Bad boys

[fotowriter]

I just need a little insight here......

What exactly do women see in "bad boys" why do they want them so bad. Perhasp it's like that song that men wnat a lasy in the street and a slut in the bed... is it the same way for woman to want a man in the street and a bad guy in bed?

WHat exactly does it take to be a bad guy in the bed?


Thanks for your thoughts

 

[infinity706]

Well, for some women it literally does mean tying her up, spanking her, making the first move, throat fucking, calling the shots, calling her cunt/bitch/whore/slut/cocksucker... For some women, it's merely asserting yourself. Many more are in between and like varying degrees of "rough sex." It just depends on the woman as to how much of a bad boy she wants. Some submissive women even like the occasional "wham, bam" where they're just fucked hard and fast until the guy gets off and then, he walks off like they're his blowup doll.

It's really no different than with guys. A "bad girl" in some cases is one that's willing to fuck with the lights on. For some, a little dirty talk qualifies. In some cases, though, a bad girl is one that wears leather, slaps him in the face, and tosses him onto the bed for a hard ass fucking.

There really is no one definition of exactly how bad, bad is.

 

[Jeanx2storm]

A good man is hard to find; he's a soft shoulder to lean on, capable and intelligent, he opens my door, he can laugh at something silly, he has confidence, takes care of himself, and he can push me up against a wall and kiss me like the night's on fire.

 

[fire_breeze]

I just need a little insight here......

What exactly do women see in "bad boys" why do they want them so bad. Perhasp it's like that song that men wnat a lasy in the street and a slut in the bed... is it the same way for woman to want a man in the street and a bad guy in bed?

WHat exactly does it take to be a bad guy in the bed?


Thanks for your thoughts

It depends on the woman's definition of a bad boy. For me, it's being true to oneself, and while respecting the society one lives in, is still very much an individual and refuses to conform. These men are often are seen as 'bad'. For example, my former roommate had longer hair than me, rode a motorcycle, got drunk more often than he was sober (although this changed), was arrested once and was the epitome of bad boy. He is also a brilliant scientist, loves philosophy, respectful of others and is every inch of a gentleman. He does what he thinks is right, and is completely true to himself. It's that self-confidence with the touch of cockiness that can be very hot.

A good man is hard to find; he's a soft shoulder to lean on, capable and intelligent, he opens my door, he can laugh at something silly, he has confidence, takes care of himself, and he can push me up against a wall and kiss me like the night's on fire.

Amen


Now where to clone one?

 

[sunandshadow]

Someone recently asked almost the same question in a forum for romance novel writers that I hang out at. The most common response was, "we want a badass with a heart of gold." In other words, a bad guy on the outside, a good guy on the inside.

Why is this? Well in terms of evolutionary biology, a man who can seem intimidating is going to be more effective at protecting his mate and children, and aggressively securing for himself a big share of bacon (money) to bring home for their benefit. Also women want to be the only woman their guy is really nice to, they don't want him to be equally nice to all women. People want to feel that they are the only one who brings out the best in their mate, because this makes them feel that they are being helpful/improving to their mate, it is flattering to the ego to be special, and implies security that their mate will be faithful. Also people in general like a bit of a challenge, and variety in their mate's moods rather than a constant sunny disposition, because anything that is always easy and constant is boring.

 

[romantic_always]

I only see the appeal to a "bad boy" in terms of lust and sexual fantasy, much like some men see the appeal to a sexually promiscuous woman who will engage in threesomes, orgies, what have you; but those lustful fantasies are not usually what people are looking for in reality.

Most women simply want a man who isn't overly dependent and can live his own life without needing to rely on them. I have never understood the "bad boy" thing myself, as the nice guys do seem to finish last sometimes. However, the bad boys may draw in the wrong kinds of women, and the other way around of course, but it could be a clash.

Personally, a man who can treat a woman right and fulfill her sexual needs just as much as his own, without using her as a sex object...that's what a real man.

 

[infinity706]

I only see the appeal to a "bad boy" in terms of lust and sexual fantasy, much like some men see the appeal to a sexually promiscuous woman who will engage in threesomes, orgies, what have you; but those lustful fantasies are not usually what people are looking for in reality.

