven by love. Huge amounts of understanding and patience. And a big giant sense of humor.
Every good thing you can muster and bestowe, without spoiling the kid rotten.
Naked Hunny
Postwoman
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- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
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Im starting to believe im the worst parent alive now thanks everyone!!
Juliangel
Georgia's Juiciest Peach, ...and my nectar dribble
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- Sep 5, 2000
- Posts
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Coach ~ Saw it and loved it!!
I fotgot to mention the best lesson in sharing I have ever learned for dealing with my boys and I learned it from Bear in the Big Blue House on The Disney Channel.
This is how my boys learned it. I had made a cake and there was barely more than one piece left and they both wanted some.
I told the oldest that he could cut it into 2 pieces, well he was excited because he just knew he would cut himself a bigger piece. Well after they were cut his little brother started to pout some until I told him that he got to pick first.
Now they divide thins evenly because they neve knowwhen I will tell the other one to pick first.
I fotgot to mention the best lesson in sharing I have ever learned for dealing with my boys and I learned it from Bear in the Big Blue House on The Disney Channel.
This is how my boys learned it. I had made a cake and there was barely more than one piece left and they both wanted some.
I told the oldest that he could cut it into 2 pieces, well he was excited because he just knew he would cut himself a bigger piece. Well after they were cut his little brother started to pout some until I told him that he got to pick first.
Now they divide thins evenly because they neve knowwhen I will tell the other one to pick first.
FlamingoBlue
a simple country lawyer
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2000
- Posts
- 2,994
What an excellent thread!!!
And what excellent and caring replies. I especially liked what Thor and Julia had to say. I would add only two things:
1. Be consistent. If you talk the talk, walk the walk! (Trite, but true). Life is confusing enough without sending mixed messages to children.
2. Use praise, freely, together with unconditional love. That doesn't mean that discipline goes out the window. It just means that children, like adults, make "misssed-takes, ie. mistakes, and most are of little consequence. (Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Trite, but true).
I am currently preparing a trial brief in a child custody case involving a 2 year old. (The trial wiil begin in a week and will impact the parents' relationship more negatively than anything in their lives. You can't begin to imagine how much "blood " will be spilled). All 4 adults have been evaluated and tested by a psychologist. In effect, their lives have been placed under a microscope. Imagine if your parenting skills were scrutinized to that degree?? (And think of the training that we get, or fail to get, in order to carry out this job? How about little to none)!!
The Child custody Law in Michigan sets out 12 factors for the Court to consider to determine what is in the child's best interests, and, then the Judge makes a ruling as to custody and parenting time. Based on what I have read here, your replies indicate to me that you folks have a good grap on the awesome responsibility of raising a child. In my book, you are all winners!
blue
And what excellent and caring replies. I especially liked what Thor and Julia had to say. I would add only two things:
1. Be consistent. If you talk the talk, walk the walk! (Trite, but true). Life is confusing enough without sending mixed messages to children.
2. Use praise, freely, together with unconditional love. That doesn't mean that discipline goes out the window. It just means that children, like adults, make "misssed-takes, ie. mistakes, and most are of little consequence. (Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Trite, but true).
I am currently preparing a trial brief in a child custody case involving a 2 year old. (The trial wiil begin in a week and will impact the parents' relationship more negatively than anything in their lives. You can't begin to imagine how much "blood " will be spilled). All 4 adults have been evaluated and tested by a psychologist. In effect, their lives have been placed under a microscope. Imagine if your parenting skills were scrutinized to that degree?? (And think of the training that we get, or fail to get, in order to carry out this job? How about little to none)!!
The Child custody Law in Michigan sets out 12 factors for the Court to consider to determine what is in the child's best interests, and, then the Judge makes a ruling as to custody and parenting time. Based on what I have read here, your replies indicate to me that you folks have a good grap on the awesome responsibility of raising a child. In my book, you are all winners!
blue
ManOSafety
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 3, 2000
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Love and Faith
The greatest gifts I received from my father (who died in July and these thoughts are from the eulogy I gave at his memorial service) were Love and Faith.
He taught me how to love my son, my wife, my sisters, my friends, my fellow church members and my enemies. Now, that doesn't mean that it was just about good-feelings and always doing nice things for one another, love includes discipline, self-denial, patience, respect, authority, responsibility, friendship, and so on. But he talked to me about these things, sometimes in serious father-son talks, but other times in asides as we worked together or played together, and sometimes by providing me with a positive example. I only hope that my son (and my new child due in March
)learns as much from me about love as I learned from my dad.
He also taught me the importance of Faith. Now the faith that he taught me, that I have and that I share with my son, my friends and my students is Christianity, and while I'd love to say that's the faith that we all should teach our children, I'd be remiss if I did so. BUT, I do think you need to teach your children that there are some things that you need to believe in, some meaning to life, some reason we are here and some guiding principle to the decisions that they will have to make every single day of their lives.
I hope this helps, at least a little bit...
The greatest gifts I received from my father (who died in July and these thoughts are from the eulogy I gave at his memorial service) were Love and Faith.
He taught me how to love my son, my wife, my sisters, my friends, my fellow church members and my enemies. Now, that doesn't mean that it was just about good-feelings and always doing nice things for one another, love includes discipline, self-denial, patience, respect, authority, responsibility, friendship, and so on. But he talked to me about these things, sometimes in serious father-son talks, but other times in asides as we worked together or played together, and sometimes by providing me with a positive example. I only hope that my son (and my new child due in March
)learns as much from me about love as I learned from my dad.He also taught me the importance of Faith. Now the faith that he taught me, that I have and that I share with my son, my friends and my students is Christianity, and while I'd love to say that's the faith that we all should teach our children, I'd be remiss if I did so. BUT, I do think you need to teach your children that there are some things that you need to believe in, some meaning to life, some reason we are here and some guiding principle to the decisions that they will have to make every single day of their lives.
