BDSM jargon for the newly kinked and passing Nilla

[KillerMuffin]

This place is in dire need of a glossary. There has been some confusion in the ranks over what words mean. Particularly in my ranks. What in the hell is CBT? TPE? Aaaaahhhh!

So, here are a few words I'd like to see satsifactorily defined to this eclectic group. If anyone can think of anymore, please add them.

I would like to make three requests at this time:

1) Please do not use this to chat, I would like to see a solid referential thread without having to wade through posts that aren't about defining words. Discussing what words mean is okay, but off topic posts aren't very nice.

2) At the bottom of your message box is an options area. There are four radio boxes. The last one says: Show Signature: include your profile signature. Only registered users may have signatures. Please uncheck this box so that those of us who enjoy long signature lines don't force people looking for information to wade through things that have nothing to do with the thread.


3) Please edit the unnecessary stuff out of the posts you quote. Once again, long posts of unnecessary words make it difficult to use this thread as a dictionary.

Thank you! I greatly appreciate your politeness!

And the words:

Dominant
Submissive
Slave
Top
Bottom
TPE
CBT
Control
Power
Consentual
Soft limits
Hard limits and/or Never Go There limits (what's the term?)
Safe word
Color codes

 

[cymbidia]

~snickering and angling for a good place so i can watch the hair splitting that's gonna begin pretty fucking soon~



I mean:

CBT
Cock-Ball Training
Stuff and things on and in and around a msub's cock and balls to "train" him with regard to arousal at times his dominant doesn't wish him to be aroused.


TPE
Total Power Exchange
A situation in which a submissive has given away his.her right to any and all decisions, no matter how slight, with regard to his/her daily life. TPE relationships are never totally and completely TPE; it's just not feasible in today's world unless the slave lives in a cage/closet/kennel/etc during the times when the dominant partner is away. TPE relationships are, however, those in which in which the D/s couple actually live together under the same roof; how could they claim to be TPE and not live together?

 

[Never]

Well, this isn't very helpful. I'll admit to vanillahood now and encourage others to jump in with corrections.

B/D
Bondage and Domination.

Bottom
1. One who is both a masochist and a submissive.
2. One who takes the role of a masochist and/or submissive but is in a mostly vanilla relationship.

CBT – See above.

Color codes
A commonly used set of safe words. Red means stop, yellow means slow down.

Consensual
An informed agreement.

Control
Power over a person or situation.

Dominant:
Male – Dom, Dominant
Female - Domme, Dominatrix <-- Words that end in 'x' are cool.

A dominant is any person that derives strong sexual satisfaction from being in control of another.

D/s
Dominance and submission.

Masochist
One who derives sexual satisfaction from pain.

Sadist:
One who derives sexual satisfaction from inflicting pain.

Safe word
An agreed upon word or phrase that a sub/masochist uses which informs the dom/sadist that the session is to immediately end or that they are to 'slow down'.

Slave
1. A general term for a submissive
2. A specific term for a submissive in a 24/7 or a TPE relationship.

S/M
Sado-Masochism


Submissive:
Male, Female – sub, submissive

A submissive is any person that derives strong sexual satisfaction from relinquishing control to another.

TPE – See above.

Top
1. One who is both a sadist and a dominant.
2. One who takes the role of a sadist and/or dominant but is in a mostly vanilla relationship.

Vanilla:
One who does not consider themselves a member of the BDSM community.

Vanilla with Kink
One who does not consider themselves a member of the BDSM community but enjoys various sexual activities popular in the BDSM community.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Wow, where did that come from? Ahhh, I see, a thread from our Library

Here are a few more helpful links:

The Mother of all Dictionaries--


The Deviant's Dictionary


From our Library, a fantastic glossary--

Lancecastor's Glossary FYI

 

[KillerMuffin]

Fantastic? From tweedledee the wonder misogynist? I don't want anything from him.

 

[Arden]

Bottom
1. One who is both a masochist and a submissive.
2. One who takes the role of a masochist and/or submissive but is in a mostly vanilla relationship.

Some of my thoughts on the term "bottom"...

1) All bottoms are not masochistic. While some may be, others might have a distinct line where they impose limits on pain and/or particular sexual activities.