I'm guessing that doesn't apply to me since I do engage in threesomes and orgies?

 

[fotowriter]

THank you for your feedback and thoughts.

I can understand all of the comments. I have alswasy considered myself a good man even a gentlman. I will go above and beyond to be romantic, nice, sweet, and take care of my woman. I have no problems showing my softer side.

I suppose I have a bit of a naughty side too it's just diffucult to determine how much of that a woman wants. I have had many fantasies and now that I am with a woman that seems interested I find myself second guessing myself as I don't want her to see me as something that I am not.

While putting a lot of thought into this issue I am learning that it is a communicative and intimate realtionship in which each needs to allow the other to be free with themselves. I suppose it's difficult becasue my ex was a very selfish and controlling woman. I think now I need to learn and understand when she wants to be made love to and when she wants to be thrown to the floor and taken advantage of.

For the most part on this forum I find that most are sincere and seem genuinely interested in helping . What I get most out of it is that in a relationship the openess and honesty are paramount above all and essential to a great sexually intimate realtionship no matter what your needs, desires, and fantasies are. Right now I am happy in that I seem to have found that in the one I am with. If by chance we go our seperate ways I now have gained a greater understanding that a realtionship is a two way street built on communication and intamacy.

 

[fotowriter]

I wanted to make one more comment in reference to romanticalwasy post..... I agree 100 % what you have said there and I believe that in order to fullfill thier sexual desires you ahve to also have that intimate connection with the mind. For me it all ties into heart, mind, body, and soul... if you and your partner are on the same page in all these areas then you will have or achieve what most people never get.

 

[CWatson]

Good thing I stumbled upon this thread, I was about to start one of my own.

Speaking as a Nice Guy who has been finishing last for a while now, it is definitely hard to know when to draw the line. One wants to put one's best foot forward, obviously, and that means at least being polite, if not gentlemanly, and hopefully managing to flirt a little. At the same time, though, I hate overconfidence; I decided long ago that, if I had to choose between being a spineless wimp and an arrogant jerk, I would choose the former. And despite how little that choice has gotten me laid, I would make it again. But the thing is, I don't have to choose between one and the other; there is a happy medium. I just... Have no idea how to establish it. (The good news is, I did have it for about three months of my life, so I can do it again. But it's gone now, and in the meantime I met approximately zero women, much less asked anybody out.)

Sometimes I think that the smartest thing for me to do would just to be an overconfident jerk for a little while, just to see how it's done. The problem is, I'm really scared I'll get stuck in that mode. I know just how much I crave power.

 

[sweet_escape]

I just need a little insight here......

What exactly do women see in "bad boys" why do they want them so bad. Perhasp it's like that song that men wnat a lasy in the street and a slut in the bed... is it the same way for woman to want a man in the street and a bad guy in bed?

WHat exactly does it take to be a bad guy in the bed?

Thanks for your thoughts

I'm not attracted to bad boys. The characteristics I find attractive in men are confidence, patience, sense of humour and fun, cheekiness. I also like a strong build and for him to have the ability to throw me around a bit in bed. I like the take charge type, but arrogance turns me right off.

 

[satindesire]

I think we as a group have lost the implication behind the words 'bad boy'. It's not used to describe a man who's a little freaky in the sack, it's a BAD THING to be a 'bad boy', remember?

This is not a good term. This is a term generally used to describe players, man whores, immature, emotionally stunted frat bots. Guys that use, cheat, abuse and break hearts without feeling regret or guilt in the least.

Any woman who is attracted to and maintains relationships with these types of men are, in my very experienced opinion, immature and insecure. I was there, I have been with my fair share of 'bad boys', and tried to take on too many 'boyfriend projects'.

After getting my heart broken too many times, I decided to grow the heck up and stop trying to 'save' these kinds of men. I made a choice that from now on, I'd only let myself be with a man that loved and respected me, wholly. Unselfishly.

Now I'm with an awesome guy that treats me like a princess.

The things that attracted me to bad boys are the same things that attracted me to my fiance. However, he didn't come with emotional baggage enough to choke LAX luggage claim services, a couple of baby mama's, and a drug habit. I think it's a win win situation.

