Auxillary Verbs

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Auxillary verbs are the bane of good writing and siphon gas from the tank of action.

Correcting the problem means finding the right verb to express the action and removing clutter from the stream of prose.

AUXILLARY VERBS: is am are was were be being been have has had do does did shall will should would may might must can could.

I ran a grammar review of original and revision. The original has 13 grammar problems, the revision has 2 errors.


ORIGINAL
One might think that the marble floors should be cold however, when considering the Summerhouse as a respite from the build-up of summer heat in the main house then it's understandable that the owners wanted a cool and tranquil environment. And yet, as I stood in the centre of that room I could feel not only a comfort of well being I could also feel, strangely, an inner strength that I hadn't experienced in years. The latter of those feelings had me confused until I realised it was one of quiet confidence that one gets when you feel you are not alone. I glanced around but, of course, the room was empty. As my eyes scanned the open empty space, I started to retrace my troubled history.

REVISION
The Summerhome's marble floor tiles enhanced its cool and tranquil ambience. But, standing in the center of that room (unspecified referential indices), I felt comfort and, strangely, stamina from long ago, plus confused until I recognized my feelings as the quiet confidence I experience in a group of friends. I looked around the empty room and pondered my troubled history.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

2nd Example.


ORIGINAL
With some trepidation, Nathan went to the new establishment and was very pleasantly surprised at how low their prices were and at the friendliness of the owner. The coffin and other items related to internment were at least the same quality as they had been at other establishments, but at half the price. When he showed Myron O'Dell the photo of his late wife, which would be needed for her final preparations, he was even more surprised at the deep discount that was offered to him. It was also gratifying that Carmen's memorial services and burial could be paid for in easy installments. Every other place he had been insisted in cash up front.

There are 4 grammatical errors in the original.

REVISION.
Nathan went to the new funeral home and met with the owner, Myron O'Dell. Nathan expected the worst but O'Dell offered the casket, services, and accessories for half as much as comparable items elsewhere, then surprised Nathan with an additional discount after looking at a photo of Carmen. Easy installment payments cinched the deal.

No grammar problems in the revision.

Pulitzer Winner Jon Franklin sez cleaning out the auxillary verbs exposes structural issues and guides corrections.

 

[jomar]

Who am I to argue with a Pulitzer prize winner, but I think it can depend on what the author is after.

Aside from the style difference, which the original author may have intended for effect, the first example your version strips away and changes some information. Also, "not alone" has broader meaning for the reader to interpret than "with friends."

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Who am I to argue with a Pulitzer prize winner, but I think it can depend on what the author is after.

Aside from the style difference, which the original author may have intended for effect, the first example your version strips away and changes some information. Also, "not alone" has broader meaning for the reader to interpret than "with friends."

Removing the auxillary verbs exposes all the flaws, and the 1st example has plenty of flaws. Regardless of the writer's aim the prose must exhibit coherence and be cohesive, otherwise its lipstick on a pig.

I wanna find an example thats awful.

 

[oggbashan]

Awful? I do awful...

How NOT to do it...
The roseate Sun, Phoebus’ orb, was glinting in the puddles and dappling the fallen leaves of the ancient forest as Joan made her way along the footpath leading from her rustic rose-entwined cottage, so beloved of tourists and her infrequent visitors from the city who left as soon as they reasonably could because the cottage lacked the basic amenities than any twenty-first century city dweller expected as of right such as satellite television and even running hot and cold water, both of which were unavailable, towards the steeple crowned hill on which the Parish Church sat as it had done for more than a thousand years surveying the expanding and contracting village in the valley beneath and perhaps regretting the earlier centuries when it had been filled to capacity by local residents each in their proper place and order according to the standards of the time, but Joan diverted from the direct route to the Church at a junction and was now heading in the direction of the Evening Star, the planet Venus known as Aphrodite to the Greeks but whether Greek or Roman was the personification of sexual desire, which sexual desire Joan was expecting to assuage once she reached her destination but in the meantime she was diverted by the interplay of light and shade from the evening sun as it sank lower on the horizon turning the landscape to a darkening ruddy hue which darkened further as she walked wondering whether she would reach her destination and assignation before Phoebus’ chariot had passed beyond her view but even if she did not her path was clear because she was accustomed to walking in the direction of the Evening Star every evening that she had free from her avocation of breeder of large and hairy dogs that bore a faint resemblance to The Hound of The Baskervilles and at times she would take one of the so-called breed with her on her perambulation which would certainly deter any evil minded loiterers upon her way but unfortunately also frequently prevented the consummation of her assignation by refusing to leave her side and repulsing her intended with ferocious barking and frenzied attacks barely held in check by the strong leash essential for such savage dogs but this time she was without a canine companion and therefore she hoped that the consummation would be forthcoming without let or hindrance as she continued to walk alongside the nearly dark woodlands before emerging on a slight eminence whence she could see her goal of another rose-entwined cottage from the chimney of which a wisp of smoke was arising promising warmth in both the physical, mental and sexual encounter which Joan would shortly enjoy.

