BDSM and Health Issues

[SephStarr]

I have-amongst various other conditions-osteoarthritis. It's in my ankles, knees and hips, and is currently slowly spreading to my hands and possibly spine. I get on with life without having to think about it much, really; I'm on good medication.

However, there's still a lot of pain, and my joints are almost always stiff, swollen, and suffering from restricted movement. It had never occurred to me during all my mental and cyber forays into subbing that this was likely to be a problem in the slightest, but of course the very first time I tried any of this in real life* I realised that actually, it really was going to be an issue.

Luckily, the bloke I was with (who is likely to be the only person I'll be playing with for some time yet) was very sweet and understanding, and asked me about five seconds in to any position how I was doing with it, and didn't so much as bat an eyelid if I said I needed to move.

I was talking about this with someone else a while ago who seemed to think that surely if I enjoyed pain, then the pain caused by my joints could, during a session, be *part* of that. But I can't see that ever happening, it's not the sort of pain that could ever me in the least bit fun, it's horrible, and it causes me issues with things like walking for days afterwards if I screw them up.

I can't be the only person around here with chronic physical conditions, can I? How do you deal with this? Has it ever been a problem? Have you ever had a Dom/me who was less than understanding about it? If you're the Dom/me, have you ever had a sub with something like this?

*Which was, by the way, only last night-there's a thread about this on the Talk board. So I know that this seems a little pre-emptive, but I'm curious!

 

[graceanne]

Honey, you came to the right forum. I have crohns disease and crohns arthritis (very similar to rheumatoid arthritis). Another member of the forum has crohns disease, and a bleeding disorder. EG is diabetic, and MasterGil has a list of health problems a mile long. Serijules is deaf, ADR has cancer . . . the list goes on. I wonder if it's the air in the forum. . .

That said I do not ever see the pain of holding still too long as becoming erotic, ever. There's good pain and their's bad pain and that pain is definately BAD. Obviously whoever said that is healthy and doesn't know what the hell s/he is talking about.

 

[graceanne]

Here's some links to past discussion. You might find them helpful.

Disabilities and BDSM

 

[SephStarr]

Honey, you came to the right forum. I have crohns disease and crohns arthritis (very similar to rheumatoid arthritis). Another member of the forum has crohns disease, and a bleeding disorder. EG is diabetic, and MasterGil has a list of health problems a mile long. Serijules is deaf, ADR has cancer . . . the list goes on.

Gosh-not just me, then! I'm quite glad, really. Well, obviously not glad that so many people are ill, obviously, but glad that I've met other kinky types with chronic illnesses. It's good to know that one is not alone in something

That said I do not ever see the pain of holding still too long as becoming erotic, ever. There's good pain and there's bad pain and that pain is definitely BAD. Obviously whoever said that is healthy and doesn't know what the hell s/he is talking about.

I'm very glad that someone so much more experienced than myself thinks this! That was the impression I'd got, but I am currently being very wary of making almost *any* calls of judgement like that, due to Knowing Nothing...

But, yes. I was VERY lucky with P-the bloke I played with last night. I don't think I could have asked for a better first top!

EDIT: Ooooh, and thanks for the link. I shall go and read now!

 

[Kierae]

I am a pain slut but I have RA (diagnosed at 2 years old, bionic woman=20plus surgeries and multitude of joints replaced). There is a huge difference in the type of pain. I have learned to communicate (critical) what I can and can not do - whether it be before a scene or during. Sometimes I have pushed my limits during a scene (ie get caught up in the moments of passion) which hey, I consider a learning lesson of just how far can I go (or not go). I have spent a fair amount of time pondering and discussing how to get everyone's needs met and not crippling me in the process.

Talk to your bloke and don't hesitate to pm if you need.

~kierae

 

[Bandit58]

It's all about adaptation. My Master is the one who has health issues (there's quite a list), He also has arthritis throughout His body which means some sexual positions are uncomfortable. Sore shoulders mean He sometimes can't swing a flogger or crop easily.

For sex, I mostly ride Him, or we lie so our legs make an X and He enters me lying on His side. I give Him oral while He lies on His side or back. Sometimes there are erection difficulties so He uses fingers or toys on me.

We have found an emu oil gel rubbed into His joints works wonders - here's a link:

Oil of Emu

 

[BiBunny]

I am 100% painslut, but there is "good pain" and then there is "bad pain."

