Average in Bed- a research question

[sophia jane]

I'm going to be rewriting a scene (when I start writing again- who knows when) in which the man has sex with a woman, and it's not that great. But as a girl, I really don't know how a man's mind works, or what would turn him off, etc. So I'd love to hear some thoughts.
What makes sex mediocre? What's the difference between an average partner and one who rocks your world? How would you describe average sex?
I'm primarily interested in the male pov, but wouldn't mind hearing from girls either cuz I'm sure some of the stuff will apply to both genders.

Thanks bunches. Feel free to pm if you don't want to post your answers.

 

[impressive]

*pulls up a chair* Can't WAIT to read these replies!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Lack of imagination or openness to new ideas tends to make it less pleasant. Lack of enthusiasm for the act (yeah, honey, we'll do it, but I don't really WANT to, so I'll just lie here like a pancake and let you climb on top of me and do all of the work). Complete selfishness on the part of the girl (eat me, but I WON'T let THAT in my mouth or pussy, let alone my ASS). Or if it is your wife of thirty years, and you do it the same way, once a week, as you did it when you first got married. Or if you are so horny from lack of sex that you have no time to enjoy the present act- it just has to be gotten over with. Or if you are with a virgin and she is either howling in pain or completely unaware of what to do to please you (and only her tightness is there to make you cum). Or if YOU are a virgin, and you are so damned nervous and awkward about things that the whole build-up virtually guarantees a let-down. (This is especially if too much has been made of the "first time" as a "big deal", when in fact it is often the WORST sex that you will EVER have in your life.) Just a few things that come to mind.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

What I've been told, in my own research for this kind of thing, from men... is that women who just lie there are the biggest turn-off. They want RESPONSE. So wetness, as a physical indicator, and moaning and writhing are good. They would, however, prefer it to be genuine, not fake. Harry met Sally orgasms, if they know you're faking, are a turnoff...

Taken to the next level, a woman who can talk dirty, who loves to give head (i.e. a woman who really appears to ENJOY what she's doing, especially involving the male member!) and most importantly, willingness.

just my 2 cents...

 

[Guest]

I try.

Now go answer my average in bed questions.

I'm working on a detailed, long response.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Sex from a man's head...... ok.


To me.... and granted I am weird, adventure and feedback are teh two main keys to go from "eh" to "ok" to "WOW!"

Adventure in that she is willing to try something new, different. She might seduce me rather than wait for me to seduce her. She'll get a new toy, or buy a video and play "follow the action". Anything that conveys the idea of seeking new horizons, getting your heart pumping etc.

And feedback, not so much a "this feels good" or "do this" but a moan if it feels good, or a gasp if it feels really good. Or even reach down and move my ahnd if I am in the wrong place. It strokes my ego to think "Dang I made her do that!" even if you are faking it til I get to where you want to be.

Its the ones who are passive or timid that turn me off.

My two cents anyway.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

What I've been told, in my own research for this kind of thing, from men... is that women who just lie there are the biggest turn-off. They want RESPONSE. So wetness, as a physical indicator, and moaning and writhing are good. They would, however, prefer it to be genuine, not fake. Harry met Sally orgasms, if they know you're faking, are a turnoff...

Taken to the next level, a woman who can talk dirty, who loves to give head (i.e. a woman who really appears to ENJOY what she's doing, especially involving the male member!) and most importantly, willingness.

just my 2 cents...

Soooo.....true. If I wanted Victorian, vanilla, missionary sex, I would time travel back to the Victorian Era. But I'm still in THIS one, aren't I?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Sex from a man's head...... ok.


To me.... and granted I am weird, adventure and feedback are teh two main keys to go from "eh" to "ok" to "WOW!"

Adventure in that she is willing to try something new, different. She might seduce me rather than wait for me to seduce her. She'll get a new toy, or buy a video and play "follow the action". Anything that conveys the idea of seeking new horizons, getting your heart pumping etc.

