Babies Having Babies

[lavender]

 

[AzureAngel]

I agree with you completely, Lavender. While I'm not a fan of abortion unless it's a case of rape, I do agree with adoption in these cases. It's one of the main reasons that I'm not sexually active. I'm not ready to deal with the responsibility that comes with precautions NOT WORKING. My dad had a condom on the night I was conceived - and no, it wasn't used improperly at all. So... I don't trust condoms alone at all.

Everyone DEFINITELY needs to be educated more, in a more realistic way, and EARLIER. It wasn't addressed for me until I was 17 or 18. That's ridiculously late. Teens are often sexually active at 15.

A girl I know, second-hand, recently became sexually active at 16. A guy inserted himself without protection, but pulled out before anything. She came to me to find out if she could possibly be pregnant. And not only that, but she had no idea what she could do about it, if she was. Not that I support the morning-after type of contraceptives... but... it possibly spared her from a shitstorm.

A friend of mine in high school got pregnant at 17 and kept the baby. Not long after, she dropped out of school and education as a whole. Her life went kaput.

Kids don't seem to realize how great the impact of a child will be. Some are too proud to do anything but raise the child. Some have a glorified idea of what it will be. Some are just stupid. And others don't consider abortion or adoption to be viable answers.

Getting pregnant itself is going to drastically affect your life, no doubt. But raising the child is... something that terrifies me right now. I don't want to have a child until I'm financially stable.

I think I might have kept that coherent - sorry if I didn't. Brain's a little fried.

 

[Azwed]

A guy I went to HS with who was a year behind me got his gf pregnant at the very end of his senior year.

He graduated HS and got accepted to the same school I did for engineering.

The parents told them that abortion or adoption are not an option. Mostly for religious and apperace reasons.

I don't know how much coercion was involved but they got married down in keywest on the beach. Her rich father paid for everything and blah blah blah.

Now this guy is fairly intelligent. He would have to be to get into tech for engineering. I had to ask him what the hell happend when she got pregnant. I figured it was just one of those accidents like he had damn persistant sperm or something.

No, I was wrong they did not use a condom. WTF.

How did he make it through 18 years of life and not use a condom. They weren't drunk when it happend. He is not catholic. They just figured it would be ok one time or some shit like that. I know that they had condom info when they went through sex ed because I had it at about the same time in the same school. They have changed it now so that they don't talk about condoms. Maybe their parents signed the waiver to get them out of sex ed. With their parents it would not surprise me.

Now here comes the scarry part. They are both doing ok. They have been married for almost three years now and he has a 3. something gpa in engineering. How he has manged that I don't know maybe all the responsibility of a kid finaly knocked some sense into him academicly.

She is not doing so great because she dropped out of college after her first semestser and has not been back since. I don't know if she is planning to go back or not after he graduates.

 

[SexyChele]

Lavender - I work for Children's Protection Services in the county where I live. It is a sad commentary that more and more unmarried teens (and/or uncommitted) are getting pregnant and keeping their babies.

Many are too young to even consider the consequences of their actions. We have had hospitals notify us of girls as young as 12 and 13 giving birth. They think it's a doll, and when they tire of it, grandma takes over.

Granted, we do see many young girls who have been abused. We do see the worse of the worse. I think the youngest girl was 10, and didn't even know she was pregnant, and neither did anyone in her family - until she complained to her mother she was hurting and they took to the hospital. Surprise! The poor thing had no idea what had just happened to her.

I don't believe you are being judgemental at all. I've seen the long term repercutions of the decisions these girls and boys make. And it can be devastating. Some do turn out to do well for themselves and their children, yes. But most end up having their children raised by some one else, or, worse case, the county ends up taking their babies into custody and finding foster homes. And the true tragedy in all of this is that this type of behavior repeats itself from generation to generation.

Unfortunately, you (that's a generic "you", btw) are dealing with more than just "is it common sense". You also have family values, traditions, culture, and other things weighing in the balance. I have heard girls state they do not want to use birth control because than that makes them appear like sluts. (If they have birth control, then they must be expecting/wanting sex. If they don't they are a "good" girl who simply got "caught up" in the moment) Still, there are cultures and tradition where birth control is frowned upon in general. And still other culture believe that girls should marry as soon as puberty hits - yet, most of our laws prohibit marriages under 18, unless with consent of parents.

It is a more than sad - it is tragic. Many of these babies will have mothers on welfare or utilizing other public resources. And, as is sometimes the case, if abuse enters the picture, the county must intervene, sometimes taking the child(ren).

