Bad jokes...really really BAD!!!!

[fingers_larue]

I thought that this could be a way to fill some space...got a joke that you heard that was really bad and you are almost ashamed to tell anyone, well post it here and then it will be free from your brain and into some one elses brain....kinda like a disease!!!!


Here is one to start us off.....



Two condoms are walking down the street when they come across a gay bar, the first condom says to the second one, hey you want to stop in here and get shit faced!


So there is a start, I know that this is a bad bad bad joke so you can hold all the comments to your self but if you got a bad joke lets see it


LOVE and KISSES to jennxxx, tyme and blessedbe

 

[GuyJD]

A guy is driving home from work and decides to stop for a drink. Unfortunately, his usual bar is closed for reconstruction so he stops at a nearby gay bar.

He asks the bartender for a Bud. The bartender tells him, "Sorry Sweetie but the only way you can get a drink here, you'll have to tell me the name of your penis." The guy is very tired and says, "Look dude, just give me a Bud and I'll be out of here." The bartender insists and tells him, "See that guy there? His penis is named Eveready because it keeps going and going. And that guy named his Nike because he likes to Just Do It. So like it or not big boy, you have to give me a name."

So the guy says, "Fine. Then I call my dick SECRET.....It's strong enough for a man but made only for a woman. Now give me my fucking beer."

 

[fingers_larue]

THANK YOU

good one I like it... lets see what else pops up!

 

[BirdsWife]

So the guy says, "Fine. Then I call my dick SURE.....It's strong enough for a man but made only for a woman. Now give me my fucking beer."

The punchline is SECRET, as in the deodorant, not SURE.




A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

Dear Wife-
You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerly hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you read this letter, I'll be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before Midnight.

Your husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband-
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you read this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant matematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up.

 

[GuyJD]

The punchline is SECRET, as in the deodorant, not SURE.

You're right, my bad. I was typing too fast at the time. But I made the correction.

 

[Blackbich]

Are these for bad sex jokes only?? And do they have to be politically correct? Here goes...I'll take my chances - apologies to anyone who will be offended by these.


What did the Mexican guy say when the houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes
=====================
What did the Mexican kid say when his homework flew out the window?

Hey, come back here essay
=====================
Why are there no black nuns?

Because they all say Mother Fucker instead of Mother Superior

Yes, I am the epitome of politically incorrectness today.
======================
Three ladies are sitting in the doctor's office. One says that she's going to have a girl because she conceived while having sex in the missionary position. One says that she's having a boy because she conceived while having sex riding her man. The blonde thinks for a minute then starts crying..."That means I'm going to have puppies!"

 

[Thrillhouse]

My favorite bad joke.


What's brown and sticky?




































A stick.

 

[Blackbich]

Three women are lost in the woods. After wandering around for a couple of hours, they come across an old hag. After telling her their dilemma, she offers to help. The only way out that she knows of has a huge-man-eating snake at the entrance, it allows only beautiful women to pass...these ladies won't cut the mustard. She tells them about a waterfall with a pond, which is enroute to the exit, that's reported to have magical powers. All they have to do is run through the waterfall and shout the name of someone they want to look like. After the waterfall, they'll jump into the pond (there's no helping that due to momentum) and come up looking like the person whose name they yelled. The spell will last long enough to get them past the snake. The ladies are doubtful but decide it can't hurt to try. They walk a little ways and, lo and behold, there's the waterfall. They're still doubtful that it will work but the first one walks up, pauses then runs through the water shouting 'CLEOPATRA!' Sure enough, when she surfaces in the pond, she looks just like Cleopatra. The second lady, buoyed by her predecessor's success, braces herself then runs through shouting 'ELIZABETH TAYLOR'. Once again, the waterfall has worked its magic as the second lady looks just like Elizabeth Taylor when she surfaces. The third lady gets up to the waterfall, starts to run through it, trips and stumbles and yells 'SHIT'.

 

[GuyJD]

DAMN IT......IF BLACKBICH CAN BE ANTI-P/C

Why did all of the Mexicans leave home when a Korean family moved into their neighborhood?

