shereads
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- Jun 6, 2003
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Googling for tasteless joke gifts for a tasteless friend, I found a collection of t-shirts, thongs and wall calendars printed with these "Uber Creepy Bible Verses" offered by Landover Baptist Church, the official satirical house of worship of the Bush family as featured on http://www.whitehouse.org/
If you're offended, please close the thread before you get seriously offended. This is posted with full awareness that there are zillions of Bible verses that are much, much nicer than these. There were no scatological references in the verses I memorized to earn a poster of Jesus holding a baby lamb, or I'd certainly remember.
You've gotta wonder, though; which pages did King James bookmark?
"Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."
MALACHI 2:3
"For everyone that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."
LEVITICUS 20:9
"Hath he not sent me the men which sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?"
2 KINGS 18:27
"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses."
EZEKIEL 23:20
"And if a woman approach any beast and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast too."
LEVITICUS 20:16
"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son...bring him unto the elders of his city...and all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, so that he die; so shalt thou put evil from among you..."
DEUTERONOMY 21:18-21
{Parents: That faith-based "tough love" program where you sent Junior after he shop-lifted the i-pod? When's the last time he phoned home? ~ SR}
"Suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."
Right. Good luck with that, pal. ~ SR
"For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing."
1 TIMOTHY 2:12-15
"And thou shalt eat the fruit of thy body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the Lord thy God hath given thee."
DEUTERONOMY 28:53
Need a thong? Here's the Landover Baptist Church On-Line Store: http://www.cafeshops.com/landoverbaptist/75553
If you're offended, please close the thread before you get seriously offended. This is posted with full awareness that there are zillions of Bible verses that are much, much nicer than these. There were no scatological references in the verses I memorized to earn a poster of Jesus holding a baby lamb, or I'd certainly remember.
You've gotta wonder, though; which pages did King James bookmark?
"Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."
MALACHI 2:3
"For everyone that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."
LEVITICUS 20:9
"Hath he not sent me the men which sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?"
2 KINGS 18:27
"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses."
EZEKIEL 23:20
"And if a woman approach any beast and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast too."
LEVITICUS 20:16
"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son...bring him unto the elders of his city...and all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, so that he die; so shalt thou put evil from among you..."
DEUTERONOMY 21:18-21
{Parents: That faith-based "tough love" program where you sent Junior after he shop-lifted the i-pod? When's the last time he phoned home? ~ SR}
"Suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."
Right. Good luck with that, pal. ~ SR
"For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing."
1 TIMOTHY 2:12-15
"And thou shalt eat the fruit of thy body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the Lord thy God hath given thee."
DEUTERONOMY 28:53
Need a thong? Here's the Landover Baptist Church On-Line Store: http://www.cafeshops.com/landoverbaptist/75553
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