August

[EmilyMiller]

August 2023​

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause she was never mine

Someone needed to have a talk with Taylor Swift. Maybe if she wrote less melancholy shit, the world might not follow her lead so readily. Maybe Madison would still be in my life...

But I knew that it wasn't that Pennsylvanian girl who was truly responsible. The real culprit was staring at me in the mirror. And I wasn't sure how much I liked her, or even knew her.

I was plagued by an ever rising feeling that I had broken something delicate and precious. I doubted that I could reassemble the pieces, so thorough had my demolition been. But I also knew I wanted to try, it began to feel like I wanted that more than anything. I wanted her, I wanted us. I wanted to try to make it work with Clara. I wanted to take back my overreaction. But I'd said those words, and I'd pushed her away. It was all on me.

I also recognized my new normal. How I had been since San Fran. Since... it. In a perverse way, things going wrong, even me making things go wrong, felt like the natural order reasserting itself. It felt more comfortable and less scary than the hope that things could be good; a hope that could be dashed, that almost certainly would be dashed. I didn't believe in happy endings anymore.

Video calls with my therapist kept me relatively sane, helped me function. But... I didn't feel like I was improving. I felt stuck. And it was also very simple, I missed Madison. Missed her terribly. Of course, I continued to message her, I'd tried so many times, but still with no reply. Could I really blame her?

 

[Cagivagurl]

The question haunted me long into the dark hours...
Why did I sabotage so many of my relationships?
Did I hate myself so deeply? More than just the swirling insecurities... More than the feelings of cold inadequacy...
So many ruins lay behind me...

 

[EmilyMiller]

The question haunted me long into the dark hours...
Why did I sabotage so many of my relationships?
Did I hate myself so deeply? More than just the swirling insecurities... More than the feelings of cold inadequacy...
So many ruins lay behind me...

It’s tough being human

 

[Cagivagurl]

It’s tough being human

It is indeed...
I am just happy to see posts from you again...
It always makes me smile...
I hope I haven't ruined your thread.
If so, I apologise.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It is indeed...
I am just happy to see posts from you again...
It always makes me smile...
I hope I haven't ruined your thread.
If so, I apologise.

On the contrary, it was totally in the same vibe

 

[Cagivagurl]

Thank heavens..

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I feel I'm missing a lot of context. Is this part of a story, or something from life?

 

[lc69hunter]

Deep

 

[EmilyMiller]

I feel I'm missing a lot of context. Is this part of a story, or something from life?

It’s part of a story - my Valentine’s Day comp entry from earlier in the year, Twelve Months.

But August 1st is Taylor Swift day

 

[EmilyMiller]

Deep

Thanks

 

[EmilyMiller]

Someone sent me this earlier today:

 

[ThatNewGuy]

But August 1st is Taylor Swift day

No one told me and now it's too late to get her anything. This is embarrassing.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I always forget the genral demographic here, maybe this will help:

August - by Taylor Swift

Salt air, and the rust on your door
I never needed anything more
Whispers of, "Are you sure?"
"Never have I ever before"

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Your back beneath the sun
Wishin' I could write my name on it
Will you call when you're back at school?
I remember thinkin' I had you

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Back when we were still changin' for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say you meet me behind the mall
So much for summer love and saying, "Us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
You weren't mine to lose, no

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine
'Cause you were never mine, never mine

But do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up, and said, "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
"Meet me behind the mall"

(Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car")
(And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call?)
(Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all)
("Meet me behind the mall")

Remember when I pulled up, and said, "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all

(for the hope of it all)
For the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
(For the hope of it all, for the hope of it all)

 

[AwkwardlySet]

So this is a Taylor Swift appreciation thread?

Are you going to objectivize her at least? This is a smut board ffs! And I am yet to see a mention of boobs or butts.

I am waiting.

*taps foot*

 

[TheLobster]

So this is a Taylor Swift appreciation thread?

Are you going to objectivize her at least? This is a smut board ffs! And I am yet to see a mention of boobs or butts.

I'm afraid our collective objectification budget for this month has already been spent on Sydney Sweeney.