I have an autoimmune condition known as morphea (the localized form of scleroderma), which is relatively rare. As with most autoimmune disorders, there is no cure to date. Morphea is when something triggers the body to attack its own skin and connective tissues. Unlike generalized scleroderma, though, it normally stays in one area. It usually doesn't attack joints, which is what eventually puts sufferers of the generalized form in wheelchairs.

Anyway, my lesion covers an area on the outside of my right thigh, starting about an inch down from my hip joint and ending mid-thigh. Most of the lesion is brown, burned-out, which means it won't spread any farther, but there are a few purple (active) areas at the top of it. It is slowly creeping up toward my lower back. In addition to being hideously brown and repulsive, there is no fat there (which makes buying pants to fit a bitch because one thigh has outside fat and the other doesn't), and there's a big dent, for lack of a better word, on the outside of my thigh. The skin, which is damaged, lies directly on top of the muscle. Because it popped up when I was young and still developing (my mother found the beginnings of the lesion when I was 5 years old, in kindergarten), the subsequent destruction of connective tissues has ensured that my right leg is about an inch shorter than my left, which, of course, has caused a mild form of scoliosis. Suffice it to say I'm fucked up all over because of this damn thing.

The skin never hurts, but the muscles sometimes ache because of the strain the shortened leg puts on them. However, that area is incredibly sensitive to any sort of blow because there's no fat to cushion it. (You know how it feels when you bang your shin against something? Same principle times about 100.)

Ok, the point of that whole thing was this: I love to be flogged. I love when B. beats me and leaves marks all over my body. He knows, however, that to hit me on my lesion is going to make everything come to a screeching halt in a hurry. Not only does it hurt like bitch, but it also is dangerous due to the proximity of the muscle to the skin. If he accidently catches it with the ends of the flogger (or crop, or belt, or whatever), he stops immediately and rubs the spot until it stops hurting. There's nothing pleasant about it, and he understands that.

I dislocated my right shoulder when I fell off a horse a couple of years ago. It'll still pop out of joint when it's pulled, however slightly, in the wrong direction. (I need surgery on the thing, but I'm putting it off as long as I can.) It's very hard for B. to tie me so that my shoulder doesn't sublux (partially dislocate). He's very careful when he ties me, though, so it hasn't happened yet, knock on wood. He can always tell when it starts to get uncomfortable and either unties me completely or shifts me to a more comfortable position. Oh, and the other fun part about that is that because of the damaged tissue putting pressure on nerves and blood vessels, I get dizzy and pass out if I stand with my hands tied behind my back very long. That is NOT FUN, either, let me tell you, and we learned about it through trial and error.

Anyway, the whole point I'm trying to get to is this--I think we're all falling apart in some way , so you want to find a PYL who is sympathetic and understanding about your condition(s). Be up front and honest about what you can and cannot do, and any PYL worth his/her salt won't make you do things that are out of the realm of capability for you.

 

[HottieMama]

BiBunny is right..we're all falling apart in some way. i have IBS...which is NO fun...None at all. Also as a result of a bad experience with anesthesia when i was having my first son, i have pretty severe nerve damage in my lower back...basically i can feel "pressure" through the skin but not pain or even touch really... Both of these can become issues depending on what type of "play" i'm participating in.

My PYL is diabetic, but it is extremely well-managed and i know what to do if something started going wrong.

 

[SephStarr]

Anyway, the whole point I'm trying to get to is this--I think we're all falling apart in some way , so you want to find a PYL who is sympathetic and understanding about your condition(s). Be up front and honest about what you can and cannot do, and any PYL worth his/her salt won't make you do things that are out of the realm of capability for you.

Yes-my particular set of sexual kinks are not even remotely compatible with my particular set of physical problems! [grin]

The arthritis is the worst thing, but I also suffer from very sensitive blood sugar (sometimes it just crashes for no discernible reason and if this happens and I don't eat something quickly enough, I pass out-I suspect that I will have to start leaving chocolate by the bed in case this happens during a session!), chronic fatigue syndrome and various random aches and pains-and they all kind of feed off each other, too.

So every now and then, something like this will happen: My blood sugar will crash, and in an effort to get to something to eat before I faint I do something painful to one of my joints. If these two things happen at once, the CFS kicks in and suddenly I'm too exhausted to do ANYTHING.