I wish there were simple answers. But it sometimes gets more complicated the more you delve into it.

 

[freakygirl]

I was 17 when I got pregnant.. 18 when I was married and had the first baby shortly there after.. baby number 3 was born before my 22nd birthday.


Would I do it over again? Nope

Do I regret it? Nope

In this case.. there is a fine line between right and wrong. Abortion and adoption were not options for me. I carried that baby for 9 months in my body. Yes I was young. But I in no way made a wrong decision.


I married and if it wasn't for stupidity, my ex husband and I would still be together today. I chose to leave him.. for reason I can't even explain to myself. Let alone everyone else.

My ex husband and I were not rich but we made it. I went to work after baby number 2 was born only because I wanted to. And I was able to take them to work with me. After number 3 was born, i stayed home because of his medical problems.

We didn't continue on to a higher education right away, but even without the family, I don't think either one of us would have. He is successful in his job.. and I went on to college later and was successful in mine also. I will be again after my mother dies.. for now, i'm stuck in this job.

Each story is different..

I'm not disagreeing that sex ed needs to be taught.. pounded into childrens heads early. Not everyone is as lucky as I am.. we had family that helped us. My children 15, 13, 12 and 6 are being taught about the dangers of sex (pregnancy and stds) as they grow up.

I'm rambling.. sorry

 

[amiss]

Lavender, you're not alone.

I feel the same way.

 

[Reverie]

I totally agree with teaching Kids about birth control from a very young age. I also don't like the idea of anyone, at any age, having a child that they didn't plan or at least have some concept of how they were going to give it a decent life.

That said:
I don't agree with making judgments about what other people should do AFTER they've gotten themselves into an unplanned pregnancy. I was the result of an unplanned teenage pregnancy. My parents were poor and struggled to raise me. They could have terminated the pregnancy or given me up. Life would have been easier for them if they had, but sometimes life isn't meant to be easy. The struggles you go through make you a better,stronger person. I'm Very Thankful I wasn't aborted and also thankful I wasn't given up. Had I been raised by other parents I would be a different person. Was my life perfect? Far from it! But it made me stronger and I was blessed with a great deal of love.

My sister also had an unplanned pregnancy while in a bad relationship and working a cruddy job. She chose to keep her baby. My nephew is the joy of our lives, a gift from God. She credits him with saving her life because she was headed down a bad path before he was born and he turned her life around.

Sorry to run on so long,and I'm not putting anyone elses opinions down. I completely agree that in a perfect world teenagers wouldn't be having children. Still, I wanted to give a different perspective to everyone who immediately looks at a pregnant teenager and thinks her life is ruined. That isn't always the case. Sometimes a bad situation is the making of a person.

What does not kill us, makes us stronger.

P.S. If your really interested in helping those teenagers you know that are having unplanned pregnancies and chose to keep the babies, make sure to encourage them to get good pre-natal care (family service clinics are a great place to start) and child care classes can be great too. They really aught to visit a social services agency for help, particulary if they are in need of aid. A program we have called WICK will provide foodstamps for low income mothers.

 

[kotori]

My mum was 17

when I was concieved, 18 by the time I was born. She never has (and says she never will) tell anyone who the da was (she has told me that he is dead). I was put up for adoption--I was four months old when we parted and 43-years old when we met again for the first time.

She went on to have a nice life, good husband, three more children. None of them know of my existance, but I know them.

I went on to have a nice life, kind, loving parents, good education, lovely children of my own.

But there will never be any way to make up for all those lost years of what-might-have-been, will there?

 

[freescorfr]

The issue of contraceptive availability and information is a quite separate one from the abortion question.
Teenage pregnancies do not seem to fall significantly - at least they haven't in Britain - due to good and free availabilty of contraception for all youngsters, whatever their age and without the parents' knowledge.

On the abortion matter, all I would add is that the more I work with the family history of individuals, the more I am convinced, as I've said in a previous thread, that a termination, like a miscarriage is a real death, a loss of human life. I did not believe this until recently and I now realise the need to grieve this loss of life, especially for the women.
I am not against abortion - there are many circumstances in which life terminates. Your reasoning is for the most part untilitarian, which is great in many circumstances, but with life itself it is a different matter since each individual's narrative evolves and is written , ultimately by the individual him/herself and so outcomes cannot be even guessed at in advance. (Hence the Beethoven arguments of the anti-abortion lobby - although their argument is weak since they are going from the singular to the general. In this case the general principle holds good).