They all went to buy auto insurance.

A guy walks into a 7-11 and tells the clerk behind the counter, "I need a roll of toilet paper."
Clerk asks the guy, "What color would you like."
After a short pause, the guy replies, "Gimme white. I'll color it myself."

A high school principal announces the names of all of the graduates and hands them all their diplomas. He then announces, "It hurts me to announce that due to his low grade average, I cannot allow our football captain, Moby Jones, to graduate this year."
So all of Moby's friends and graduates shouts from the audience, "Give Moby another chance!!" So the principal says, "Okay, come up here Moby. If you can answer this question, I'll give you your diploma." He asks Moby, "Who was the 1st president of the United States?"
Moby replied, "George Washington Carver" The kids shout, "Awwww, give Moby another chance."
So the principal says, "Okay. Moby, spell the word FALL." Moby says, "P-H-O-L"
The crowd shouts again, "Give Moby another chance." "OKay Moby", says the principal, "how much is 22 plus 20?"
Moby says, "42?"
The kids shouts, "Awwww, give Moby another chance."

 

[BirdsWife]

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?















One US leader.

 

[Monazwx]

*rimshot*

 

[zantac666]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall.

art.

What do call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool.

bob.

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms laying in front of a door.

matt.

 

[Anna Leigh]

little red riding hood

little red riding hood had to go over to her grandma's house to bring chicken noodle soup. Grandma was down in the bed with the flu. little red was given very specific instructions on which path to take because the big bad wolf has been molesting the other children in the woods. she promised her dad she wouldn't deviate from the path, packed up her basket and was on her way! "la la la la la la" could be heard echoing thru the woods and attracted the wolf. he followed her, lurking behind the brush and trees till they got to a open clearing where little red quickly turned around to confront him. taken by suprise he had to compose himself and then started in on his practiced speech that had gotten him lots of little girl nookie lately!" little girl, you are all alone in the woods. do you know what i'm gonna do to you?" she replied " my daddy said that all the other girls got bent over and you took it doggy-style" with this he stepped closer and said " he was right! little red i am going to pull off your little red cape, pull down your little red panties, and fuck you till your little red socks fall off!" with this said she grabbed him back and said" not today mother fucker...today you are going to eat me like the book says!"

 

[Bobmi357]

There was this drunk parked out back of the playboy club. He sat there throughout the evening drinking cheap wine and getting more and more drunk.

Shortly after the club closed a white caddie pulls up to the back entrance of the club and a tall black man steps out dressed in a white tuxedo. The man steps up the the back entrance and waits. After a brief wait one of the playboy bunnies exits the club. The black man approaches her and says;

"Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The bunny is outraged and unsure if she heard what she thought she heard so she demands he repeat himself.

The black man points skyward and says;

"Particularily nice weather!"

Upon hearing that, the bunny shrugs and says "oh", then walks away.

The drunk watches the black man repeat this process several times until one especially well built bunny steps out, he approaches and says "Tickle your ass with a feather?". The bunny looks him over and replies "Your place or mine?", at which point they both enter the caddie and drive away.

Now the drunk thinks "Ive gotz to get me shum of dis ackshun", so he puts on his baseball cap and staggers out of his car towards the back entrance of the club to wait for the next bunny. After a brief wait another bunny exits the club and he stumbles up to her and says....

"tickle yoursh ass wif a fedda?"

The outraged bunny "WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?"

The drunk points up and says "Particka particka, particka, lookit da fucking cloudsh!"

 

[Guest]

Three man are wanking furiously in a cafe. Shocked, the waitress approaches thme to enquire whats going on, and more importantly, why.

The men carry on wanking, but one interrupts and points to a sign:

"First come, first served"

 

[bknight2602]

LMAO
Thanks everyone.

 

[Thrillhouse]

Two guys walk into a bar, which is ood, because you'd figure the second guy would duck.

 

[Guest]

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when
she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese
bride crawled out of the bed after making love all night, she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes, she accidentally let out a big fart!

She looked up, smiled at him, and said: "Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.