just finished reading a slew of classic sci-fi books. thought i would try my hand at it...
was wondering what other people think about it. truthfully, the stuff is fun to write...but is hard to evaluate myself. any comments/crit would be greatly welcome. havent really thought of a title for this beastie yet either, so help with that would also be very welcome
Here is the text (two segments so far):
She made no pretense at hiding her fascination for the errant starships of the Imperial Navy as they flitted to and fro above the surface of Luna. She had committed her career to Imperial Intelligence when she first came of age to apply to the Imperial Academy on Mars. Still, she knew that had she not been selected for the Special Services, she would have applied to the Naval Academy. As such, her career as an Imperial Operative did not allow her to explore the vast recesses of space as she was wont to do from time to time.
Her reverie was interrupted as the shuttle pilot cleared his throat. “We are approaching the surface and will dock shortly, Lieutenant.”
She thanked the man perfunctorily, and then returned her gaze to the sight before her. Luna was the only satellite orbiting Imperial Center, and had long ago been hollowed out by the Terran Empire to house the headquarters of the Imperial Navy as well as the largest stardock and shipyards in the quadrant. The pilot surrendered control of the ship to Luna’s traffic-directing supercomputers as the shuttle descended into one of the many mile-wide holes that peppered the surface of Luna. She had seen the holes from orbit and was immediately impressed by their sheer diameter. Some were miles wide; large enough to accommodate even the largest capital ships in the fleet. With all of the holes drilled into its surface, not to mention the fact that the interior long ago been completely removed, Luna had lost its natural structural integrity. The superstructure of the planetoid was now reinforced and maintained by a slew of Graviton generators, that also served the purpose of modulating the orbit of the behemoth space station so that it did not veer off course and either smash into Imperial Center or careen off into open space.
As the cockpit of the shuttlecraft was plunged into darkness, the pilot activated the interior cabin lights. She could not discern how long their descent lasted, but she estimated that they were at least a few miles below the surface before the shuttle glided smoothly into one of the docking bays. She chuckled to herself as the similarity between Luna and human lungs suddenly came to her. Both systems conducted life-giving elements in through huge passageways that then branched off into increasingly smaller conduits where the actual exchange between waste and valuable resources could be made. The analogy made her quite aware that she was now enclosed in the biggest, most powerful creation by man in the known galaxy.
The pilot saluted her as she exited the craft and, for the first time in her life, set foot on Imperial Center’s legendary stellar companion. Her sense of awe was short-lived, as she was immediately beckoned forward by a man at the base of the shuttle’s loading/unloading elevator.
“Lieutenant Suil. I am Commander Trent, undersecretary to the admiralty.” She deftly placed the small duffel she had been carrying onto the ground and saluted smartly.
“Lieutenant Inara Suil reporting for duty, sir.”
“At ease, Lieutenant. I have been instructed to bring you before Admiral Tavick as soon as you arrived. Please understand, the nature of your visit to Naval Command is sensitive. Any conversations with the Admiral, his staff, or even me must be kept in strict confidence until such time as you are debriefed. Follow me, and do not bother with your belongings. You will not need them.”
He did not wait for her to respond, as he turned about-face and briskly strode down the corridor. She dutifully followed, leaving her satchel on the floor where she had placed it.
SEGMENT TWO:
Admiral Tavick was not an impressive man to look at. He had an impressive gut, with equally impressive eyebrows. Overall, he looked ridiculous. Hard to believe he was one of the most powerful men in the Empire.
“Ah, Lieutenant, it is good to see you have finally arrived. At ease, you may take a seat.” She found his voice to be nasal and entirely unpleasant. She carefully controlled her facial expressions, not wanting to display any overt evidence of her distaste for the man. As per his instructions, she took a seat at the table and carefully inspected each of the man at the table, only one of whom she recognized.
The five Naval officers were, of course, unknown to her. Their badges informed her they were of high rank; two vice-admirals, two commanders (including Commander Trent), and one officer of unmarked rank. The man she did recognize was not personally known to her, though she had seen him once or twice before. Colonel Dravitz was, after all, director of Imperial Intelligence FieldOps.
A sense of nervousness pervaded her senses as she studied each of the men in front of her. They were all important (even the unranked Naval man who, she suspected, was probably more important than the rest). Why would they want to meet with a lowly field operative such as herself? Why had she been pulled off of assignment in Alpha Centauri, shipped all the way back to Fleet Headquarters, and then assembled with arguably some of the most important men in the Empire?
Her gaze came to rest on Tavick, as he took the seat directly across from her. “No doubt, Liuetenant, you are wondering as to why we have summoned you here.”
She was about to respond, but he cut her off. “A matter of some urgency has developed in the Corialis system. Your dossier indicates you are from Cialin, a planet in this system. Tell me, what do you know of Prince Daven?”
