Before Burning the Journal...

Niles_Canyon

Virgin
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Posts
2
Hot as hell but Spring cleaning time, and after doing all the furniture moving before noon, I spent the sunny afternoon reading through my journal before burning it. I liked this piece and thought I'd share. I obviously don't do this for a living, but feel free to critique, comment, add pointers, or what-have-you. Thanks!

---
Touch lightly
Easy to sting, hard to heal
One to leave, two to come together
Sensitive, and all people are
But not like this, like us

Personal rights over relationship rights
We do what we want
Sometimes together, infrequently apart
A little disagreement is more than a lot of agreement
In dissolution or resolution

Exasperation
Another's final words
We're out like a light, we're out for the evening
Because worse than the above, we're all finding it hard
to believe and admit when we're wrong
It never crosses our minds
 
Yes, I quite like this one. The rhythm is a bit too jerky in places for me, and I'm not sure about 'all' in the third to last line. Don't you mean 'both' again? 'All' makes it sound as though it's about a committee all of a sudden. But, yes, don't throw it away — one day, thirty years hence, you will want to know how you felt back then and this will be your best reminder.

Eluard
 
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