Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2002
- Posts
- 11,109
Greetings,
Several folks answered Chicklets thread, "What Keeps You Reading" by saying it was the opening or hook to a story. That got me to thinking (no small feat) about that subject and to wondering about their quality on Literotica.
After spending a few hours skimming the Top List, I've come up with six openings which are, IMHO, pretty damn good. For comparison and contrast, I've stuck the opening to my highest rated story at the bottom of the list. (And before you ask, yes, it was kinda painful.)
While I tried to mix up the categories, the only requirement was that the opening have at least a 4.50 score. While I'll admit to loving WhisperSecret's opening sentence, it's up to you, the dedicated Lit writer, to decide which one you think is the most effective and/or nominate some of your own. Enjoy.
Rumple Foreskin
--
Thank You Jeannie Ch. 11-13
Wm_Sexspear © incest 4.83 1830
Sometimes it's silence that awakens you. Groggily, a few facts trickled into my head. My arm was still draped over Sue, it was pitch black, we weren't moving, it was utterly still... not a sound. When a hint of light brightened the long, right rear window, I finally pieced it together. We'd arrived at Uncle Jake's, Mom and Dad had gone to the house before waking Sue and I.
--
Sweet, Sweet, Sweet Revenge
Thesandman © loving wives 4.79 219
After ten years of marriage, it was over. Towards the end, I did every thing I could think of to try and save the marriage, but to no avail. I'm not an advocate of getting a divorce either, at least not until everything possible has been done to try and keep that from happening. But I had done all that, so when my ex-wife filed, I tried to keep things as amicable as possible. But as they say, there really is no such thing as a good divorce.
--
A Memory of Red
Route66Girl © romance 4.72 160
I can't tell you, as another could, if her eyes danced with pleasure, or even what color they were. But I can tell you how long her legs were, and how soft and supple her curves felt under my hands. I can tell you how cool and silky her long hair was, and about the sweet murmurs of delight she uttered when we touched. And I could go on and on about her delicious scent- a heady mix of vanilla and lavender over the fresh aroma of soap-scrubbed skin. Everything about her left a permanent imprint on my memory, and it's an imprint I am very much looking forward to refreshing.
--
Jazzy Girl Ch. 1
Dixon Carter Lee © novels and novellas 4.74 34
She stood at the microphone, waiting for her cue, worrying a cigarette and gripping the mike stand like a spear. The girl was a study in opposites with blood red lips set against a pale, white face, and smart, sharp features buried under a sweep of messy brown hair. Her sensual arms and neck hinted at a curvy figure beneath a frumpy black t-shirt and jeans. She was instinctually sexual, but her keen, gray eyes burned with a sober intelligence. She was a seductive fusion of dark and pale, calm and chaos, sex and brains. To me she was jazz incarnate. I didn't know her name, but as I stared her, waiting for her to sing, worshipping at the Altar of the Eclectic, I reverently dubbed her "Jazzy Girl".
--
An Acidic Tiger
KillerMuffin © non-erotic 4.51 84
The dark always brought the fear, the stale tension, the hatred, and the helplessness. Nothing stopped it, not a nightlight, not hiding, not even the comforting radio. It was inexorable as sunset.
--
Talisman Ch. 9: Lucas Drake
Whispersecret © chain stories 4.78 114
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen her naked before.
He’d often been subjected to Maddy Taylor’s bare-bottom baby pictures. He’d seen the stuffed animals on her bed. (Hell, he’d even given a couple of them to her.) He even tried to curb his language when he was around her. As a result, even though she was eighteen now, he had always thought of himself as a surrogate big brother to her.
--
Nurse Nailed
Rumple Foreskin © interracial love 4.54 144
I couldn’t believe what was happening. There I was, hauling ass across town, dodging drunk drivers and running red lights, while this sexy white nurse named Donna Faircloth was gobbling on my Johnson like it was the last dark meat on earth and she hadn’t eating in a month.
