BDSM and/or D/s "Tropes"

[Vixen96]

This is my first thread and I am relatively new to the forums, so please be kind!

I am writing a story with elements of BDSM which explore those activities within a burgeoning D/s relationship. I am using my own personal experience and discussions with friends (many of whom are actively involved in the lifestyle) as part of my background 'research'.

I have read a huge raft of stories on Lit which are listed as BDSM which vary greatly in quality. I find it particularly frustrating when there is a story which does seeming to grasp the nuances of the lifestyle - most typically those which have a strong 'non con/dub con' element.

My question is what 'tropes' or cliches do you see in BDSM fics (or fics exploring D/s) which make you want to tear your hair out?

Any thoughts much appreciated!

 

[FurryFury]

Abusive childhood as why they engage in BDSM.

Mental illness as why they need BDSM.

Everyone has a perfect body and face plus the PYL has tons of money.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Abusive childhood as why they engage in BDSM.

Mental illness as why they need BDSM.

Everyone has a perfect body and face plus the PYL has tons of money.

Absolutely I agree! I am so sick of reading stories where everyone is so perfectly young and beautiful.

Another one I would add is where the PYL (usually male) knows so much more then the pyl (usually female) about sex and S/M and everything else. I would love to read a story where a submissive knows more then the dominant but the relationship works.

 

[lovecraft68]

Safe words. There I beat Stella to it.

That and "whips" everyone uses whips and handcuffs.

I've been in the lifestyle for years and have never used a whip. I have an affinity for dowels and caning over whipping.

 

[lovecraft68]

Abusive childhood as why they engage in BDSM.

Mental illness as why they need BDSM.

Everyone has a perfect body and face plus the PYL has tons of money.

I don;t agree with mental illness, but I am going to risk a beating (and not a recreational one) by saying child abuse is a factor whether people want to admit it or not.

I was one, and I have no doubt it is part of my sexual identity. When the person who is supposed to love and take care of you is also the person who abuses you, what do you think happens?

Pain begins to equate with love. Also it is a common known fact that the abused child still desperately wants to please and gain acceptance and earn the love of their abuser.

Nothing like a D/S relationship right?

Now I'm not saying its everyone, and it is sickening to see it "glorified" as it is in 50 shades, because there is nothing glorious about that type of "motivation"

But having said that, you can't just brush it off as not being a reason that many, especially subs are attracted to the lifestyle.

 

[Vixen96]

I would love to read a story where a submissive knows more then the dominant but the relationship works.

Yes. This.

This is actually one of the angles I am exploring as very often the stories seem to be about pushing the boundaries of the sub.

I am keen to focus on the fact the sub is not just being pushed to new boundaries but that the Dom has to learn how to push those boundaries in a safe environment etc. Someone doesn't just wake up and know how to belt someone the right way

Thanks so much for the responses so far! Please do keep them coming.

 

[catalina_francisco]

That and "whips" everyone uses whips and handcuffs.

I've been in the lifestyle for years and have never used a whip.

LOL, you might not know what you are missing!!

Catalina

 

[Vixen96]

Safewords.

I found this very interesting indeed.

Is that because it is a bit of a 'tick box' trope in BDSM stories or because you would manage the risks inherent with BDSM practice and 'consent' in a way which doesn't spend a long time labouring over choosing the right sort of word, acknowledging awareness of the risks from the outset and using responses and so on to gauge how far to push?

One of the issues I wanted to explore (as per post above) was someone new to exploring more dominant tendancies and how they might deal with whether to stop or keep going, without wanting to break the play. I would like to explore the uncertainty someone new to the lifestyle may feel in such a position because I get frustrated by the implied "I know just what you need" nature of Doms/Masters in BDSM stories. Just as the sub may be exploring new things, the Dom must have had to start somewhere too - also part of 'knowing' is knowing the play partner and their own desires and needs....

Apologies if this all sounds very trite - I am simply trying not to make mistakes with this story, although doubtless there will be many! My own experience is from a specific and highly subjective (and submissive) perspective, hence exploring the views of others.

 

[ecstaticsub]

In seven years I have never used my safeword for physical play. I have "yellowed" twice on emotional issues.

I think safewords are given too much attention or to much importance in most BDSM stories. A new dominant can learn their submissive's limits in ways other then hitting until they safeword.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Yes. This.

This is actually one of the angles I am exploring as very often the stories seem to be about pushing the boundaries of the sub.

I am keen to focus on the fact the sub is not just being pushed to new boundaries but that the Dom has to learn how to push those boundaries in a safe environment etc. Someone doesn't just wake up and know how to belt someone the right way

Thanks so much for the responses so far! Please do keep them coming.

Another interesting angle is that of a dominant who has has recently lost a long term submissive, perhaps the only one they have ever had and now has to learn how to start over with a submissive with a wider range of experiences.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Lately it seems as if the mention of "safewords" proves, in reader's minds, that the story is realistic.

I get frustrated by the implied "I know just what you need" nature of Doms/Masters in BDSM stories

OH yeah.

Another trope that I notice is perfect agreement between top and bottom as to activities, limits. I'll tell you, I have scenes that I want to do, that I can't find bottoms willing to do-- and they don't even involve pain at all!

 

[Vixen96]

Another trope that I notice is perfect agreement between top and bottom as to activities, limits

Yes, I notice this too! The happy coincidence of two people finding exactly the same things erotic

This must work the other way, too? The sub craving something the Dom isn't comfortable with/used to playing? Then how that gets dealt with, given the nature of the relationship and so on...

