asking a partner if they have cum yet during sex

[pisces_girl]

When a guy asks you if you have cum yet does it kill your build up? I do understand that he wants to know so he can finish or whatever, but it is the biggest orgasm killer for me. Hearing, 'are you close?' 'are you gonna cum?' 'have you cum yet?' Throws me off tremendously. Anyone else?

 

[formerlyFITD]

You're not the only one, my ex was the same in our early days until she told me. I was trying to be polite as you say I guess but I understood how it could be off putting so no you're not alone it's much better when you just cum together naturally!

 

[LondonHotDevil]

......

 

[AlwaysDancing]

When I was young and prone to speedy ejaculation, my wife (now ex) kicked me so hard in the nuts. I was reliably giving her orgasms before my own at this point. During sex, she came and I felt a way off from my orgasm. I thought ... Hmm, time to master the art of giving her multiple orgasms. My heart swelled with love as I reeled with the thought of helping her to amazing heights of pleasure.

Then she says, while looking kind of annoyed, "you're not done yet?". My heart broke in a million pieces.

Yeah, I don't like this question either.

 

[LibraStud]

I think it is really important, especially when it is a new relationship, for a woman to tell her man what things make her feel good. I did not use to feel this way, but I learned that "taking care of business" first prevents a lot of disappointment. Women are all different in what turns them on. You need to tell your man. And that includes letting him know when you have finished. Once done, your man will take over, now satisfied that he knows what to do you make you happy in all of your future fun.

 

[Carnevil9]

It also helps, if you orgasm in subtle ways, to let him know in advance what to expect. "I'll sort of gasp a little, then sigh," or whatever. Then he won't have to ask.

Of course, if you are the type that arches your back, screams, and pounds your fists on the bed during orgasm, this won't be necessary.

 

[Afterhours22]

Communication is key

Being verbal helps.... if you are put off by this, don't just expect your man to READ YOUR MIND. I have been with women in the past that were not very vocal at all during sex, (I call them the silent screamers) but they were very good at communicating what they loved either before or after we had sex, so that those good things were implemented next time around. Ladies, don't expect your man to be good at sex, even if he is experienced because everyone has different likes during sex. Tell him what you like and don't like, but remember to do it in a positive way because anything said by either parties in a negative way, especially during sex is only going to cause animosity and eventual break up.

Here is an example: When I was 18 years old and not very experienced, I was having sex with a girl that I had met. It was our first time having sex and I was so engrossed in the fact that she was riding me like a thoroughbred in a race at the Kentucky Derby, that I wasn't paying enough attention to her tits. She stopped, looked at me and said angrily, "What you don't like my fucking tits or what?" Well that was a huge mood killer to say the least. I pushed her off me, called her a no good cunt and a bitch, got dressed and left her ass and never spoke to her again. Now had she handled that in a good way, by maybe pulling my hands up to her tits and moaning her approval, I would have got the message in a much more positive way, and we probably would have been fucking like bunnies for a long time to come. Positive communication PEOPLE!

 

[foxpass]

I have found that "I am going to cum" works well for clearing up confusion for all parties.

 

[analgirl69]

When a guy asks you if you have cum yet does it kill your build up? I do understand that he wants to know so he can finish or whatever, but it is the biggest orgasm killer for me. Hearing, 'are you close?' 'are you gonna cum?' 'have you cum yet?' Throws me off tremendously. Anyone else?

YES! I try to explain that, but oh well. I feel super pressure to orgasm and it's hard without a vibrator sometimes.. mostly because I am worried how long it will take and if he's worried he isn't doing a good enough job, which is virtually never the case.. but he thinks it. The pressure kills it whenever I get close. Either form him saying "are you almost there? " or something or me trying so hard to so I don't disappoint him that it becomes a mental block.

 

[naughtynjmale]

i hope that the woma im with is verbal and tells me when she cums

or what she likes or need to have done

to make sure she cums for me

 

[Edensgarden]

Isn't having him ask the question better than having him orgasm when you haven't? I can't say I have really had this problem, but I am pretty vocal as far as saying that I am almost there or am about to cum.

If it is an occasional thing, I would say cut him some slack. I personally am one who can still get off even after he has orgasmed and sometimes prefer it as there is a different sensation once he has. It all depends on if I am situated correctly on his pelvis.

If it is something that occurs all the time, communicate with him (respectfully...as suggested above) and let him know you have a hard time reaching O once the question is asked. Maybe he can give you an orgasm manually and/or orally either before you start intercourse or after.

 

[Afterhours22]

I have to say...

when a woman tells me she is going to cum and then does, I'm like right there with her.... just her telling me just excites me to no end. HUGE turn on~!

Isn't having him ask the question better than having him orgasm when you haven't? I can't say I have really had this problem, but I am pretty vocal as far as saying that I am almost there or am about to cum.

If it is an occasional thing, I would say cut him some slack. I personally am one who can still get off even after he has orgasmed and sometimes prefer it as there is a different sensation once he has. It all depends on if I am situated correctly on his pelvis.

If it is something that occurs all the time, communicate with him (respectfully...as suggested above) and let him know you have a hard time reaching O once the question is asked. Maybe he can give you an orgasm manually and/or orally either before you start intercourse or after.

 

[callmeismael]

Yeah, obviously it's the worst question for a guy to ask, because it implies two things: first, that you're deaf to what's going on in her body; and secondly, that you're impatient or have short stamina. Basically, asking this question implies that you're a bad lover (and it may be entirely false, but that's the impression it gives). If you're uncertain, best to assume that she hasn't.

