Asking the BDSM community as a whole.

[Brandii]

Does anyone here think I'm prospective 'sub material' or that I have the potential to be one one day?'

I'll try to be quite honest here as I really want to know.

I'm reasonably sure that I am at least 90% submissive in nature, but I also feel I have a 10 percent margin of sheer unadulterated defiancy within me which will never be broken.This defiancy [in my everyday life] is brought to the fore if I feel a situation is really unjust, in which case I will rebel against it: or if I feel emotionally hurt or neglected. Then, I will simply become stubbornly uncooperative.

If I were in a Dom/sub relationship, I would still hold these traits as they are part of who I am; plus, knowing myself as I do, I would also be openly defiant if:
He is neglecting me and I want him to stop [even seeking punishment can be a form of attention-seeking.]
or 2: I really love the punishment he dishes out.

For as long as I can remember I have always liked the feeling of being led by males who at least looked like they knew what they are doing and even now, I can be 'switched on' by male aggressiveness and I yearn to be dominated.

So, with the exception of the 10% rebellious streak within me does anyone think I'd make a good sub?

 

[shy slave]

IMO Being a sub or a slave is not about suppressing who you are, it is about exploring all that you can be.

A dominant who does not enhance you but wants to bully you or keep you in your place is not a dominant. They are a weak individual who can only feel better by making you feel a lesser person.

If you have that 10% of stubbornness be honest with any potential Doms (or Dommes) and be clear you expect the same respect from them.

If you don't try it you will always wonder.
It may be the best thing ever for you or you may discover the reality is not what you thought it would be.

You have nothing to lose in trying.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

So, with the exception of the 10% rebellious streak within me does anyone think I'd make a good sub?

Since I don't know you, and with this little snapshot of your personality you've shared you have barely scratched the surface of who you are, I will withhold guessing until I have better idea of who and what you are.

The most dominant man or woman you see in public may be the most submissive of slaves in private, the most subservient of public personas may be incredibly dominant within the confines of an intimate relationship. Whether you would be a good submissive or not is determined not so much by how you feel, as by how you respond and act to the needs, desires, and commands of your dominant. And the only way to find that out is to get out of the fantasies in your head and into the reality of living it in a relationship.

Best of luck as you explore this facet of yourself.

 

[CutieMouse]

I would say I identify as more submissive, than not, but I'm also a very strong minded, competent lady... I fail to see how my ability to function independently, hold onto my convictions, and speak my mind, is contradictory to enjoying submission, and I've yet to meet a gentleman I respect, who disagrees with me.

I often wonder if there is a confusion over the subtelty of language with regards to the word "punishment". I enjoy pain, I thrive whilst being disciplined, I hate punishment and do my best to avoid it like the plague. The idea of enjoying punishment, causes a full stop disconnect for me. I realize some people enjoy the SAMMY (Smart Assed Masochist) aspect of things, but the idea of negative attention still being attention, brings forth all sorts of passive agressive crap for me, so I don't go there.

I would say the only way to know if you'd be a "good sub" would be to do some study, ask questions, and get to know yourself as well as possible. Then, if submission appeals to you, you can look for someone to explor the Lifestyle with... and hopefully have the knowledge to seperate the users and abusers, from the good guys.

 

[shy slave]

EG I agree with this completely.

No-one knows who you are until you start to explore. SOmetimes you don't even know yourself until that happens.

 

[Brandii]

Thank you all for your replies. In reality, I probably have no idea what a real Dom/ sub relationship really involves never having been in one, and this yearning is probably brought on by the relationship [if one can call it that] with the Dom male I spoke to online: the one who just up and vanished on me. I feel empty now and I want to fill the void he left behind with someone just like him.

 

[CutieMouse]

I understand where you're coming from.

There are a lot of good resources here on the BDSM boards; the Library thread stickied at the top of the forum is sorted by topic; D/s relationships are as individual as those who create them, so most strive to simply create a relationship that they feel is fulfilling.

www.greenerypress.com has several good books- The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book are, IMO, good places to start if one is looking to understand the dynamics of a D/s relationship.

