Best/safest way to meet a man?

[minn]

Please bear with me as I am somewhat naive when it comes to meeting another man for sex.

Let me back up a little. I am happily married with grown children. You may ask, "if you are happily married, why would you want to meet another person for sex much less a man!?" Those are legitimate questions. Here are my answers. My wife can no longer have sex (medical reasons). I really miss it, I do. But, at the same time, I have a strong urge for sex even at the age of almost 60. So far I have managed with on line porno and masturbation. As most of you know, it's good in a pinch but not the same as sex with another. We are great friends with the only thing missing being the sex. I don't want to lose her nor do I want to lose the love of my children. As for sex with a man, here is my answer.

A few years ago I met a man while on a business trip. Nice guy, personable, intelligent and well traveled. We hit it off and, long story short, I ended up in his room after a night of drinking wine and closing the hotel bar. We ended up having a great bout of oral sex - 69 to be exact. It was an amazing sexual experience for me that, years later, I still think about. Those men out there that have ever had a penis in their mouth know what I am talking about. While I love oral sex with a woman, I really love oral sex with a man. Some of you will thing I am nuts and some of you will say "I have been there and know exactly what you mean". Most men, and women, fantasize on occasion about having sex with the same sex. It's not disgusting, it's human.

I would like to meet a man who I can have a good sexual relationship with. Someone who can be as discreet as I need to be (i.e. another married man? Based upon this site I know there are plenty of married men out there who would love this but are as scared as I am). I know I enjoy giving and receiving oral sex from a man. As far as anal sex, I am not sure of that but, with the right man, I could see it happening.

What should I do? Where should I look? Craig's list seems to be a lot of horny guys looking for one night stands. What can I trust? Where should I go? I live in Minnesota which has one of the largest gay populations in the country (minneapolis/St. Paul) but I am looking for someone in my situation. A married guy who has the same needs, the same urges that I do and would be a good person to get to spend time with.

Thank You!

 

[southernyankee]

I don't know how to meet one either. I know they are out there, but want discrete, safe.

 

[larrycando]

meeting

Post and ad on Craigslist and be careful of who you meet. Create a different email address completely separate of any email addresses you currently use for personal or business.

It works. I am originally from South Dakota, but live here in Seattle, otherwise I would agree to meet you for a cup of coffee to discuss your need.

 

[sarod]

Same situation. Idaho anyone?

 

[none2_none2]

Given that you need descression I think however you go about meeting people you need to go slow. On one hand I think you want to establish some kind of online friendship for a while to get a better understanding of how that individual handles things such as discression. Realize that even two married guys don't handle it the same way.

Some are so paranoid that they are looking for someone to get it on during an hour lunch break. For some that is fine, but for other's that is more like a race to orgasm than trying to enjoy sex. I was with plenty of guys in that category when I was young, but if I was looking for sex on the side now, I couldn't deal with it. Perhaps it is my age (51). I cannot just spit on it, stick it in, pump, and get off. I need some foreplay.

There are also similar guys who can cancel on a dime because family has stopped by. While perhaps if you are both married, you can relate to that. However, if that happens with regular frequency, you can get really frustrated.

There are also similar guys who over time are prone to wanting more than just sex. Some guys can see sex with a guy as the same as having a tennis partner wether it is one time or a regular interval over a long time. Others over time may want a bit more. I'm not saying they are closeted gay married guys and are wanting a "gay marriage", but simply that for some, you cannot play with the same cock, mouth, ass, hand, (or whatever body part) over time and not see changes in your head and emotions. Either you will get bored with each other's bodies, or you might really start to give a damn about the other man. So for instance if one of you looses your spouse, then what? It would be very difficult to find another wife if you have a f-buddy on the side since most early courtship between men and women requires a lot of time and attention. The man who looses his spouse is going to be more in more need of distractions from his grief. A particular f-buddy may care for a guy in such a circumstance, but not able to give any more time to the relaionsuip. Anyway, we have no control over the future and if a spouse dies or divorces you, but it is something to thing about when you go to look for someone.

I also recommend approaching the other guy first as just someone in a frustrating situation. Don't commit to any get togeter strictlly for sex until you have physically met at least once without that expectation. Why? Because what if the guy is discreet just like you like, but you just cannot get it up with him. He may not be your type -- too tall/short, to fat/thin, too hairy/smooth, too young/old, too hung/not hung enough. too bald/too long a hair, too quite/talkitive. Men come in all shapes and sizes just like women. There are so many things that go into getting a guy hard and especially as guys age, you cannot get it up just for a "pity fuck". You HAVE to be turned on. I say that in all seriousness, because you can make great friendships and then meet, and realize you are about as interested in sex with him as you would be with your own grandmother -- zero interest. Even if you aren in love, it still hurts a man's pride to be turned down. So I find that not having sex on the table for the first physical meeting means that no on gets hurt. If the attraction is mutually there then you'll both be plesantly suprised as opposed to unintentionally hurting one or both of you.

