Backclick Triggers

[dr_mabeuse]

Every so often it's a good idea to keep each other apprised of those phrases, terms, and literary conventions that make us as readers immediately backclick out of whatever it is we're reading. I was reminded of this today when I saw the phrase "to die for" used to describe some woman's figure. That one does it for me; I see it and I'm gone.

Others:

--The hero being "6'2", 190 lbs" (variations include: "without an ounce of fat on me" & "with piercing blue eyes". Extra fast back-click points if he's a black belt in karate or works out every day.)

--dick length

--cup size

--Opening a story with "It was a day I'll never forget" or any mention of something the author will never forget

--Not quite rating a backclick but certainly earning a gritting of teeth is the mirror scene, where someone admires themselves in the mirror so they can tell you what they look like.

--"This is a true story!"

--"She was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen!"

--"Thought I'd died and gone to heaven."

More as they come in.

---dr.M.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Throbbing breasts.

"His cock sprang to attention" (or any cock metaphor that involves a tentpole)

Physical descriptions that sound like they're from a police blotter.

Unexplained tense changes.

BDSM jargon (that I/i H/he Y/you S/shit).

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Well...

We all know what a crusty person I am. As you would expect, I have several...

1. Height/weight/hair color given via batting average stats. If I want it on a grid... I'll buy a trading card.

2. Dick length over about 8" (anything longer and I begin to wonder which nostril it will come out when they fuck).

3. Moist love tunnels, trobbing member, wet slit....and the like.

4. Jubblies, jugs, hooters, box, yani, muffin, cooter, schlong, Mr. Happy.... you get the picture.

5. *Not universal... 1st person POV. Too difficult for most ameture writers to tackle. I don't want to waste my time watching you struggle through it like a cat in a brown paper bag.

6. *99.9% universal....2nd person POV. It just all comes off like HS sophomore creative writing class. Plus, I don't like it when the writer describes doing something to me *personally* that I might not enjoy. Real mood killer.

7. Infallible characters who are always perfect at everything. They have the best bodies. The best jobs. The nicest cars. The most perfect relationship. Fuck em. Don't like em in real life... don't like reading about em.

8. Puppeteering. You know... when the characters are wooden and the action is clearly contrived.

9. Heinous grammar and spelling. I don’t mean mild… I mean really really poor.

I’m sure I can think of more… lemme go into my thinking chair and I’ll be back in a few.

~Crusty WOK

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

More...

10. ((((Parentheses)))))

11. CAPS, ITALICS and BOLD Lettering....with a few notable exeptions.

12. Destiny, Gustav, Myrtle, Penelope, Sven, Fabio...and other such inappropriate/bad soap opera names.

13. OH!OH!OH!...the name Raven. That one makes my blood boil. We all know Raven. She is the misunderstood Goth/Wiccan chick with the *gasp* raven black hair, pale skin and piercing blue eyes. She listens to industrial music, cuts herself for pleasure and is about to be introduced to the crazy world of kinky sex.

14. Gem references of all kinds. Emerald Eyes, Sapphire Eyes, Ruby Lips....

15. Adverbs that serve no function other than to attempt to conceal bad writing.



I'm certain more will come to mind...

~WOK

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Being guilty of numerous infractions already I suppose I should make my list short

1. Relying on stereotypes rather than building a character. This will turn me off faster than even content I am not crazy about.

2. Internal inconsistancies. I have commited a few in my own works and detest them, nothing jerks me out of the flow of a story like going back to see if I misread or misremembered something.

3. Writers who are very vague, especially if I feel it's done intentionally. If I wanted to spend a whole story imagining every detail I might as well be writing my own.

4. Pop culture references that are intregal to the story. The last band I listened to with any regularity was Whitesnake. The last TV show I followed more than sparingly was Mash. The last non disney/non starwars movie I saw in the theater was probably Flash Gordon. I am not that old, but I do lead a very isolated and disconnected existance. While references to pop culture don't bother me in passing, using one as a prime mover or at the climax really leaves me staring blankly at the page.

5. Perfect characters. Show me some flaws and some humanity before they jump in the sack.

-Colly

 

[snooper]

Plagiarism

Celebrity "guast" appearances in stories. ... The author should create her(his) own characters and situations, not steal someone else's. For that reason I avoid all celeb and fan-fic stories.

 

[English Lady]

breast size,cock size,weights and even heights..I don't want facts and figures I want a picture drawn for my imagination thank you very much.

Awfull spelling and grammar form the bginning..and I mean awful as mine can be pretty bad sometimes!

the same old same old...someones personal fantasy written out just like you were answering an exam question or writing the method for an experiment "I would do this then you'd do that then we'd do the other together"


those are the ones that jump to mind anyway.....

 

[TheEarl]

Hey look, it's my sister's friend sunning herself by the poolside.

Hey look, she's just taken her bikini top off to get a better tan.

I think I'll go and talk to her.

FURIOUS SHAGGING!

I wonder if my sister would like to join in?


Please. If they don't have a reason to fuck, then they shouldn't be fucking at all. Come back when you have a plot.