Keep asking questions, exploring with awareness, and eventually you'll figure out what you need and want with regards to your interests and desires.

 

[Etoile]

The only person who can decide if you are a "good sub" or "cut out to be a sub" is the person you are in a relationship with. If you feel that you are a submissive, you should seek dominant partners. They are the ones who can tell you if you're a good fit with their style of dominance. Everyone is different and some doms may like a little rebellious streak in their subs, but some might hate that. If you feel mostly submissive, then be who you are, and see how your partners respond.

You know how on the Internet, nobody can know you're a dog? Nobody can know if you're a sub, either.

 

[Brandii]

Reply

CutieMouse: thanks for the idea of the reading material. The new bottoming book sounds like it would be instructive at the very least.
As for partners: I can only think of one male I know who I could trust enough to experiment with in this way, but the one time I was with him he never struck me as the authoritative Dom type. Could you set ground rules for a Dom and have him follow them? Not a chance in hell. I may have to change my online dating profile slightly to accomodate this new facet of my sexuality.

 

[CutieMouse]

Could you set ground rules for a Dom and have him follow them? Not a chance in hell.

You can most certainly decide what your boundaries are, communicate them, and make it clear they are to be respected. There is a reason there are checklists of interests to go over with a prospective partner; there is a reason bottoms (and tops) engage in BDSM with safe-words; there is a reason why submission does not equate being a doormat.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

The only one who can decide that is you... as others said, explore it and see how comfortable it is for you.

 

[Marquis]

90% submissive is pretty fucking submissive, if you ask me.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Does anyone here think I'm prospective 'sub material' or that I have the potential to be one one day?'

I'll try to be quite honest here as I really want to know.

I'm reasonably sure that I am at least 90% submissive in nature, but I also feel I have a 10 percent margin of sheer unadulterated defiancy within me which will never be broken.This defiancy [in my everyday life] is brought to the fore if I feel a situation is really unjust, in which case I will rebel against it: or if I feel emotionally hurt or neglected. Then, I will simply become stubbornly uncooperative.

If I were in a Dom/sub relationship, I would still hold these traits as they are part of who I am; plus, knowing myself as I do, I would also be openly defiant if:
He is neglecting me and I want him to stop [even seeking punishment can be a form of attention-seeking.]
or 2: I really love the punishment he dishes out.

For as long as I can remember I have always liked the feeling of being led by males who at least looked like they knew what they are doing and even now, I can be 'switched on' by male aggressiveness and I yearn to be dominated.

So, with the exception of the 10% rebellious streak within me does anyone think I'd make a good sub?

being stubborn does not mean you are not a submissive. the only one who can say if you truly are a submissive is, you. you can ask Master, i am about as stubborn as they come. i am a VERY opinionated person and when i feel something is unjust i speak out, give my two cents and don't care who has a problem with it. though i try really hard to be His 'perfect slave' i fall short of perfect by FAR. there are alot of times i am defiant, and Master has to 'tug on the leash' so to speak. i too, thought i couldn't be 'broke' and while i am still stubborn and sometimes defiant, it's not as bad as i was before i met Him and started this journey with Him. being a submissive is not about your Dom 'breaking' you or taking away the core of who you are, it's about Him nurturing and guiding you to be the best submissive for Him. it's a journey and one that should not be gone into lightly, do the research, read the websites, books or whatever you can find and then take it from there, and see where you 'fit in'

 

[Netzach]

You know, I own someone and he agrees I own him, and there's still a 5-10 percent of stuff that he knows I know is "you just don't want to go here" stuff.

There is stuff not to be fucked with. While I may have the *right* in a TPE (total power exchange or M/s or whatever implies slavery with few if any limits) to fuck with said stuff -- it's the stuff that makes me go "God, I'd be an IDIOT to go there."

It's not productive, it's not hot, it's the stuff that makes him him and not some other person. The difference is that he trusts me to know the very negative results of messing with those issues and to be checked by the fact that I care what happens to him, not the fact that he said "I don't want you to do this."

It's even a more effective check on my behavior, actually, rather than less.