BDSM & D/s

[Sandia]

I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!

Sandia.

 

[Dragon Dreamer]

I think it depends on the people and the relationships. I've known many bottoms, that love bdsm, but if you called them a submissive, they'd laugh in your face.

I've also know a few submissives, that aren't into the bdsm aspects of the lifestyle, they just want the emotional relationship.

The same can be said about Dominants vs sadists.

However, I've found through my experience that the two are more often intermingled to varying degrees. I think that the two are very closely interwined in many people's relationships, and that that is what works well for them.

Every relationship will have different degrees of one, the other or both, depending on the two people involved, and although the two can be mutually supportive of the other, either can survive well on its own without the other.

Not sure if that answered the question or not. lol

 

[Sandia]

I think that was a wonderful response, Dreamer.

Thank you.

I hope there will be more.

 

[cymbidia]

I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!

What connection?
D/s is a subset of BDSM.

From page 1 of the M thread (and "it" refers to "BDSM"):

"It" is a lifestyle, like being a vegetarian or training for and competing in biathalons. "It" is also a style of sexual play. "It" can be as much a part of your life as want, or as little.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.

Additionally, the middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission, often abbreviated D/s.

"It" involves, though this is WAY oversimplified, relationships in which the power wielded by one of the partners exceeds that of the other, always within the sexual arena, often outside it as well.

D/s relationships are BDSM relationships.

Maybe there's some sadism/masochism involved and maybe not, but a D/s relationship is a BDSM relationship in the same way a Golden Delicious apple is an apple.

 

[Dragon Dreamer]

I think that was a wonderful response, Dreamer.

Thank you.

I hope there will be more.

Thanks Sandia

 

[Cirrus]

My Dom is not a sadist. He doesn't get off on inflicting pain on me, in fact is a little afraid to do so, but he enjoys doing things that I like, and if feeling erotic pain and submitting is something I enjoy, then he enjoys doing it to me. I am a sub and also a masochist. I have a close friend that is a sub who enjoys bondage but not pain.

The way I look at it, and I realize I might be oversimplifying, is that D/s is about power exchange, emotions, feelings, and CAN include SM. SM is more about physical sensation (though most of the time those inherently produce emotions, etc) and less about D/s.

But like cym said, I also feel that all of those are BDSM relationships.

 

[Sandia]

Thank you, cymbidia. I had thought that D/s was the overarching term, and that BD (bondage and discipline) and SM (sadomasochism) were subcategories. I'm curious if anyone else thought this too.

I found this in the Deviant's Dictionary, which you were kind enough to provide a link to earlier.

On sadism and masochism:

Freud first blended the pair of terms into sadomasochism, emphasising the potential reciprocity of the use of pain in sexual encounters but obliterating the distinction between what we might call the sensual side of SM and the psychological, dom-sub side. This confusion has persisted and the two are only now beginning to be unpicked by SMers themselves.

and

Krafft-Ebing's definition clearly separates two tendencies which are usually present in various proportions in most people who would describe themselves as BDSMers, but which it is often useful to keep distinct: the interest in domination and submission, and the interest in the infliction of pain.

and

Some people, however, do attempt to maintain the distinction between interests in pain and in other activities like dom-sub, clothing fetishes, bondage for its own sake and so on, and reserve the term sadomasochism for pain games.

I hadn't known the DS in BDSM had two different meanings until I read this. (Domination and submission, as well as bondage and sadism.)

From what I've seen and read, I'm not sure everyone agrees on this, and would be curious if other folks have an opinion.

Thank you.
Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

The way I look at it, and I realize I might be oversimplifying, is that D/s is about power exchange, emotions, feelings, and CAN include SM. SM is more about physical sensation (though most of the time those inherently produce emotions, etc) and less about D/s.

Well said, Cirrus. If I'd seen this before I made that last post, I might have saved myself some time...

Sandia.

 

[cellis]

I am looking at my breast right now as I write this and there is a Ds on the side of it. Our initials, Himself's and mine. A little irony, I think. I have the same thing on my left shoulder as well. Himself had a little fun with the permanent marker. (Our form of branding.)

We do not do 24/7, but I do defer to him in almost everything. He knows that he has my submission, a fragile thing at best, and is careful with the gift i give him.

 

[Sandia]

Cellis? Is that you?

I'm glad I turned my AV's back on...

I love the idea of using permanent markers like that.

 

[cellis]

Cellis? Is that you?

I'm glad I turned my AV's back on...

I love the idea of using permanent markers like that.

Yes it is I. Himself loves this photo which he took the other day. And do I though, hmmm, it would make a nice AV.

Thanks for asking.

And he loves his new markers.... what don't I do to keep my Dom happy... lol

 

[Ebonyfire]

Bump

 

[FungiUg]

I've never been one for purism, as I think it's unhealthy to take anything to pure extremes.


For me, the terms "top" and "dominant" are interchangeable, and I don't try to make a distinction between D/s and BDSM. Well, okay, D/s is shorter, and has more focus on what I enjoy, wherease BDSM includes bondage (which I do rarely), and sadism and masochism which interest me not at all.

Let's face it, when you are talking BDSM, you also have to throw in leather fetishism (which again, doesn't do much for me), a great deal of swinging, gay/bi relationships, poly-amour... the list goes on. Oh, and a love for Abba.



So I don't think any "label" can describe it. But I like D/s.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: BDSM & D/s

What connection?
D/s is a subset of BDSM.

From page 1 of the M thread (and "it" refers to "BDSM"):


D/s relationships are BDSM relationships.

Maybe there's some sadism/masochism involved and maybe not, but a D/s relationship is a BDSM relationship in the same way a Golden Delicious apple is an apple.

I agree

 

[amethyst wind]

I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!

Sandia.

In my mind BDSM and D/s are just a breakdown of basically a big grouping of what others consider kinky sex ~l~

i know D/s couples that enjoy a bit of S/M in their play.. and i know of some that just enjoy the bondage part but not really into the pain or the taking of a Master/Mistress ~shrugg~

So i guess what i am saying is... aren't they all just kinda connected?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: BDSM & D/s

In my mind BDSM and D/s are just a breakdown of basically a big grouping of what others consider kinky sex ~l~

i know D/s couples that enjoy a bit of S/M in their play.. and i know of some that just enjoy the bondage part but not really into the pain or the taking of a Master/Mistress ~shrugg~

So i guess what i am saying is... aren't they all just kinda connected?

What about those that are into psychological domination?

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: BDSM & D/s

What about those that are into psychological domination?

Join the club!

Does that make us psycho-Doms? (oh no, now we have to like Pink Floyd instead of Abba...)

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: BDSM & D/s

Join the club!

Does that make us psycho-Doms? (oh no, now we have to like Pink Floyd instead of Abba...)

I guess
but what do I know

 

[cellis]

Oh a little walk down memory lane!

It is so strange sometimes to read what I have written in the past and nice too, i think, to see how much I have grown and my relationship with Himself has grown.

There is more D/s, more of the mental than there was then. Oh we still do the bondage and sensation play... There are more rules now than there were then. I like the way we have grown with each other.

 

[Ebonyfire]

There is more D/s, more of the mental than there was then. Oh we still do the bondage and sensation play... There are more rules now than there were then. I like the way we have grown with each other.

Would you say there was a progression over time?

Which just proves what many of us have been saying all along - is that it takes time and experience to facilitate growth.

 

[cellis]

Would you say there was a progression over time?

Which just proves what many of us have been saying all along - is that it takes time and experience to facilitate growth.

I do think that it has been a gradual progression over the last year. As He feels more comfortable with His Domination, He is able to take more and more control.