Ask The Master

[Marquis]

A few years ago I started a thread on a MySpace BDSM group/board called "Ask The Master"

It was designed to be a Dear Abbey type advice column for people in the community and it ended up really taking off. That group is long since defunct but my column has been picked up by an online magazine that I write for, www.TruFetish.com

In any case, TruFetish is still early in its lifecycle and questions emailed to me from readers are slow going, so I want to offer you guys the opportunity to ask me questions here and I will select a few to answer on TruFetish as it comes out each month (maybe more often in the future).

Here are the rules:

1. The questions should be phrased in "Dear Abbey" style, with creatively anonymous signatures that relate to the question.

For example:

Dear Marquis,

I love reading your column every month!! You're so wise and handsome!

Last year I started looking online for a Dominant and have spent a long time interviewing potential mates. After finally deciding on the one I wanted to serve, I have now discovered that he has a wife he never told me about who doesn't know about us. I'm so frustrated and disheartened for having wasted so much of my time that I'm ready to give up on ever finding a Dom ever.

Do you think I'll ever meet an honest Dominant?

Sincerely,

Accidental Mistress

2. Especially if you've been posting for a while and I may have some history with you, it's important that you phrase the question in a way that doesn't require references that TruFetish readers don't have.


Thanks for your help ladies and gents, and I hope you find my answers worth your while!

For the full archives of previous questions/answers, you can check my MySpace blog at blog.myspace.com/lithiumeleon from March 26th and earlier.

 

[Etoile]

I think it would be much more fun to send this type of question in to the REAL Dear Abby. However...

Dear Marquis,

There is something called fluid sexuality, which is kind of like saying that people can be straight at one point in their life and gay at another point in their life, without ever being bisexual. (Maybe Anne Heche fits in here?) What I want to know is if there is something called fluid kinkiness. Can you be kinky at one point in your life and vanilla at another point in your life, without ever being the fuzzy-handcuffs-and-silk-blindfold type?

Navel-gazingly yours,
Make Mine Strawberry

 

[Marquis]

That's it?!!

COME ON GUYS!!!!

 

[Etoile]

Well gee, sorry that wasn't good enough.

 

[Marquis]

Well gee, sorry that wasn't good enough.

No, it was great, but I usually do three or four questions per issue.

 

[intothewoods]

Dear Marquis,

If you just like the occasional make out session, are you poly?

Signed,

Polly Licks The Cracker

 

[amy711]

Sounds like a bad episode of Dr. Who (hopefully someone will actually get this...)

 

[Marquis]

I'm going to answer these questions in the thread in hopes of getting more participants.

I think it would be much more fun to send this type of question in to the REAL Dear Abby. However...

Dear Marquis,

There is something called fluid sexuality, which is kind of like saying that people can be straight at one point in their life and gay at another point in their life, without ever being bisexual. (Maybe Anne Heche fits in here?) What I want to know is if there is something called fluid kinkiness. Can you be kinky at one point in your life and vanilla at another point in your life, without ever being the fuzzy-handcuffs-and-silk-blindfold type?

Navel-gazingly yours,
Make Mine Strawberry

Dear Make Mine Strawberry,

While I'm not sure what specific relevance there is to skipping over the midpoints of the spectrum, I can certainly attest personally to one's kinkiness being fluid.

A variety of factors in our lives are going to inhibit or encourage our desire to be kinky. Changes in mood, amount of free time and of course, the availability of kinky partners all has an effect on how our sexuality is going to express itself at any given point in time.

I go through long stretches (often intolerably long, for my partners) where my interest in kink wanes severely. Usually, this is related to my mood and/or self esteem. When I'm depressed, vanilla sex is pretty much all I can handle, and often not without some difficulty at that. The kind of creative juices that take form in kinky and creative sex just aren't flowing. The well dries up, and there are no powerful desires or sexual energy to draw upon. In time, things start flowing again and I start to realize what I've been missing, wanting it all the more for its absence.

There are also times in my life where I just don't feel worthy of submission. I'm slacking off or making bad decisions and my sense of being in control of myself is so lost that the prospect of controlling another can be downright terrifying. My partners are often left feeling as though it were their fault, which is of course not my intention, but it serves to exacerbate the situation regardless. Luckily, this too passes as I gain control in other areas of my life and my confidence returns loyally.

So perhaps I should retract my earlier statement, I think I can see the nature of fluid sexuality as you described it. In my case, when the desire or ability to execute kink isn't there, it isn't milder, it just isn't present at all.

Hope I was able to offer some perspective.

-M

 

[Marquis]

Dear Marquis,

If you just like the occasional make out session, are you poly?

Signed,

Polly Licks The Cracker

Dear Polly Licks The Cracker,

I'm not sure I understand the question, but this could reflect my general lack of understanding where it comes to the concept of monogamy.

I am inclined to say..... yes, to some extent, at least.

-M