Asking someone to read my first story and comment....

JHD123

Virgin
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Nov 20, 2003
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I am a new member, and this is my first attempt at a story with a sexual theme. Please comment if you have time.

jhd_123@yahoo.com
YIM jhd-123

Will be on the road most of the Thanksgiving holidays, but will respond to all who comment.

All the best,
Jim


My Most Beautiful Seduction


At the time of this story, I was 28, single, and living alone. I owned a fourplex, living in one unit and leasing the other three. Two were long term leases, and the third was a week to week. The place was landscaped, well manicured, with ample parking, nearby shopping, privacy fencing, and a really nice pool/spa shared by all tenants.

In the summer of ‘71 a young couple rented the weekly. He worked for a cable company doing a cross country installation. They paid two weeks in advance and expected to stay three months total. I will call the couple Bryan and Jenn.

Jenn was a lovely thing. She had a country girl fresh look with medium blonde hair and ice blue eyes. Her figure reminded me of world class female athletes such as gymnasts a few years after they retire. They are still lithe in movement, but roundness belies this, not unlike Mary Jo Retton of U.S. Olympic fame. The term “baby fat” comes to mind, but does not do justice to whatever puts curves like that on a woman.

Bryan’s schedule was 12 to 16 hour days weather permitting, with only Sunday off. Jenn worked part time for a local document hotshot delivery company for a little “fuck you” money, as she called it. Most of her time there was spent oiling, tanning, and lounging in the hot Texas sunshine.

My office window overlooked the pool, and I found myself not getting a lot done when she was sunning. In the seventies we did not have the sun blocker lotions that last all day, so periodically she would reapply oil to that luscious body. I could always find something outside that demanded my attention just as she would need to apply more lotion!!! And being the helpful sort, I would always consent to her request for help in making sure she was completely protected from the sun. In a bikini she would give any man from eight to 80 whiplash symptoms accompanied by dizziness.

As the two weeks’ due date for rent approached, Jenn asked for a private conference with me. This usually means a sad story about why the rent will be late, lavish with promise but short on cash. I was surprised when she first gave me a months’ rent by check, but not nearly as surprised as the main reason for her visit.

Knowing that they had been married for three years, I had often wondered why they had not started a family. Jenn confided to me in this meeting that they had been trying for two years with no results. Doctors and fertility tests had confirmed that Bryan was probably not going to father a child. Sooooooooo……

Jenn then blindsided me. She asked if I would consider fathering her child! Bryan and I were physically alike enough to be brothers, almost twins. She did not want Bryan to know, planning to make him think a miracle had happened and let him live the rest of his life thinking he was the father.

Wow! Was I ever on the horns of a dilemma!!! Here was one luscious dish asking me to have sex with her. She told me her “biological clock” was not ticking perfectly, and this might involve multiples “sessions”, which did not make the decision any easier. I did not leap at this opportunity, or at least not all of me leaped, but certain parts sure did!! Before saying yes, I managed to have one lucid thought, and told her I wanted time to think it over.

Well, no sleep that night!! Having been celibate for three months by choice didn’t help matters any either. I weighed all the pros and cons (one pro and several cons), and wouldn’t you know it, the one pro won out!!! I decided blackmail was not a motive as they knew all my assets were in real estate, and not liquid. I even gloated in the fact that she chose me, not admitting to myself that I was the easiest game in town! Hell, I was easier for her than ordering a pizza!!

I consented via phone and asked her what we do next. She laughed hilariously, and said if I didn’t know, I was in big trouble. She then hung up the phone, and there was a knock at my door a minute later. There, in my favorite bikini, stood my favorite fantasy. She slipped in, untied it in back and at the hips, gave a little wiggle, and I was looking at the objects of many self induced orgasms. And to make things even peachier…this mating had such a noble purpose!!! And yes, it did have purpose……


First sessions are always my favorite. Very clinically, though, I asked if I should get undressed or should she just bend over the sofa. She laughed again and said that foreplay and mood are an integral part, and she began undressing me. I was hard as a rock, and she was in control. After all, this was her gig!!! This was 30 years ago and I still remember how it felt when she touched me, what her essence was like, her shivers as I touched her breasts, the full meatiness of her swollen and wet pussy lips…..all like it was yesterday.