The question surprised her, and she took a moment to collect her thoughts. Prince Daven was the Imperial ruler of the Corialis system. He was some distant relative or other of the Emperor, and as such had been rewarded with the system as his own personal fiefdom. Corialis itself was one of the more prosperous sectors, and was also the industrial heart of the Terran Empire. “He is the Emperor’s appointed ruler of the Corialis sector. He succeeded his father, who was killed three years ago in a naval engagement against Kallassian confederates outside the Glotarm nebula. The Prince’s rule has been mostly unremarkable.”
Tavick’s large bug-like eyes glinted in the light of the room. “You are correct all except that last part. Imperial Intelligence has received reports that the Prince has been planning a coup against his majesty, the Emperor, and his illustrious family. These reports have not yet been confirmed or denied, as they were only recently discovered on the body of one of our agents. Needless to say, if Daven moves against Imperial Center, the results would be catastrophic.”
“Understood, sir. What would you have me do?”
“We need further proof of the Prince’s treachery before we can openly move against him. He is still royalty, which makes this situation understandably delicate to handle. Your assignment is to collect this proof and, if verified, cut the problem at the source. If Daven is a threat, you may have to eliminate him. Is this understood?”
“Perfectly, sir.” She hid the shock that was overwhelming her from the assemblage as best she could. Assassinations were nothing new for the Special Service, but to kill an Imperial heir?
“We have chosen you for this mission for three main reasons. Primarily, you are a local and will know more about the customs of the system than an outsider. Secondly, your psych evaluations show an unflagging loyalty to the Emperor. No slip-ups can be tolerated on this operation. The security of the empire is at stake. Finally, and this will play into your cover while you investigate the prince, you have a few physical attributes that naturally will endear you to the Prince’s heart. He is a known philanderer, and has been known to have a loose tongue around his female companions. His psych report indicates he has a taste for women of your approximate build and features. When you arrive at Davenport in the Corialis sector, your specific task will be to locate him, and try to obtain either corroboration or contradiction to our suspicions.”
“Understood, sir. May I ask, how will I enter the Prince’s companionship without provoking the suspicion of his advisers?”
Tavick opened his mouth to answer her question but was interrupted by Colonel Dravitz. “If I may, Admiral Tavick?” the admiral nodded his head and Dravitz continued, “Our agents in Corialis have created a cover for you. You will be presented to the Prince and his associates as Ms Liana Osworn, the daughter of a successful industrialist and merchant. We have arranged for you to meet the Prince at a local celebration he is sponsoring in memorial of his father’s passing.”
was wondering what other people think about it. truthfully, the stuff is fun to write...but is hard to evaluate myself. any comments/crit would be greatly welcome. havent really thought of a title for this beastie yet either, so help with that would also be very welcome
Here is the text (two segments so far):
She made no pretense at hiding her fascination for the errant starships of the Imperial Navy as they flitted to and fro above the surface of Luna. She had committed her career to Imperial Intelligence when she first came of age to apply to the Imperial Academy on Mars. Still, she knew that had she not been selected for the Special Services, she would have applied to the Naval Academy. As such, her career as an Imperial Operative did not allow her to explore the vast recesses of space as she was wont to do from time to time.
Her reverie was interrupted as the shuttle pilot cleared his throat. “We are approaching the surface and will dock shortly, Lieutenant.”
She thanked the man perfunctorily, and then returned her gaze to the sight before her. Luna was the only satellite orbiting Imperial Center, and had long ago been hollowed out by the Terran Empire to house the headquarters of the Imperial Navy as well as the largest stardock and shipyards in the quadrant. The pilot surrendered control of the ship to Luna’s traffic-directing supercomputers as the shuttle descended into one of the many mile-wide holes that peppered the surface of Luna. She had seen the holes from orbit and was immediately impressed by their sheer diameter. Some were miles wide; large enough to accommodate even the largest capital ships in the fleet. With all of the holes drilled into its surface, not to mention the fact that the interior long ago been completely removed, Luna had lost its natural structural integrity. The superstructure of the planetoid was now reinforced and maintained by a slew of Graviton generators, that also served the purpose of modulating the orbit of the behemoth space station so that it did not veer off course and either smash into Imperial Center or careen off into open space.
As the cockpit of the shuttlecraft was plunged into darkness, the pilot activated the interior cabin lights. She could not discern how long their descent lasted, but she estimated that they were at least a few miles below the surface before the shuttle glided smoothly into one of the docking bays. She chuckled to herself as the similarity between Luna and human lungs suddenly came to her. Both systems conducted life-giving elements in through huge passageways that then branched off into increasingly smaller conduits where the actual exchange between waste and valuable resources could be made. The analogy made her quite aware that she was now enclosed in the biggest, most powerful creation by man in the known galaxy.
The pilot saluted her as she exited the craft and, for the first time in her life, set foot on Imperial Center’s legendary stellar companion. Her sense of awe was short-lived, as she was immediately beckoned forward by a man at the base of the shuttle’s loading/unloading elevator.
