Asking questions

[LorraineRenee]

Hey guys, I know many of you have seen me around here asking about certain fetishes you enjoy, and I wanted to have a little chat about this.

First, I want to say thank you for always being patient, polite, and helpful! I get a lot of PMs with personal experiences and insights, and I have met a lot of great people this way. And when you reply in the board, I notice that sometimes it opens up new conversations for you as well; all the better!

Secondly, I want to clear up something I have been asked/that has been insinuated several times: if I'm asking so many questions, I must have some deep or hidden interest in the subject, right?

Not exactly.

As I told someone, think of it this way:

I know I don't like spicy food very much. If I watch someone eat a jalapeño pepper, I know I won't like it, so I don't try it. But I might be curious as to why they do, or how they prepare it, or what foods they like to eat them with. Once they tell me, even if I'm totally enthralled, I probably still won't want to try it though.

I know that the vast majority of people on here are pretty non-judgemental about other peoples' turn-ons, but here and there someone still posts something rude, and we all are very aware that most of society isn't too cozy with a lot of the things discussed in this board. I mean, we still don't allow most kinds if nudity on TV before a certain hour; books like "50 Shades of Gray" (no, I haven't read it) are still really controversial; and we still don't give equal rights to gays. Being gay on here is pretty damn tame! I can't imagine what would happen if I tossed around a few printouts just of the titles of threads on here around the streets where I live! I think people might actually riot.

But coming down on someone's preferences is probably the silliest thing I've ever heard of.
When I hear about something I don't like, I might be grossed-out on a personal level, but the first thing I think of is that I will never get to have that experience the way they do. I will (very likely, though tastes do change over time) never get to enjoy the things about which I'm asking questions... But you can.

Isn't that actually sort of cool?? Why would I not want to know what that's like, if I can't for myself? Why wouldn't I want to essentially pack as many experiences as I can into my life? Isn't this like looking up at birds as kids and wondering what it's like to fly? Don't we do this every day when we watch documentaries on ancient civilizations, or reality TV shows? We don't want to be birds, or ancient Greeks, or extremely angry chefs, necessarily... But we want to know about them.

And you know what? Sometimes we do think, "Hmm... Maybe I should try flying."

Being curious is the most basic way to open your mind; asking questions is the most direct path to understanding something new. So why anyone would shut themselves off to that about anything-- anything-- is entirely beyond me.

Alright... that's my piece. Go out and be curious!

 

[chargergirl]

Hey guys, I know many of you have seen me around here asking about certain fetishes you enjoy, and I wanted to have a little chat about this.

First, I want to say thank you for always being patient, polite, and helpful! I get a lot of PMs with personal experiences and insights, and I have met a lot of great people this way. And when you reply in the board, I notice that sometimes it opens up new conversations for you as well; all the better!

Secondly, I want to clear up something I have been asked/that has been insinuated several times: if I'm asking so many questions, I must have some deep or hidden interest in the subject, right?

Not exactly.

As I told someone, think of it this way:

I know I don't like spicy food very much. If I watch someone eat a jalapeño pepper, I know I won't like it, so I don't try it. But I might be curious as to why they do, or how they prepare it, or what foods they like to eat them with. Once they tell me, even if I'm totally enthralled, I probably still won't want to try it though.

I know that the vast majority of people on here are pretty non-judgemental about other peoples' turn-ons, but here and there someone still posts something rude, and we all are very aware that most of society isn't too cozy with a lot of the things discussed in this board. I mean, we still don't allow most kinds if nudity on TV before a certain hour; books like "50 Shades of Gray" (no, I haven't read it) are still really controversial; and we still don't give equal rights to gays. Being gay on here is pretty damn tame! I can't imagine what would happen if I tossed around a few printouts just of the titles of threads on here around the streets where I live! I think people might actually riot.

But coming down on someone's preferences is probably the silliest thing I've ever heard of.
When I hear about something I don't like, I might be grossed-out on a personal level, but the first thing I think of is that I will never get to have that experience the way they do. I will (very likely, though tastes do change over time) never get to enjoy the things about which I'm asking questions... But you can.

Isn't that actually sort of cool?? Why would I not want to know what that's like, if I can't for myself? Why wouldn't I want to essentially pack as many experiences as I can into my life? Isn't this like looking up at birds as kids and wondering what it's like to fly? Don't we do this every day when we watch documentaries on ancient civilizations, or reality TV shows? We don't want to be birds, or ancient Greeks, or extremely angry chefs, necessarily... But we want to know about them.

And you know what? Sometimes we do think, "Hmm... Maybe I should try flying."