But here's something I've found useful in that situation: I pick something she does that really turns me on, and when she does it, I stop her and say, 'don't do that unless you want to make me cum.' This basically gives her a non-verbal way of showing me when she's ready for me to cum: if she does it again, then that's her saying that she's ready. If she doesn't, then that's a clear signal that she wants you to keep going. Hopefully, this can become part of your sexual vocabulary as a couple. When my partner reaches around and fondles my balls, we both know that's a cue that she's ready for me to cum.

 

[rbone04]

Fuck ni j ppppim wtb hb

Isn't having him ask the question better than having him orgasm when you haven't? I can't say I have really had this problem, but I am pretty vocal as far as saying that I am almost there or am about to cum.

If it is an occasional thing, I would say cut him some slack. I personally am one who can still get off even after he has orgasmed and sometimes prefer it as there is a different sensation once he has. It all depends on if I am situated correctly on his pelvis.

If it is something that occurs all the time, communicate with him (respectfully...as suggested above) and let him know you have a hard time reaching O once the question is asked. Maybe he can give you an orgasm manually and/or orally either before you start intercourse or after.

YES! I'm so glad someone said it... Now I think most guys KNOW asking that question doesn't exactly drive their lovers wild, but at least they care! Unless he's just some asshole who is using you for sex anyways, the only thing on many mens' mind is the fear of not pleasing you. I'm sure asshole isn't going to ask that question under any circumstances... Let alone, care about the answer.

Any woman who is actually upset when their man asks if they've cum should think about this... There's a good chance that is one of the few times you will see him try to communicate.

Most women don't communicate well in the bedroom... I may get crucified for saying that here, but the women who disagree with me probably have either very satisfying sex lives, or they don't know they suck at it. I'll give most women a gold star for communication OUTSIDE the bedroom any day of the week, but if you've been together for any period time and your man HAS to ask whether or not you had a orgasm... Then you clearly have not made him aware of where he stands when it comes to pleasuring you.

***Sidenote: Because it correlates my philosophy about women and bedroom communication -- Ladies, don't EVER fake an orgasm if you plan to sleep with us again. You will never give us a chance to please you if you do that shit, and it ruins relationships. When you praise a sub par performance by making us think we got you off, you encourage us to do the same thing next time. Now it's a habit and you think you're not satisfied because we can't please you... But in reality, it's because you failed at communicating.

Believe me, most men know how hard it is for many women to orgasm and it can be. intimidating. Now obviously confidence is a turn on, but for what most women don't realize, is that every woman is 1000% different when it comes to what it takes to make her climax, even worse... Every woman is 1000% different when it comes to the "type" of orgasm they have. I have dated one or two women who give virtually no sign of an orgasm, while others who squirt across the room and scream at the top of their lungs. All the while men have to adjust to that shit with every woman we sleep with.

Point is... If your lover has to ask the question "did you cum", then just give them an honest fucking answer.... And, if you didn't for the love of God, give him some status updates next time so it doesn't happen again. Same goes for faking an orgasm... Point us in the right direction, when were and I promise
or he's an idiot, which, I'm sure may even be the case more often and you need to make a decision on your )

 

[Miss_Ali]

I dislike when a man says, "Cum for me". If he were educated he would know that an orgasm (male or female) is an involuntary response to stimuli.

 

[Miss_Ali]

Sidebar: Also how can a woman cum and keep it secret? I don't hold back on my orgasms so my partner knows. In addition to, I normally yell/say, "I'm cumming" Just to be clear.

 

[Shrubbery]

Hm, I think I disagree with both of those, Miss Ali.

First, arousal cumming have so many psychological factors, it's not fair to call it an 'involuntary response to stimuli'. What about the subs who can't cum unless they believe themselves to have no control over it, or those who get turned on and even cum from a particular scenario, or even a word? I grant you 'cum for me' is pretty darn unimaginative. Unless there's some sort of orgasm denial rp going on, and that's giving them permission to finally release. In which case, fair enough if that's your thing.

Second, ok, you clearly make no secret of your orgasms. Neither do most women. But I have been with some women who, some of the time, have gentle, quiet orgasms that I haven't been able to tell apart from the constant spasms and moans of arousal, and who don't announce it in any way until I keep doing whatever it is I was doing that got them there and have them suddenly wince as they get too post/orgasm sensitive. It's about being atttuned to your partner mostly, but the odd cum does slip past the radar now and again

 

[DarkPleasures]

Gone.

 

[strapon_tales]

I don't care whether she cums or not.

 

[mr_rippley]

One thing I find really really hot- being told about someone's pet peeves during sex.

Her: "... and after thing, why do you always swirl your tongue clockwise on my pussy when you know that, as an Aussie, I much prefer counter-clockwise."

Me: "Counter clockwise for you or for me?"

Her: "... and another thing, I shouldn't have to tell you which frame of reference I'm using at any given time."

Me: "Oh, God! I'm cumming!"

Her: "Gross. Don't do that, either."

That's pretty much my ultimate fantasy.

 

[Edensgarden]

I don't care whether she cums or not.

And once again we have a guy that must have the girls knocking down his door.

 

[Leslie22]

I hate it. Completely takes me out of the moment.

 

[cuckold_tales]

There have been a couple who've asked this; at first, I thought it was kinda sweet, but now, I do just find it a distraction. I don't find it very easy to cum from sex - whether because I don't relax enough or I'm just not built for it - so it doesn't help for someone to "force" the issue.

 

[Cookie123]

I dislike when a man says, "Cum for me". If he were educated he would know that an orgasm (male or female) is an involuntary response to stimuli.

Although I am going through a bit of a dry spell, I adore when a lover tells me to cum! Hopefully, I am going to do it anyway.

 

[basic_desires]

I dislike when a man says, "Cum for me". If he were educated he would know that an orgasm (male or female) is an involuntary response to stimuli.

I have you know I do it quite voluntary....