Bad fortunes

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

Name a fortune you would not like to get in your fortune cookie.

"Time to start gathering two of everything".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"Stop wondering if people hate you, just accept the fact"

 

[Cwtchseeker]

"Welcome to CyanideCookies.com....."

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"Bad things happen in threes, that meal you just ate was the first".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"You just thought you were whispering, the MMA fighter actually heard you".

 

[Cashern]

"View next negative as a positive"

1 Hour later -
"Honey the pregnancy test was negative yay!"

.............................

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"The beef with broccoli would have been a safer choice".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"You will receive a knock on your door later tonight. Do not answer it."

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

"Botulism is orderless and tasteless for a reason."

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

"You will soon have uncontrollable fits of laughter and loose bowels."

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

"The General Taos chicken is not really chicken, it's the General himself."

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"No need to schedule that colonoscopy ".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"You should have checked that Yelp rating before eating here".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"That white stuff you ate wasn't cream".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"Opportunity will knock soon, however you will be inside with headphones on."

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"That abduction last night, it wasn't a dream".

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"That feeling you are being watched? It's not your imagination ".

 

[done_got_old]

Change can hurt, but it leads a path to trip to the ER.

 

[hotwords229_A]

There's a clown watching you . . . waiting.

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

Prepare for the big one

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"Sleep with one eye open"

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

"Today your ship will come in, however you will be at the airport picking up your mother in law".

 

[lilmissdarling]

You will obtain great debt today

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

"You will die alone & poorly dressed"