Being curious is the most basic way to open your mind; asking questions is the most direct path to understanding something new. So why anyone would shut themselves off to that about anything-- anything-- is entirely beyond me.

Alright... that's my piece. Go out and be curious!

Nicely put.

As to the part I put in red, we have a 'soft rule' here in Fet., as written by the site owner in a sticky on the front page: Please keep this a SAFE place for conversation. Try not to ridicule someone just because you think their fetish is weird. Yours might seem equally weird to someone else!

If you can't post without being sarcastic and rude, then please save your comments for the General Board!

Fet Central is a 'safe zone' for talking about all things sexual and fetish, and we don't tolerate rudeness and ridicule.

Thanks for the great post!

 

[Hipshot1554]

Asking questions...

That's a big part of why I come here. How else do we learn about things we are curious, or not informed about?

I, for one, have learned that some things I considered a bit out of the norm are pretty vanilla to many here.

I have had a couple of judgmental replies in the past. Thankfully, Chargergirl stepped in and saved me from feeling like a doofus.

I will keep posing questions too.

 

[LorraineRenee]

I, for one, have learned that some things I considered a bit out of the norm are pretty vanilla to many here.

While people have tended not to believe my claim in the past, I've been reading lit since I was around 13/14 years old, so I knew from an early age what was out there (And I do believe it helped me learn to be open about what I liked later on, too). However, it wasn't till very recently that I actually started reading the forums and joined. I feel entirely the same: "vanilla" is a very different concept here than what I've been used to! It really sinks in when you see just how many people get into and actually openly talk about the fetishes I used to think were taboo. I now find myself wondering just how many people I see every day are actually really kinky behind closed doors...

 

[hardcollege4]

While people have tended not to believe my claim in the past, I've been reading lit since I was around 13/14 years old, so I knew from an early age what was out there (And I do believe it helped me learn to be open about what I liked later on, too). However, it wasn't till very recently that I actually started reading the forums and joined. I feel entirely the same: "vanilla" is a very different concept here than what I've been used to! It really sinks in when you see just how many people get into and actually openly talk about the fetishes I used to think were taboo. I now find myself wondering just how many people I see every day are actually really kinky behind closed doors...

I would also agree with the above two posters, I've often thought about starting a thread asking people what they read on here that made them think, "wow ok anything goes here." I remember one of the first times I was on Lit I stumbled upon a thread about sounding, which I didn't know what it was at the time, that was my "wow anything goes here" moment.

 

[LorraineRenee]

I'd like to point out...

To clarify, I am 24 now. I never participated in the forums before a few weeks ago. When I was 13/14 I used to read the stories. Yeah, I know I broke the rules and that those disclaimers must be there for legal ass-covering, but... Oh well. I'm legal now Just wanted to be sure that was perfectly clear!

And I'm glad to see how many of you feel similarly about open-minded ness ^_^

 

[MarriedMelissa]

Lorraine, this was very nicely put. I just logged on a minute ago and I read your note. I also am curious why anyone would be judgmental in a forum such as this one. One would think that it if you don't care for the topic, don't comment. I can tell by the thread title if I will want to read it or not. But to read and leave a rude comment? Shame.

I have had the same experience and it is mainly an Internet thing. Anonymity I mean. I have posted stories in the past and some of the comments range from rude to hostile (wishing me harm). I don't know why people read my stories if they don't like the tags. If I was sharing with a group of adults in person, no one would be so rude in their comments. But on the Internet - that is the reality.

Keep posting and try not to worry about the rude comments.

 

[LorraineRenee]

Lorraine, this was very nicely put. I just logged on a minute ago and I read your note. I also am curious why anyone would be judgmental in a forum such as this one. One would think that it if you don't care for the topic, don't comment. I can tell by the thread title if I will want to read it or not. But to read and leave a rude comment? Shame.

I have had the same experience and it is mainly an Internet thing. Anonymity I mean. I have posted stories in the past and some of the comments range from rude to hostile (wishing me harm). I don't know why people read my stories if they don't like the tags. If I was sharing with a group of adults in person, no one would be so rude in their comments. But on the Internet - that is the reality.

Keep posting and try not to worry about the rude comments.

It's rare that I've found rude comments on this particular board, but it think this applies to everywhere, especially places like lit. (And yes, I think you're spot on about anonymity.) I wish more people would embrace this site as an open and safe space to share their thoughts, their likes, their ways of doing things, their kinks... And we should all be adult enough to decide to simply let it alone if it's not for us. Sadly, so many people apparently don't feel the same.

If I may...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I71cY9Ysy5U

 

[basic_desires]

Hey guys, I know many of you have seen me around here asking about certain fetishes you enjoy, and I wanted to have a little chat about this.