2) For some, the desire to bottom may come from sexual fantasy. It may be something to explore, to have fun with, but may never go beyond what some would call 'kinky sex'. They may enjoy taking on a submissive role for sexual play, but have no desire to be submissive in any other part of their life.

3) Many that are beginning to explore the D/s lifestyle as a submissive might be considered a 'bottom' as they delve into what motivates them, discover what they want and need to make them feel fufilled mentally, emotionally and sexually. In this case, bottoming may be the first step they take on their journey into submission.

 

[WriterDom]

KM is like beer. She's an acquired taste.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well, at least the occasional brawling is amusing when you're not involved, right?

 

[Never]

*waves to KM* I didn't know you posted here anymore.

AnelizeDarkEyes,
This is a beginner's guide. It's Glossery 'lite' so no one gets overwhelmed.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Shameless plug

Dictionary

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

*waves to KM* I didn't know you posted here anymore.

AnelizeDarkEyes,
This is a beginner's guide. It's Glossery 'lite' so no one gets overwhelmed.

No worries. You know me, I'm just gathering and presenting other sources of info.

Now then, my .02 cents:

Slave
1. A general term for a submissive
2. A specific term for a submissive in a 24/7 or a TPE relationship.

I have a hard time with definition number one of this one, just because most folks would tend to disagree with you. This is one of our most hotly debated subjects--the whole submissive vs. slave issue. While a slave could be said to be submissive, the opposite would not be true. You may wish to change your definition to read (combining numbers 1 and 2)

1. A term for a submissive who freely gives up his/her right to limits or safewords within the context of a 24/7 TPE relationship.

As a submissive myself, I welcome correction from the slaves in our midst of my definition.

~anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

No worries. You know me, I'm just gathering and presenting other sources of info.

Now then, my .02 cents:

Slave
1. A general term for a submissive
2. A specific term for a submissive in a 24/7 or a TPE relationship.

I have a hard time with definition number one of this one, just because most folks would tend to disagree with you. This is one of our most hotly debated subjects--the whole submissive vs. slave issue. While a slave could be said to be submissive, the opposite would not be true. You may wish to change your definition to read (combining numbers 1 and 2)

1. A term for a submissive who freely gives up his/her right to limits or safewords within the context of a 24/7 TPE relationship.

As a submissive myself, I welcome correction from the slaves in our midst of my definition.

~anelize

I think the term slavery defines a type of relationship.

 

[s'lara]

No worries. You know me, I'm just gathering and presenting other sources of info.

Now then, my .02 cents:

Slave
1. A general term for a submissive
2. A specific term for a submissive in a 24/7 or a TPE relationship.

I have a hard time with definition number one of this one, just because most folks would tend to disagree with you. This is one of our most hotly debated subjects--the whole submissive vs. slave issue. While a slave could be said to be submissive, the opposite would not be true. You may wish to change your definition to read (combining numbers 1 and 2)

1. A term for a submissive who freely gives up his/her right to limits or safewords within the context of a 24/7 TPE relationship.

As a submissive myself, I welcome correction from the slaves in our midst of my definition.

~anelize

i would also like to hear from the slaves on this one. i think it was touched on lightly in a few threads, but a slave's viewpoint would be appreciated.

lara

 

[slvjenn]

As my name here would suggest. I consider myself to be His slave, but we aren't 24/7.

I can be his fuck slave, cum slave, house slave, laundry slave, or just plain slave.

We have a safeword, though I've never used it. We do not have specific limits per se. While I could sit here and list both my "hard" and "soft" limits, when it came right down to it, and there I was all floaty and he was getting close to one of those limits, I really do not know, or think I'd safeword. That is actually one of my biggest fears.

I think the word is more of a state of mind. I think that is why when many people who are describing themselves as "a 24/7 slave" do so in such a way, becuase not everyone associates it with only a 24/7 relationship.

 

[Quagmyr]

I've seen some real knock-down drag-out fights over what is or isn't a "slave" vs a "submissive. This one can raise lots of emotional issues. And all the hard-drawn definitions seem to fall apart. But I'll share my view of it to take or leave as you wish.

Slave: a submissive who gets off on regarding him/herself as a slave and playing that role within a BDSM relationship

 

[s'lara]

I've seen some real knock-down drag-out fights over what is or isn't a "slave" vs a "submissive. This one can raise lots of emotional issues. And all the hard-drawn definitions seem to fall apart. But I'll share my view of it to take or leave as you wish.