"He's lit my fire" she said to herself.

PS. Ignoring the last short sentence which I couldn't resist:

Words 450
Sentences 1
Reading Ease 0
Grade Level 62.8

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

OGG

I may play with it, by removing all the auxillary verbs, and see whats there after its shorn.

It is surprising at how passive little verbs conceal larger faults. I need to run some of my writing thru the mill, to see whazzup.

 

[jomar]

Removing the auxillary verbs exposes all the flaws, and the 1st example has plenty of flaws. Regardless of the writer's aim the prose must exhibit coherence and be cohesive, otherwise its lipstick on a pig.

I wanna find an example thats awful.

I agree that prose must be coherent ultimately cohesive, and maybe removing the auxiliary verbs can be useful. The original sentence could use some editing for flow and self-reference, but I don't think removing the auxiliary verbs in this example necessary made it better - but it did change the style.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I agree that prose must be coherent ultimately cohesive, and maybe removing the auxiliary verbs can be useful. The original sentence could use some editing for flow and self-reference, but I don't think removing the auxiliary verbs in this example necessary made it better - but it did change the style.

Youre swimming upstream and shovelling shit against the tide. Its like Russian Roulette, Jomar; you can always argue that one chamber is empty but you cant argue how one empty chamber beats 5 filled with bullets.

 

[jomar]

Youre swimming upstream and shovelling shit against the tide. Its like Russian Roulette, Jomar; you can always argue that one chamber is empty but you cant argue how one empty chamber beats 5 filled with bullets.

You need a better better example then. But I do like the colorful lingo!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You need a better better example then. But I do like the colorful lingo!

I pick paragraphs at random; besides, the tutorial isnt for my benefit, its an aid for writers who want better ways to express their tales. And auxillary verbs-linking verbs are discouraged by the best editors cuz the critters dont pull readers into the tale.

 

[bronzeage]

Auxillary verbs are the bane of good writing and siphon gas from the tank of action.

Correcting the problem means finding the right verb to express the action and removing clutter from the stream of prose.

AUXILLARY VERBS: is am are was were be being been have has had do does did shall will should would may might must can could.

I ran a grammar review of original and revision. The original has 13 grammar problems, the revision has 2 errors.


ORIGINAL
One might think that the marble floors should be cold however, when considering the Summerhouse as a respite from the build-up of summer heat in the main house then it's understandable that the owners wanted a cool and tranquil environment. And yet, as I stood in the centre of that room I could feel not only a comfort of well being I could also feel, strangely, an inner strength that I hadn't experienced in years. The latter of those feelings had me confused until I realised it was one of quiet confidence that one gets when you feel you are not alone. I glanced around but, of course, the room was empty. As my eyes scanned the open empty space, I started to retrace my troubled history.

REVISION
The Summerhome's marble floor tiles enhanced its cool and tranquil ambience. But, standing in the center of that room (unspecified referential indices), I felt comfort and, strangely, stamina from long ago, plus confused until I recognized my feelings as the quiet confidence I experience in a group of friends. I looked around the empty room and pondered my troubled history.

One might think the marble floors should be cold however, when considering the Summerhouse as a respite from the build-up of summer heat in the main house, it's understandable the owners wanted a cool and tranquil environment. I stood in the center of that room and felt a comfort of well being and strangely felt an inner strength I hadn't experienced in years. The latter of those feelings me confused until I realized it was one of quiet confidence, the one gets when you feel you are not alone. I glanced around but, of course, the room was empty. My eyes scanned the open empty space and I started to retrace my troubled history.


One could reduce War and Peace to a ten word telegram, but it would lose a lot of the feeling.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

'Stories consist of actions! Stories consist of actions! Stories consist of actions! If your focus statement is weak or static (if it includes the verbs BE, AM, WAS, WERE, HAVE, HAS, BEING, BEEN, DO, DOES, DID, COULD, WOULD, SHOULD, etc) it means you havent properly thought through the action chronology.

