Babblings of a Lit virgin, 2 posts, 2 stories in.

[Otus de la Nuit]

Gentle Reader,
I would like to start off by informing you all that I can be a bit moody. It comes on suddenly, as, you may correctly be screaming at your monitor, moodiness tends to do. The smallest of things will touch me, cheer me, and infuriate me. But enough about me, let's talk about me.

As an innocent child from the Land Of Newbies, I would like to welcome me to the Literotica Forums. I am here to misunderstand the most obvious of posts, and write shockingly bad replies. I am here to ask the stupid questions. I am here to completely MISS all the unwritten rules.

How did you ever live without me?

I shall attempt to tone down my pompous attitude, but you all know I'm lying. In fact, I have a confession. Forgive me Litters (hmm, that doesn't have the ring I had hoped for), for I have sinned.

As one new to writing for anything other than school credit or to appease Auntie Inga, the discovery of feedback has me giddy. I check my email 17-23 times per hour. I've learned that pressing F5 will refresh the submissions page (WITHOUT a mouse!), and I can see how many people have read my stories.

<<<Okay, here I must stop. Now I have done my homework, and supposedly every one or two hundred reads you should have a vote cast, one way or the other. According to my calculations, I have only gotten one vote every (brace yourself) five hundred eleven AND a half votes. OUTRAGE, no? Mm, well back to my confession.>>>

I EVEN, dare I tell you, care.... about the ratings of my stories. *sniff* I know. It's horrible. I just can't shake it, though. I have yet to receive any really nasty feedback, but I know that when the inevitable strikes, I will be shattered. I will cower at home, vow to give up writing forever, and eat a lot of kippered fish for a good while.

Alas, you will not be so fortunate. Eventually, I will wade through the sea of empty cans, open my word processor and *dreamy sigh* I will once again be the newbiest, cares-about-her-ratingsest, can't-live-without-feedbackest Lit author *pauses for dramatic effect" OF all time.

Friends, Romans, all you hillbillies too... Listen up, hear?
I can't even put a nice little picture up yet, and I'm already hooked on the forums. This will go on until the day that it stops. Then I will neglect this place for several months until the email piles up and they close all 12 of my accounts.

Then I will become angry, and return, and maybe get a picture.

 

[TheEarl]

That is quite possibly the best introduction post I've ever read. ROFL. A most definite welcome.

The Earl

PS. See Tamman? She doesn't take offence at the term 'newbie.'

 

[openthighs_sarah]

*delivered in booming, supreme-being voice*
Welcome

You sound mildly insane. That's good. Being thin-skinned is only a problem if you happen to say something wrong to anyone, at any time. So don't worry. Enjoy.


sarah

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Welcomed by The Earl AND Sarah! For those of you who aren't her, as I would assume she knows, she is my hero and receives fanmail from me in big canvas bags.

*delivered in booming, supreme-being voice*
Welcome

You sound mildly insane. That's good. Being thin-skinned is only a problem if you happen to say something wrong to anyone, at any time. So don't worry. Enjoy.

Aw, Sarah! Using your inside voice just for me? Tee hee.

Yes, I'm afraid mental stability is not my strong point. But with guidelines like these, I am sure not to piss anyone off.

*beams*

 

[openthighs_sarah]

For those of you who aren't her, as I would assume she knows, she is my hero and receives fanmail from me in big canvas bags.

Hmmmm... perhaps you addressed the fan mail to "Supreme Being" instead of "Sarah". And don't forget proper postage, especially on electronic feedback.

(Now people will start to wonder if we're the same person, except that your vocabulary is obviously better than mine, and I couldn't possibly be clever enough to pull that off...)

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Have you ever posted the exact same thing twice? It's quite invigorating, especially for that split second where you scroll down and think someone's found you amusing and quoted you.

Mmm. At any rate, this was all a big mistake.. well this repeat post that I am currently replacing at least. We can all go back to our business now.

