BDSM Humor

[SirJeffAk]

So a Dom and his sub were driving home from a dungeon where the sub was really put through the ropes so to speak. The roads were icy and the Dom slid through a red light into the intersection. They were promptly hit by a Baptist minister hurrying home to his wife after visiting a sick church member. All three were killed instantly. They found themselves standing before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter was sitting in a beautiful ornate chair. He asked the minister why he should get into heaven and the minister replied. "I have spent my life in the service of God and I was coming home from the hospital where I was seeing to the sick!" Peter replied "you may go right in my good man." He turned to the sub who was standing with her head bowed. "Why should you get in little one?" "Well Sir I have spent my life serving my master and doing whatever he asks of me. I have cooked, cleaned and done whatever he asks in bed. I have been a good sub." Peter smiled and said "We all need a good sub, you may go right in." Peter turned to the Dom but before he could ask the Dom said "You are sitting in my chair!

 

[SirJeffAk]

Opps I forgot to mention that everyone should add their own jokes to this thread. I made up that first joke so don't be too hard on me...

 

[graceanne]

R O F L M A O

 

[StrayKat]

I dont have any of my own but yours made me chuckle for real.
Men with sense of humor are sexy

 

[WriterDom]

What did the Dom Magician say to the audience?

































I have nothing up my slave.

 

[graceanne]

What did the Dom Magician say to the audience?

I have nothing up my slave.

Oh, lord. That was bad. LOL

 

[missginger2177]

Oh, lord. That was bad. LOL

Seconded.

 

[WriterDom]

Oh, lord. That was bad. LOL

Yeah I used it on the last bdsm humor thread. Everything has been done ten times here.

 

[SirJeffAk]

Thanks for the additions and I figured it had been done but I look back a few pages and didn't find anything. Maybe it was hiding up your slave!!! Ha ha.

 

[graceanne]

Yeah I used it on the last bdsm humor thread. Everything has been done ten times here.

I know. But the OP was one I don't remember hearing. lol I considered posting the redneck dom jokes, but I didn't want to enough to search them out.

 

[SirJeffAk]

graceanne thank you for laughing at my weak attempt at humor. It was fun to make up anyway. Maybe I will search redneck Dom jokes and see what I find. They should be good.

 

[SirJeffAk]

I dont have any of my own but yours made me chuckle for real.
Men with sense of humor are sexy

Thank you for the nice reply. You made my day!!!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Why is a submissive with a red ass and bruised tits happy?

Because the sub is greater than its parts.



Hey, the thread doesn't say "Good BDSM Humor"!

 

[SirJeffAk]

Why is a submissive with a red ass and bruised tits happy?

Because the sub is greater than its parts.



Hey, the thread doesn't say "Good BDSM Humor"!

Ha ha ha. Good one DGE. Your profile is pretty humorous too. If you all have not looked at it you should now. The comic on the right is funny all by itself.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Ha ha ha. Good one DGE. Your profile is pretty humorous too. If you all have not looked at it you should now. The comic on the right is funny all by itself.

Hehehe...thanks. When I first saw that cartoon, I laughed out loud.

 

[SirJeffAk]

It is a good one alright!

 

[neci]

What's the difference between an abusive Husband and a Dom?




















A Restraining Order

 

[WriterDom]

Redneck Sub
If you have ever gone to a play party in curlers and a kerchief, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you count your spankings "1...2...3...the next number...the next
number...the next number...", you just might be a redneck sub.

If your safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma", you might just be redneck sub.

If you know what your Mistress expects from you by the way she belches, you just might be a redneck sub.

If your master tells you to fix him a steak, and you start by loading the shotgun, you just might be a redneck sub.

If fulfilling your master's every whim means picking up a 12-pack and changing the TV channels for him, you might just be a redneck sub.

If you have ever been bound and gagged in the bed of a rusty pick up truck, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever tried to brighten the dungeon decor with a pair of pink flamigos, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever had to use your safeword in order to spit tobacco juice, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever used nipple clamps in order to remove tics from master's huntin' dogs, you just might be a redneck sub.

 

[SirJeffAk]

What's the difference between an abusive Husband and a Dom?

A Restraining Order

I am not sure if I should laugh or cry at this joke. lol

 

[SirJeffAk]

Redneck Sub
If you have ever gone to a play party in curlers and a kerchief, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you count your spankings "1...2...3...the next number...the next
number...the next number...", you just might be a redneck sub.

If your safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma", you might just be redneck sub.

If you know what your Mistress expects from you by the way she belches, you just might be a redneck sub.

If your master tells you to fix him a steak, and you start by loading the shotgun, you just might be a redneck sub.

If fulfilling your master's every whim means picking up a 12-pack and changing the TV channels for him, you might just be a redneck sub.

If you have ever been bound and gagged in the bed of a rusty pick up truck, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever tried to brighten the dungeon decor with a pair of pink flamigos, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever had to use your safeword in order to spit tobacco juice, you just might be a redneck sub.

If you have ever used nipple clamps in order to remove tics from master's huntin' dogs, you just might be a redneck sub.

Ha ha ha. Great jokes there WD

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Why was the sub sandwich excited?

she saw the Dom Perignon start whipping the cream.


Again. There is no "Good" in the thread's title.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

What is a D/s couple's favorite board game?

Anything ending in a tie.

 

[SirJeffAk]

Good one.

What is a D/s couple's favorite board game?

Anything ending in a tie.

Another good one.

 

[SirJeffAk]

Here is another one I made up so be kind.

So a sub walks into a bar. She goes up to the bar and sees a duck. She says "How did you get that hole in your bill?" The duck say "quack!" What did you think it would say ducks can't talk. She turns to the bartender and says "Got any grapes?" The bar tender says "What is with you people. I don't have any grapes!!" The sub walks out of the bar and the bartender admires her ass. The next day the sub walks into the bar and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "Now you are making me mad. What do you think I am the Green Grocer?" The sub leaves the bar with a secret smile on her face. She comes back the next day wearing a very short skirt and again asks the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender is mad now and says "NO I DON"T HAVE ANY GRAPES." She turns to go and the bartender adds "If you come back and ask for grapes again I am going to turn you over one of my bar stools, pull down your panties and give you a good spanking!" The sub covers her bottom and hurries out of the bar. She comes back the next day and bats her eyes and says "Got any grapes?" The bartender laughs and says yes here is a bowl of grapes. The sub says "Got any mangos?" Wait there is more. hee hee The bartender promptly runs around the bar, bends the cute little sub over the nearest stool, pulls up her dress, pulls down her panties and gives her the spanking of her life. Wait there is more. They live happily ever after!

 

[lilsubangel]

What did the Dom Magician say to the audience?





I have nothing up my slave.

Oh, jeez. Boy, i am really bad, because i didn't even notice it said slave. i read it has sleeve, lol. Guess i was conditioned for a canned answer.