augy6666 stories

[augy6666]

I am new to using message boards I have three stores and would appreciate any feedback from them.

The first is Amazon woman where a man gets suck in a world where woman are the supperior sex. And the sexual revolution never happened.

The next clumsy guy accidently gets mistaken as an agent. And the next one is guy wins spring break with girl gone wild.

editor of:

Amazon Woman

Absent Minded Spy

Girls Gone Wild

 

[bungakawa2000]

Hello there,

I like your ideas but I think you could use some proofreading. There are a few places where it gets confusing and/or hard to read. I hope I won't sound too nit-picky, but I think this will help you spot similar problems in other threads/stories.

Examples (all examples are from "Amazon Woman"):

We have been here for two month with not finding anything. That was until this morning when you get separated from the team and stumble upon an old Aztec pyramid.

This is the only place where you use "we". It gets confusing: who is "we"? Why include the narrator? "You" would have avoided this: it would include the hero/reader and his group of fellow archeologists. Also, the transition from past tense to present tense is a little clumsy.

As you walk through the doorway it is shut closed. And notice a light down a long hallway, with no choice you follow down the walkway until you enter the room.

In the room is a small body of water at the other end of the room.

I'd be a little bit nervous if pyramid doors started shutting down behind me. Also, the beginning of the second sentence is not very clear.

There is also too much "room" repetition. You stated you entered the room before, no need for that "In the room" at the beginning of the last sentence.

You decide to fall into the body of water in hoping saving your life when a shock that enters your body.

I think you should rephrase this, especially "a shock that enters your body".

You look up and see a statue of Hera, Greek Goddess in ancient Greece, with her holding a sign that says lost tribes of the Amazon woman.

"Greek Goddess in ancient Greece" is repetitive. A Greek Goddess can only be from Greece, so "an ancient Greek Goddess" would be enough. Also, when quoting the sign, you should use "blablabla" to make it clearer (and, btw, it should be "women" if you intend it to be plural).

I see you used "blablabla" later on in the story, so I suppose this is an oversight.

The headline reads male equality bill failed, right to vote pending. The article continues on to say that three bills were on the table. The first one failed male equality bill, making sexual harassment illegal. The second one allowed men to be put as public servant also failed. The third bill may pass it gives the right for sexual harassment for large corporation to exist by all females, if at least one male on a board. The present law stands for smaller companies. It gives men the right to vote on city issues and strict constraints on cops. The third measured passed by the slimmest margin.

I didn't understand a thing in that paragraph... I still can't tell what is legal or not as it stands, and what would and wouldn't be if the various bills passed...

All in all, good ideas but you should pay more attention to your phrasing. Also, do not hesitate to go back and rewrite old threads as your writing skills improve. I know I do and I never regret it.

Bunga

 

[augy6666]

new additions

In amazon woman I have approved lilguy thread in Amazon woman. You can view it by taking this path.

the civil../caught ../yes/heidi .. /downtown

And made some changes from the setting up the story and path of civil...

I also have a story approved called Hilton sisters. The hilton sister are Paris and Nicky Hilton. They are hieresses from the hilton hotels. They have been on television very frequently and E! did a story of them lately. And there was no other stories about them. The idea the main character who is a male is handling two partying hieresses.

my stories

Amazon Woman
Absent Minded Spy
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

There are three new threads to Hilton Sisters. Three new threads from fanficnut. The first two add from wwe representive( wwe representive/Steph over you and wwe representive/take charge). And one from meeting with the Hilton sisters (meeting with Hilton sisters/lunch meeting/Paris)

thanks

my stories


Amazon woman
Girls Gone Wild
Absent Minded Spy
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

New additon to Amazon woman

New threads

A few additions to Amazon Woman. lilguy has a new thread starting a parody of the US of 40's. The thread can be viewed by the path others/40's.

thsub has a new thread continuing the parody of the old west. You can view the thread by choosing the path others/old west/ saloon.

Thank you for your additions.

my stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Woman
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

Amazon woman and Hilton Sisters have new threads. On Amazon woman, thesub has added new threads to the story follow the paths the civili../teen punks/she makes.../you agree/rides you/face ride is the first new thread and then choose Gwen.. to view the next thread.

Hilton Sisters have new additions and modifications. I have modified the introduction to the story. Thesub has new addition with the following path other.../wait... . TJchurch has added two new threads with the paths wwe../the truth and second thread continue choosing catching... .