(Now people will start to wonder if we're the same person, except that your vocabulary is obviously better than mine, and I couldn't possibly be clever enough to pull that off...)

muahaha... but you're entirely too clever to let your "back" button get you into trouble. The end.

Tee hee.

 

[KillerMuffin]

What about the non-gentle readers? I feel so left out. *le sigh*


You can bump your post totals significantly in either the General Board or the Playground. The GB has teeth, the Playground has lots of s.

 

[TheEarl]

Just get into an argument with Hanns Schmidt on the General Board. It can get you 100 posts in a night.

Mentally unstable? Neeeeeeurghhhh! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's crazy people.

See, now unless you're a Red Dwarf fan, that will be the first joke (of many) of mine that's gone over your head. Don't you feel proud?

The Earl

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Mentally unstable? Neeeeeeurghhhh! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's crazy people.

See, now unless you're a Red Dwarf fan, that will be the first joke (of many) of mine that's gone over your head. Don't you feel proud?

Excuse me, over my head?! Sir, what do you take me for?

Sick? Quite.
A bitch? Well of course.
A raving egomaniac? I have my days...
Stark raving bonkers?? ABSOLUTELY!

But entirely ignorant of the vastly significant piece of television culture that is Red Dwarf? Hmm!

I've seen it twice. So I don't actually recognize the quote. But I liked the little I did see. Somethign about a strange sandwich.. ehm.

 

[Sabledrake]

Otus > as usual, I'm in complete agreement with Earl ... with an intro like that, you'll do well here! Welcome to the site, hope to see you around the boards.

Sabledrake
(Red Dwarf fan who, having just picked up the RPG, now simply has to watch all the episodes again and just finished the one with Queeg <g>)

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Dearest Sabledrake,
This is by far the warmest welcome I've seen since they reopened Corner Chemicals down the street (they really do love me there). Thank you all ever so much. I am going to go eat now.

I shall likely return tonight. Promise, threat, warning; take that as you will.

Pokey Talon Luvs,
The Night Owl

 

[TheEarl]

She likes Red Dwarf, she's moody, she's paranoid about her scores. I think I'm in love. I think the Mr Flibble av and quote will have to come out of retirement in your honour.

Strange sandwich? Do you mean a triple fried egg, chilli chutney sandwich?

Scene: Rimmer and Lister are in their quarters, very, very drunk after celebrating Rimmer's deathday.

Lister: What time is it?
Rimmer: (rolls out of bed and crawls over to the clock. He squints at it before announcing): Thursday. There are some numbers too, but they could be anything.
Lister: Do you know what I fancy?
Rimmer: A big fat woman, with thighs the size of a hippo's.
Lister: Nooo. A triple fried egg, chili chutney sandwich.
Rimmer [moment of drunken contemplation]: Yeah, me too actually.
Lister: Well, nothing's too good for the death day boy!
Rimmer: Correct!
Lister: Holly?
Holly appears on the monitor with a nightcap on
Holly: What?
Rimmer: Can I have...
Lister: A fried egg, chili chutney sandwich.
Holly: You what?
Lister: It's a state of the art sandwich.
Holly: It's the state of the floor I'm worried about. Give us a mo.
The sandwich appears in Rimmer's hand. He looks at it apprehensively
Lister: Trust me.
Rimmer bites into it. At first he starts nodding his head and smiling. Then the look freezes on his face and he looks in a great deal of pain.
Rimmer: I feel like I'm having a baby.
Lister (big grin): Good isn't it?
Rimmer: It's incredible! Where did you find out the recipe?
Lister: I think I found it a book about bacteriological warfare. Made one for Petersen once. He was in sickbay for a week. Weed. The only problem with it is you have to eat it quickly before the bread dissolves.

That's from memory by the way. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The Earl

 

[Pookie]

Otus de la Nuit,

Welcome. Earl told me he liked crazy people. Of course that was after he said to me, "Are you crazy?!"



