Basic rundown on all things Marquis

[Marquis]

So, I haven't posted much of substance in a while, or even written much in a while and I must say I'm starting to feel the effects. I've always enjoyed writing and it seems like I need to make an effort to keep up with it.

Well, if there's a reason I haven't been as active recently, it's certainly not for a lack of material (although perhaps the sensitivity of the material has made me wary).

In any case, for those of you who are Marquis groupies (I know you're out there) I'll update you on a few things I've mentioned sporadically here and there.

Things are going well career wise, I recently finished my testing and class requirements to sell Insurance and Annuities and will soon be working with a family friend who makes mucho dinero doing just that. Not quite as glamorous as the career I imagined my Georgetown (GO HOYAS) degree would facilitate, but if I'm able to pull figures I'll be happy for a while.

I'm also working part time as a...... get this..... professional body piercer. I'm licensed in that too, but I'm still in the apprentice phase. Piercing nipples seems like a pretty good way to make a few extra bucks on the side, so I'm pretty happy about that too.

In any case, now to bring it all back to familiar territory, D/s relationship stuff. Again, those of you who may follow my adventures will have a heads up on this, but I'll do a quick "in the last episode..." for the casual reader.

Last January ('06) I got a message on MySpace from a girl who saw me posting on a BDSM forum there. We started flirting a lot but she lived in philly and was married. Oh yeah, and I have a girlfriend/sub that many of you probably know about. So all in all it didn't seem like an entirely probable relationship.

Last September, she asked her husband for a divorce. In October, this girl (who is gorgeous, Canadian and shall be called "lo") met my sub (many of you know as "C") and I in New York. We enjoyed each other's company immensely and fucked like jack rabbits.

A few days later, I suggested to the both of them that we give poly a try. C and I had tried poly before, and lo is a raving bisexual, so it seemed somewhat plausible. They went for it and we began considering ourself something of a poly trio, albeit long distance and in the early stages.

We made plans for lo to come visit us in Florida, but just a week before she would get on the plane, she sent us an email saying she felt like she was making a mistake and wanted to get back together with her husband. I was totally heartbroken and started a thread on it on the GB if anyone wants more detail.

In any case, we started talking again (I totally wrote this part in another thread, but I'll do it again, just in case) and eventually it seemed obvious that she wanted to be with me, but was scared of leaving her husband for such an unsure relationship scenario.

I told her I wouldn't wait forever......

you know what, I won't give you a bunch of details you might not need to know. Ask, and I shall tell, but to make a really long and involved story short, lo moved in with me about a month and a half ago.

It hasn't exactly been the poly trio of my dreams so far, but things have gotten better and I think there's a lot of potential there. C has had a really hard time adjusting, and there are some trust issues between lo and I that have been tough on me as well.

This is about as much as I'll make you read without giving you a chance to ask whatever questions you want, but I'm willing to talk about anything. If nothing else, this should be an interesting look into the one Dom/two subs dynamic that seems to be heard about so often but rarely observed or experienced first-hand, like the giant squid of BDSM or something.

 

[myinnerslut]

questions:

1- do you have a sub and/or slave hierarchy of sorts set up?

2- where do they sleep? both with you? do they take turns?

3- are they allowed to play with each other when they want to or only with your permission

thats all for now but i think this is fascinating and may have more questions later

 

[Evil_Geoff]

You da man, Marquis! Hats off to you, C and lo for giving it a try.

As you know my recent experiment/trial ended, but if you don't try, you don't get! *smiles* Best of luck to all of you!

 

[BiBunny]

Serious part of my post: Congratulations, Marquis. I hope everything works out well between you, C, and lo.

Half-jesting part: Dammit, why I can't I manage to get myself into this situation? I'd give anything for a stable poly relationship. In my experience, though, it's the guys who have the hangups about it.

 

[Marquis]

questions:

1- do you have a sub and/or slave hierarchy of sorts set up?

No, not explicitly.

Originally the idea was that C, who has been with me for 2 years+ would be the alpha sub and lo would be the beta sub. At the time I took that to mean that C would be my more primary partner (although I always wanted our relationship to take the form of an equilateral triangle) while lo would be my secondary partner. This would also mean that C would have some degree of authority over lo.

It hasn't really worked out this way. C has pulled away a lot, although she seems to be getting more comfortable every day. Furthermore, she hasn't really stepped up to take on a leadership role with lo at all, stating that she isn't really looking for any additional responsibility.

