Attempt at poetry and other life stories...

[Breatheagain]

Bending the boundries (used to be an attempt at poetry...)

Since for some reason this thread doesnt interest anyone or I made wrong (?) remarks, I will try again with new name for this. Sorry if this came of strange or if I did hurt anyones feelings at first. (edit 12/19/02)

Greetings my friends.
Lets make this thread constructive please, so if you really feel like flaming, think of this rule: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything .
Now, to the topic. I am at the stage of my life right now that requires a lot of strength, physicaly and emotionaly. Working out a lot and writing, or lets say attempting to write, lets me get through the day. Since from the nature I am very shy person, I do not like to speak of myself much. But so happens that right now one of my dearest freinds is in very hard life situation and I am trying to help him to get through the day, which is kind of simular what I have to go through myself. So it makes a lot more easier for me to deal with my problems as I am reevaluating my problems looking at them as they weren't my.
Now that you know a smidget of my prestory, here is a humble attempt at some writing:

Charmed, bewitched
Married to the wind in the field
You seem to be chained into shackles
You are my precious woman.
Not happy, not sad
Just like you came down from the dark sky
You are my wedding song
And my crazy star.
I kneeled over your knees
Hold them with frantic strength
And with tears and poems
I will scorch you, my kind and darling.
What won’t happen – will be forgotten
What can’t be remembered – it won’t be fulfilled
So why are you crying my beauty
Or do I just envision it.
Charmed, bewitched
Married to the wind in the field
You seem to be chained into shackles
You are my precious woman.

I know, it may sound weird at first, so read few times and try to think. I don't really want to explain the whole plot behind it, but if needed I can. But I'm sure you all are intellegent people here and it won't be needed.
Some may ask, "why post here?" Answer is not so simple. And if this goes well, it will wecome known to all. Let's just say that this friend I care about has some connection to this place and I would really not want him to hear about this crusade of mine since I try to help him without making it look as help.
But enough about life right now, lets here what you have to say.

 

[UCE]

At the risk of maybe sounding obnoxious or else illiterate, I read the poem three times and it's a nice poem but I don't understand it, or its relationship to your or your friend's situation. I don't know if I'm even one of the people who should understand any of this.

ANYWAY...what I'm trying to get around to saying is that you might want to say more about this, at least for my benefit, as I am not sure what is going on.

Unda

 

[Breatheagain]

You can't be obnoxious for telling your thoughts about a poem. At least you have thoughts, a lot of people would just look at it and will not give it a second thought. And behind words there is always someones life, someone with heart and feelings.
This particular one is about unanswered love of a man to his precious woman. She is so close, but he can't have her. She wants to be with him, but she is under some spell that keeps her away from him. That is about the way that my friends life is right now as I see it.
Their story is long and very complicated, I try to understand it myself, but it is difficult to understand human nature. Here is maybe another view on it. This is how I think he sees her side of the story, and this has a little tie to this particular place, hence the reason of posting here . Don't judge me to hard, but honest opinions are welcome .

You’ve got tired to be submissive,
You’ve got tired to be the slave,
To live with illusive hope,
To answer to any gesture.
Rain is pattering on the windows’ glass
Like it’s alive,
You are now lonely,
Open, open, open.
Life, is happening somewhere,
Behind the wall of water,
Captivated by emptiness.
What a shame, but all of this,
Is the fault of my dreams.
You were trying to become brutal,
To become cold as ice,
Inaccessible and distant,
And the one who lives without care.
Rain is pattering on the windows’ glass
Like it’s alive,
You are now lonely,
Open, open, open.
Life, is happening somewhere,
Behind the wall of water,
Captivated by emptiness.
What a shame, but all of this,
Is the fault of my dreams.

It would be easier if you felt this way-so you could hurt like me, so you can cry like me, so you can feel empty like me

 

[UCE]

Now that you've said some more about this, I understand it better. In fact, I know a couple of people in a very roughly similar situation (but not exactly like this one). The previous poem and this new one, which I like a lot, make a lot more sense now.

One common truth betweeen the situation you know of and the one that I know of is that they are both immensely complicated.

Unda

 

[Breatheagain]

Thank you for the responce, UCE. At times like right now person needs to tell things, even to someone who doesn't know anything about them. Talking here reliefs some stress, and even if just one person finds what is said remotely interesting makes it all worth it.
Not sure if this is just of the specifics of this board, or maybe I started to fast by just diving into this thing, that only one person finds something to say to this. But as long as the heart is still ticking and the mind still not completely clouded I will try to write and bring my soul to people, even if it is only one person reading it.
On to ongoing story, looking at all whats has happened to them, trying to analyze, understand and live their lives, year after year, the end can be summed up by these words:

Your home became your prison,
You are a stranger for those in your home,
You were naïve and waited for changes,
You were waiting that your friend will understand you,
Understand, and would say to go ahead,
But your friend was wondering in between his own walls.
Asphalt was burning, from the sun and the stars,
Asphalt was burning, from the noise of tires,
Asphalt was burning, and you felt the warms,
Asphalt was burning, and the evil glared.
By yourself you decided to take the risk,
And nobody warned you to be careful,
You painted your helmet in black.
Like the beast, the engine roared in the night,
Desert was calling us,
And you were avenging for the burden of hate in the past.
Asphalt started singing, and you heard every sound,
Asphalt started singing, like a heartbeat,
Asphalt started singing, you were its hero,
So the asphalt was singing, behind your back.
There was a moment, you believed in the sign of luck,
But you were young and hotheaded,
But your twin was on his way to meet you,
He was as free as you were,
And none said to hit the breaks,
Such an order is not know to the destiny.
Asphalt was burning, from the back and from the sky of stars,
Asphalt was burning, from the tires noise,
Asphalt was screaming, you were its hero
Asphalt was screaming, the pain was screaming.

This could be said about him right when she said "I am leaving". He likes to ride bike, and in general, he likes to be roothless. Life for him was life for her in the first place, for close family, for his friends, it was never for himself. I have never talked to someone more devastated, more lost, more heartbroken.
Something, that maybe people here can relate too. Can two dominant people be in a happy relationship? Has it ever worked for anyone?
Thank you again, UCE

All I ever wanted was love, all I ever needed was love...all I've ever gotten was a broken heart.

 

[Breatheagain]

Well, guess this doesn't get much interest here.
Sorry for taking up your bandwidth with someones' silly life problems, maybe someother time or somewhere else someone will listen to pleading for help. Wish you all luck in your lives and that all troubles pass you by.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Here is another thing I wanted to share with you all, don't ask why am I still "talking":


Blind night lay near my feet,
And doesn’t let me outside,
I wonder in the house like in the dream,
But I can’t find rest anywhere.
Dull pain hitting through the temple,
Fingers will rest on the trigger,
And in the mirrors ghost will pitch,
The ghost of love.
Take my heart,
Take my soul,
I am so lonely right now,
That I wish to die.
I have nowhere to go,
I ruined my world,
And only candle is crying for me
In the cold dawn.
You died on the rainy day,
And shadows were swimming on the water,
I saw death for the first time,
In all its greatness and dirt.
The pain is still in your eyes,
I will share it with you,
And in the mirrors ghost will pitch,
The ghost of love.
Take my heart,
Take my soul,
I am so lonely right now,
That I wish to die.
I have nowhere to go,
I ruined my world,
And only candle is crying for me
In the cold dawn.
I hear morning bell,
It praises celebration
And spreading copper and gold.
You are now in the reign of eternal sleep.
I hear morning bell,
It’s teasing devil,
And with the knell sky is cracked open,
On the earth I loved only you.
Take my heart…

You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.