Betticus
FigDaddy!
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2004
- Posts
- 12,240
I can't really adequately explain exactly how this came to be but recently I've had some life experiences that have added some experience to my life that I hadn't been exposed to before and at some time after gaining that experience as happens with these things it became a part of me and changed the way I perceive human interactions. In time it resolved itself in my mind and became a bit of extra wisdom. All of us know how this works, we grow older, we have more experience and that experience grows into wisdom and for each of us we become more than what we were before.
It has changed the way I see people. Normally I just put together an image of a person that includes their body language and behavior, etc. Usually one looks for clues that reveal who people really are beneath the image that they portray to the public. You see who the person is. This little bit of wisdom although small in itself seems to have added a whole other layer to the person or people I'm looking at and now it seems that with the sum of my past experiences this has somehow let me put together ... oh fuck it, this isn't making any sense like this..
It has somehow wired together different parts of my lil man brain, connected those areas with their different memories and logic and sum experiences of people and body language and bearing and all of that stuff and with those parts all now seeing each other and sharing what they know and drawing logical conclusions based on much more data than before I somehow can see the person as before just fine, get a sense of who they are, if they are safe or dangerous, truthful or deceitful and that is a nice use of a lifetime of observation and learning but now, recently, in the last month or so (I did wait to feel this out and see if it was just a fluke thing)
Now I can see a lot of what the person I'm looking at is not a part of them. The simplest explanation is that now that I'm older and have a bit more knowledge and experience I can begin to see things in them that aren't a real part of that person but the product of outside influences. Like with an abuse victim when one can see patterns that were the cause of someone else mistreating them that shaped them into who they are now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in this here, on this particular forum as a lot of you have a lot more experience with this than I do but since I'm also a bit of a sadistic asshole to myself it was just in my nature to take a lot of time looking at myself and all the things that shaped me into who I am today.
When I saw how things had happened and the things that weren't me but just something someone else did to me and I saw how and where I had just let that shit happen and change me I was actually horribly ashamed of myself for letting that happen. The bright spot is this is that once one sees these things something inside you starts to work on letting those things go and making you more and more into who you should have been all along and with that comes an odd sense of peace.
It seems that with a sense of peace you just slip right into yourself and it feels nice and warm and comfortable. With that also comes a confidence that just seems to be a natural thing and anger or fear or doubt kind of just fade away but they are still there as memories and if needed you can pick it right up and use it and then put it away so I'm still me and still have all I was before but now instead of fighting those things to stay in control I'm just really calm and relaxed and just me. I'm pretty sure it is only a start of something and I'll keep learning and growing.
So now me being a Dom, the label no longer fits. In fact I'm seeing labels now as something like a box where you use a word to define part of you but the word and that box might just set in your psyche a limit that one accidentally sets upon ones self because you just may be a lot more than that label and there is a chance that you could stop yourself from growing into your full potential.
So now I've absolutely tortured you all with my rambling diatribe filled with grammatical errors and probably making little to no sense when I could have just said hey, the label just doesn't fit me any more and I'm busy seeing how this will change me. It's okay though as a lot of you tend to like things that are a bit painful such as reading this.
Maybe someone who is a writer could get the concept and rewrite it so it doesn't make your eyes bleed and give you a migraine.
Lastly. I may not be a Dom any more but that doesn't mean that I would pass up an opportunity to spank a cute ass.
I apologize for my wanton destruction of the English language. I'm in an odd place at the moment. Well, in my living room but I meant in an odd place mentally and it's distracting me a bit.
I want a cookie and a hug dammit. A good hug, not one of those cheap side hugs with one arm either. A tasty sammich wouldn't hurt either but I'm totally eating the cookie first and damn the rules!!!!
Oh.. is seems that the cat is up to something. She can't be trusted any more. I caught her eating beef jerky and I thing that's a bad sign.
You guys all have fun and someone go and rescue SW from the damn hospital. I bet they haven't even let him spank the nurses and we all know that would just be therapy for him. I bet he's thought about it too. Nurse outfit, little white hat projecting a sense of innocence. Poor guy must be going nuts. It would be like locking a fat kid in a candy store for a weekend but only giving him enough chain where his fingers could just slightly brush up against the candy bins... so close... so tempting.. need it soooooo bad.. maybe I should go read his post first, he might have already caught one and given a sound thrashing upon her backside.