She proved to be a voracious lover. She and I both loved varied positions, and we tried them all and probably invented a few along the way. Sometimes once, usually twice a day we were together, except for the day when her hubby was home. She worked really hard to lend variety, once renting a nurse’s outfit to play a fantasy role. Once she covered herself in whipped cream with strategically places strawberries.

Never once did I question lack of results regarding getting her pregnant, nor did I suspect anything when she came to me during her first period, saying it was “her turn”. I asked what she meant, and she said that although she could not get pregnant while menstruating, it would be a good opportunity to show her appreciation. She then hit her knees, unzipped me, and proceeded to treat my willing meat like a life support system upon which she was totally dependent. I ended up prone, as my knees went on vacation with my mind when I shot my load all over her face (by request).

This was also the first but certainly not the last time I went down on the sweetest, wettest, most responsive pussy I have ever eaten in my entire life. Three minutes of foreplay and you didn’t have to go looking for this girl’s clit. Her pussy lips would part and it would be there, glistening with moisture and throbbing.

After two months (and two periods) her husband’s job moved them west to another city. She hinted to me that she was a “couple of days” late on her period and quite excited about it as we loaded the last of their things. It was a blue day for me as I watched their moving van pull out of the driveway.

That was thirty years ago, and her letter to me is sitting beside me now, as I relate this, the most beautiful seduction I have ever witnessed. I care for the letter well, and time has not diminished its appearance or the memory of my most wonderful, sex-filled summer. I have come to realize it was also the end of my ego driven macho male naivety. I will relate a few lines of her letter to you, by way of explanation……..



“My dear ,

This will probably burn the hell out of you at first. I hope over time you come to be honored by what I have done. There will be no baby. I had cervical cancer when I was sixteen and had a complete hysterectomy. My husband is a loving and caring man who is also in love with his job and is woefully ill equipped and unimaginative in the sack. I think you are a real catch, both in body and spirit, and since you wouldn’t make a move on me, I did the only thing I could think of to get a piece of your beautiful ass without stirring other feelings in you I could not satisfy!!!!! If you feel dirty or used, please remember how a woman feels when she has been used for a man’s selfish gain.”………………

She was right. My ego at first was deeply bruised and I thought myself such a fool. But time heals all wounds, and I now look back on our encounter as the most beautiful seduction I have ever witnessed. I am so gratified to have been chosen as the one to be seduced. There have been many women since her, including a marriage, but I still look back on this beautiful seduction as my finest sexual experience.
 
It's a nice little story and pretty well-written with an interesting idea. Your narrator uses a very informal, conversational tone; even so, I would suggest that you seriously throttle back on the exclamation points, especially multiple exclamation points. They're okay in comic books, but they really have no place in fiction, and they'll give your stuff a very adolescent look.

Same is true with long strings of periods................... They're not really punctuation. An "ellipsis" consists of three periods and is used to indicate unfinished speech or ideas. Three periods is enough.

That's minor stuff though. The main problem is that the story is a perfect example of what we mean by "telling, not showing". Rather than showing what happened in the seduction, you tell us about what happened, and this gives the piece a very dry and distant feel. Usually in an erotic story there comes a point where the author stops telling us what's going on and brings us in there with him so that we can experience what he or she's experiencing: that's what's meant by showing. This story never does get to that point, so, despite the promise of its title, we get to see very little of what goes on in the seduction. That keeps us on the outside looking in, and keeps the story from ever generating much in the way of heat or reader involvement.

What we really want is to be there with you, seeing what you see and experiencing what you experience. Most of the truly erotic stuff happens in the details.

But it's not a bad first effort.

---dr.M.
 
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