However, they do seem to be getting along well as equals and friends. Sexually, lo wears the pants between the two of them, for now.

2- where do they sleep? both with you? do they take turns?

Well, C lives with her parents, but she spends 3 or 4 nights a week here. If someone is cranky or wants to go to bed early, they sleep in the other room. Occasionally one of us will spend the night in the other room (guest bedroom/office, not uncomfortable) to give the other two privacy.

I would say that most of the time when we're all in the same home, we're all sleeping together. We take turns being in the middle.

3- are they allowed to play with each other when they want to or only with your permission

thats all for now but i think this is fascinating and may have more questions later

They are allowed and encouraged to play with each other whenever they like.

 

[Marquis]

You da man, Marquis! Hats off to you, C and lo for giving it a try.

As you know my recent experiment/trial ended, but if you don't try, you don't get! *smiles* Best of luck to all of you!

Actually, I didn't know!!

Was this revealed in a thread you can point me to?

 

[graceanne]

Wow, you certainly have been busy. Congratulations and good luck.

 

[Marquis]

Half-jesting part: Dammit, why I can't I manage to get myself into this situation? I'd give anything for a stable poly relationship. In my experience, though, it's the guys who have the hangups about it.

Really? How so?

Interesting, lo tells me stories of her husband and past boyfriends who didn't enjoy her playing with girls or even bringing girls home to them! This is a pretty foreign concept to me.

C has definitely been the one with the most hang-ups so far, but we'll probably all get our chance to be insecure.

 

[CutieMouse]

We can now officially say that insurance salesmen are not boring.

It sounds like everyone is pulling through the drama of change as well as can be expected; blessings and good luck to all of you.

 

[ammre]

In a previous relationship i had i mentioned the idea of briging home girls and the boy flipped.
I also have a best friend (who jsut joined lit) and at one point... well I gave her multiple orgasms. At least one of her past boyfriends has had a huge issue with us being friends and her current boyfriend was weird abotu it for a while.
We were fine and plutonic.
*shrug*

 

[Marquis]

Is that really it for tonight?

I feel like I've been sitting on this for a while and now that I finally release it the press room is silent.

 

[ammre]

oh, and In some way I'm jelious of your situation becasue it sounds fun.
In another way, I cna't help but think, Shit that's a lot of baggage to try and match.

 

[Marquis]

In a previous relationship i had i mentioned the idea of briging home girls and the boy flipped.
I also have a best friend (who jsut joined lit) and at one point... well I gave her multiple orgasms. At least one of her past boyfriends has had a huge issue with us being friends and her current boyfriend was weird abotu it for a while.
We were fine and plutonic.
*shrug*

I have to imagine these guys must be pretty insecure about their dick game.

 

[BiBunny]

Really? How so?

Interesting, lo tells me stories of her husband and past boyfriends who didn't enjoy her playing with girls or even bringing girls home to them! This is a pretty foreign concept to me.

C has definitely been the one with the most hang-ups so far, but we'll probably all get our chance to be insecure.

Yep. My previous relationship (the one before B. and me) essentially ended because he couldn't accept my girlfriend. I told him about her on our second date, so it wasn't like it came as a surprise. I left it up to him to decide if he wanted to get involved with me, and he thought, "Oh, cool, I can have two for the price of one." He didn't realize that he wouldn't be able to call the shots in my relationship with L. (my girlfriend). He tried his best to come between us and treated her terribly. Through it all, she was never jealous, and she never told me that she didn't want me to be with him. He finally told me I *had* to choose between the two of them. The only person who was surprised that I chose L. was him. I can think of other examples, but that one's the most prominent.

Of course, my idea of the perfect relationship is three bisexual switches and me, two males and one other female, in which one of the males is mostly dominant, the other girl and I are about 50/50, and the other male is mostly submissive, so I may not be the best person to talk to about this kind of thing. I live in poly-fantasyland, apparently.

 

[Marquis]

oh, and In some way I'm jelious of your situation becasue it sounds fun.
In another way, I cna't help but think, Shit that's a lot of baggage to try and match.

At its best, it is more fun than you can possibly imagine.

But yes, there is baggage, and more baggage than you could possibly imagine. Not too long ago, lo's husband was calling and text messaging me on a regular basis. My father was in town the first week lo was here, so he was privy to our little situation way earlier than we were really comfortable revealing it. C is extremely uncomfortable discussing this with anyone she knows and has started seeing a therapist so she has someone impartial to talk to.

