Attractive Words for Testicles (DON'T EXIST)

[mildlyaroused]

Guys help.

I've never been happy with the vocabulary we have for testicles. To my ear at least, "balls" sounds sort of childish - or at least not evocative. The same goes for all the alternatives or synonyms I can think of.

The best I've found is to just to refer to them as what they are - "testicles" - and be done with it. I think testicles sounds okay to be honest.

Does anyone have any interesting or attractive alternatives? What do others use?

 

[StillStunned]

My wife calls them my dingly-danglies.

 

[mildlyaroused]

My wife calls them my dingly-danglies.

During dirty talk, perchance?

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think I can help. I have no problem with "balls." It's my go-to. It's short and sweet, to the point, fairly neutral in terms of connotations, and everybody knows exactly what you mean. I agree it's not evocative, but that's its virtue. Testicles seems a bit clinical to me, but if you prefer it, go ahead.

You could also use "scrotum" or "sack" because in most encounters that's what somebody will actually be touching, licking, or dealing with. The balls are inside, so you're not likely to actually be dealing with balls, except in a horror story.

Other alternatives seem worse to me. Gonads? No. Jewels? Bollocks? I'd go with Balls.

 

[lovecraft68]

Balls is a bit childish, but nuts is worse, even though I once lowered myself to a "deez nuts" joke, but in my defense the character was meant to be a moron.

Sometimes I leave at "his sac"

One of the worst descriptions I see in erotica is "his meaty balls" Do they come with pasta?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Balls, bollocks, plums...

Nuts, if being flippant.

Ballsack is crude and descriptive.

In The Upstart Crow, they use Bolingbrokes as a mock-Tudor slang word.

 

[TheLobster]

I’m actually partial to “gonads,” especially if the owner is meant to stand out as particularly manly / virile in a purely physical way.

Otherwise it’s either balls or something about where they reside.

 

[12oclocktales]

Gonads shortened to just 'nads' doesn't sound too bad.

Rocks? Not too bad in a noir sort of story.

Family jewels? Kind of sweet and lighthearted

 

[willlph]

On an episode of bear grylls he referenced testicles as “the King’s Berries”.

 

[intim8]

I try to tailor the terminology to the situation. "Balls" works most of the time, especially from the guy's POV and describing what he is feeling. but other terms like "sac", "nuts", "scrotes", etc. can work. A more neutral term, or just an implication, might work in some situations, though, like you, I am having trouble thinking of any. "Package" or "junk" can refer to the entire assembly in some situations.

As to clinical terms, maybe it's just me, but I sometimes find that hot as hell in the right situation. If two intelligent and unselfconscious people are on the same wavelength, and want to say things very straightforwardly, "I want to lick your testicles" can do it.

My 750 word story "Sympatico" involves a shy, inexperienced guy getting suddenly pushed against a wall by a girl at a pool party. She presses against him. Then she stops kissing him and looks down and says, "You have an erection", then presses back against him, and it. To me, that not only cuts through his shy awkwardness, but sounds pretty hot. She's not beating around the bush, not using any euphemisms, not trying to pretend that something that is happening is not happening. She's leaving no doubt about what it means when she presses against him again.

After giving him a hand-job at the pool party, I have a follow-up WIP where they spend a lot of time over the next weeks deliberately and methodically working their way up to full intercourse, and she uses clinical terms because that is just who she is (something of a geek), and it fits the deliberateness of the situation. They do all the things, and when she occasionally breaks out of her clinical language to use more earthy terms, it highlights the extent of her arousal.

Maybe it counts as a kink, but that straightforward talk gets to me sometimes. It also works well for the trope fantasy of a medical examination that turns into something else.