I hope this helps, at least a little bit...
Well, ya'll have covered this pretty well. Love, understanding,communication, support, a firm hand where needed, trust and respect. You give a child each of these and they will return the same a hundred fold. The teen years are the hardest as they are trying to find themselves and where they fit in society. Just be there for them when needed, love them no matter what, keep the lines of communication open, show them that you care (and mean it). Make them know they are important to you, even through their failures. To fail is to learn, even as a parent you never stop learning.
CreamyLady
Uncompromising Visionary
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Flexibility, empathy, a sense of humor, and an iron will when necessary.
Flexibility, because nothing ever happens quite the way we planned, and it is good to know how to roll with the punches.
Empathy, because we've been there before, and it helps us to be patient when the kid exhibits some amazingly stupid behavior. We've all been stupid; if we can remember that, and how it feels, we can avoid a lot of acrimony in our exchanges.
A sense of humor, because it helps keep things in proportion. If there is something to laugh at in a given situation, chances are it wasn't that damned serious to begin with.
An iron will, because a family isn't really a democracy. Parents can be benevolent despots, but despots they must remain. Give a kid an inch and he or she will rule the house. NOT a good idea.
Flexibility, because nothing ever happens quite the way we planned, and it is good to know how to roll with the punches.
Empathy, because we've been there before, and it helps us to be patient when the kid exhibits some amazingly stupid behavior. We've all been stupid; if we can remember that, and how it feels, we can avoid a lot of acrimony in our exchanges.
A sense of humor, because it helps keep things in proportion. If there is something to laugh at in a given situation, chances are it wasn't that damned serious to begin with.
An iron will, because a family isn't really a democracy. Parents can be benevolent despots, but despots they must remain. Give a kid an inch and he or she will rule the house. NOT a good idea.
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
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Naked Hunny said:
Why do you say this?
From the things you've said on many other threads, it's fairly obvious that your child is the most important thing in the world to you. That's the first step to being a good parent.
All of the suggestions here are good advice, but all you really need is to let the child know they're loved unconditionally.
I'm not talking about spoiling them, or smothering them with love. Discipline and guiding them into a person you can be proud of in your old age is very important, but showing that you love them is very nearly as important.
Always
Eternal Insanity
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hmm... teenagers or little ones?
lil ones:
love 'em to death and don't complain about the paint on the tablecloth. accidents happen.
teenagers:
knock before entering. period. that will show them you have respect for their privacy - they'll return it, only less specifically.
lil ones:
love 'em to death and don't complain about the paint on the tablecloth. accidents happen.
teenagers:
knock before entering. period. that will show them you have respect for their privacy - they'll return it, only less specifically.
Purple Haze
Literally Stimulated
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I can't believe how many good parents hang out at Lit.
I'm sure this one has been covered already, but I'll say it anyway.
Lead by example. They're watching you.
Cheri, I feel your pain.
I'm sure this one has been covered already, but I'll say it anyway.
Lead by example. They're watching you.
Cheri, I feel your pain.
Whispersecret
Clandestine Sex-pressionist
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It's one thing to post about what makes a good parent, and quite another to BE a good parent.
Like WH, I have too many theories about what makes a good parent. Many of them have already been mentioned.
To pick one... I suppose, don't forget you're the PARENT, not the friend. I always cringe when I hear people say, "My daughter is my best friend." In my opinion, friends are equals. In a parent/child relationship, there should not be equality. There can be mutual respect, but that is not the same thing. Parents should be the leaders, who set by example, who teach the lessons the child needs to know in order to be a well-adjusted, loving, mature, responsible adult.
Perhaps later, when your children are adults themselves, friendship can develop, but if you push adult friendship on a young child, that's just too much to ask from them. What they need is someone to look up to and learn from. They should not have to support you as a friend does.
Like WH, I have too many theories about what makes a good parent. Many of them have already been mentioned.
To pick one... I suppose, don't forget you're the PARENT, not the friend. I always cringe when I hear people say, "My daughter is my best friend." In my opinion, friends are equals. In a parent/child relationship, there should not be equality. There can be mutual respect, but that is not the same thing. Parents should be the leaders, who set by example, who teach the lessons the child needs to know in order to be a well-adjusted, loving, mature, responsible adult.
Perhaps later, when your children are adults themselves, friendship can develop, but if you push adult friendship on a young child, that's just too much to ask from them. What they need is someone to look up to and learn from. They should not have to support you as a friend does.
Shylady
Not shy as I used to be!
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Cheri,
I provide daycare in my home... Let me say from the daycare providers point of view... you going back to work doesn't make you less of a parent...we aren't trying to become the parents ..it is an honor that we are chosen to care for your kids while you provide for them... the kids in my daycare love me and I love them. However, I am not mommy and can never be.. Make sure you trust the people taking care of your kids and then relax knowing your kids will love you and be just fine!
From a parents point of view: Love, Support and Love again.But don't forget punishment when needed. Never make their world so perfect than when they are grown they don't know how to stand in the hard times.
I provide daycare in my home... Let me say from the daycare providers point of view... you going back to work doesn't make you less of a parent...we aren't trying to become the parents ..it is an honor that we are chosen to care for your kids while you provide for them... the kids in my daycare love me and I love them. However, I am not mommy and can never be.. Make sure you trust the people taking care of your kids and then relax knowing your kids will love you and be just fine!
From a parents point of view: Love, Support and Love again.But don't forget punishment when needed. Never make their world so perfect than when they are grown they don't know how to stand in the hard times.