Slave: a submissive who gets off on regarding him/herself as a slave and playing that role within a BDSM relationship

Ack.

This definition should get some interesting responses.

As a submissive, i think you are way off Q. i will leave it as you suggested.

lara

 

[Quagmyr]

lara, by all means, feel free to argue Opposing viewpoints well expessed are always welcome with me, and useful to us all.

My point, though, is that "submissive" is relatively objective. It's generally clear in a relationship who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. Sure, there are always grey areas but I don't want to get bogged down in rare exceptions.

Try to define almost any line between submissive and slave, however, and the exceptions explode from a rare few to a huge percentage. Suddenly, there are flocks of offended individuals who'll tell you "I'm a slave and you're defining me as a sub, you ignorant expletive!" or vice versa. That's because, often as not, the only meaningful line is drawn in headspace rather than in any objective area.

Thus, I hold that submissives become slaves when they define themselves as such. Because, after all, this is a pretty anarchistic lifestyle anyway. Whatever "rules" there may be are decided between the participants in a relationship and nobody else's matter a damn.

So I accept anyone who feels like a slave and considers themselves a slave to be one. Yes, we've all seen more than an example or two of somebody claiming to be a "slave" in a way that makes the rest of us guffaw snidely under our collective breaths, but so what? That's between that "slave" and that "Owner." As long as they're happy with it, what business is it of ours?

 

[catalina_francisco]

As a slave, guffaws most welcome from the uninitiated gallery but not highly respected, I would say the term is subjective to the individual participants. Our take on it is it is a TPE in that I have given up the right to myself, safewords, rights, and limits. While Master may wish to consider what he thinks appropriate limits for me, it is still his right to decide, not mine, and we live this 24/7.

It is not a reality in word or head alone, but a lived reality where I am completely owned, and I live according to his wishes. The fact he is considerate and wants to value me as a person, and protect his possession in the interests of using me and all I can offer for his pleasure for a long time to come, is a bonus for me, but at no time negates his rights to over ride my desires or needs at will.

My life is his to give or take and he has final say on all issues no matter how difficult that may be for me at times. It is what I sought in a lifestyle partner, and not something to pull out on Saturday nights when there is nothing worth watching on the box. If he chooses to give me a safeword to use for a new activity, that is his choice, not mine, and he knows in doing it I will not use it unless there is extreme serious risk of damage to that which belongs to him and is to protected for his convenience.

Catalina

 

[Quagmyr]

With that arrangement, Catalina, I doubt that you'll be getting any guffaws from anyone you consider worth respect

You are everything I consider a slave to be. I can't imagine anyone here would argue that.

My concern, and my guffaws, were about the "slave" at other end of the spectrum. I bet you've come across her. She and her Master live 800 miles apart and see each other one weekend every 2 months. From her posts you can almost see her topping from the bottom half the time. But she talks to her Master online or on the phone every day and gives him ultimate authority on stuff like "Which of these three tops should I wear tomorrow" and "when should I take off my jeans and masturbate as we talk?" You betcha she has a safeword. And with her Master's level of experience, she should! She says she's a slave.

As the old joke goes, "By her she's a slave. By her master she's a slave. But by a slave, she's no slave."

Still, she feels like a slave. She loves thinking she is. Being called "slave" gets her hot. She has the best orgasms from believing herself to be one.

So I say, when we hand out the labels, let her wear the one that says "Slave." It doesn't diminish what you are and do. Your actions already speak far louder than labels to any who matter.

 

[Ebonyfire]

My concern, and my guffaws, were about the "slave" at other end of the spectrum. I bet you've come across her. She and her Master live 800 miles apart and see each other one weekend every 2 months. From her posts you can almost see her topping from the bottom half the time. But she talks to her Master online or on the phone every day and gives him ultimate authority on stuff like "Which of these three tops should I wear tomorrow" and "when should I take off my jeans and masturbate as we talk?" You betcha she has a safeword. And with her Master's level of experience, she should! She says she's a slave.

As the old joke goes, "By her she's a slave. By her master she's a slave. But by a slave, she's no slave."