 

[LusciousLoralie]

first thing:

"Some submissive women even like the occasional "wham, bam" where they're just fucked hard and fast until the guy gets off and then, he walks off like they're his blowup doll."

I'm one of those women!

Second:

I don't like the typical guy that is described as a "bad boy". Mostly because I like men & not boys but I digress. The most common definition of a bad boy is someone who is abusive, always getting arrested, starting fights, always drunk or high. I DO NOT like that but I know some women do.

Idk about everyone else but the most ideal type of guy is one who treats me like a princess everywhere but in bed. In bed I want to be his filthy little slut.

 

[fotowriter]

I appreciate all the comments..... and you know what I have learned here is absolutley nothing that I did not already know. I will continue being the perfect gentleman, the good guy, a soft heart, hard worker, and shoulder to cry on. In the meantime I will work out for you, fix your dishwasher and fillup your gas tank. YOu can take me home to your parents and I will awe you and dazzle you with my hoplessly romantic endeavors.

When we get home I will I lean in to kiss you and the feel the softness of your lips. As my eyes close I can feel their soft touch pressed lightly against my own. At first it’s a gentle touch, almost nonexistent, soft, gentle, lingering, building my passion leaving me wanting more. Soon I feel your breath enter my own and I smell the scent of your jasmine as our bodies instinctively pull closer together. Our lips press closer, gently opening, pressing ever firmer into my own. Your taste is what I desire, I can feel your lips gently parting; soon they open up for me softly, seductively, wanting me, enticing me to enter. I pull you closer with my right hand wanting you to feel my desire for you. My left, at first caressing your cheek, then quickly moving to your neck as my fingers run through your hair pulling you ever closer to me. Instinctively your mouth opens, drawing me in and at last my tongue enters your body. Slowly at first I take in your essence and savor your taste. I linger inside taking in your breath, your warmth, the touch of your own tongue teasing against my own. Soon, I can no longer control my love nor my lust for you. I kiss you more forcefully, so that you may feel my strength and my desire for you. I can feel your need for me in the way you pull me closer into your body. I can hear your approval as you softly moan. I open my eyes to find they are met by your own. In them I see your burning love and desire for me. The warm amber glow of the candlelight reflects in your eyes as you struggle on your tip toes to meet my lips. My head leans down to meet yours as our eyes again close, to be lost in the moment, to be consumed by each other in anticipation of what is destined to follow.

Then I may make love to you all night long or I may drop you to the ground and use your body for my pleasure as I fuck you like you have never been fucked before.

 

[sweet_escape]

I appreciate all the comments..... and you know what I have learned here is absolutley nothing that I did not already know. I will continue being the perfect gentleman, the good guy, a soft heart, hard worker, and shoulder to cry on. In the meantime I will work out for you, fix your dishwasher and fillup your gas tank. YOu can take me home to your parents and I will awe you and dazzle you with my hoplessly romantic endeavors...

...Then I may make love to you all night long or I may drop you to the ground and use your body for my pleasure as I fuck you like you have never been fucked before.

Keep doing that and you really can't go wrong.

 

[fire_breeze]

I appreciate all the comments..... and you know what I have learned here is absolutley nothing that I did not already know. I will continue being the perfect gentleman, the good guy, a soft heart, hard worker, and shoulder to cry on. In the meantime I will work out for you, fix your dishwasher and fillup your gas tank. YOu can take me home to your parents and I will awe you and dazzle you with my hoplessly romantic endeavors.

When we get home I will I lean in to kiss you and the feel the softness of your lips. As my eyes close I can feel their soft touch pressed lightly against my own. At first it’s a gentle touch, almost nonexistent, soft, gentle, lingering, building my passion leaving me wanting more. Soon I feel your breath enter my own and I smell the scent of your jasmine as our bodies instinctively pull closer together. Our lips press closer, gently opening, pressing ever firmer into my own. Your taste is what I desire, I can feel your lips gently parting; soon they open up for me softly, seductively, wanting me, enticing me to enter. I pull you closer with my right hand wanting you to feel my desire for you. My left, at first caressing your cheek, then quickly moving to your neck as my fingers run through your hair pulling you ever closer to me. Instinctively your mouth opens, drawing me in and at last my tongue enters your body. Slowly at first I take in your essence and savor your taste. I linger inside taking in your breath, your warmth, the touch of your own tongue teasing against my own. Soon, I can no longer control my love nor my lust for you. I kiss you more forcefully, so that you may feel my strength and my desire for you. I can feel your need for me in the way you pull me closer into your body. I can hear your approval as you softly moan. I open my eyes to find they are met by your own. In them I see your burning love and desire for me. The warm amber glow of the candlelight reflects in your eyes as you struggle on your tip toes to meet my lips. My head leans down to meet yours as our eyes again close, to be lost in the moment, to be consumed by each other in anticipation of what is destined to follow.

