Best erotica rating system EVAH

[LettersFromTatyana]

Screw lit's star system. IndieReader has a "whips and penises" system, where

Each title is rated from 0-5 Penises (from “married sex” to “I think I just saw Jesus”) and 0-5 Whips (from no B/D or S/M to bossed around to fuzzy handcuffs to “Could someone please call the cops)”.

Regardless of whether you agree with the ratings of the books they include (WARNING: contains 50 SOG trigger; readers like LC68 should not click through), it's pretty entertaining to see this below a book:


SCORE: 4 Whips, 5 Penises

(Though I totally don't get the chair . . . .)

 

[MaxSebastian]

What if you're not into whips or penises?

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

What if you're not into whips or penises?

Time to make a vulva gif!

 

[lovecraft68]

Screw lit's star system. IndieReader has a "whips and penises" system, where



Regardless of whether you agree with the ratings of the books they include (WARNING: contains 50 SOG trigger; readers like LC68 should not click through), it's pretty entertaining to see this below a book:


SCORE: 4 Whips, 5 Penises

(Though I totally don't get the chair . . . .)

I am offended with "married sex" being the lowest ranked.

two months ago (our first summer in the new house) someone did indeed call the cops. Because they saw my wife handcuffed to the deck.

we had thought the next door neighbors(the only ones who can see our backyard) were gone for the weekend as they asked me to feed their dog for them and keep an eye on things.

what we didn;t know is their daughter ended up coming home for a few days as a surprise. Guess the surprise was on her

The cops were pretty cool and the younger one was trying so hard not to laugh I thought he was going to choke. The wife was not amused, fortunately timing was everything and I'd un-cuffed her just before they got there. Although she was wearing a short robe and black fishnets while we were talking to them and I was wearing jeans and a chest harness.

and no they are not going to publish an article that, that book has sparked the sex life in RI


as for that book I shall no longer speak of?

one wet noodle for a whip and one flaccid penis.

Followed by the ultimate vanilla vote of one solid "down there"

 

[damppanties]

This would have been more fun if the penii were flaccid to semi-erect to erect though.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

Because they saw my wife handcuffed to the deck.
...
what we didn;t know is their daughter ended up coming home for a few days as a surprise.

Better check YouTube. The video might have gone viral.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

Each title is rated from 0-5 Penises (from “married sex” to “I think I just saw Jesus”)

Wouldn't "no sex" rate below "married sex"? Or if that doesn't count, "do it yourself" sex?

 

[damppanties]

Wouldn't "no sex" rate below "married sex"? Or if that doesn't count, "do it yourself" sex?

Do it yourself sex is sometimes better than married sex. Hell, no sex is sometimes better than married sex.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

This would have been more fun if the penii were flaccid to semi-erect to erect though.

YES!

Wouldn't "no sex" rate below "married sex"? Or if that doesn't count, "do it yourself" sex?

Yeah, like LC, I don't really get the married sex = bad, so I think I would have replaced it with "no sex," had it been my rating system.

 

[rot_teufel]

(Though I totally don't get the chair . . . .)


Lion tamer

 

[lovecraft68]

Better check YouTube. The video might have gone viral.

Wouldn't bother me, I have no shame.

Now my wife, who runs a doctor's office, has her own business as a Councillor for teenage girls and does motivational speaking gigs, might be a little upset.

Good thing it wasn't the night I had her in the dog crate

 

[TE999]

Hell, no sex is sometimes better than married sex.

Which is, more often than not, the same thing.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

This thread has some of the best snark and smart ass I've seen any where on Lit. Where in the hell is my smart ass gene when I really need it. I'm damn sure it will wake me up at 2am. Bastard.

Mike

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

(Though I totally don't get the chair . . . .)


Lion tamer

Er, yes. It was the lion tamer = BDSM thing that I was getting stuck on.

 

[rot_teufel]

Er, yes. It was the lion tamer = BDSM thing that I was getting stuck on.

Maybe he's a MASTER lion tamer.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

And the lion is his pet?

 

[lovecraft68]

Er, yes. It was the lion tamer = BDSM thing that I was getting stuck on.

If it were real BDSM someone would be tied to the chair

 

[TE999]

Did someone just fart?


ps: It would seem the management has turned on a fan; sweeping the offending post away and making my little funny irrelevant. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

 

[TxRad]

Did someone just fart?

If only it was that easy to get rid of.

 

[rot_teufel]

No, it only smells that way.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Maybe he's a MASTER lion tamer.

And the lion is his pet?

If it were real BDSM someone would be tied to the chair

"And now, for my next trick, in the center ring, I will brandish a chair at you like a lion tamer! Cower before me, pet, and remember that your time tied to the chair will be directly proportional to the amount you laugh at how idiotic I look."

 

[rot_teufel]

"And now, for my next trick, in the center ring, I will brandish a chair at you like a lion tamer! Cower before me, pet, and remember that your time tied to the chair will be directly proportional to the amount you laugh at how idiotic I look."

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
How much punishment is that?

 

[Stella_Omega]

And the lion is his pet?

Time to make a vulva gif!

Even funnier would be a series of gifs that range from a flaccid penis next to the vulva, an erect penis next to the vulva, an erect penis next to a blushing pink vulva, and erect penis with its tip inside the vulva, and a fountain erupting from the conjoined genitalia.

...is that five?

 

[sun_sea_sky]

...is that five?

Sorry, lost my train of thought.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

I'm trying to write a story at the same time as reading this thread, and every time you lot make a joke the story branches out into a new, and more bizarre, direction.