 

[bored1]

In my real life I work with a lot of younger women, They all have kids, They are all unmarried. The sperm donors do not partake in the care for their children. These children will grow up and repeat the cycle. As someone once said, "you are a product of your environment" I believe this to be true. In the early 70s my gf was pregnant, the baby was put up for adoption. I believe the correct choice was made. I was one of those people who thought that I wouldnt get caught. I was wrong. What concerns me is the total lack caring of the fathers But who am I to judge what others do? Maybe we do need the procreation police.

 

[just pet]

I work in the arena of sick babies. I see mothers as young as 14 terrified of the infant that they are now responsible for, perhaps no bigger than a Big Mac... smallest premie I cared for was less than half a pond. Very young mothers have a much higher incidence of premature and sick babies. These children are at greater risk for learning disabilities at the best... blindness, deafness, cerebral palsy at the worst... too much for someone unable to care for herself. As I ready these children to go home together, the instructions may be 4-5 pages long, including lists for appointments for specialists: pulmonologists, ophthamologists, pediatric surgeon, pediatrician, follow-up clinics.. and many go home on oxygen so there are tanks and tubings...and the medications... sometimes 6 or 7... and special formulas that need to be ordered...and a myriad of additional projects (heaven forbid the child has a tracheostomy or gastrostomy tube) ... overwhelming.. as tedious as this posting is to read... imagine you are 15 and have to worry about all this stuff every day... and imagine you went into the whole affair because you thought it would be fun to have a baby to play with...

pet

 

[Lasz]

I agree with you lavy!

Every child should at least have the chance to live a full healthy life. I grew up in a great family enviorment with parents who took good care of me (and still do sometimes) and I feel every kid should have the same.

One day I hope to have kids and I want to give them everything, when I see kids out there who are experiencing a bad child hood I feel so bad, and wonder sometimes why this world is so cruel, not giving these children any opportunity to live a good life.

 

[WriterDom]

Develop a pregnancy vaccine that could be given to all kids at the age of 6. Have it wear off around 21. It wouldn't stop the social underclass, but Jerry Springer needs to eat too.

 

[bored1]

Develop a pregnancy vaccine that could be given to all kids at the age of 6. Have it wear off around 21. It wouldn't stop the social underclass, but Jerry Springer needs to eat too.

LOL Take it one more step, Sterilize the entire underclass at birth

 

[Guest]

Oh boy, this is an issue that I am having a hard time dealing with, personally. I've discussed it before. My 20 brother and his 17 year old girlfriend are having a baby. It's as if it's the greatest thing to happen since the Emancipation Proclamation. I asked if she weighed her options and I was answered with a blank stare. Bother are immature, irresponsible, and clueless about life- as they are supposed to be at their ages.
I don't get it. There is birth control that is readily available. I know BC is not fail proof but damn.
Here I am at age 28, married, and pretty much stable and I can't conceive. And children are popping out kids left and right. Life really isn't fair.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I wrote a paper during my BA about teenage pregnancy in England. I remember choosing the topic because I had read a big article about how young girls start having sex without contraceptive, and that they actually choose to keep the child.

Coming from Sweden, the whole concept of starting sex and being too scared/ashamed to get contraceptive, and then if becoming pregnant, actually keeping the baby felt alien to me. It found it very interesting to read that the British sex ed doesn't seem to be very good, the fact that you as a parent can actually take your kid out of those classes is crazy!
The newspapers I read seemed to give an image too that sex is quite taboo to talk openly about.

The whole social attitude issue is interesting. Is it true that British people are uncomfortable speaking about sex? I mean out of the classroom or health centres. I'm also still curious what sex education over here is like. What do teachers talk about, what do they put emphasis on? Only the biological aspects?

In Sweden when I was in school we had a chapter about puberty and stuff when I was 11. The in 8th grade (14y/o) we had sex ed in biology class. The teacher was very outspoken, told us he wouldn't bother about the technical details as we probably already knew them! Instead focused on how the organs worked, had one class where he separated the girls and boys so they were free to ask whatever they wanted. He even brought in a gay man to speak about homosexuality. We were also invited to the youth clinic where 12-25 y/o can go for advice about anything, and get free (or buy very cheap) condoms and pills.

In 9th grade and all the way to 12th grade we had visits from youth organisations. They never made intercourse a focus, but instead focused on a relaxed conversation, where we mainly spoke about emotions, feelings, confusion and saying yes or no.