The more I think about these things the more I think my story needs a lot of work...

 

[desertslave]

Yes. This.

This is actually one of the angles I am exploring as very often the stories seem to be about pushing the boundaries of the sub.

I am keen to focus on the fact the sub is not just being pushed to new boundaries but that the Dom has to learn how to push those boundaries in a safe environment etc. Someone doesn't just wake up and know how to belt someone the right way

Thanks so much for the responses so far! Please do keep them coming.

Interesting! This is us IRL. I never thought anyone would be interested in that perspective. Must think on this.

Master has, BTW, been an excellent 'student.' Bespeaks the notion of innate talent quite well.

 

[BiBunny]

If there's a man involved, he always has an enormous cock.

If there's a woman with a strap on involved, it's always enormous, too.

Cold, bitchy "Mistresses."

Female subs who like to do a lot of talking about how they're sooooo independent (or the narrator does it for them), but they crumble the first time a man looks at them.

There's nearly always a punishment scene of some sort.

The relationships chronicled are usually extremely--I'm not sure what word to use. Formalized? Stylized? Unrealistic? LOL.

Those are just a few that I thought of off the top of my head.

 

[Loverskitten]

Yes. This.

This is actually one of the angles I am exploring as very often the stories seem to be about pushing the boundaries of the sub.

I am keen to focus on the fact the sub is not just being pushed to new boundaries but that the Dom has to learn how to push those boundaries in a safe environment etc. Someone doesn't just wake up and know how to belt someone the right way

Thanks so much for the responses so far! Please do keep them coming.

I read a book a long time ago, a true story about a Dominatrix. Sheesh, I gotta find that book. For some reason I think it was the woman who started Versatile Fashions Corsets. The most fascinating thing was reading her thoughts when she first started out. She was scared but couldn't show it, she made mistakes but couldn't admit it, i loved that aspect of the book.

 

[desertslave]

Ha! Thought of one. All female pyl's are multi-orgasmic and can always orgasm on command, no matter what's being done to them.

 

[Vixen96]

Thanks for the rest of the replies, I have been afk for a while and just logged back in to see more on this thread and some of the replies really made me grin.

I think some of these tropes can be said to apply to erotic fiction generally, not just BDSM - who doesn't love the "wide eyes" as he reveals "his turgid member" which must be...oh, at least a good 11"

"It's so big...how will it fit?" She whimpered....etc.

It sounds as though some of the ideas I have may be worth exploring in any event - thanks for the input!! I will try to steer clear of the tropes if I can...I have been told off by a beta before by using the "he came harder than he had ever come before" sort of description - I think I might settle for a bored yawn and a 'must do better next time' sort of shrug

 

[Loverskitten]

I think some of these tropes can be said to apply to erotic fiction generally, not just BDSM - who doesn't love the "wide eyes" as he reveals "his turgid member" which must be...oh, at least a good 11"

"It's so big...how will it fit?" She whimpered....etc.

Ha, I am really curious how many women, upon seeing a particular cock for the first time, actually think in inches? I mean I've thought "meh it's ok" or "hmmm bigger than average" also "ohhh it's pretty" or "what the fuck is that?" but have never thought in number of inches.
Although I know every guy has measured :/

 

[Vixen96]

Ahahahaha! Do you mind if I steal your lines?

"Meh, it's okay," She eyed his cock doubtfully, wondering if that was it. "I've definitely seen better."

I know what you mean - I certainly don't think in inches!! But that's also because I have no concept of measurements, so my thought process would probably end up being insulting rather than flattering...

I tend not to really think in size at all, unless it is extreme enough to give me a shock It's more about the whole physique for me at that stage, how the man looks naked as opposed to whether revealing his cock made my eyes water!

 

[desertslave]

My mental sizing tends to run like this:

Get away from me, that thing might go off!
Probable ovary ping-pong ahead
Potential choking hazard
More than a mouthful
Oh fun!
This will be easy
Aw, isn't that cute!

 

[Loverskitten]

My mental sizing tends to run like this:

Get away from me, that thing might go off!
Probable ovary ping-pong ahead
Potential choking hazard
More than a mouthful
Oh fun!
This will be easy
Aw, isn't that cute!

Haha! Add "owwww my cervix aches just looking at that" and "that's it?" for me

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ha, I am really curious how many women, upon seeing a particular cock for the first time, actually think in inches? I mean I've thought "meh it's ok" or "hmmm bigger than average" also "ohhh it's pretty" or "what the fuck is that?" but have never thought in number of inches.
Although I know every guy has measured :/

It makes for great dialogue;

”Don’t be ‘fraid, baby,” he said; “This thing can’t hurt you,” He looked down at it, proudly. Karen couldn’t trust herself to speak. She reached for him, and he came up, let her take him in her hand. She measured his cock against her palm, hefting it gently. It was long, she decided, but its girth was its most formidable aspect; she couldn’t close her finger and thumb around it.

”Nine and a quarter,” he said proudly. “And ‘most seven inches round,” and she did chuckle at that.

 

[desertslave]

Seven inches????

That would make me swear off men forever.

 

[Loverskitten]

Made me think of this
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobil...n-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html

 

[Stella_Omega]

Seven inches????

That would make me swear off men forever.

At the time I wrote that, I was getting fisted regularly and easily.

Nowadays, not so easily....