Pookie

 

[Sabledrake]

Mr. Flibble! ::swoon::

Sabledrake

 

[gauchecritic]

Well I'd welcome you Otus but everyone else has done that already.

liking good scores and believing you deserve them are 2 very good attributes to gaining a Lit life.

Getting talked about in threads in which you aren't participating is even better than getting the first ten 5 votes. (and I've done my damndest to get talked about for ANY reason) I must have provoked quite a sack full of PMs recently but have only just been talked about in a thread and I love it. Now I'm in a group(however tenuously) with the likes of Killermuffin, Earl, Dr M, WSO, Diane and Weird Harold to name a few, whether they like it or not.

Gauche

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, that's NOT being talked about. (Oscar Wilde)

 

[TheEarl]

Getting talked about in threads in which you aren't participating is even better than getting the first ten 5 votes. (and I've done my damndest to get talked about for ANY reason) I must have provoked quite a sack full of PMs recently but have only just been talked about in a thread and I love it. Now I'm in a group(however tenuously) with the likes of Killermuffin, Earl, Dr M, WSO, Diane and Weird Harold to name a few, whether they like it or not.

I've been talked about in a thread which I'm not participating in? Really? When?

Even if it was just 'I wish he'd stop talking about fucking Red Dwarf' I'd still be happy. Someone noticed me!

The Earl

 

[MathGirl]

No, no, not that!

Now I'm in a group(however tenuously) with the likes of Killermuffin, Earl, Dr M, WSO, Diane and Weird Harold to name a few, whether they like it or not.

I assume that's a different 'Diane' you're talking about.
MG

Ps. Anybody seen DurtGurl? She must be somewhere sulking about not getting her stories posted.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Re: No, no, not that!

Anybody seen DurtGurl? She must be somewhere sulking about not getting her stories posted.

Mensa meeting, I think. She's doing a stripper-gram thingie for them.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: No, no, not that!

Mensa meeting, I think.

No, it's not that time of the month. Do they really need meetings for that?
MG

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Re: Re: Re: No, no, not that!

No, it's not that time of the month. Do they really need meetings for that?
MG

Yes, they do. And you didn't welcome what's-her-name.

 

[MathGirl]

So what's new?

I would like to start off by informing you all that I can be a bit moody.

Gosh, that's scary. Never had anything like that around here before.

Welcome, and watch your back.

MG

Ps. Is that okay, Sarah?

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Oh yes.. YES that!

*giggles, reading all the latest ado* glad i ate supper FIRST..

Thank you, Math Girl. I certainly will watch my back. This is already a friendlier place than the supposedly "christian" board I used to frequent. Sad, no?

(((((Meh)))))
Vat has zees verld come to?

 

[Un-registered]

First, Otus, welcome, and you should feel honoured; I don't often do that.

A small correction, at the time of writing this you have 9 posts, not 2.

According to my calculations, I have only gotten one vote every (brace yourself) five hundred eleven AND a half reads.

How do you know that you have at least an odd number of half reads? Do you have a submissions page which has decimal places in the reads count?

 

[Otus de la Nuit]

Re: Re: Babblings of a Lit virgin, 2 posts, 2 stories in.

Thank you for the welcome, Un. I promise, at the time of my writing I did have 2 posts.

*holds up tabloid front page and points*

"Alien weds three-headed Elvis clone!"

Yeah, how do you like that?

*crickets chirp*

Oh, no. Not that.

*moves her finger down*

"SHE'S NOT MAKING THIS UP!"

See? Must be true. Tee hee. And as for that view-count bit...I believe you underestimate my sneakiness.

 

[pop_54]

Hi

Welcome Otus, you've heard from the sane and the insane on this board so far, me I'm just a sedate old guy who potters around being nice to everyone, it pisses them all off big time and I love it.

I am not insane just occasionally a little drunk, although I don't drink much these days, I spill most of it.


Hope you have a happy stay and join the fun, yawn, sorry nearly fell asleep then. Where was I, Sitting room, that's right.


pops...............
Have a nana welcome.