If something like that were to happen during a session, I'd just have to stop. Which would be bloody annoying, and I'd likely feel *incredibly* guilty about it.

 

[Bandit58]

Yes-my particular set of sexual kinks are not even remotely compatible with my particular set of physical problems! [grin]

The arthritis is the worst thing, but I also suffer from very sensitive blood sugar (sometimes it just crashes for no discernible reason and if this happens and I don't eat something quickly enough, I pass out-I suspect that I will have to start leaving chocolate by the bed in case this happens during a session!), chronic fatigue syndrome and various random aches and pains-and they all kind of feed off each other, too.

So every now and then, something like this will happen: My blood sugar will crash, and in an effort to get to something to eat before I faint I do something painful to one of my joints. If these two things happen at once, the CFS kicks in and suddenly I'm too exhausted to do ANYTHING.

If something like that were to happen during a session, I'd just have to stop. Which would be bloody annoying, and I'd likely feel *incredibly* guilty about it.

Chocolate's too slow - try jellybeans or soft drink. Master Gil is diabetic so we have jellybeans all over the house as well as in the car and my bag. We also check blood sugar levels before we play. His can also plummet for no apparent reason (but pain plays a big part in it we suspect).

 

[HottieMama]

Yes-my particular set of sexual kinks are not even remotely compatible with my particular set of physical problems! [grin]

The arthritis is the worst thing, but I also suffer from very sensitive blood sugar (sometimes it just crashes for no discernible reason and if this happens and I don't eat something quickly enough, I pass out-I suspect that I will have to start leaving chocolate by the bed in case this happens during a session!), chronic fatigue syndrome and various random aches and pains-and they all kind of feed off each other, too.

So every now and then, something like this will happen: My blood sugar will crash, and in an effort to get to something to eat before I faint I do something painful to one of my joints. If these two things happen at once, the CFS kicks in and suddenly I'm too exhausted to do ANYTHING.

If something like that were to happen during a session, I'd just have to stop. Which would be bloody annoying, and I'd likely feel *incredibly* guilty about it.

My PYL keeps a Three Musketeers bar and orange juice within arms reach at all times. Might be a bit inconveinent...but it's very important...

 

[BiBunny]

Yes-my particular set of sexual kinks are not even remotely compatible with my particular set of physical problems! [grin]

The arthritis is the worst thing, but I also suffer from very sensitive blood sugar (sometimes it just crashes for no discernible reason and if this happens and I don't eat something quickly enough, I pass out-I suspect that I will have to start leaving chocolate by the bed in case this happens during a session!), chronic fatigue syndrome and various random aches and pains-and they all kind of feed off each other, too.

So every now and then, something like this will happen: My blood sugar will crash, and in an effort to get to something to eat before I faint I do something painful to one of my joints. If these two things happen at once, the CFS kicks in and suddenly I'm too exhausted to do ANYTHING.

If something like that were to happen during a session, I'd just have to stop. Which would be bloody annoying, and I'd likely feel *incredibly* guilty about it.

The blood sugar thing happens to me, too.

Now this thread is starting to beg the question--are all of us BDSM practitioners screwed up in some way? Errr...physically, I mean. I don't know about y'all, but I know I'm screwed-up in the head.

 

[Netzach]

The blood sugar thing happens to me, too.

Now this thread is starting to beg the question--are all of us BDSM practitioners screwed up in some way? Errr...physically, I mean. I don't know about y'all, but I know I'm screwed-up in the head.

I can't imagine that people with the ideal seratonin/adrenal/whatever function are so keen on manipulating those levels through activity. We are far less insane than your average group of marathon runners, however. In my totally non professional opinion.

 

[BiBunny]

I can't imagine that people with the ideal seratonin/adrenal/whatever function are so keen on manipulating those levels through activity. We are far less insane than your average group of marathon runners, however. In my totally non professional opinion.

Ugh. *Shudder* Marathon runners. I'm not running anywhere unless somebody's chasing me, and I hope they couldn't chase me that far. I imagine you're probably right about people with ideal serotonin/adrenal/whatever levels are probably not chasing the highs that we chase on such a regular basis.

 

[graceanne]

Ugh. *Shudder* Marathon runners. I'm not running anywhere unless somebody's chasing me, and I hope they couldn't chase me that far. I imagine you're probably right about people with ideal serotonin/adrenal/whatever levels are probably not chasing the highs that we chase on such a regular basis.

