Hi, me and my husband are new to the bdsm lifestyle. We are looking for advice on how to effectively start. I am a submissive in and out of the bedroom, but i am very stubborn and with this being mine and his first attempt at a "non-vanilla relationship" it is very hard to really know how to go about it. We have a contract, and we talk openly, trust is definatly there, and we dont look at it as just a fetish, yes the bdsm sex is great, but we are trying to take it to the next level. I really want to serve him and do what makes him happy, that is one big way i feel that i can show him that i love him. and it makes me happy when i know what is expected of me. I just have trouble doing the things he asks me to do during the day.. Ill do what is expected of me for a few days or a week and then I slowly stop.. It dissapoints him and makes me feel like an aweful sub/ wife. how can i improve this? did anyone else have problems in the beginning?
BDSM any advice?
- Thread starter bothofus2
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CutieMouse
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Did you add to many expectations at once? Are those expectations realistic? Do you need to start more slowly? Have you looked into/researched ways to organize/manage your time? Have you sat down and talked about how it's going/re-evaluated how things are going?
cookiecat
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Why are you having trouble doing what he asks? I guess I'd start there.
You say you want to serve him and make him happy. Does this service make you happy? I'm guessing there is a disconnect someplace. If there wasn't, you'd keep doing it. Or is it a matter of changing old habits? As Cutie Mouse mentioned, perhaps you guys are jumping in feet first without realistic goals.
He needs to know what makes you tick, how to keep your head in the game, especially as your interest declines. Why do you lose interest?
Not sure the specifics of your situation, so can't really give you specific advice. Sounds like you need to check in with each other more often.
Good luck and have fun. That's the most important part! Don't set yourself up to feel disappointed and awful.
You say you want to serve him and make him happy. Does this service make you happy? I'm guessing there is a disconnect someplace. If there wasn't, you'd keep doing it. Or is it a matter of changing old habits? As Cutie Mouse mentioned, perhaps you guys are jumping in feet first without realistic goals.
He needs to know what makes you tick, how to keep your head in the game, especially as your interest declines. Why do you lose interest?
Not sure the specifics of your situation, so can't really give you specific advice. Sounds like you need to check in with each other more often.
Good luck and have fun. That's the most important part! Don't set yourself up to feel disappointed and awful.