 

[MrPixel]

Looking back, I seem to generally use "testicles" in lovemaking scenes, "balls" in fuck scenes, and "nuts" in playful situations. Euphemisms such as "family jewels" and "huevos" just don't seem to work with my style. "Scrote", "scrotum", and "gonads" come off as teenager-crude to me, tho' they may well fit with certain story styles.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Back in high school, more years ago than I care to think, I had an Italian girlfriend who called them "noci," Italian for "walnuts." I thought it a good term; what could look more like testicles in scrotum than walnuts, with their wrinkled surface and nut inside that could easily pass for a testicle and epididymis. By the way, Pinocchio - "nut eye" - had eyes of polished walnuts flanking his uncontrollably erect nose. I think noci (/no-chee/) sounds much nicer than "nuts." (singular= noce -/no-chay/).

 

[intim8]

Pinocchio - "nut eye" - had eyes of polished walnuts flanking his uncontrollably erect nose.

That's hilarious. So many old fairy tales, and even kid's cartoons back in the day, had hidden sexual innuendos in them.

"Scrote", "scrotum", and "gonads" come off as teenager-crude to me

Sure, but most guys are still thirteen year old boys at heart, especially when it comes to their pork and beans.

 

[MrPixel]

Back in high school, more years ago than I care to think, I had an Italian girlfriend who called them "noci," Italian for "walnuts." I thought it a good term; what could look more like testicles in scrotum than walnuts, with their wrinkled surface and nut inside that could easily pass for a testicle and epididymis. By the way, Pinocchio - "nut eye" - had eyes of polished walnuts flanking his uncontrollably erect nose. I think noci (/no-chee/) sounds much nicer than "nuts." (singular= noce -/no-chay).

Hmm. Since I'm momentarily in music writing/arranging mode, you've given me a delightful expression notation, "con noci". Definitely would be useful for an especially strong brass passage. (I.e., "brass noci".)

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I don't have much problem with balls. Sac works well, or maybe scrotum depending on the context.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Testes is a bit medical but sounds better than testicles.
Nads is very laddish (where I am, anyhow).
Package is a nice euphemism. Someone's probably going to tell me that 'meat and two veg' isn't used outside Britain, but I rather like that one.

 

[AG31]

I write in a sort of restrained, formal style, so "testicles" often works for me. Otherwise balls. Everything else borders on childish to my ear.

 

[StillStunned]

Someone's probably going to tell me that 'meat and two veg' isn't used outside Britain, but I rather like that one.

Depending on who you're trying to interest in them, you might have to call your "soy-based meat alternative and two veg".

My wife is still quite happy to be interested in my English sausage, though.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Depending on who you're trying to interest in them, you might have to call your "soy-based meat alternative and two veg".

My wife is still quite happy to be interested in my English sausage, though.

Ah, but if the meat consents to be eaten...

 

[StillStunned]

Ah, but if the meat consents to be eaten...

Consents? I think mostly the meat has the same mentality as ]the Dish of the Day from H2G2.

 

[Trionyx]

There are dozens of synonyms listed in Google. Many are archaic, some are used more in some parts of the world than others and some are simply hilarious. The important thing to remember is to use them appropriate to the circumstances and characters. A hipster would not say “testes” and an uptight, proper Brit would not say “spunk factories”.

 

[OffNSFW]

I think the harder you try to get away from "balls" and "scrotum," the worse the problem gets. Sometimes, simple and direct is for the best.

 

[KeithD]

I see no reason why terms for balls or nuts should have to be attractive.

 

[Writer61]

Um, 'the boys' as opposed to 'the girls'.

 

[intim8]

“spunk factories

I believe I've used "sperm spigot" in a story.

Batter bins?

Back in high school, more years ago than I care to think, I had an Italian girlfriend who called them "noci," Italian for "walnuts." I thought it a good term; what could look more like testicles in scrotum than walnuts, with their wrinkled surface and nut inside that could easily pass for a testicle and epididymis. By the way, Pinocchio - "nut eye" - had eyes of polished walnuts flanking his uncontrollably erect nose. I think noci (/no-chee/) sounds much nicer than "nuts." (singular= noce -/no-chay/).

OK, I'm going to use "walnuts" somewhere, some day.

Also, Pauli Walnuts on the Sopranos. so his (Italian) mob name was actually "Pauli Balls".