Lots and lots and lots of drama, no doubt.

However, it does seem to be getting better and better, and unlike my last poly relationship which seemed to start well and fizzled out quickly, this one seems to be getting stronger and stronger and I do believe the best is yet to come.

 

[CutieMouse]

My ex and I tried poly for a while- he had this annoying habit of falling in love with other women (although he always swore he never had sex with them), so I agreed to "officially" be poly as long as we were both free to have Lovers.

He loved the idea in theory.

In reality, it freaked him out that I happily had 2 lovers, while he couldn't seem to convince any of the women he'd been dating (for lack of a better term) that it really really WAS ok to have sex, even though he was married.

It was odd to me that the emotional connection I had with my Lovers upset him more than the sex, even though he'd spent 12 years arguing that the emotional connection he'd had with other women wasn't anything to be jealous of or worried about.

(I always found that rather amusing, actually...)

 

[BiBunny]

My ex and I tried poly for a while- he had this annoying habit of falling in love with other women (although he always swore he never had sex with them), so I agreed to "officially" be poly as long as we were both free to have Lovers.

He loved the idea in theory.

In reality, it freaked him out that I happily had 2 lovers, while he couldn't seem to convince any of the women he'd been dating (for lack of a better term) that it really really WAS ok to have sex, even though he was married.

It was odd to me that the emotional connection I had with my Lovers upset him more than the sex, even though he'd spent 12 years arguing that the emotional connection he'd had with other women wasn't anything to be jealous of or worried about.

(I always found that rather amusing, actually...)

Funny how that works, isn't it?

 

[Marquis]

Yep. My previous relationship (the one before B. and me) essentially ended because he couldn't accept my girlfriend. I told him about her on our second date, so it wasn't like it came as a surprise. I left it up to him to decide if he wanted to get involved with me, and he thought, "Oh, cool, I can have two for the price of one." He didn't realize that he wouldn't be able to call the shots in my relationship with L. (my girlfriend). He tried his best to come between us and treated her terribly. Through it all, she was never jealous, and she never told me that she didn't want me to be with him. He finally told me I *had* to choose between the two of them. The only person who was surprised that I chose L. was him. I can think of other examples, but that one's the most prominent.

Very interesting. Did he get to fuck L?

This might be a dealbreaker for me too, although I'd like to thing I would be suave enough to get what I wanted.

I find the last sentences most interesting. It confirms something I've recognized in life. Being able to let go of your jealousy brings you tremendous power in life, and ultimatums are generally the refuge of the powerless.

Of course, my idea of the perfect relationship is three bisexual switches and me, two males and one other female, in which one of the males is mostly dominant, the other girl and I are about 50/50, and the other male is mostly submissive, so I may not be the best person to talk to about this kind of thing. I live in poly-fantasyland, apparently.

It would seem to be pretty tough to get such a situation going, particularly if you want to be choosy about who you're doing it with. I don't know, I'd like to imagine poly will be more acceptable in the future.

 

[BiBunny]

Very interesting. Did he get to fuck L?

Yep, anytime he wanted to, though it did depend on if she wanted to on any given day or not. I also told him that it'd be fine for him to fuck other women if he wanted. I'm still not too sure what the problem was.

This might be a dealbreaker for me too, although I'd like to thing I would be suave enough to get what I wanted.

I'd have understood if he'd said he couldn't handle it to begin with. To wait nearly 2 years to decide he couldn't deal with it was pretty shitty in my book.

I find the last sentences most interesting. It confirms something I've recognized in life. Being able to let go of your jealousy brings you tremendous power in life, and ultimatums are generally the refuge of the powerless.

I agree completely. Jealousy is something I never feel, and I think it empowers me in many ways.

It would seem to be pretty tough to get such a situation going, particularly if you want to be choosy about who you're doing it with. I don't know, I'd like to imagine poly will be more acceptable in the future.

You're right. My fantasyland scenario would be damn near impossible to pull off, which is why it's likely to stay in fantasyland. A girl can dream, though, right?

 

[Marquis]

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Well, I have to say that despite my own freedom, I would have a real problem with my women taking on male lovers. I have my little ways of rationalizing it, but at the end of the day it makes me very very uncomfortable and that's that.