Once you find someone who needs the same level of descression, has the right level of reliability on showing up for appointements, has a similar attitude about longevity for whatever friendship you devdlop, is someone you can get it up with, then the final part is whether you like doing the same things sexually. If you are both fairly new to gay sex, then their isn't much I can say. If you have done it for a while, you may know exactly what you want.

For instance, in my case, I think kissing can be hot. I don't have to have it, but if the guy's idea is that it is gross or taboo it won't sit well with me in the long term. If the guy is more experienced, he may know exactly what he likes and what he doesn't. You have to ask yourself if he knows what he wants, are you going to be compatible? I've known what I liked for a long time. If a guy wants to suck on me, that is fine. However, if he wants me to come that way, he might as well leave because it isn't going to happen. It never was orgasmic for me even when I was younger. If the guy wants to fuck me, it just won't happen. I had plenty of experience with it before 1985 when I last did it. It never was pleasant for me. A lesbian would be more interested in it that I would. On the other hand, fucking a guy is to me my bread and butter of sexual expression. (Of course being gay, it is even a bigger deal for me since I don't have an alternative.) Some may see it as selfish, I see it as knowing my likes and dislikes. Plus for me I'd rather fuck a guy until he comes (even if I don't), than to cum and not get the other guy off. I'm also willing to rim if the guy is truely clean.

I'm not saying this cause I'm looking. I've been in a monogamous relationship with another man for 9 years this coming Labor Day. My point is to give it as an example. I know what I want. Luckliy I have it. You'll will need to figure out as much as you can about what you want, then go find it. I think you'll have less issues with the way you find a guy (ie Craigs list) as you will knowing exactly what you want. That's my two cents.

 

[minn]

Thank you..

Really good and thoughtful response. I appreciate your openness and advice.

 

[Keke56]

Wow

Really good and thoughtful response. I appreciate your openness and advice.

OMG, you sound like me. I wish I was in Minnesota, I'm from Iowa. Love to have some wonderful man to man sex with you !!!!

 

[sisscindy]

I am even further away but know exactly what you mean..our situations are so alike..but literally oceans apart

 

[joshm36]

Same side of the pond as sisscindy in the same predicament !! Such a lovely response none2none2

 

[Avgguymwm]

Same situation here. Married and don't want to get caught. Craigslist does work, I have tried it but it is very risky. From Iowa also.

 

[Bicurious4safeplay]

You could try this...

Create a post on craigslist that you want to find a regular guy for occasional hook ups. Stress that you are not looking for a one night suck and go (most guys are).

Meeting for the first time is usually a big hurdle to get over, so I tried this... I told guys that showed interest in my ad to show up at a store between let's say 2:00 - 2:30 wearing a blue hat. I would tell them that if I was interested that I would say something about their hat. If they in turn were interested, they could ask me "Do you have the time?" I have done it a few times and it worked.

I just liked knowing that I got to screen the guys before making contact.

 

[TransPunkPrincess]

Hi, transgender pancake and queer community activist here.

The best places to meet other people who are like you are 100% at your local queer community spaces; Pride centers and the like. It's about as far as you can get from discreet, but it doesn't get any safer; creeps generally aren't tolerated.

 

[minn]

Good advice! Thank you!

 

[coati]

IRL option

Here is a 6-step method to meeting a sexual partner that increases the likelihood of actually sustaining the relationship:

Step 1- After you read this post, shut off the device that you used to read it.

Step 2- Keep this device turned off for most of the time, and use the newly acquired time to go outside and do things in real life (IRL) that you really like to do. It could be fishing, hiking, camping, construction, music events, dancing, exercise, classes, hobby groups, yard sales, kayaking, festivals, volunteer work, traveling, skinny dipping, etc.

Step 3- As you meet other men while doing your favorite activities in public settings, exercise and/or develop your social skills the old fashioned way, through direct interaction with others. The more you do it, the better you get at it.

Step 4- Make friends.

Step 5- Communicate with more than just small talk. Talk about your inner life when there is an opportunity to do so. Listen carefully to cues from others that they want to express their inner life. Incorporate touch into your communications.

Step 6- When the topic of sex is raised, express your desires to those you trust, and act on these desires when you feel comfortable and safe to do so with a willing partner.

 

[jhane]

 

[wishywashy]

Sexual Pleasures are knocking at your door....

Please bear with me as I am somewhat naive when it comes to meeting another man for sex.

Let me back up a little. I am happily married with grown children. You may ask, "if you are happily married, why would you want to meet another person for sex much less a man!?" Those are legitimate questions. Here are my answers. My wife can no longer have sex (medical reasons). I really miss it, I do. But, at the same time, I have a strong urge for sex even at the age of almost 60. So far I have managed with on line porno and masturbation. As most of you know, it's good in a pinch but not the same as sex with another. We are great friends with the only thing missing being the sex. I don't want to lose her nor do I want to lose the love of my children. As for sex with a man, here is my answer.