The other one that really bugs me is one that I've seen touted by a lot of respectable Lit authors as a good way of starting a story. It's the brief sex followed by flashback. It starts off with something like "Helen screamed in ecstasy as Steve licked her clit" and then has Helen thinking about the events that led up to the sex in her post-coital bliss.

It pisses me off no end. I have an attention span of more than 3 seconds; I don't need to be forcefed with sex in the first paragraph. Also I really don't give a damn what these characters are doing yet. I don't know them. So Steve's licking Helen. BFD. I could find that in a thousand stories. I don't know them yet, so I don't care. Plus it seems a really contrived way to start a story.

I have no objection to the flashback mode in general. As long as it's clear, I see nothing wrong with that mode of writing. It just really gets on my pecs that some authors try to jump start their story by throwing in early unnecessary sex. If you're that scared that no-one will like your beginning, then maybe you should look at your writing style, rather than giving me pointless sex.

Sorry for the soapbox, but, as you might have noticed, this bugs me.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Respectifully Disagreeing

 

[raphy]

Oh no! My latest one is flashback!

*grins at The Earl*

I don't have many backclick triggers, I don't think.

Sex without a plot - Situations turn me on more than sex itself. Tell me why they're having sex.

Bad grammar - Doesn't even have to be particularly bad, because I'm anally retentive when it comes to grammar and punctuation. If I can get it right, the rest of the world should be able to as well. (Unless you're DirtGurl, in which case you're excused)

Detailed personal descriptions - Yeah, put a few lines in for local color, but don't overdo it.

I think the biggest thing that annoys me is that so many stories on lit are written *specifically* for sex. I like my erotica to be more than just a sex scene. I like it to be a story with sex. Not just the sex.

Putting extended physical descriptions in, or not having a reason for the fucking just smacks to me of writing sex for sex's sake. Write the story, for fuck's sake. Write it as you would write any story, but when your characters get close, you can have 'em bump uglies instead of having to fade to black.

That's erotica for me.

Raphy, babbling

p.s. That said, I have to confess, I have just finished a direct-fucking no-plot stroke story just to see if I could do it. It starts off with sex and flashes back and even has description of the woman in it. Doesn't have much of a plot, either. I think it's a little more readable than most though, just because I wrote it in a fairly humorous, irreverent style.

 

[Icingsugar]

I've got only one personal pet peeve. Write well, and avoid the smut clichés. I'm sick and tired of all the xerox stories where the buff (or the nerd, that's another cliché) meets the busty slut and only because she is a busty slut, they get it on, without a tiniest reflection on why. Or why not.

But, oh goodness. I can't even begin to count how many of those sins you have listed (that I generally also agree with) I've incorporated into my latest, nearly finished story...

It's got a mirror viewing scene, with a detailed description of flawlessness, batting the average stats, quite stereotyped characters, and lame plot turns lining up for the sex, which is a lengthy romp, as outrageous as a consentual no props fuck can be, going on for about two thirds of a 9000 words story. It doesn't have a plot. The sex is the plot.

Just like raphy, I wrote it as an excersize to see if I could. And I think that it, once I straighten out the grammar, will be one for the strokers. I might have to split it up into episodes though, so the readers don't finish long before the story does.

 

[Omni]

Stories that are cyber lovers meet for the first time. Toooo, many of these.

I would like to back click on all first person stories, but then I would never read anything at Lit. But, my fingers hovers twitching.

Stories with no names in them.

I check how many pages first, if it is one page, I will not bother. Two pages I nearly do not bother. Length to me inspires the opinion there might be depth. Not always true, but the odds are better.


Omni

 

[ffreak]

This is what I like about the Author's Hangout.

OK, so I have to throw my latest attempt away and look for a story, but this is the type of advice writers want to get.

I still contend that there is porn and there is erotica to be found at Lit. The difference can be seen in many of the stories submitted here. Porn: sex for the sake of sex. Erotica: anticipation of sex, even the promise of sex, and when there is no where else to go, sex - all interrupted by the timings and obligations of real life.

I also think that doing exercises with these rules in mind, maybe one at a time, can be useful. The challenge is to break the stereotype by doing it differently. Maybe using contrast can bring a completely unexpected result. Start with sex, but instead of doing a flashback, have them get caught, or one partner becomes possessed at that moment of greatest pleasure and weakness (ever known anyone who could deliver rational speech while orgasming, much less fight off evil?) - now was it mutual, or is the other person able to get up and run?

I've been experimenting in writing on a serial basis in two forums, one the Playground and one in the How-to. The hope was to get some immediate feedback from non-writers as I went along. One is almost devoid of response outside of we like it, the other has tremendous response, including a Lit Editor. Sorry, Omni, but the 2nd case uses no names - also an experiment. Has it taught me anything? Yes. I have noticed that I've become better at cliff-hanging with the implied promise of something sexier to come (pardon the pun). It also showed me that plot and stroke must be intertwined to keep the strokers' attention while trying to use a real plot (ok a simple plot, but still, I worked out a plot before writing). In the first case (involves chocolate, a lot of it), I think there are a lot of back clickers. In the second case (incest), there seem to be an awful lot of viewers.