Now who does this remind Me of? We had a slave like that who posted long and loud here!



Just a teeny hint

 

[s'lara]

With that arrangement, Catalina, I doubt that you'll be getting any guffaws from anyone you consider worth respect

You are everything I consider a slave to be. I can't imagine anyone here would argue that.

My concern, and my guffaws, were about the "slave" at other end of the spectrum. I bet you've come across her. She and her Master live 800 miles apart and see each other one weekend every 2 months. From her posts you can almost see her topping from the bottom half the time. But she talks to her Master online or on the phone every day and gives him ultimate authority on stuff like "Which of these three tops should I wear tomorrow" and "when should I take off my jeans and masturbate as we talk?" You betcha she has a safeword. And with her Master's level of experience, she should! She says she's a slave.

As the old joke goes, "By her she's a slave. By her master she's a slave. But by a slave, she's no slave."

Still, she feels like a slave. She loves thinking she is. Being called "slave" gets her hot. She has the best orgasms from believing herself to be one.

So I say, when we hand out the labels, let her wear the one that says "Slave." It doesn't diminish what you are and do. Your actions already speak far louder than labels to any who matter.

With this clarification Q, i understand a little better what your previous statement was referencing. Sure, this type of person is prevalent in BDSM circles wherein they adopt the term "slave" or "submissive" to put a label on their sexual leanings. i've seen both terms (sub/slave) used interchangeably by many who feel it's necessary to align themselves with a group.

However, your original post was "ack" worthy in that you defined a slave as a submissive who wanted to play that role. i think Catalina described it clearly enough so that her definition of a slave was apparent to all and i am in agreement in how she defined "slave" in relation to her life with her Master. With her description compared to my own thoughts and ideas about my submission, i know that i am submissive, but not a slave.

Thanks for further expressing you meant.

lara

 

[catalina_francisco]

With that arrangement, Catalina, I doubt that you'll be getting any guffaws from anyone you consider worth respect

You are everything I consider a slave to be. I can't imagine anyone here would argue that.

My concern, and my guffaws, were about the "slave" at other end of the spectrum. I bet you've come across her. She and her Master live 800 miles apart and see each other one weekend every 2 months. From her posts you can almost see her topping from the bottom half the time. But she talks to her Master online or on the phone every day and gives him ultimate authority on stuff like "Which of these three tops should I wear tomorrow" and "when should I take off my jeans and masturbate as we talk?" You betcha she has a safeword. And with her Master's level of experience, she should! She says she's a slave.

As the old joke goes, "By her she's a slave. By her master she's a slave. But by a slave, she's no slave."

Still, she feels like a slave. She loves thinking she is. Being called "slave" gets her hot. She has the best orgasms from believing herself to be one.

So I say, when we hand out the labels, let her wear the one that says "Slave." It doesn't diminish what you are and do. Your actions already speak far louder than labels to any who matter.

Sorry to have mistaken your intent Q. Must admit I did find it a little out of what I expect from you normally and now I know why. Please accept my apology. As to my being a slave, well I try and Master thinks I far outdo any he has known, but as a perfectionist (his words...LOL) I have a long road to travel before I reach the level I think is worthy of his faith in me.

C

 

[kayte]

~snickering and angling for a good place so i can watch the hair splitting that's gonna begin pretty fucking soon~



I mean:

CBT
Cock-Ball Training
Stuff and things on and in and around a msub's cock and balls to "train" him with regard to arousal at times his dominant doesn't wish him to be aroused.


TPE
Total Power Exchange
A situation in which a submissive has given away his.her right to any and all decisions, no matter how slight, with regard to his/her daily life. TPE relationships are never totally and completely TPE; it's just not feasible in today's world unless the slave lives in a cage/closet/kennel/etc during the times when the dominant partner is away. TPE relationships are, however, those in which in which the D/s couple actually live together under the same roof; how could they claim to be TPE and not live together?

It will be fun to watch.....

Remembering to check 'the box'

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Now who does this remind Me of? We had a slave like that who posted long and loud here!



Just a teeny hint

LMAO....... Oh man Eb, that one really needed a spew warning.

 

[Ebonyfire]

LMAO....... Oh man Eb, that one really needed a spew warning.

It was naughty of Me, I know, but I could not resist the urge!

My Bad