[hijack]A man hears about this miraculous new excercise program. He decides to give it a try and calls the company up and orders the 10 lb program. The next morning their's a knock on the door. He opens it up and there was a beautiful blond on his front step, naked except for running shoes and a sign around her neck that says 'if you can catch me, you can fuck me'. The man runs after her, catches her and they have hot sex. Every day for a week she shows up on his door step and the same thing happens each time. At the end of the week he's lost 10 lbs and he's feeling great.

So he decides to upgrade to the 20 lb program. The next morning their's a knock on the door. He opens it and there is a beautiful brunette on his doorstep. Like the blonde she's naked except for running shoes and a sign around the neck that says, "If you can catch me you can have me." He instantly takes after her, catches her and they have hot sex.

This is a great program, so he decides to call and pay for the maintenance program. The next morning their's a knock on his door. On the doorstep is a buff man. He's naked except for his shoes and a sign around his neck that says 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

[/hijack]

 

[BiBunny]

Bwahahaha @ Gracie's joke.

 

[Etoile]

I love this thread! It's so good to be reminded that I'm not alone.

My particular ailments that affect my scene play (aside from the mental disorders) are arthritis and chronic urticaria. For the arthritis, any tying up or other restriction has to be loose enough that I can flex my joints a little bit. Fortunately Daddy is arthritic too, and understands the pain of not stretching joints for too long, so that's never been a problem. For kneeling we always use a pillow. The chronic urticaria is a bit harder to deal with, because the hives are over my entire body and they change in position and severity. (Some days I have only a few light hives in a few locations, and other days I can barely function because I'm itching so bad all over.) So the way we have dealt with that is that I am allowed to pause in whatever I'm doing to scratch as necessary, or if it is somewhere I cannot scratch due to being tied up, etc. then I am allowed to ask for it to be scratched for me. Or rather, I am allowed to HAVE it scratched - no point asking if it's going to get turned down, eh?

To be honest the hives can be a real showstopper for me. Sometimes any kind of touch is painful, and I can't concentrate on anything because I'm driven mad with the itching. Putting the usual leather restraints on me at those times would be torture beyond what Daddy likes to inflict!

I don't think anybody is less of a kinkster because there are certain things their bodies don't allow them to do. Asking me to kneel for 45 minutes on the bare floor is like asking any other slave to fly to the moon - it just ain't gonna happen. It doesn't mean that I'm less submissive or less obedient...it's just a physical impossibility that we deal with and life goes on.

 

[graceanne]

I don't think anybody is less of a kinkster because there are certain things their bodies don't allow them to do. Asking me to kneel for 45 minutes on the bare floor is like asking any other slave to fly to the moon - it just ain't gonna happen. It doesn't mean that I'm less submissive or less obedient...it's just a physical impossibility that we deal with and life goes on.

What a great analogy.

 

[myinnerslut]

my problem is mental, not physical, but even so it does affect my play. i am bipolar (diagnosed when i was 11) and stemming from that have had eating disorders for years. i cant do any cutting play becuase of what i went though in hospitals and as a teen. i have to make sure i take my medicine at night and in the morning. A is very helpful and if i am unable to get up and take it due to being tied up or such, he brings it to me. the medicine i take makes me very thirsty, which makes me drink alot which makes me have to go to the bathroom a lot. prior to ever scene i go to the bathroom, and sometimes i have to ask for the scene to stop so i can relieve myself (we arnt into waterworks in our play). as soon as any scene is over, i almost immediatly get up and get a drink so i dont dehydrate.

 

[SephStarr]

I'm bumping this, as experience brings further thoughts [grin]

I've had three tops now, and on two occasions with two different tops I've crippled myself for days after a scene by kneeling for too long. This is my fault and not theirs, though, as both times I've simply been having too much fun to say anything!

My main top, P-the same bloke I mentioned when I started this thread-seemed very concerned when I told him that I screwed my knees up last time, and I think he's intending for us to sit and have a proper conversation about it before the next time we play.

And of course, I'm just rambling now. The real reason I'm bumping this is because I'm in a metric fuckload of pain tonight and can't walk or sleep or do ANYTHING, and am fishing for sympathy in manner of small annoying child.

[whines] [bitches] [moans] [kvetches]