Been working on this one off and on for years

[TRYTSTYN]

ever have a story you struggle with? I have been working on this for about 2 or 3 years and just never seem to be able to put it to bed

my main character is just a good old boy from the hill country on the WV/Tennessee border (feud country) and lives by a strict moral code

basic premise is a man with hereditary schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia) which doesn't manifest (show symptoms) until he catches his wife cheating. At that point an alternate identity (multiple personality disorder or as some of us call them an inside person) comes out to shield him from what he is seeing and take revenge

now this multiple personality (inside person) also has paranoid delusions in that he thinks he is a spirit that has lived through multiple generations of the mans family (you didn't realize a delusion could be delusional or a schizophrenic alternate identity could also have schizophrenia?) and helped the mans great grandfather kill his cheating wife

he then goes on a killing spree sandwiching his wife's and her lovers deaths in the midst of a series of random sniper attacks so that they appear random as well. The man himself is unaware of the attacks as it is the inside person doing them, just that he has blackouts or times he is unaware of what is happening

the murders themselves are described as news reports which the man watches and obviously when his wife is killed he is drawn into the investigation to the point where he begins to search for the killer, himself. But is is unaware of doing it and even passes a lie detector test in that he doesn't know what he has done

having lived with a person with schizophrenia and multiple personalities I have some insight as to the whole thought process (although thankfully their inside people are rather sweet and not homicidal maniacs) so I think I can bring some reality to an unreal situation but I just keep struggling with this one

 

[justspitballing]

Well, as a long time horror fan I got to say, this sounds like a disturbing horror movie plot to a T. I would just approach it that way. Don't do any sex scenes. This is not a sex story, and it doesn't have to be.

The interesting idea here is the story teller doesn't know what's happening. I would say PLAY UP on that. I would also say don't have him as the killer. There are enough stories of someone with split personalities being a killer. Have him think he could be, but it's actually not him and he slowly solves the mystery of who the real killer is but nobody believes him because he is mentally unstable.

That's a good horror story.

 

[TRYTSTYN]

That would be an interesting take but I am actually going the reverse. No one thinks he is the killer because he so mentally stable. He appears completely normal and reacts normally as you would expect someone would to his wife’s death

But yes it really doesn’t have any sex. It is a schizophrenic thriller not a sex story

What i am struggling with most is I am writing it as two people telling it. The man himself and his alternate personality. So instead of writing it as one person telling a story I am writing it as two, one who knows what the other thinks, and one who doesn’t know the other exists

 

[gunhilltrain]

Well, as a long time horror fan I got to say, this sounds like a disturbing horror movie plot to a T. I would just approach it that way. Don't do any sex scenes. This is not a sex story, and it doesn't have to be.

The interesting idea here is the story teller doesn't know what's happening. I would say PLAY UP on that. I would also say don't have him as the killer. There are enough stories of someone with split personalities being a killer. Have him think he could be, but it's actually not him and he slowly solves the mystery of who the real killer is but nobody believes him because he is mentally unstable.

That's a good horror story.

It would really have to be a neat twist for someone else to actually be doing the killing. You'd have to figure out who that person is and what their motivation was. Offhand I can't think of what that would be. It sounds like some plot Brian De Palma would have cooked up back in the day.

Keeping it simple and just having the guy be the actual killer - that would work too. A difficult part is the resolution. Does he get away with it or is he eventually caught? Writing it from the point of view of the detectives investigating the case is another option. (Wasn't that done in Zodiac?) Maybe you're too far along to change directions in that way now.

 

[TRYTSTYN]

Here's the thing. Is the protagonist schizophrenic and delusional? Or is the delusion, the alternate personality, really the manifestation of some form of demonic spirit that has plagued male members of the same family for generations?

So is the delusion delusional in thinking that he is something more that has existed for hundreds of years? Or is he really a separate entity that has altered and shaped the lives of one family like an ancient Greek tragedy?

Modern science tells us no but as Hamlet says "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy"

So the real element of the story is not who did the crime and if they get caught, that is the framing device. The true element is if the alternate personality is real or delusion. This is the scene I wrote where he first appears (Daniel is the man Michael the alternate personality):

"I had never taken control of Daniel before. It was exhilarating and wonderful and terrible all at the same time. It had been so many years, but I was able to breathe again, and touch, and smell. The florist Daniel had stopped at was in a little strip mall was in Hillcrest. Next to it was a Motel 6 and down the street was a Walmart. As we sat in the truck we saw Colleen’s little Subaru pull into the Motel 6 parking lot. Colleen got out and walked to room 105 and knocked. Seconds later a man answered, a doctor from the clinic she worked at, and she kissed him and entered the room. Daniel sat there stunned, his life draining out of him, almost unable to breath, and I stepped through the void and took control. Although I had tried to do this before I had never been able to. Daniel had always had such control over himself that he restricted me, even to the point of being unaware of my presence, but the shock had overcome his self-control.
I had been with Daniels great-grandfather when he went through a similar situation. I had killed his wife, and the man she was with, for him, and they hung him for it. They said there was no proof they were lovers and it was just jealousy gone bad, but I knew the truth. I didn’t need to see them doing it to know, she was female, and all females can’t be trusted. But I had let my emotions get the better of me and acted without thinking. I was going to be more careful this time. No one was going to hang my Daniel. This time I would do it better. This time I would do it right so he could walk away. But I still lived by the code. An eye for an eye was my guide and betrayal was strictly repaid. And the slut, and her lover, needed to pay the bill.
I had been with Daniel’s grandfather later in his life as well. But I never had the chance with him to break through to the surface. So, it had been so long since I had been out. It felt good to breath air again, to feel the texture of the steering wheel, to move Daniels body the way I wanted it to go. I had spent so long inside looking out through another’s eyes I had forgotten what it felt like when the eyes were mine.
I drove us to the Walmart parking lot. I had never driven one of these new style trucks before, but I had observed Daniel driving enough to know how to do it. It was so much easier than the old Ford his great-grandfather had; it practically drove itself. You didn’t even need to change gears. I parked the truck.
Daniel was inside now, where I had spent all of my time since I have been with him, but he didn’t know how to control the environment as I did. Where I had rooms and gardens and spaces I inhabited inside his mind, he had only a dark place to go to. He was alone, and frightened. I didn’t want him frightened, but I needed him out of the way for a bit, so I locked him away, deep in the recesses of his mind. I was able to purge the record of what he had seen from his memory, erasing everything that happened after he left the florist. I also needed to plan. I needed to remove Colleen from Daniels life, permanently, but do so in a way that no harm came to him and he could keep his daughter.
For I knew something now. Once the barrier was down, once the trail had been blazed, I would be able to take control again. I had done it before, and I could do it again. And I would. I would remove the slut from his life, and he would never know what had happened. His memory of her would remain pure. I was free. I was in control. I was Michael again. "

 

[gunhilltrain]

Maybe just write it so it's never clear if he's delusional or not. Reminds me of a movie that I can't name right now - I mean I don't remember it. Not the most popular way to go, I know. Even Fight Club resolved the issue eventually.