Thank you for the addition to both stories.

Thank you,

augy6666

my stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

I am sorry that it has been such a long that I replied but here is the latest updates on my stories.

On Hilton sisters, two authors have contrubuted to the story the first one is TJChurch you can reach the threads by choosing 2111 for the first thread. Then choose option 2 see the next thread. fanficnut contributed two theads, the first thread choose 21111. The second thread is located by 411.

On AmazonWomen, theSub has contributed the following threads 2311111 and then choose option 1 to see the next thread, 111 and then choose option 1 to see his next thread.

Thank you,

My Stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

Addition to Hilton Sisters

An update on Hilton Sisters story from TJchurch in the first thread continues story of the negotiations between Dawn Marie, Stacy Kiebler and our hero. You can reach the thread 211121. The second thread is a proposition that the WWE sends you in as a spy on the hollywood guests. You can reach that thread by choosing 2211.

On Amazon woman, I have added thread that asks the question what happened if the male population had decreased so much that the human race would go extinct. And a female control government would step in. You can reach this thread at 12.

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

Additions to my stories

New threads to Hilton Sisters. The first thread is reached by choosing 31111. It is continuation of a nooner from lilguy our hero is tied up with Hilton sisters and Nicole Ritchie in the room. The second thread is written by TJChurch and continues a sting operation for the WWE and feds on the Hilton Sisters. It is reached by going to 22111.

On Amazon woman the old west interview for a job at a saloon is continued by lilguy. It can reached by going to 43111. Our hero also continues his protection from a teenage street gang it can be reached by 231111111111.

Thank you for the contributions to the stories.

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

New threads from Amazon Woman, Hilton Sisters and Absent Minded Spy. It has been awhile since updating this thread. I apoligize for the delay.

Absent Minded Spy:

fanficnut has contributed thread that has head of the secret agency seducing our hero in the mission.

lilguy introduces other female spies to our hero.

Amazon Woman:

theSub has added a to our hero in the old west caught in the middle of a bank robbery. It can be achieved by choosing 432.

Hilton Sisters:

TJChurch has added a thread that has our hero in the continuation of the sting operation with the government, WWE. It can be reached by choosing 22111.

TJChurch adds a thread of our hero checking out a convention at the hotel.

fanficnut adds a thread that has main character traded in for a video. A video has damaging information for the sisters. It can be reached by choosing 4131.

fanficnut adds another thread that Paris redresses our victim in a submissive uniform.

lilguy adds his first thread to this story. The main character is tied up and Paris sister joins in his teasing.

Thank you for your contributions.

My stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

updates

New threads from Amazon Woman. It has been awhile since updating this thread.

Amazon Women:

fanficnut added two threads. The first thread continues a hunt. The man is the prey and females are hunter. The ladies use a drug that impares his chances. It can be reached by going to 21411.

His next thread continues the plotline of men have become an endangered. An crimeboss is seeing if you are capable of traded through a blackmarket. It can be reached by choosing 12111.

Lostandfound added thread of a warrior has captured you. And you are to be given as a gift to a royal princess. It can be reached by choosing 3312.

Wolk continues the story. The princess has given you tryout to be a knight. It can be reached by choosing 33121.

thank you for the contributions

my stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters

 

[augy6666]

New updates from the Absent Minded Spy, Amazon Women and Hilton Sisters.

Absent Minded Spy:

A new author to the story Torg transports our clumsy hero to a safehouse. It can be reached by 12.

Amazon Women:

Lilguy is escorted by our female punk gang to a cyber cafe. He is about to do some research. It can be reached by going to 2311111111111.

Lilguy contributed another thread that has our hero eluding the female run government and hides into a subway. But he stumbles onto a female gang. It can be reached by going to 113.

Hilton Sisters:

Lilguy has our hero has angered Stephanie McMahon. It can be viewed by going to 231.

Lilguy is being taken to an event held at the hotel. You are being embarrassed by you new uniform. It can be reached by choosing 41211.

A new author mailer is bringing Paris and Nicky Hilton close, while Nicole Richie is giving you a blowjob. It can be reached by going to 311111.

He extends the threads in two different paths first Nicole Richie winning the prize. It can be reached by choosing the first option. Or Nicky Hilton and it can be reached by choosing second option.

Thank you for the contributions.


my stories

Absent Minded Spy
Amazon Women
Girls Gone Wild
Hilton Sisters