First, I want to say thank you for always being patient, polite, and helpful! I get a lot of PMs with personal experiences and insights, and I have met a lot of great people this way. And when you reply in the board, I notice that sometimes it opens up new conversations for you as well; all the better!

Secondly, I want to clear up something I have been asked/that has been insinuated several times: if I'm asking so many questions, I must have some deep or hidden interest in the subject, right?

Not exactly.

As I told someone, think of it this way:

I know I don't like spicy food very much. If I watch someone eat a jalapeño pepper, I know I won't like it, so I don't try it. But I might be curious as to why they do, or how they prepare it, or what foods they like to eat them with. Once they tell me, even if I'm totally enthralled, I probably still won't want to try it though.

I know that the vast majority of people on here are pretty non-judgemental about other peoples' turn-ons, but here and there someone still posts something rude, and we all are very aware that most of society isn't too cozy with a lot of the things discussed in this board. I mean, we still don't allow most kinds if nudity on TV before a certain hour; books like "50 Shades of Gray" (no, I haven't read it) are still really controversial; and we still don't give equal rights to gays. Being gay on here is pretty damn tame! I can't imagine what would happen if I tossed around a few printouts just of the titles of threads on here around the streets where I live! I think people might actually riot.

But coming down on someone's preferences is probably the silliest thing I've ever heard of.
When I hear about something I don't like, I might be grossed-out on a personal level, but the first thing I think of is that I will never get to have that experience the way they do. I will (very likely, though tastes do change over time) never get to enjoy the things about which I'm asking questions... But you can.

Isn't that actually sort of cool?? Why would I not want to know what that's like, if I can't for myself? Why wouldn't I want to essentially pack as many experiences as I can into my life? Isn't this like looking up at birds as kids and wondering what it's like to fly? Don't we do this every day when we watch documentaries on ancient civilizations, or reality TV shows? We don't want to be birds, or ancient Greeks, or extremely angry chefs, necessarily... But we want to know about them.

And you know what? Sometimes we do think, "Hmm... Maybe I should try flying."

Being curious is the most basic way to open your mind; asking questions is the most direct path to understanding something new. So why anyone would shut themselves off to that about anything-- anything-- is entirely beyond me.

Alright... that's my piece. Go out and be curious!

I couldn't have said it better myself
Don't be put off by occasional negativity, it happens...

 

[peedrinker21]

It's rare that I've found rude comments on this particular board, but it think this applies to everywhere, especially places like lit. (And yes, I think you're spot on about anonymity.) I wish more people would embrace this site as an open and safe space to share their thoughts, their likes, their ways of doing things, their kinks... And we should all be adult enough to decide to simply let it alone if it's not for us. Sadly, so many people apparently don't feel the same.

welcome to this board. perhaps youll do better than you did in howto.

 

[Bigman57]

Well said. Over the years I have learned the obvious that all people have a right to be who they are and should not worry what other people think of them. People that judge on here are probably just as closed minded in real life. Not everyone has to be a champion and carry a banner for whatever cause they imagine will save the world or make it a better place. I have friends that are gay and lesbian for instance that laugh at the marchers that have to be in a parade to show their pride. Being who you are without hesitation should be enough without demanding acceptance from others. Opinions, like this one, are like assholes, everyone has one.

 

[LorraineRenee]

I want you all to know how very awesome I think you are.

Allow me to pose a question:
If in real life you were to witness one person (or perhaps many people) coming down on another for their sexual preference (be it orientation, relationship status, kinks, etc) what would you do?

I ask because, obviously, this is a very real thing. It's hard to be confrontational in the first place, but it is hardest if what you're defending is generally considered "taboo" or immoral.

For me, I feel that one of the best reasons to stand up for the rights of others is evident when you realize how hard it is for them to do it themselves.

One of my professors I am very close to is gay, and is married to a man (they got married in Canada). They have adopted two very smart and well-behaved kids, but technically this isn't a legal adoption because of wisconsin's marriage laws. They want to help petition for equal marriage rights, as wisconsin has yet to join in the movement, but are afraid that people might question their ability to raise their children and take legal action. Even if they won, though, being that they both have professional careers, this could hurt their reputations and their ability to generate income. Understandably, they don't even want to risk it.

Despite my generally non-confrontational nature, I'd personally put a lot on the line to defend that family's rights and reputation...

 

[hardcollege4]

I want you all to know how very awesome I think you are.

Allow me to pose a question:
If in real life you were to witness one person (or perhaps many people) coming down on another for their sexual preference (be it orientation, relationship status, kinks, etc) what would you do?