Then I may make love to you all night long or I may drop you to the ground and use your body for my pleasure as I fuck you like you have never been fucked before.

Although I have posted my comments and opinions on bad boys, I do have to add this:

Be yourself. Be true to yourself. While confidence with some cockiness is hot to some, someone who is true to himself, who will not compromise who he is undeniably sexy to everyone.

Hmm... maybe THAT'S the appeal of the so called bad boys... *runs off to hit the books and research on the matter*

 

[nipple jewelry]

Bad boy to me is a guy that looks rough, some tatts, boots maybe, scruffy, and that will man-handle me in bed. Not rough me up or tie me up like Infinity mentioned, but not really care about how he uses me and my body. Bad boys will sometimes just want to please themselves, but knowing that will also allow me do cum hard! Its hard to explain.

Its like they dont care about me, they just want to use me. Sometimes I want that too. I have hubby for all the soft shoulder, cuddle me type of things.

I am luck that my husband knows sometimes I need something else and he lets me have it.

V

 

[mylaceratedheart]

Been there, done that. I was the girl people shook their heads at and said 'What in heaven's name is she doing with that asshole?' In my case, it was a throwback to past abuse at the hands of my father. I didn't respect 'nice' guys because I didn't fear them, it really was that simple. I enabled my own domestic abuse in 2 relationships before I broke the pattern and went through the therapy required to heal my perspective and become strong and capable as an individual.

I know this isn't really what you are asking but nice guys who complain that nobody wants them because they're not bastards are only ever seeing half the picture. Nine times out of ten, it's not about you at all. Taking things like this personally is an exercise in futility, there are always deeper issues at work than what you see as an observer.

Just remember that for every nice guy, there's at least one girl who's looking for one.

 

[fotowriter]

Been there, done that. I was the girl people shook their heads at and said 'What in heaven's name is she doing with that asshole?' In my case, it was a throwback to past abuse at the hands of my father. I didn't respect 'nice' guys because I didn't fear them, it really was that simple. I enabled my own domestic abuse in 2 relationships before I broke the pattern and went through the therapy required to heal my perspective and become strong and capable as an individual.

I know this isn't really what you are asking but nice guys who complain that nobody wants them because they're not bastards are only ever seeing half the picture. Nine times out of ten, it's not about you at all. Taking things like this personally is an exercise in futility, there are always deeper issues at work than what you see as an observer.

Just remember that for every nice guy, there's at least one girl who's looking for one.

I can understand where you are coming from in that My exwife, yes exwife was also one of those types of abusive persons. As far as guys that complain that nobody wants them, you are correct in that they are only seeing half the picture becasue they are dealing with their own issues. Thats where I see the differance between what woman want and what constitutes a good/bad guy. Just becasue a man does not beat or abuse a woman does not make him a man. Just as it does not make him a man to by being a wimp or a coward. A man should have certain qualitites that attract a woman. IF a good guy is complaining that he is getting the short end of the stick becasue he is a good guy he needs to look deep inside himself and ask himself if he is behaving like a man or if his own personal insecurities are getting in the way.

 

[drinkmeup83]

For me, the appeal of a bad boy is that it is never boring. A bad boy is someone that might get me into a little trouble. He is going to push my limits (both in the bedroom and out). Someone that is spontaneous, confident, adventurous and doesn’t always play by the rules or he know how to bend them.

Currently I am talking to a guy that is a bad boy. He might call me and at a moments notice and want me to go take a road trip somewhere or go camping. Nothing is ever conventional with him. We have never had a typical date but it is always fun. However on the other side of this coin due to his extreme spontaneity and rule breaking he is not the most dependable person in the world. So, while I love spending time with him and doing crazy stuff he is not someone that I would ever date seriously or marry (despite his constant proposals). There has to be a good balance there between good guy and bad boy.