It has changed the way I see people. Normally I just put together an image of a person that includes their body language and behavior, etc. Usually one looks for clues that reveal who people really are beneath the image that they portray to the public. You see who the person is. This little bit of wisdom although small in itself seems to have added a whole other layer to the person or people I'm looking at and now it seems that with the sum of my past experiences this has somehow let me put together ... oh fuck it, this isn't making any sense like this..
It has somehow wired together different parts of my lil man brain, connected those areas with their different memories and logic and sum experiences of people and body language and bearing and all of that stuff and with those parts all now seeing each other and sharing what they know and drawing logical conclusions based on much more data than before I somehow can see the person as before just fine, get a sense of who they are, if they are safe or dangerous, truthful or deceitful and that is a nice use of a lifetime of observation and learning but now, recently, in the last month or so (I did wait to feel this out and see if it was just a fluke thing)
Now I can see a lot of what the person I'm looking at is not a part of them. The simplest explanation is that now that I'm older and have a bit more knowledge and experience I can begin to see things in them that aren't a real part of that person but the product of outside influences. Like with an abuse victim when one can see patterns that were the cause of someone else mistreating them that shaped them into who they are now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in this here, on this particular forum as a lot of you have a lot more experience with this than I do but since I'm also a bit of a sadistic asshole to myself it was just in my nature to take a lot of time looking at myself and all the things that shaped me into who I am today.
When I saw how things had happened and the things that weren't me but just something someone else did to me and I saw how and where I had just let that shit happen and change me I was actually horribly ashamed of myself for letting that happen. The bright spot is this is that once one sees these things something inside you starts to work on letting those things go and making you more and more into who you should have been all along and with that comes an odd sense of peace.
It seems that with a sense of peace you just slip right into yourself and it feels nice and warm and comfortable. With that also comes a confidence that just seems to be a natural thing and anger or fear or doubt kind of just fade away but they are still there as memories and if needed you can pick it right up and use it and then put it away so I'm still me and still have all I was before but now instead of fighting those things to stay in control I'm just really calm and relaxed and just me. I'm pretty sure it is only a start of something and I'll keep learning and growing.
So now me being a Dom, the label no longer fits. In fact I'm seeing labels now as something like a box where you use a word to define part of you but the word and that box might just set in your psyche a limit that one accidentally sets upon ones self because you just may be a lot more than that label and there is a chance that you could stop yourself from growing into your full potential.
So now I've absolutely tortured you all with my rambling diatribe filled with grammatical errors and probably making little to no sense when I could have just said hey, the label just doesn't fit me any more and I'm busy seeing how this will change me. It's okay though as a lot of you tend to like things that are a bit painful such as reading this.
Maybe someone who is a writer could get the concept and rewrite it so it doesn't make your eyes bleed and give you a migraine.
Lastly. I may not be a Dom any more but that doesn't mean that I would pass up an opportunity to spank a cute ass.
I apologize for my wanton destruction of the English language. I'm in an odd place at the moment. Well, in my living room but I meant in an odd place mentally and it's distracting me a bit.
I want a cookie and a hug dammit. A good hug, not one of those cheap side hugs with one arm either. A tasty sammich wouldn't hurt either but I'm totally eating the cookie first and damn the rules!!!!
Oh.. is seems that the cat is up to something. She can't be trusted any more. I caught her eating beef jerky and I thing that's a bad sign.
You guys all have fun and someone go and rescue SW from the damn hospital. I bet they haven't even let him spank the nurses and we all know that would just be therapy for him. I bet he's thought about it too. Nurse outfit, little white hat projecting a sense of innocence. Poor guy must be going nuts. It would be like locking a fat kid in a candy store for a weekend but only giving him enough chain where his fingers could just slightly brush up against the candy bins... so close... so tempting.. need it soooooo bad.. maybe I should go read his post first, he might have already caught one and given a sound thrashing upon her backside.