"An image can be passive or active depending on the verb you use in its construction. Images built on static verbs-those that describe states of being- I call passive; because they convey almost no activity. Avoid the following static verbs in building images: have, has, had, be, am, is, do, does, did, etc. These are much weaker and less effective than active verbs. But most important they lack the force necessary for effective outlining."

Jon Franklin, WRITING FOR STORY. Won 2 Pulitzer Prizes.

"Linking verbs defy the whole idea of a verb. At their roots, theyre mere definitions. They can convey opinion. But they cant portray action. All they tell you is that some things are like (or not like) other things, 'The Moon is blue.' 'The contract talks are tedious exercises in futility.'

"Because they lack action, linking verbs act like a sea anchor on a sailboat, crippling something that should be sleek and speedy. Various forms of 'to be' dominate the linking verbs."

Jack Hart, A WRITERS COACH.

BRONZEAGE argues in favor of the slow trek up the muddy trail rather than the quick march down the paved highway.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

EXAMPLE #3

ORIGINAL
"Some of the books are valuable first editions and some are just normal books that everyone has on their bookshelves. I have to look at the title page of each book to make sure I don't overlook any of the collector's items. He has about four hundred books and it's taking a long time. Plus, I've gotten distracted a few times looking up the price of some of the first editions on his computer. When we break for lunch I've gotten about halfway through."

REVISION
His library contains a mix of first editions and common fare, and it takes time to examine 400 books for collector's items and prices. Including distractions, I examined half the books by lunchtime.

 

[oggbashan]

What you seem to be doing is not just removing auxiliary verbs, but doing a précis.

Removing auxiliary words is just one part of the précis process. Précis used to be part of the English Language curriculum when I was at school. I have found it to be a very useful tool, but not when writing fiction.

Og

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What you seem to be doing is not just removing auxiliary verbs, but doing a précis.

Removing auxiliary words is just one part of the précis process. Précis used to be part of the English Language curriculum when I was at school. I have found it to be a very useful tool, but not when writing fiction.

Og

You must or the prose makes no sense or is muddy or ambiguous. The point isnt for me to display my talent (the examples arent finished), the point is to unclutter the prose path and expose structural problems. Auxillary verbs, like BONDO, conceal sheet metal dings and blemishes.

What I'm doing is exactly what an editor should do, that is, remove the polish, expose the structure, and hand it back to the writer to improve. I'm doing an autopsy NOT plastic surgery.

 

[bronzeage]

You must or the prose makes no sense or is muddy or ambiguous. The point isnt for me to display my talent (the examples arent finished), the point is to unclutter the prose path and expose structural problems. Auxillary verbs, like BONDO, conceal sheet metal dings and blemishes.

What I'm doing is exactly what an editor should do, that is, remove the polish, expose the structure, and hand it back to the writer to improve. I'm doing an autopsy NOT plastic surgery.

My first thought was that you could be full of shit, but after careful editing, you are full of shit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My first thought was that you could be full of shit, but after careful editing, you are full of shit.

But you'd think that, regardless. Youre a concrete thinker.

 

[AmberMoore]

My first thought was that you could be full of shit, but after careful editing, you are full of shit.

That's funny, I like that.

I think that this could be a helpful exercise but honestly it kind of strips away a little bit of the soul of the prose doesn't it? I mean you lose the rhythm, you lose your voice. Voice is the je ne sais quoi of writing isn't it? Especially for erotic literature.

Maybe I'm just not understanding you.

-Amber

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That's funny, I like that.

I think that this could be a helpful exercise but honestly it kind of strips away a little bit of the soul of the prose doesn't it? I mean you lose the rhythm, you lose your voice. Voice is the je ne sais quoi of writing isn't it? Especially for erotic literature.

Maybe I'm just not understanding you.

-Amber

Auxillary verbs are tepid, weak, and static (like a coma), and they hide structural flaws in your tale because they allow writers to mean one thing, and allow readers to imagine whatever they want.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://penningtonpublishing.com/blog/grammar_mechanics/how-to-eliminate-to-be-verbs-in-writing/

MORE ON AUXILLARY VERBS.

 

[bronzeage]

But you'd think that, regardless. Youre a concrete thinker.