In many of the newspapers I read it said Sweden and the Netherlands had the lowest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe, while Britain the highest. Also, I believe less girls in Sweden are prone to keep the baby if they find out they're pregnant.

In general I find the attitude in Sweden very open about sex. I always tell friends over here in London that; "In Sweden we'd talk about alchohol and sex at the dining table, but if you did drugs (yes, weed is considered drug) you'd never open your mouth."

He He So, instead of feeling umcomfortable with people chatting on about their fav positions, I feel weird hearing someone got high last night!

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Lavender first.... No you 'WON'T' have an abortion, adoption okay no abortion.

as for babies haveing babys... yes that 16 year old is nuts. but as for wht you said about people not being ready. different people are ready at diff times.

my brother is 20 years old and has 2 kids, he loves them and is a great father, he does everything for those kids and actuay if it weren't for them he'd probly be in some deep trouble or in jail somewhere.

his girlfreind though... fuck what a bitch, now there is someone that isn't ready for kids, she's not even ready for her own life let alone someone elses....

well those are my thoughts

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[SINthysist]

Don't toss the baby out with the bath... Sorry, could not help myself.

People can evolve, grow, and become responsible. Do not deny them the chance.

I've seen young people struggle and overcome to provide for children. You, the liberal. You be there to help when you can for those you know. We have the same thing here. You just shake your head and do what you can for the kid(s).

I want people to have the right. But killing just because of inconvienience,

well, hell, we all remember the threads where I talk about putting my animals down, and people go all PETA on me...

We should do the same for human life too...






[Yes, I've been drinking again,
and I know it's a Sin,
but I just can't refuse an old friend...]

 

[Debbie]

Young kids/teenagers having babies is a very sad thing indeed.
When I hear on the news or radio that a kid as young as 12 has had a baby, I think? OMG, that's terrible. This young person has not experienced life at all or even completed their childhood.
And then? These kids are trying to raise babies of their own.

Some may cope with the help of family. Others may abandon their babies or phsically harm them.

A friend of my stepson's had a baby at only 14. She left school and with the help from her Mum she took good care of the baby. Now at 17 she is out flatting on her own, with her baby and they are both doing very well. But she does not have any school
qualifications and survives on the Domestic Purposes Benefit as it is called here.

My ex sister in law had a baby two months before me, she was 18 also. Her track record as a Mother is really bad. She now (at 32) has five kids, ranging from 13 to 2. Two live with their Dad, one (13) is in a foster home due to abuse, and recently she abandoned the second two to the father of her youngest two children.
There have been several occassions where the children have been found home alone by social workers on routine visits, smoke burns, malnutrition, dehydration, nappy rash till the poor babies bottoms were raw and bleeding. This breaks my heart.
The oldest is sexually active already and being a girl the cycle of early pregnancy may continue.

I was 18 when I had my first baby, I was terrified but did the best I could. My son has never gone without anything. We went to playgroup and one of the older mothers commented to me, when she asked how old I was, that "I was just a little girl, playing house." I laughed it off at the time, but it still hurt. Yes, I was young and now, at 32 I would not undo having my kids but if I had known what I do now I would have waited.


My opinion is that each individual situation is different. I could not have aborted or adopted. Why? Because of who I am. A personal choice. My sister has had two abortions. She was 17 the first time and felt she could not provide what a baby would need, emotionally or financially. Her personal choice. I respect that. She did what she thought was right.

My stepdaughter got pregnant at 19 and couldn't cope from the minute the baby was born. The baby got sick and was placed in the special care babies unit. Mum was woken by the nurses when she was needed, it was recorded that Mum was heard to shout at the baby, shut up, shut up when the baby was fractious. She was rough and had to be constantly reminded by the nurses how to hold her properly. I helped as much as I could when she went home but she just did not understand what her baby needed or how to take care of her. The baby was dropped at least five times in the bath that we know of, travelled in the car unbelted in because her mother forgot, given hot formula because she forgot to check the temperature. Etc. Yes she was eventually diagnosed as being bi polar and was on medication for awhile. Her doc has given her the all clear. Baby now lives with her Dad, we help him as much as possible (he is 21 and has looked after her for the last year! He is a great Dad, now he is studying at home doing an engineering course) and Mum has only seen her once in the last four months.



This topic is a hard one. Children/ young teenagers should not be having babies. But it is happening all the time.
We have quite a high rate of teenage pregnancy here in New Zealand compared to the rest of the world.
What can be done? More school programs on safe sex? Are the kids listening?

