becoming aroused?

[breezyblue]

Ok this is really really bothering me today but it has been alot recently anyway. I have alot of trouble becoming sexually aroused. Like when i am being stroked and petted i get very excited and love the attention but its not the type of sexual being excited, if that makes any sense at all. I used to get horny all the time when i was younger but recently my sex drive has all but completely dissipated. I still masturbate sometimes but have decreased how often i do so recently because i just feel so frustrated surrounding this whole thing that often i cant cum. So i dont even try. It is horribly upsetting to me because i feel dysfunctional and sad about it; like something is wrong with me or like i am cold or frigid in some way. I love sex and i am just really sad that i cant enjoy it like i want to. And the funny thing is that its not like i am incapable of being mentally aroused; the other day i was dreaming and i had an orgasm in my head and woke up and i was actually cumming without having rubbed myself at all. I dont know what my hangup is but i cant take it any more. I have the most wonderful boyfriend; we've been together for three years now and are very happy so its not relationship conflict or anything like that affecting me. Two things that i have thought of that are contributing to this issue are that i have a past history of sexual trauma when i was much younger; I was raped by my father when i was 10. although i really feel i have moved past that it is possible that it is still getting me mentally even now. and that i am on birth control but recently switched from the depo shot (high levels of hormone) , to the nuva ring which as i understand it is supposed to have much less sexual side effects due to its low hormone levels. Has anyone else had this problem? any advice as to how to get past this?? its possible that i just have to stop worrying about it and it will work itself out in time but right now i am just so frustrated.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

are you on any kind of anti-depressents or anti-anxiety meds?
Those can have an effect on sex drive.

Also - you might be trying to hard... Thinking about this problem way to much. It sounds weird but thinking about it normally makes it so it doesnt happen at all.
I use to have this problem and still do occationally because i try to hard sometimes. Thinking just makes cumming difficult. Try relaxing a bit and just go with the flow.

 

[Paxter]

breezy I wish I could help you on this one, but as I am a man I know nothing about the effects of different sorts of birth control and cannot offer you a womans perspective. However, I do know from past relationships that a woman's sex drive can ebb and flow. I don't think this is something that you should get hung up on as it may be a 'mental' thing and could have a similar effect as men worrying about erectyle disfunction. You could end up in a vicious spiral.

By the way are you taking any other sort of medication?

 

[mynameiskate]

I'm so sorry about your past. Have you sought therapy? It might help. Best of luck to you.

 

[subwannabe]

More than likely it is either a reaction to meds, drugs, alcohol, etc. or a depression related thing. Part of your post seems to indicate depression. It could be something in your life now or it could relate back to your past. Either way, you sound like you need the help of a professional, at least to get you back on track.

 

[lltking]

Becoming aroused

Breezy, Sometimes you have to back off sex for a minute focus on nonsexual things in your life. Clear your head, Sounds like to me you may have too much going on in your head causing a over load and stopping you from being able to focus and really think sexually about how good it feels to be aroused. Take some time off let your imagination kick in.

 

[SweetErika]

It can take a loooooong time for the effects of Depo to wear off. I've known women who have had effects for a year or so after they stopped, so give it some time.

In fact, ALL hormonal BC can decrease libido and arousal. I started the pill when I was 16, and 8 years later when I stopped it, I was shocked at how much my libido and arousal increased! And I was on the lowest dose possible.

So, I'd suggest talking to a doctor about this and giving your hormones more time to stabilize. If that doesn't work, you may want to consider getting off of hormonal BC altogether and giving your system time to clear out and reset itself. After that, you might be able to go back on, or maybe you'll find non-hormonal BC is better for you.

If you think your trauma may be coming up, investigate that and do some work now, before it gets worse. For me, it's very much like losing someone close to me: it comes back periodically, at irregular intervals and initiated by weird things, like waves of grief, and no amount of shoving it down makes it go away. So, I just deal with it when it starts to well up.

 

[Cathleen]

I agree with the others about the mental aspect of this. But since you mentioned a recent change to the nuva ring. I'd check with your doctor or talk with a nurse in the office about what's going on. Also, I'd keep a notebook of things that pop up, it truly helps -- for everyone.

I'd also give some good thought to talking with a counselor - perhaps a 'maintenance' kind of thing.

 

[temp256]

It sounds hormonal to me. I know my libido went from zero to extreme when I started taking estrogen. Talk to your doctor.