And feedback, not so much a "this feels good" or "do this" but a moan if it feels good, or a gasp if it feels really good. Or even reach down and move my ahnd if I am in the wrong place. It strokes my ego to think "Dang I made her do that!" even if you are faking it til I get to where you want to be.

Its the ones who are passive or timid that turn me off.

My two cents anyway.

Yes, feedback is VERY important! We men are going to be, to some extent, performance-driven in sex as in anything else, no matter what "experts" say about that. It is the driven, competitive nature of the male of the species. I forgot to mention that, but it is SOOO true. We like to know that we have ACHIEVED something. Men are goal-oriented and achievement-oriented. We want to excel and be better. It's a male ego thing.

 

[Guest]

There was the woman who insisted I tie her up and blind fold her, on our first date.

Same woman stuck her finger up my ass without first discussing if it was something I was into.

Quiet girls who whose orgasmic outburst is a small squeak.

Girls who can go through a multiple intercouse evening without once touching my cock with their hand or mouth.

Two words : no head

Concur must have enthusiasm

There's more...I'm still thinking.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

There was the woman who insisted I tie her up and blind fold her, on our first date.

Same woman stuck her finger up my ass without first discussing if it was something I was into.

Quiet girls who whose orgasmic outburst is a small squeak.

Girls who can go through a multiple intercouse evening without once touching my cock with their hand or mouth.

Two words : no head

Concur must have enthusiasm

There's more...I'm still thinking.

I agree with most of those, but the first one would be SOOOO cool! Let's just say I'm not the patient type.

 

[sophia jane]

This is good info. Keep it coming.

(and as an added bonus, I'm finding out that I must be above average. )

 

[Guest]

I agree with most of those, but the first one would be SOOOO cool! Let's just say I'm not the patient type.

It might have been cool for the second date. You have to understand, the night was dinner, drink, sex, "tie me up".

My mind was still boggling at the sudden sex--she didn't really seem like she'd be into that.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

This is good info. Keep it coming.

(and as an added bonus, I'm finding out that I must be above average. )

That's not exactly bad news, is it?

 

[Guest]

This is good info. Keep it coming.

(and as an added bonus, I'm finding out that I must be above average. )

Haven't we been telling you that?

 

[Selena_Kitt]

There was the woman who insisted I tie her up and blind fold her, on our first date.

Same woman stuck her finger up my ass without first discussing if it was something I was into.

Quiet girls who whose orgasmic outburst is a small squeak.

Girls who can go through a multiple intercouse evening without once touching my cock with their hand or mouth.

Two words : no head

These are turn OFFS?
I'm just checking!

 

[Guest]

These are turn OFFS?
I'm just checking!

The bondage so soon was.

I guess I'm just not into things in my ass.

I love enthusiastic feedback. I love having my cock touched & sucked.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

It might have been cool for the second date. You have to understand, the night was dinner, drink, sex, "tie me up".

My mind was still boggling at the sudden sex--she didn't really seem like she'd be into that.

Hmmm...understandable. I'm just a little on the wild side.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

This is good info. Keep it coming.

(and as an added bonus, I'm finding out that I must be above average. )

I daresay that most girls on this site, even the ones who are completely incompatible with me in bed (like Dommes), would rock a lot of men's worlds. I doubt that too many of you are the sort to be mediocre.

 

[Guest]

I daresay that most girls on this site, even the ones who are completely incompatible with me in bed (like Dommes), would rock a lot of men's worlds. I doubt that too many of you are the sort to be mediocre.

True. Women that have the imagination to write erotica, and the daring and initiative to find a place to publish would likely be daring, imaginative and willingly initiate in bed.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

True. Women that have the imagination to write erotica, and the daring and initiative to find a place to publish would likely be daring, imaginative and willingly initiate in bed.

Indeed. They seem more open-minded and adventurous than most. And those ARE compliments, girls!

 

[sophia jane]

I daresay that most girls on this site, even the ones who are completely incompatible with me in bed (like Dommes), would rock a lot of men's worlds. I doubt that too many of you are the sort to be mediocre.