Several folks answered Chicklets thread, "What Keeps You Reading" by saying it was the opening or hook to a story. That got me to thinking (no small feat) about that subject and to wondering about their quality on Literotica.
After spending a few hours skimming the Top List, I've come up with six openings which are, IMHO, pretty damn good. For comparison and contrast, I've stuck the opening to my highest rated story at the bottom of the list. (And before you ask, yes, it was kinda painful.)
While I tried to mix up the categories, the only requirement was that the opening have at least a 4.50 score. While I'll admit to loving WhisperSecret's opening sentence, it's up to you, the dedicated Lit writer, to decide which one you think is the most effective and/or nominate some of your own. Enjoy.
Rumple Foreskin
--
Thank You Jeannie Ch. 11-13
Wm_Sexspear © incest 4.83 1830
Sometimes it's silence that awakens you. Groggily, a few facts trickled into my head. My arm was still draped over Sue, it was pitch black, we weren't moving, it was utterly still... not a sound. When a hint of light brightened the long, right rear window, I finally pieced it together. We'd arrived at Uncle Jake's, Mom and Dad had gone to the house before waking Sue and I.
--
Sweet, Sweet, Sweet Revenge
Thesandman © loving wives 4.79 219
After ten years of marriage, it was over. Towards the end, I did every thing I could think of to try and save the marriage, but to no avail. I'm not an advocate of getting a divorce either, at least not until everything possible has been done to try and keep that from happening. But I had done all that, so when my ex-wife filed, I tried to keep things as amicable as possible. But as they say, there really is no such thing as a good divorce.
--
A Memory of Red
Route66Girl © romance 4.72 160
I can't tell you, as another could, if her eyes danced with pleasure, or even what color they were. But I can tell you how long her legs were, and how soft and supple her curves felt under my hands. I can tell you how cool and silky her long hair was, and about the sweet murmurs of delight she uttered when we touched. And I could go on and on about her delicious scent- a heady mix of vanilla and lavender over the fresh aroma of soap-scrubbed skin. Everything about her left a permanent imprint on my memory, and it's an imprint I am very much looking forward to refreshing.
--
Jazzy Girl Ch. 1
Dixon Carter Lee © novels and novellas 4.74 34
She stood at the microphone, waiting for her cue, worrying a cigarette and gripping the mike stand like a spear. The girl was a study in opposites with blood red lips set against a pale, white face, and smart, sharp features buried under a sweep of messy brown hair. Her sensual arms and neck hinted at a curvy figure beneath a frumpy black t-shirt and jeans. She was instinctually sexual, but her keen, gray eyes burned with a sober intelligence. She was a seductive fusion of dark and pale, calm and chaos, sex and brains. To me she was jazz incarnate. I didn't know her name, but as I stared her, waiting for her to sing, worshipping at the Altar of the Eclectic, I reverently dubbed her "Jazzy Girl".
--
An Acidic Tiger
KillerMuffin © non-erotic 4.51 84
The dark always brought the fear, the stale tension, the hatred, and the helplessness. Nothing stopped it, not a nightlight, not hiding, not even the comforting radio. It was inexorable as sunset.
--
Talisman Ch. 9: Lucas Drake
Whispersecret © chain stories 4.78 114
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen her naked before.
He’d often been subjected to Maddy Taylor’s bare-bottom baby pictures. He’d seen the stuffed animals on her bed. (Hell, he’d even given a couple of them to her.) He even tried to curb his language when he was around her. As a result, even though she was eighteen now, he had always thought of himself as a surrogate big brother to her.
--
Nurse Nailed
Rumple Foreskin © interracial love 4.54 144
I couldn’t believe what was happening. There I was, hauling ass across town, dodging drunk drivers and running red lights, while this sexy white nurse named Donna Faircloth was gobbling on my Johnson like it was the last dark meat on earth and she hadn’t eating in a month.
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