BDSM, glorified domestic abuse or contrived controversy?

[Keroin]

Apparently the new video by Eminem and Rihanna has tongues wagging, accusing the duo of glorifying domestic abuse by intermingling sex and violence. (Yes, yawn, we've heard that before).

I read the lyrics to the song and I found it an interesting exploration of the cycle/psychology of abuse.

The video paints a somewhat muddier picture. There's some stuff in there that, to me, had definite BDSM tones to it.

And of course, controversy sells, so I'm sure the muddiness was at least in part intentional.

Regardless of whether or not you like these artists or their style of music, I'm curious to hear what you think of this video. Here it is...

Love the way you lie.



**

 

[FungiUg]

Cycle of abuse, yes. BDSM, no.

There's something that attracts someone within an abusive relationship: the passion, the "love" and depth of emotion. The song does a good job of showing that.

BDSM is a safe exploration of some of that. I don't see any safety in the song, just unrestrained and dangerous passion.

Good song, btw (musically and lyrically), even if not in my preferred style.

 

[richard_daily]

I don't really see a BDSM theme to the video... other than some violent sexuality.

The video and lyrics are definitely of the "run-of-the-mill" domestic abuse variety, and show a lot of examples of mental issues (the screaming and crying, etc)... Not that elements of that certainly don't exist within the BDSM "community", but I'm just not seeing the connection.

Beyond that, the song is kind of terrible... not that i was ever an eminem or rihanna fan, but this is really a let down.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I really doubt Rihanna is going to glorify domestic violence when she was a victim of it.

Lest we forget:
http://blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rihanna-abuse-photo.jpg

 

[Keroin]

Cycle of abuse, yes. BDSM, no.

There's something that attracts someone within an abusive relationship: the passion, the "love" and depth of emotion. The song does a good job of showing that.

Yes, I do think it captured that aspect well.

BDSM is a safe exploration of some of that. I don't see any safety in the song, just unrestrained and dangerous passion.

The part that struck me was the scene where he punches the wall next to her head, which leads to a heavy make out session. Almost as if it turns her on. And then there's the bed scene with slapping, spitting etc. Those clips felt very borderline BDSM to me.

Good song, btw (musically and lyrically), even if not in my preferred style.

Surprisingly, I actually enjoy some of Eminem's stuff.

I don't really see a BDSM theme to the video... other than some violent sexuality.

I think it's important to note that to the "outside world" violent sexuality is what many think BDSM is.

The video and lyrics are definitely of the "run-of-the-mill" domestic abuse variety, and show a lot of examples of mental issues (the screaming and crying, etc)... Not that elements of that certainly don't exist within the BDSM "community", but I'm just not seeing the connection.

See my comments above, re: sexy violent scenes.

Beyond that, the song is kind of terrible... not that i was ever an eminem or rihanna fan, but this is really a let down.

I kind of liked it.

 

[Keroin]

I really doubt Rihanna is going to glorify domestic violence when she was a victim of it.

Interestingly, the news report I watched about this accused her of doing just that.

 

[FungiUg]

I didn't see it as glorifying domestic abuse, I saw it more as an exploration of "how does it happen?"

The wall punching is sexy, right up to where you break your hand (a friend of mine did exactly that.) I.e. not safe.

I do take your point about BDSM being seen as "violent sex", but you know as well as I that it's not a very accurate image.

Frankly, I've seen more of what I would regard as BDSM-related stuff from Rhianna in some of her other videos.

 

[JMohegan]

When the guy has to grovel in desperate faux apology every 30 seconds, I don't see that as glorifying violence from the guy's perspective.

As for the video itself, I just thought it was dull. Lots of bad acting, and too many scenes of a guy strutting or posing idiotically in some field.

 

[Keroin]

When the guy has to grovel in desperate faux apology every 30 seconds, I don't see that as glorifying violence from the guy's perspective.

As for the video itself, I just thought it was dull. Lots of bad acting, and too many scenes of a guy strutting or posing idiotically in some field.

Interesting.

As someone who's been on the end of domestic abuse, I found some of the scenes disturbingly accurate.

 

[00Syd]

All I know is that I have half of a celebrity crush on Dominic Monaghan and seeing him having violent make-out sessions with Megan Fox was, um, pretty great.

 

[JMohegan]

All I know is that I have half of a celebrity crush on Dominic Monaghan and seeing him having violent make-out sessions with Megan Fox was, um, pretty great.

Holy shit, that was Merry? Are you serious?

 

[00Syd]

Holy shit, that was Merry? Are you serious?

Uh, yes. Pretty amazing, right?

 

[JMohegan]

Uh, yes. Pretty amazing, right?

It's fucking hilarious!