That's true. Of course, that's why I have no clue how to write a mediocre sex scene from the male pov.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

They want total catering to their whims and for the woman to follow everything regardless of whether it is enjoyable for them. Double plus good if the woman does something like in the porn videos they've surrounded themselves with.

This is why I prefer to let her desires drive the meat of any encounter and just provide the inventiveness, new exploration, etc with my creativity and random whims. It ends up more enjoyable for both.

Less bitter about the male sex answer would say that a male who has high expectations will be as disappointed as a woman who has high expectations. It can be expectations as far as body (society and porn create unreasonable expectations as to breast shape and body shape), sexual responsiveness (man expects wet and willing, doesn't understand foreplay or the fact that initial penetration hurts [note: i understand that there are some who are actually wet and willing after just kissing or with a minimum of foreplay, this isn't about them]), rate of willingness to sexual exploration (unless the virgin has had a long history of foreplay activities, they're probably not going to be into anything kinky on the first go and as best as I can tell, the ass is generally off-limits at the bare minimum until the vagina is penetrated and vaginal sex stops being uncomfortable or unpleasant and has become in fact pleasurable {this can happen first time, especially if man knows what he's doing}), level of confidence and/or awkwardness (for many virgins, first time is a bit awkward because they're not sure what to do and perhaps do not comprehend the opposing equipment. This can lower the romance of the act or the fluidity or remove the horniness of one party {lack of horniness, an inadequate partner, or too great a feeling of anticipation can lead to the bad evil "just laying there" effect}) or finally the experience (building up in their mind what sex would feel like, how sex would go, how competent they would be, how competent or trained their partner would be, how much like a porno the whole experience would be, how much they thought either partner's hangups would play into it, etc)


My advice for first time in life: understand partner, understand self, especially any hang-ups, quirks, the anatomy of their genitalia and ideally their erogenous zones. Figure out what either will not do and respect that. Build trust first or nervousness or worse "expectation" (one feels pressured that they have to do the act when they are not ready) will ruin it. Don't rush, it will happen when it does, first time is supposed to be special anyways doofus. Don't make it mystical, it's not going to be. Don't be overly ambitious, inventiveness is good, but overboard can require backtracking and apologies and a redo from start. Make sure both are ready and remember mutual satisfaction is key. Relax, if you've got the right partner, the fact you screwed it up won't be hung over your head forever; just try again later and learn from your mistakes and remember the vagina is the top one with the funny folds, not the little puckered one.

 

[Guest]

That's true. Of course, that's why I have no clue how to write a mediocre sex scene from the male pov.

Basically, make her seem like she's there to have her attendance marked "here", so she's not enthusiastic, and does little to help the evening along.

She'd be the kind of girl who'd be mentally doing her shopping list while he's inside of her.

 

[Weird Harold]

I'm going to be rewriting a scene (when I start writing again- who knows when) in which the man has sex with a woman, and it's not that great. But as a girl, I really don't know how a man's mind works, or what would turn him off, etc.

A "Dead Fuck" tends to be a turn-off for most men; if a woman acts like the man doesn't exist during sex, fucking becomes more work than masturbation for about the same amount of satisfaction.

If a woman is "scornfull and asks things like "is it in yet," most men would find sex with her less than completely satisfying.

However, those are examples of "bad sex" and not "average sex."

So I'd love to hear some thoughts.
What makes sex mediocre? What's the difference between an average partner and one who rocks your world? How would you describe average sex?

Average sex is predictible sex -- following the porn story cliches of "she blows him, he eats her, then they fuck" or "feel her tits, suck her tits, lick down her body, lick her pussy a few times, and stick it in her" or any cliche that involves the words "it's your turn" is almost guaranteed to result in "average sex."

The difference between "average sex" and "good sex" is spontenaity and/or emotional involvement. A partner who wants to be having sex and more importantly wants to be having sex with YOU as much as you want to have sex with her multiplies every sensation a hundred fold.

 

[Belegon]

Lack of enthusiam...absolutel total number one answer. Everything else is secondary. If I have to ask in my own head why you are here....