 

[EmilyMiller]

So this is a Taylor Swift appreciation thread?

Are you going to objectivize her at least? This is a smut board ffs! And I am yet to see a mention of boobs or butts.

I am waiting.

*taps foot*

As I’ve said elsewhere on AH, I was never her biggest fan. But various of her songs are intertwined in Twelve Months as the narrator is a Swiftie (or however it’s spelled). And I read the lyrics and often had the songs playing while I wrote. As a result, I’ve ended up listening to her more. August is my favorite Taylor song, then maybe Blank Space.

 

[Djmac1031]

You know how I'm always quoting songs or artists and you have no idea WTF I'm talking about?

Yeah, that.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not a Swiftie, by any means, but I like the song "All Too Well," and I think it's in keeping with the wistful vibe of your thread. It's not that musically interesting a song, because it's based on the most common chord progression in pop music and there's no break in its repetition, but I like its lyrics.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Is Taylor Swift still a thing? I'd hoped with the humiliation of dating a big, ole, worthless football player that muffed up in the biggest game of the year, and lost, lost, lost so badly, she'd have moved to northern Canada and hidden in a cave to curse us no more.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Is Taylor Swift still a thing? I'd hoped with the humiliation of dating a big, ole, worthless football player that muffed up in the biggest game of the year, and lost, lost, lost so badly, she'd have moved to northern Canada and hidden in a cave to curse us no more.

Not a Swiftie, Millie?

 

[MillieDynamite]

Noo, don't like her. I hate the Chiefs. I hate her, but hated her before she became their whore in residence. OH, did I actually type that? My bad!

Not a Swiftie, Millie?

 

[lovecraft68]

Is Taylor Swift still a thing? I'd hoped with the humiliation of dating a big, ole, worthless football player that muffed up in the biggest game of the year, and lost, lost, lost so badly, she'd have moved to northern Canada and hidden in a cave to curse us no more.

Swift, whether she means to be or not, is seen as a role model for young women. The KC Chiefs have a history of woman abusers on their team and not caring, their coaches son who has a history of drugs and drunk driving but was on the coaching staff hit a car that was pulled off the highway while drunk and left a young girl brain damaged for life and pled innocent. Mahomes brother is an absolute lunatic arrested for waving a gun around, another player caught with a loaded UZI and of course career woman and child abuse Hill until he was traded.

That's what Swift is supporting every time she shows up at those games and wears that jersey. But we all know conviction is a thing of convenience.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Noo, don't like her. I hate the Chiefs. I hate her, but hated her before she became their whore in residence. OH, did I actually type that? My bad!

I’m not as invested in football. I have an emotional attachment to the Steelers, but I don’t follow it much. What don’t you like about her?

 

[lilshymynx]

I always forget the genral demographic here, maybe this will help:

August - by Taylor Swift

Salt air, and the rust on your door
I never needed anything more
Whispers of, "Are you sure?"
"Never have I ever before"

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Your back beneath the sun
Wishin' I could write my name on it
Will you call when you're back at school?
I remember thinkin' I had you

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Back when we were still changin' for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say you meet me behind the mall
So much for summer love and saying, "Us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
You weren't mine to lose, no

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine
'Cause you were never mine, never mine

But do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up, and said, "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
"Meet me behind the mall"

(Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car")
(And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call?)
(Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all)
("Meet me behind the mall")

Remember when I pulled up, and said, "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans, just in case you'd call
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all

(for the hope of it all)
For the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
(For the hope of it all, for the hope of it all)

Love that song and its companions.

 

[Djmac1031]

Never quite understood why everyone got SO upset at her attending football games to watch her boyfriend.

Don't like her music? okay.
Don't like her politics? fine.

But she's an adult woman free to date who she wants and go where she wants and doesn't need any one else's permission. Or approval.

I'm personally not a huge fan. She's got a few catchy songs but generally I dont know the majority of her catalog. I certainly dont HATE her. Ultimately I'm just indifferent. Don't care.

Which is why I find it humorous to watch people lose their shit over her showing up at a football game like it ruined their lives or something.

My god, the AUDACITY of that woman being there to have fun and support her boyfriend.