 

[breezyblue]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I think that perhaps i am just getting caught up in the vicious cycle that paxter mentioned. I was on wellbutrin for about 5 years when i was younger but as of now i am on no medications except for the nuva ring. I have tried talking to a professional therapist about what was bothering me but was never able to open up to her. mabey now that i am a bit older and handling things better i should try again with somebody different. I have called and talked to my doctor today about this and i don't think they really understand that this is so upsetting to me but they did agree with sweeterika and said that it sometimes takes women a long time to get off the higher levels of hormones and that i should really give it more time. I knew that it could be a while for it to wear off but i had no idea that it could be like a year as SE said; i've been on the ring now for three months, so i am just going to try to relax and try to focus on other things for now, and let my sex drive come back in its own time, if it doesn't improve i am going to try to find a therapist who specializes in past trauma - im sure they must exist, but i guess i will just google ones in my area. I just really hope it doesn't take too long! but i guess worrying can only be detrimental and aggravate my problem. *tries to relax*

 

[SweetErika]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I think that perhaps i am just getting caught up in the vicious cycle that paxter mentioned. I was on wellbutrin for about 5 years when i was younger but as of now i am on no medications except for the nuva ring. I have tried talking to a professional therapist about what was bothering me but was never able to open up to her. mabey now that i am a bit older and handling things better i should try again with somebody different. I have called and talked to my doctor today about this and i don't think they really understand that this is so upsetting to me but they did agree with sweeterika and said that it sometimes takes women a long time to get off the higher levels of hormones and that i should really give it more time. I knew that it could be a while for it to wear off but i had no idea that it could be like a year as SE said; i've been on the ring now for three months, so i am just going to try to relax and try to focus on other things for now, and let my sex drive come back in its own time, if it doesn't improve i am going to try to find a therapist who specializes in past trauma - im sure they must exist, but i guess i will just google ones in my area. I just really hope it doesn't take too long! but i guess worrying can only be detrimental and aggravate my problem. *tries to relax*

Yes, therapists who specialize in sexual abuse/assault and the PTSD that usually goes along with it absolutely do exist, and I wouldn't recommend going to anyone else.

You can find one in your area through http://www.rainn.org - you just put in your location info, and it'll tell you who to contact to find a therapist. I looked there, then called my local sexual assault center's info/crisis hotline, and they hooked me up with an excellent therapist.

Other than that, I'd say continue to masturbate/arouse yourself and find a new doc if your current one isn't taking your concerns seriously. You might have better luck with a female urologist or someone who specializes in women's sexual problems. They can test blood flow to the genitals, hormone levels, etc., to try to narrow down what this relates to if it's not getting better over time.

Have you tried a good vibe? You might need more, or a different type of, stimulation than you have previously. Also, if you get some arousal going, you might find more follows. The "gold standard" of vibes is the Hitachi Magic Wand, and with the attachments, it's a fabulous, versatile, durable, pleasure machine for women AND men, so it shouldn't go to waste, regardless of whether you get off right now or not. For around $50 with two blue, vinyl (sterilizable) attachments, you can't do any better, IMO.

 

[Cathleen]

I'm glad you contacted the doc's office but like Erika said, don't be shy about changing. We don't all jive and that shouldn't ever be seen as 'there are no good doctors/therapists/whatever' nor should it be construed that there is something wrong with you, (or them for that matter). It only means we connect with some people better or more naturally, those are the people to keep.

I just had a thought about seeing a therapist (I whole heartedly agree), maybe adding a yoga group too - doesn't have to be at the same time, but yoga works wonders in wonderful ways. We can become open to how our bodies respond and that they respond differently on any given day. Connecting body, spirit and mind/emotion while working with a therapist enhances our efforts greatly.

I am a true believer that our human trilogy is mind, body and spirit. They all have stuff to 'say', imho.

 

[breezyblue]

ooh cathleen i love your idea about the yoga! - i have been feeling very pent up as of late as well i think. up until recently i had been getting plenty of exercise and running/jogging, bicycling and teaching karate which i loved. School and working lately have sort of got in the way - along with the cold snowy weather it makes it sort of hard to go outside and run around.
I do have a vibrator here and we use it occasionally. It can definitely make me cum but what is moreso the problem is that although i can physically get off i feel disconnected emotionally/mentally. I Will defiantly check into that site you gave me SE, at least to look at it and see what my options are. I am not ready to go for that step yet though i think - i am going to give it some more time and concentrate more on my well being and mental/ happiness state first and see if that helps.

 

[TallGentleman27]

ooh cathleen i love your idea about the yoga! - i have been feeling very pent up as of late as well i think. up until recently i had been getting plenty of exercise and running/jogging, bicycling and teaching karate which i loved. School and working lately have sort of got in the way - along with the cold snowy weather it makes it sort of hard to go outside and run around.
I do have a vibrator here and we use it occasionally. It can definitely make me cum but what is moreso the problem is that although i can physically get off i feel disconnected emotionally/mentally. I Will defiantly check into that site you gave me SE, at least to look at it and see what my options are. I am not ready to go for that step yet though i think - i am going to give it some more time and concentrate more on my well being and mental/ happiness state first and see if that helps.

When my wife does yoga she is usually very aroused if they do hip opening poses.