“Lieutenant Suil. I am Commander Trent, undersecretary to the admiralty.” She deftly placed the small duffel she had been carrying onto the ground and saluted smartly.
“Lieutenant Inara Suil reporting for duty, sir.”
“At ease, Lieutenant. I have been instructed to bring you before Admiral Tavick as soon as you arrived. Please understand, the nature of your visit to Naval Command is sensitive. Any conversations with the Admiral, his staff, or even me must be kept in strict confidence until such time as you are debriefed. Follow me, and do not bother with your belongings. You will not need them.”
He did not wait for her to respond, as he turned about-face and briskly strode down the corridor. She dutifully followed, leaving her satchel on the floor where she had placed it.
SEGMENT TWO:
Admiral Tavick was not an impressive man to look at. He had an impressive gut, with equally impressive eyebrows. Overall, he looked ridiculous. Hard to believe he was one of the most powerful men in the Empire.
“Ah, Lieutenant, it is good to see you have finally arrived. At ease, you may take a seat.” She found his voice to be nasal and entirely unpleasant. She carefully controlled her facial expressions, not wanting to display any overt evidence of her distaste for the man. As per his instructions, she took a seat at the table and carefully inspected each of the man at the table, only one of whom she recognized.
The five Naval officers were, of course, unknown to her. Their badges informed her they were of high rank; two vice-admirals, two commanders (including Commander Trent), and one officer of unmarked rank. The man she did recognize was not personally known to her, though she had seen him once or twice before. Colonel Dravitz was, after all, director of Imperial Intelligence FieldOps.
A sense of nervousness pervaded her senses as she studied each of the men in front of her. They were all important (even the unranked Naval man who, she suspected, was probably more important than the rest). Why would they want to meet with a lowly field operative such as herself? Why had she been pulled off of assignment in Alpha Centauri, shipped all the way back to Fleet Headquarters, and then assembled with arguably some of the most important men in the Empire?
Her gaze came to rest on Tavick, as he took the seat directly across from her. “No doubt, Liuetenant, you are wondering as to why we have summoned you here.”
She was about to respond, but he cut her off. “A matter of some urgency has developed in the Corialis system. Your dossier indicates you are from Cialin, a planet in this system. Tell me, what do you know of Prince Daven?”
The question surprised her, and she took a moment to collect her thoughts. Prince Daven was the Imperial ruler of the Corialis system. He was some distant relative or other of the Emperor, and as such had been rewarded with the system as his own personal fiefdom. Corialis itself was one of the more prosperous sectors, and was also the industrial heart of the Terran Empire. “He is the Emperor’s appointed ruler of the Corialis sector. He succeeded his father, who was killed three years ago in a naval engagement against Kallassian confederates outside the Glotarm nebula. The Prince’s rule has been mostly unremarkable.”
Tavick’s large bug-like eyes glinted in the light of the room. “You are correct all except that last part. Imperial Intelligence has received reports that the Prince has been planning a coup against his majesty, the Emperor, and his illustrious family. These reports have not yet been confirmed or denied, as they were only recently discovered on the body of one of our agents. Needless to say, if Daven moves against Imperial Center, the results would be catastrophic.”
“Understood, sir. What would you have me do?”
“We need further proof of the Prince’s treachery before we can openly move against him. He is still royalty, which makes this situation understandably delicate to handle. Your assignment is to collect this proof and, if verified, cut the problem at the source. If Daven is a threat, you may have to eliminate him. Is this understood?”
“Perfectly, sir.” She hid the shock that was overwhelming her from the assemblage as best she could. Assassinations were nothing new for the Special Service, but to kill an Imperial heir?
“We have chosen you for this mission for three main reasons. Primarily, you are a local and will know more about the customs of the system than an outsider. Secondly, your psych evaluations show an unflagging loyalty to the Emperor. No slip-ups can be tolerated on this operation. The security of the empire is at stake. Finally, and this will play into your cover while you investigate the prince, you have a few physical attributes that naturally will endear you to the Prince’s heart. He is a known philanderer, and has been known to have a loose tongue around his female companions. His psych report indicates he has a taste for women of your approximate build and features. When you arrive at Davenport in the Corialis sector, your specific task will be to locate him, and try to obtain either corroboration or contradiction to our suspicions.”
“Understood, sir. May I ask, how will I enter the Prince’s companionship without provoking the suspicion of his advisers?”
Tavick opened his mouth to answer her question but was interrupted by Colonel Dravitz. “If I may, Admiral Tavick?” the admiral nodded his head and Dravitz continued, “Our agents in Corialis have created a cover for you. You will be presented to the Prince and his associates as Ms Liana Osworn, the daughter of a successful industrialist and merchant. We have arranged for you to meet the Prince at a local celebration he is sponsoring in memorial of his father’s passing.”