You mistake editing for condensing. Condensing is good when one writes instruction manuals for cell phones. The instructions need to be clear and concise. No one cares how the cell phone feels about it.

That's funny, I like that.

I think that this could be a helpful exercise but honestly it kind of strips away a little bit of the soul of the prose doesn't it? I mean you lose the rhythm, you lose your voice. Voice is the je ne sais quoi of writing isn't it? Especially for erotic literature.

Maybe I'm just not understanding you.

-Amber

You have it right. Axillary verbs and redundant pronouns are over used in writing because they easily creep into speech. We use them as verbal italics, emphasizing could or that, so our listener understands our meaning beyond the simple word. This is lost in a written sentence.

The idea a shorter path is a better path is a fallacy. The purpose of fiction, especially erotic fiction is to recreate the situation and the sensation in the reader's mind. In sex, and many other things, fast and simple is not the best way.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

BRONZEAGE

Thank God you werent around when Lincoln wrote his Gettysburg Address.

From what I read about it, writers with real awards and real successes believe prose should be as lean or fat as necessary. Tolstoy said in 1100 pages what e.e.cummings said in a poem. A bicycle will take you as far as a Mercedes.

When you use precise verbs and nouns you dont need tons of modifiers (see Lincoln, Abe).

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate—we cannot consecrate—we cannot hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom— and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Note on the Gettysburg Address
by H.L. Mencken

The Gettysburg speech was at once the shortest and the most famous oration in American history...the highest emotion reduced to a few poetical phrases. Lincoln himself never even remotely approached it. It is genuinely stupendous. But let us not forget that it is poetry, not logic; beauty, not sense. Think of the argument in it. Put it into the cold words of everyday. The doctrine is simply this: that the Union soldiers who died at Gettysburg sacrificed their lives to the cause of self-determination – that government of the people, by the people, for the people, should not perish from the earth. It is difficult to imagine anything more untrue. The Union soldiers in the battle actually fought against self-determination; it was the Confederates who fought for the right of their people to govern themselves.

 

[AmberMoore]

Thats a speech...

And this is good advice for Essays and nonfiction work but I don't think it translates well to fiction. I mean take your own first example.

ORIGINAL
One might think that the marble floors should be cold however, when considering the Summerhouse as a respite from the build-up of summer heat in the main house then it's understandable that the owners wanted a cool and tranquil environment. And yet, as I stood in the centre of that room I could feel not only a comfort of well being I could also feel, strangely, an inner strength that I hadn't experienced in years. The latter of those feelings had me confused until I realised it was one of quiet confidence that one gets when you feel you are not alone. I glanced around but, of course, the room was empty. As my eyes scanned the open empty space, I started to retrace my troubled history.

REVISION
The Summerhome's marble floor tiles enhanced its cool and tranquil ambience. But, standing in the center of that room (unspecified referential indices), I felt comfort and, strangely, stamina from long ago, plus confused until I recognized my feelings as the quiet confidence I experience in a group of friends. I looked around the empty room and pondered my troubled history.

I placed what I felt to be the most important section of that paragraph in bold letters. That is lost in your revision. The paragraph loses it's strength, the prose lost its soul. A speech is written differently than a story. An essay is written differently than a story.

There are good reasons to avoid To Be verbs, but you can't always avoid them and sometimes by eliminating them we hurt our stories more than help.

 

[trysail]

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate—we cannot consecrate—we cannot hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom— and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Note on the Gettysburg Address
by H.L. Mencken

The Gettysburg speech was at once the shortest and the most famous oration in American history...the highest emotion reduced to a few poetical phrases. Lincoln himself never even remotely approached it. It is genuinely stupendous. But let us not forget that it is poetry, not logic; beauty, not sense. Think of the argument in it. Put it into the cold words of everyday. The doctrine is simply this: that the Union soldiers who died at Gettysburg sacrificed their lives to the cause of self-determination – that government of the people, by the people, for the people, should not perish from the earth. It is difficult to imagine anything more untrue. The Union soldiers in the battle actually fought against self-determination; it was the Confederates who fought for the right of their people to govern themselves.

I've read Mencken's comment on the completely bassackwords logic of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address many times. For some strange reason, I just finished re-reading this criticism on Wikiquote last night.

Mencken— as was so often the case— tore through the nonsense and went straight to the heart of the matter. He was, of course, absolutely correct; notwithstanding Lincoln's rhetoric, the logic is bogus.