 

[richard_daily]

The part that struck me was the scene where he punches the wall next to her head, which leads to a heavy make out session. Almost as if it turns her on. And then there's the bed scene with slapping, spitting etc. Those clips felt very borderline BDSM to me.

I think it's violent, but I don't think that violence and BDSM are mutually exclusive.

There is plenty of BDSM that's not violent, and there's plenty of violence that's not BDSM.

I think it's important to note that to the "outside world" violent sexuality is what many think BDSM is.

The outside world has all sorts of ideas about all sorts of things... and they're usually pretty far off the mark whenever "they" try to "understand" what's going on. I think it's a facet of us collectively wanting to have easily pigeon-holed lives and identities. "We" want to understand it from a 5 minute segment on tv.

 

[YourCaptor]

I see two kids that never grew up trying to play adults.

I've known that kind of guy and that kind of girl, and they bring a lot of shit on themselves. I mean that outside the relationship too. Lay it out for them plain as day, "don't do that", and they still go and do it. Can't help you if you refuse to make decisions based on logic instead of emotion.

 

[WriterDom]

A warning would have been nice. Something like: If you think this video sucks ass after 30 seconds then don't bother with the rest.

 

[Keroin]

A warning would have been nice. Something like: If you think this video sucks ass after 30 seconds then don't bother with the rest.

There is a "stop" button, you may engage at any time.

Crazy this new technology, eh?

 

[WriterDom]

There is a "stop" button, you may engage at any time.

Crazy this new technology, eh?

Oh Golly. Don't take it personally. And no, I had to get to the end to see if it was worth watching.

 

[satindesire]

Interestingly, the news report I watched about this accused her of doing just that.

Well, when she came out with her song "Rude Boy" I rolled my eyes. If she doesn't want to glorify abuse and abusive behavior towards women, she needs to stop singing crap like that. No, the song wasn't about domestic abuse, I know that. But she is singing about gloryfying a specific type of person, I.E. The "Rude Boy".

"Rude boy, rudeboy, rudie, rudi or rudy were common terms for juvenile delinquents and criminals in 1960s Jamaica..."

"Rude Boys" are thugs, gangsters, BAD PEOPLE.

If she doesn't want to get beat up, she should stop liking these types of men. Seems kinda stupid that she's continuing this cycle again.

 

[Keroin]

Oh Golly. Don't take it personally. And no, I had to get to the end to see if it was worth watching.

I just wanted to make you say "golly".

 

[BiBunny]

I see two kids that never grew up trying to play adults.

I've known that kind of guy and that kind of girl, and they bring a lot of shit on themselves. I mean that outside the relationship too. Lay it out for them plain as day, "don't do that", and they still go and do it. Can't help you if you refuse to make decisions based on logic instead of emotion.

Some people are just that way. I'm probably one of those folks. *Shrug*

I thought the video was hot, personally. I love Eminem, too, but Rihanna's voice gets on my nerves. If I'm glorifying domestic abuse, then I hate it. Though considering that it's two actors acting, I don't think that's quite the case here.

 

[ultramarineblue]

.....

 

[richard_daily]

Some people are just that way. I'm probably one of those folks. *Shrug*

I thought the video was hot, personally. I love Eminem, too, but Rihanna's voice gets on my nerves. If I'm glorifying domestic abuse, then I hate it. Though considering that it's two actors acting, I don't think that's quite the case here.

I don't think the video (or liking it) glorifies domestic abuse... I think it's a fairly accurate assessment of how things unfortunately sometimes go in relationship where one person or both are a bit out of control and a bit out of their heads. I just don't think it's very BDSM-y

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Well, when she came out with her song "Rude Boy" I rolled my eyes. If she doesn't want to glorify abuse and abusive behavior towards women, she needs to stop singing crap like that. No, the song wasn't about domestic abuse, I know that. But she is singing about gloryfying a specific type of person, I.E. The "Rude Boy".

"Rude boy, rudeboy, rudie, rudi or rudy were common terms for juvenile delinquents and criminals in 1960s Jamaica..."

"Rude Boys" are thugs, gangsters, BAD PEOPLE.

If she doesn't want to get beat up, she should stop liking these types of men. Seems kinda stupid that she's continuing this cycle again.

Wow. Way to blame the victim.

And Chris Brown is hardly a "rude boy".

 

[sb2009]

I generally enjoy eminem.

As far as tehvideo...it looked like the kind of relationship I saw a lot in young military couples. Yeah, the guy in it could get busted for domestic violence, but the the issue was that they both didn't know how to communicate and most likely got off in the rush of the fight/make up dynamic. Both of them.

Who is the guy in it, not eminem but the other one? I recognize him from some movie or something.