Beginner poet

[Cieramoon]

I decided to be brave and post a poem, I'm a beginner so comments are welcomed, it is short & sweet.

Thanks!

us
you, me
become a piercing light
the air around us
crackles and sizzles
for what it is
a consuming fire
tempting others
they are drawn to us
creating jealousy
they go unnoticed
apart we are strong
together invincible
in the end, there is only
us

 

[WickedEve]

When I read this I found myself focusing on:
"become a piercing light
the air around us"
I think this is your strongest part of the poem. It has a nice sound to it.

The poem is nice and not bad at all for a beginner poet. I think as you work on your poetry you'll really start writing some very good pieces. I hope you stick around, Cieramoon.

 

[Cieramoon]

Thank you...that is a great idea, maybe I will take that part out and start a new one.