I also think there is a difference between bad boy and someone who is just a jerk. So it doesn’t have the same negative connotation for me that it does for other people.

 

[BossySon21a]

I think we as a group have lost the implication behind the words 'bad boy'. It's not used to describe a man who's a little freaky in the sack, it's a BAD THING to be a 'bad boy', remember?

This is not a good term. This is a term generally used to describe players, man whores, immature, emotionally stunted frat bots. Guys that use, cheat, abuse and break hearts without feeling regret or guilt in the least.

Any woman who is attracted to and maintains relationships with these types of men are, in my very experienced opinion, immature and insecure.

That may well be true, but if so there are quite a large number of women who fall into that category out there. And they pick them out over and over and over, each time expecting it to somehow be different.

One of the odd things is that so many of them, if asked to describe their ideal guy, will describe a 'nice guy', but by their actions they show that they don't desire in practice what they want in theory. (Not that that is unique to women.)

Some men are attracted repeatedly to 'bad girls', too, but we have to a distinction because our society expects different things of men and women. A woman who just has a high libido, and acts on that, is often thought of as a 'bad girl', even if she's also one of the kindest, most loyal and caring people one would ever meet. A guy with a high libido is just considered 'normal', to the point that those men who have natuarlly low libidos are often seen as 'weak'.

So a lot of times when guys say they want a 'bad girl', what they actually mean is just a woman who really likes sex, not someone who will use and abuse them. Though as I said, there are men who are drawn straight to those women who really are walking disaster areas.

This does usually seem to be a somewhat more 'female' thing, though, from what I've seen.

 

[Satin_belle]

If the definition a bad boy is just somebody who does what
he wants to do,my ex boyfriend would fit that bill.
He was a very talented musician who would never be told what to do.

Now he's just a sad 40 year old poverty case.
He was sweet though.

 

[satindesire]

That may well be true, but if so there are quite a large number of women who fall into that category out there. And they pick them out over and over and over, each time expecting it to somehow be different.

Yes, I know. However, it's still immature and insecure. Not okay, in my book. "Bad boys"...genuine heartbreaking, cheating, lying bastards, are not good matches, anytime any place. The bad boys that have been mentioned here aren't really 'bad' as much as spontaneous, adventurous, and mischievous. Those are good qualities, not bad.

One of the odd things is that so many of them, if asked to describe their ideal guy, will describe a 'nice guy', but by their actions they show that they don't desire in practice what they want in theory. (Not that that is unique to women.)

Oh absolutely. Hence my statement. Any woman who continues that self-destructive path is immature. She has little to no self awareness and is lacking in serious logic.

Some men are attracted repeatedly to 'bad girls', too, but we have to a distinction because our society expects different things of men and women. A woman who just has a high libido, and acts on that, is often thought of as a 'bad girl', even if she's also one of the kindest, most loyal and caring people one would ever meet. A guy with a high libido is just considered 'normal', to the point that those men who have natuarlly low libidos are often seen as 'weak'.

Let me say again that the term 'bad' is highly relative and probably seriously misused in the context of this thread. When did 'bad' become "good" in the English language? I am not promiscuous in the least, I pay my taxes, take good care of my family, but I doubt anyone would call me a 'bad girl' because I have a high libido and I'm not ashamed to speak about sex.

So a lot of times when guys say they want a 'bad girl', what they actually mean is just a woman who really likes sex, not someone who will use and abuse them. Though as I said, there are men who are drawn straight to those women who really are walking disaster areas.

This does usually seem to be a somewhat more 'female' thing, though, from what I've seen.

Oh I agree with this totally...The ratio of male to female in the liking of 'bad' (again, misused in the context of this thread) people as partners is highly biased towards women.

 

[Submission13]

The idea of a why a woman wants a Bad Boy has both fascinated and perplexed me for a very long time. Sort of like asking why an individual prefers brunetts to blonds, it going to be a subjective answer!

 

[LusciousLoralie]

Keep doing that and you really can't go wrong.

absolutely