Of course, there isn't really anything I could do, should either want to do this, and I guess if she was honest and responsible about it I wouldn't break up with her, but it would be very difficult for me to feel the same way about her.

 

[CutieMouse]

Well, I have to say that despite my own freedom, I would have a real problem with my women taking on male lovers. I have my little ways of rationalizing it, but at the end of the day it makes me very very uncomfortable and that's that.

Of course, there isn't really anything I could do, should either want to do this, and I guess if she was honest and responsible about it I wouldn't break up with her, but it would be very difficult for me to feel the same way about her.

It was a couple (my best friends), and he was free to sleep with either of them in any configuration. They weren't as close to him as they were me, but neither of the guys (my ex or my Lover) was interested in passing up any opportunity to be involved in triads or quads. LOL

Sometimes my girlfriend and I would be together, sometimes her partner and I, sometimes it was her, her partner and I, sometimes it was my ex, her partner and her, sometimes it was myself, and both the guys... my ex got the benifits of my Lovers, but he knew when he was involved it was sex, when it was them and myself it was a lot deeper than that. The emotional connection eventually bothered him enough he decided to take a break from sleeping with any of us (including me).

 

[Marquis]

Yep, anytime he wanted to, though it did depend on if she wanted to on any given day or not. I also told him that it'd be fine for him to fuck other women if he wanted. I'm still not too sure what the problem was.

Woah, so it was a twofer! Wierd, so was it like "Hey L, I'm getting a boyfriend, you have to fuck him."

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, although I could see its disadvantages.

I'd have understood if he'd said he couldn't handle it to begin with. To wait nearly 2 years to decide he couldn't deal with it was pretty shitty in my book.

Everyone has the right to change their mind.

To be honest, I'm surprised to hear this lasted 2 years. I thought I was like the first motherfucker on the block to be doing this shit.

I agree completely. Jealousy is something I never feel, and I think it empowers me in many ways.

Never?

Never is a strong word.

You're right. My fantasyland scenario would be damn near impossible to pull off, which is why it's likely to stay in fantasyland. A girl can dream, though, right?

Dream on.

 

[BiBunny]

Woah, so it was a twofer! Wierd, so was it like "Hey L, I'm getting a boyfriend, you have to fuck him."

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, although I could see its disadvantages.

It was more like a, "Hey, L., meet my new boyfriend. If you like him, you're welcome to him whenever you want." And, yes, it did have its disadvantages.

Everyone has the right to change their mind.

To be honest, I'm surprised to hear this lasted 2 years. I thought I was like the first motherfucker on the block to be doing this shit.

True. It wasn't even so much that he changed his mind that bothered me, but the crappy, underhanded ways he tried to come between L. and me instead of being a man and owning up to his feelings about it. Oh, and you probably were one of the first motherfuckers on the block to be doing this shit.

Never?

Never is a strong word.

Correction: Never in the context of a sexual relationship. When I'm dieting and eating salad and someone else is eating, say, yummy, greasy Chinese food, I get insanely jealous.

Dream on.

Well, it was worth a try, anyway. Maybe one day I'll become the female version of Marquis--so fucking awesome that no one can resist me.

 

[Marquis]

It was more like a, "Hey, L., meet my new boyfriend. If you like him, you're welcome to him whenever you want."

I guess that's more realistic, but I liked my version better.

True. It wasn't even so much that he changed his mind that bothered me, but the crappy, underhanded ways he tried to come between L. and me instead of being a man and owning up to his feelings about it.

I can relate to this. For much of last month C has been a wretched, heinous bitch. I've begged her to communicate her feelings but for the most part she's preferred to simply be angry and abusive. Again, I hate to complain because I did give her a hell of an excuse and she does seem to be relaxing a lot, but it's hard to respect someone who can't seem to get their shit together, emotionally.

Correction: Never in the context of a sexual relationship. When I'm dieting and eating salad and someone else is eating, say, yummy, greasy Chinese food, I get insanely jealous.

Fair enough.

I still think never is a really strong word, but I'll just take what you're saying to mean you exhibit much less jealousy than the average joe/jane.

Well, it was worth a try, anyway. Maybe one day I'll become the female version of Marquis--so fucking awesome that no one can resist me.

I'm highly overrated.

I can think of at least a half dozen times I was resisted in the last 4 years alone.

 

[HottieMama]

I hope everything works out great for you!