A few years ago I met a man while on a business trip. Nice guy, personable, intelligent and well traveled. We hit it off and, long story short, I ended up in his room after a night of drinking wine and closing the hotel bar. We ended up having a great bout of oral sex - 69 to be exact. It was an amazing sexual experience for me that, years later, I still think about. Those men out there that have ever had a penis in their mouth know what I am talking about. While I love oral sex with a woman, I really love oral sex with a man. Some of you will thing I am nuts and some of you will say "I have been there and know exactly what you mean". Most men, and women, fantasize on occasion about having sex with the same sex. It's not disgusting, it's human.

I would like to meet a man who I can have a good sexual relationship with. Someone who can be as discreet as I need to be (i.e. another married man? Based upon this site I know there are plenty of married men out there who would love this but are as scared as I am). I know I enjoy giving and receiving oral sex from a man. As far as anal sex, I am not sure of that but, with the right man, I could see it happening.

What should I do? Where should I look? Craig's list seems to be a lot of horny guys looking for one night stands. What can I trust? Where should I go? I live in Minnesota which has one of the largest gay populations in the country (minneapolis/St. Paul) but I am looking for someone in my situation. A married guy who has the same needs, the same urges that I do and would be a good person to get to spend time with.

Thank You!

You have said it the same way I feel I'm a MWM of the age of 62 and I've also been looking for the same thing for a long while and haven't found anybody that fit's my standards of the way I feel towards another man

 

[HomerSimpson123]

I don't know how old you are, but I've had my best luck on Silver Daddies.

 

[Carloprove]

I travel for work all the time so I tend to play at least 1000 miles from my home town. I do my research and go to where gay men hang out. Not a night club, but a coffe house etc. I have met some wonderful men, some in my same situation

 

[CuriousBoy7]

Some good advice in here

 

[HardOne3440]

Craigslist is super sketchy. A bunch of freaks and weirdos. I would worry about catching something, getting mugged, or my skin ending up as the guy's lampshade.

Use an app like Grindr - at least you can see their actual location and chat real-time before making the decision to meet up. Is it safer? Seems to be a bit.

I would stay the fuck away from Craigslist.

 

[yukonnights]

I don't know how old you are, but I've had my best luck on Silver Daddies.

Some super advice given in this thread...pat on the back to 'none-to-none' and 'coati' !

I would also second Homer's advice RE: SilverDaddies web site. The men there are typically looking for more than the CL crowd. (I've never done Tinder)

My one addition is; I urge you to really consider the impact the infidelity will have on your own conscience and well being. I know this is a very tough and frustrating situation. I believe that if their is even an inkling of hope that the wife might understand and sanction your desire, it would be a tremendous load off your shoulders. I've faced that challenge and it worked out fine. But, of cousre, each relationship is different.

The overriding theme of all of the good advice here is to make it more about a true friendship first with the mutual understanding that shared intimacy is on the table later if the connection is there. I believe that one needs to take a moment and assess their own personality in more than a superficial way. Are you an introvert or extrovert...more inclined to just one lover or an open relationship with many, etc. The more casual the relationship one get's into, the more risk is involved in regard to STD's. This self awareness will help you find an appropriate match for a FWB. (I speak from experience there, having had some less than wonderful experiences due to not thinking about this in the first place )

Best wishes !

 

[minn]

Some super advice given in this thread...pat on the back to 'none-to-none' and 'coati' !

I would also second Homer's advice RE: SilverDaddies web site. The men there are typically looking for more than the CL crowd. (I've never done Tinder)

My one addition is; I urge you to really consider the impact the infidelity will have on your own conscience and well being. I know this is a very tough and frustrating situation. I believe that if their is even an inkling of hope that the wife might understand and sanction your desire, it would be a tremendous load off your shoulders. I've faced that challenge and it worked out fine. But, of cousre, each relationship is different.

The overriding theme of all of the good advice here is to make it more about a true friendship first with the mutual understanding that shared intimacy is on the table later if the connection is there. I believe that one needs to take a moment and assess their own personality in more than a superficial way. Are you an introvert or extrovert...more inclined to just one lover or an open relationship with many, etc. The more casual the relationship one get's into, the more risk is involved in regard to STD's. This self awareness will help you find an appropriate match for a FWB. (I speak from experience there, having had some less than wonderful experiences due to not thinking about this in the first place )

Best wishes !

Bump!!

 

[mtsnowrider]

You have said it the same way I feel I'm a MWM of the age of 62 and I've also been looking for the same thing for a long while and haven't found anybody that fit's my standards of the way I feel towards another man

This is a rather large boat we are all in. Geography seems to complicate things

 

[james2346]

I have been looking for awhile as well with no luck. Just looking for someone to share a great time with.

 

[satyr82000]

I hooked up with an old buddy I had not seen in a long time. We met at a conference and discovered we both had developed a strong curiosity. It was nothing heavy but enjoyed each other's bodies and agreed we would take it slowly but take advantage of the next opportunity.

I had been curious for a while but uncomfortable with shopping. This was the perfect experience for both of us.

I guess my advice is not to force it, keep an open mind and let the right situation find you.