I ask because, obviously, this is a very real thing. It's hard to be confrontational in the first place, but it is hardest if what you're defending is generally considered "taboo" or immoral.

For me, I feel that one of the best reasons to stand up for the rights of others is evident when you realize how hard it is for them to do it themselves.

One of my professors I am very close to is gay, and is married to a man (they got married in Canada). They have adopted two very smart and well-behaved kids, but technically this isn't a legal adoption because of wisconsin's marriage laws. They want to help petition for equal marriage rights, as wisconsin has yet to join in the movement, but are afraid that people might question their ability to raise their children and take legal action. Even if they won, though, being that they both have professional careers, this could hurt their reputations and their ability to generate income. Understandably, they don't even want to risk it.

Despite my generally non-confrontational nature, I'd personally put a lot on the line to defend that family's rights and reputation...

Like a rally or something? I'd walk on by, if you're in America 1st amendment right applies even if I don't like what you're saying. If one person was screaming at each other or it looked like they were going to fight then I'd step in but not if it's a peaceful protest

 

[basic_desires]

I have a somewhat confrontational nature which tends to land me in hot water far too often...having said that, I step in if I feel that someone is being bullied, ridiculed because of their views or preferences or otherwise unjustly attacked or singled out; particularly when I see they are unable to defend themselves. It depends on the situation of course.

,

I want you all to know how very awesome I think you are.

Allow me to pose a question:
If in real life you were to witness one person (or perhaps many people) coming down on another for their sexual preference (be it orientation, relationship status, kinks, etc) what would you do?

I ask because, obviously, this is a very real thing. It's hard to be confrontational in the first place, but it is hardest if what you're defending is generally considered "taboo" or immoral.

For me, I feel that one of the best reasons to stand up for the rights of others is evident when you realize how hard it is for them to do it themselves.

One of my professors I am very close to is gay, and is married to a man (they got married in Canada). They have adopted two very smart and well-behaved kids, but technically this isn't a legal adoption because of wisconsin's marriage laws. They want to help petition for equal marriage rights, as wisconsin has yet to join in the movement, but are afraid that people might question their ability to raise their children and take legal action. Even if they won, though, being that they both have professional careers, this could hurt their reputations and their ability to generate income. Understandably, they don't even want to risk it.

Despite my generally non-confrontational nature, I'd personally put a lot on the line to defend that family's rights and reputation...

 

[Hipshot1554]

I have a somewhat confrontational nature which tends to land me in hot water far too often...having said that, I step in if I feel that someone is being bullied, ridiculed because of their views or preferences or otherwise unjustly attacked or singled out; particularly when I see they are unable to defend themselves. It depends on the situation of course.


Ditto

 

[policywank]

I want you all to know how very awesome I think you are.

Allow me to pose a question:
If in real life you were to witness one person (or perhaps many people) coming down on another for their sexual preference (be it orientation, relationship status, kinks, etc) what would you do?

I ask because, obviously, this is a very real thing. It's hard to be confrontational in the first place, but it is hardest if what you're defending is generally considered "taboo" or immoral.

For me, I feel that one of the best reasons to stand up for the rights of others is evident when you realize how hard it is for them to do it themselves.

One of my professors I am very close to is gay, and is married to a man (they got married in Canada). They have adopted two very smart and well-behaved kids, but technically this isn't a legal adoption because of wisconsin's marriage laws. They want to help petition for equal marriage rights, as wisconsin has yet to join in the movement, but are afraid that people might question their ability to raise their children and take legal action. Even if they won, though, being that they both have professional careers, this could hurt their reputations and their ability to generate income. Understandably, they don't even want to risk it.

Despite my generally non-confrontational nature, I'd personally put a lot on the line to defend that family's rights and reputation...

Hard to know how I would deal with the prospect of a physical threat other than to hopefully be helpful - either by intervening or calling a cop.

However, I think the best away to help with a verbal or emotional attack is to state a clear solidarity with the victim. Providing a clear denunciation of the attacker can be helpful, but in those cases the victim probably already cows the attacker is wrong.

If you say don't attack them because they are gay you are fending off the attacker but not really aiding the victim. If you say "I am gay" (or in my case bi-sexual) or "pfft that isn't so unusual" you are giving the victim reinforcement and negating the validity of the attack.

 

[Bigman57]

What do you consider an attack? Physically I would intervene. Verbally I guess it would depend on the provacations and again, what might one consider an attack. Words dont hurt unless you let them, if you get upset that a 400lb person calls you fat well............. I for one dont march or put up signs or wear a button to express who I am. I am me, like it, hate it, whatever. I hope you tolerate my independance of thought and action as well as I will with yours but please dont feel you have to be special by asking to be just like everyone else