 

[erosman]

I don't think it is advantageous for teens to have babies, but I also know 30 and 40 year-olds who are quite successful in careers that are doing a lousy job of raising kids too. This thread is a great example of young ladies who have turned an unplanned pregnancy into a productive life. I am acquainted with a very successful attorney who is ruining her child's life with reckless affluence. Sometimes the challenges of life bring out the best in people. Those are my kind of people.

Thank-you ladies for your indomitable spirit.

 

[BlondGirl]

Knock. Knock. Azwed! IS anybody in there? Helllooooooooo!

<<<"
Now here comes the scarry part. They are both doing ok. They have been married for almost three years now and he has a 3. something gpa in engineering. How he has manged that I don't know maybe all the responsibility of a kid finaly knocked some sense into him academicly.

She is not doing so great because she dropped out of college after her first semestser and has not been back since. I don't know if she is planning to go back or not after he graduates.
">>>

I gotta respond to the above.

What the fuck is this bullshit?!?!?!?! A woman is only as good as her college degree? Staying home with your child to ensure the best possible start is a disgrace and disservice? (To whom I must wonder!) This is no different than the idea that a woman must be kept pregnant and barefoot--only that it is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum.

My own fertility will last for another 5 years maybe. I can expect to live another 50 years. There is plenty of time after my son (and possible other children) is raised for me to head back to college and reach the rest of my goals in life. My child is the most important focus at this current time.
As he has been since I realized he existed.

(The thread can head back to the topic now, I just had to respond to that drivel.)

 

[lickerish]

Well, I felt like adding my story here..

I met my kids dad when I was 14, he was 13.. I got pregnant at 16 and had her at 17. Got pregnant and had the 2nd one at 18. My oldest was about 9 months old, and I was pregnant with #2, when I walked across the stage to receive my diploma with my gradating class. I was determined to get my diploma, to be an example for my kids... that getting pregnant didn't bring me down.

My kids dad and I lasted for about 4 years.. even had the engagement ring on my finger.. but we just couldn't work out.. he was just interested in OPP.

I admit that my mom helped out in the sense that she watched #1 while I finished school.. and she watched them while I worked full time. But I'm 'Mom' and she's definitely 'Grandma', not 'mom #2'. The dad is not in their life.. doesn't pay child support 'cept for when he collects unemployment and the state keeps a part of it. (Just found out he's going to pay some dude $1000 to get another identity so he won't have to pay support anymore ) I work hard for my kids.... most of my money goes towards daycare expense so that I can work.. kind of a catch 22.

Anyhoo.. I don't regret all the strife, hard times, tears, pain for anything.. my kids are my life.. No regrets at all. I made them with love, I will always raise them with love.

You can't always say it's a shame for a 'kid' to have a kid... because this 'kid' was more mature at 16, then most 30 years olds I know today.

As for the other topic.. I know it's harsh, but I believe in termination as an option. One person cannot judge another for the choices they make, without ever having been in their footsteps.. the only person allowed to judge is the Man above. I know I could never choose adoption as an option, if I'm going to carry the child for 9 months, I may as well keep it for the rest of it's life.. I wouldn't be able to handle someone else raising my kid.

One more thing... as for prevention in the school system.. if we try and tell kids not to have sex... you know they're going to do the exact opposite, because teens rebel and almost always not do what they're told. (*think kid in the candy store, told not to touch anything.. and ends up touching everything). I think providing them with knowledge, support, and easier access to birth control is a better way to go.

[/.02 worth.]

 

[asphaltangel]

My 2 cents!

Ok here we go I have a serious problem (my opinion) with people who bash a woman who makes a choice to abort instead of going thru the pain and emotional distress of carying a child to term that not only she,but no one else wants! People in our society don't want our kids to be tought the respocibility of birth controll in schools but the parents sure arent going to be responcible enough to teach there kids so some one better! Children are just that children. They arent emotionally stable enough to even understand the huge responcibility of having sex let alone raising a child for LIFE!!! I was raised in a generation and a part of the country where if your not married by 14 no one will have you. My Grand mother set my life up at 13. I had a child by 14 finished school joined the Army put myself thru college and made something of myself. Would I have done it differently if given a choice? Damn right I would have. I don't think we can start teaching responcibilty for our actions at to young an age with our kids. I started with my son as soon as I thought he could grasp what I was telling him. He is now 23 grown and understands what responcibility is. He was no model child don't get me wrong but he understood that every action has a reaction to go along with it.
Ok I'll get off my soap box and wind this up. Please teach your own kids exactly what it means to play in a grown up world.

AA