I think my back clicks have already been inventoried by earlier posts - 2nd person is my number one, though. Don't tell me how I'd react or what I'd do - unless you're writing a letter and then still, tell me what you'd do to me instead. Tell me what you saw me do, or I'll find that back click real soon.

-FF

 

[oggbashan]

My back clicks start with spelling and grammar.

When people get the end of the first page of one of my stories without finding any sex and then see 5 or more pages to go - most back click.

I should write my stories as chapters but most of the chapters would have NO sex in them.

I like stories with sex, not sex without a story. If there is no plot, no characterisation, I'll leave the "story" alone even if it has a high rating.

Og

 

[Icingsugar]

Porn: sex for the sake of sex. Erotica: anticipation of sex, even the promise of sex, and when there is no where else to go, sex

Do you mind if I frame this?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Re: More...

13. OH!OH!OH!...the name Raven. That one makes my blood boil. We all know Raven. She is the misunderstood Goth/Wiccan chick with the *gasp* raven black hair, pale skin and piercing blue eyes. She listens to industrial music, cuts herself for pleasure and is about to be introduced to the crazy world of kinky sex.

Wait, wait! What about Raven's last name? Darkwing, Wolfchylde, Darkenwolf, Wolfwing, Bloodmoon. Yes, I understand. She's a badass. Really, I get it. Now shut up.

---dr.M.

 

[ffreak]

Originally posted by ffreak
Porn: sex for the sake of sex. Erotica: anticipation of sex, even the promise of sex, and when there is no where else to go, sex.
Originally posted by Icingsugar
Do you mind if I frame this?

Feel free - maybe another AV.

-FF (platting along - looking for Raven Nightsub - the badass submissive)

 

[MathGirl]

Perhaps it may be considered unusual, but I respond positively to cup size, wiwi length, and the phrase "not an ounce of fat." Those are clues I'm about to read a really good story.

I always scan the first page for mention of sheep, bustards, or garderobes. If I don't see any, I'm outa there.
MG
Ps. At the AH, a misspelling in the title of a thread is hard to ignore.

 

[Guest]

At the AH, a misspelling in the title of a thread is hard to ignore.

Maths, for me it's hard to miss, easy to ignore.

Perdita

 

[Chicklet]

Tense changes do it for me. And bad spelling. I'm sorry, but I just can't get into a story when the author spells Roast without an "A" and Chicken with a "C" (actually a girl did that at work this week, drove me out of my mind)

When I start reading something in past tense and then it heads for "He commands" "he says" "He feels" it drives me up the wall! Not to mention that I hate present tense anyway. Ugh.

My say.

Chicklet

 

[dr_mabeuse]

How could I forget:

--Monotonous sentence structure: ("She opened his pants. He moaned with pleasure. She found his cock. He thought it felt good. She held him in her hand.")

--Monolithic paragraphs. Lots of times I'll retreat just from the physical appearance of the piece. If I see great, hulking, solid blocks of text, that old, childhood aversion to text without pistures seems to raise its head and I flee.
-----A crollary of this is more than one person talking per paragraph. Occasionally this can be pulled off, but usually it says that the author doesn't know what he/she's doing.

--Misspellings? I try not to let the occasional spellcheck error bother me, but when you have a gaffe in the first sentence of the story, it's rather off-putting. ("The party was winding down, reaching it's end..."

---dr.M.

 

[LorriLove]

Hmm

at least she didn't write cok chicklet, giggle

me?? well if blake hasn't fucked cristal six times in the first line, i'm outa there now there's a soap for you other oldies to remember.

on a serious note however, i seem to agree with most of you, cock size in inches, bye, bye!!, tit size with cup code and makers name, i'm off!! she had a figure like a supermodel, or troy flexed his huge bulging muscles, yukk!! blake fucked her like a steam hammer for six hours non stop, load of bollocks!! of course the old favourites, oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh goddddddd i'mmmmmm cumminggggg screamed cristal as she had the biggest orgasm she'd ever had in her life, fuck off!!

spelling and grammar, if it ruins the story i hate it, if it's unobtrusive enough, who gives a toss, i'm no yuppie english professor.

lorri xxxxxxxx

 

[destinie21]

all of the above plus stereo typical "ethnic descriptions."
Every woman with red hair doesn't have to be Scottish or Irish.
On the same note every woman with red hair need not have green or blue eyes. ect...

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Every so often it's a good idea to keep each other apprised of those phrases, terms, and literary conventions that make us as readers immediately backclick out of whatever it is we're reading. I was reminded of this today when I saw the phrase "to die for" used to describe some woman's figure. That one does it for me; I see it and I'm gone.

|
From a recent story of mine:
"That's true of all the restaurants on that street. Food
to die for -- restrooms to die *from*."
|
I guess I'd have lost the good doctor.

 

[Jenny _S]

Gross over use of the (...) to create long run-on sentences. Grrrrrrr Drives me nutz!