Bad stepdaughter

[BlackSnake]

I like to through myself into a story when I reading it, like I am there. But when reading 1st person pov I feel that I'm too close. It never feel that the narrator is speaking to me telling his/her account. The stories should be fantasies. I feel that they are too unbelievable written in 1st person POV. However, that's just my take on it, and plus this doesn't apply to all stories.

...

As I saw her I felt that here was the woman to make me really puke. The idea of touching, or even going near to that smelly lump was making me feel physically sick. I turned and ran.

Reading the above, I could easily believe what is being told, but this pov doesn't allow me to be the observer.

As John came along the path he caught sight of the hated woman, though perhaps hated was the wrong word; he felt that here was a woman to make his stomach give his lunch back to the world. He could smell the stale sweat on her lumpy body and already felt the bile rising to his throat. Before she could come any closer, he turned and ran.

However, here I am watching the action unfold.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

I know this is the wrong thread, but I can't let that pass. Personal feelings can be expressed just as easily in third person as first. It is a matter of writing it properly.

As I saw her I felt that here was the woman to make me really puke. The idea of touching, or even going near to that smelly lump was making me feel physically sick. I turned and ran.
As John came along the path he caught sight of the hated woman, though perhaps hated was the wrong word; he felt that here was a woman to make his stomach give his lunch back to the world. He could smell the stale sweat on her lumpy body and already felt the bile rising to his throat. Before she could come any closer, he turned and ran.

I don't think this is the wrong thread for that! You are creatively helping with an idea. It is most appropriate indeed.

I don't dissagree snooper, many of stories I have written in 3p I realise that it can be related through other means.

Here is the thing though in such a story as discussed above. There will be multiple accounts given from two perspectives. it is not just a moment and then back to the story. The whole story is based on how each person reacts to a situation.

Tossing in so many third person expressed feelings really is a downer I think.


He saw the condom and felt inside......

She saw the condom and felt inside....

He knew the feeling of why she was suddenly ushering him to exit the room....

She felt the reasons to give him the laundry were imperative to remove his presence...


When we have one main charater it is easy to portray the feelings 3p but we have been discussing two equally important characters and perhaps Mom is a ghost character.

Ditching back and fourth makes the story harder to read than if it was a double narrative. Don't you think?

I think so because both characters are having opposite feelings to the same topic trying to blend both feelings is tricky at best. Certainly it can be done I am not sure that lit authors can pull it off with wow results. "That is including myself and anyone else who wishes to jump into the novice author category."


Phildo

 

[BlackSnake]

Phildo,

Your concerns about this may indeed be what it takes to pull this off well in 3p.

Just for kicks and giggles. Do three seperate stories. 1p stepdad, 1p stepdaughter, and 3p. Same space and time.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

You crack me up!

Actually I have just the character to write such tales. Three stories for the price of one.

I think two is pushing it further than the reader wants, let me continue with the mind set of two then I will ponder 3p.





Boy ya give an inch they take three miles.


Phildo

 

[BlackSnake]

You crack me up!

Actually I have just the character to write such tales. Three stories for the price of one.

I think two is pushing it further than the reader wants, let me continue with the mind set of two then I will ponder 3p.





Boy ya give an inch they take three miles.


Phildo

If you pop the first two, I will do the third....editing it even

 

[sirhugs]

more recycling

this thread was very active, but I don't know if any stories came of it. I confessed to an interest in the theme.

Still interested.