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LadyAria

LadyAria

choke
Joined
Aug 24, 2005
Posts
10,413
A place to play with people of like humor. If you are proudly twisted and enjoy a darker spin on things, then drop a joke or post a picture. Also, anything you have on, about or by Tim Burton or Clive Barker welcomed as well. My dark darling Dexter is always a joy.

In the words of Shel Silverstein:

If you are a dreamer, come in.
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer . . .
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,
For we have some flax golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in!

http://static.flickr.com/79/222149795_e660806e30_o.jpg​
 
You Fit Into Me
Margaret Atwood

You fit into me
like a hook into an eye
A fish hook
An open eye
 
Ah, Are You Digging on My Grave?
Thomas Hardy

"AH, are you digging on my grave,
My loved one? -- planting rue?"
-- "No: yesterday he went to wed
One of the brightest wealth has bred.
'It cannot hurt her now,' he said,
'That I should not be true.'"

"Then who is digging on my grave,
My nearest dearest kin?"
-- "Ah, no: they sit and think, 'What use!
What good will planting flowers produce?
No tendance of her mound can loose
Her spirit from Death's gin.'"

"But someone digs upon my grave?
My enemy? -- prodding sly?"
-- "Nay: when she heard you had passed the Gate
That shuts on all flesh soon or late,
She thought you no more worth her hate,
And cares not where you lie.

"Then, who is digging on my grave?
Say -- since I have not guessed!"
-- "O it is I, my mistress dear,
Your little dog , who still lives near,
And much I hope my movements here
Have not disturbed your rest?"

"Ah yes! You dig upon my grave...
Why flashed it not to me
That one true heart was left behind!
What feeling do we ever find
To equal among human kind
A dog's fidelity!"

"Mistress, I dug upon your grave
To bury a bone, in case
I should be hungry near this spot
When passing on my daily trot.
I am sorry, but I quite forgot
It was your resting place."
 
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

- Aldous Huxley

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.

- Emo Philips

The planet is fine, the people are fucked.

- George Carlin

I recently heard about a mass murderer who killed seventeen people in three days... they say he was a loner. Well, of course he was. He apparently killed everyone he came in contact with!

- George Carlin


Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one

- Henry Louis Mencken

If anyone ever says that they hate war more than I do, they better have a knife.

- Jack Handey


How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children

- Lewis B. Frumkes (Book Title)

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

- Matt Groening

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

- Mike Wilmot

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

- Solomon Short

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk.

- Stephen King
 
100 quotes for the potty mouthed hipster

"I gotta go wash my vagina." (Nicole Ari Parker as Becky Barnett, Boogie Nights)

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." (Ted Levine, The Silence of the Lambs)

"I hate you, and I hate your ass face!" (Christopher Guest as Corky St. Clair, Waiting for Guffman)

"I saw something nasty in the woodshed!" (Sheila Burrell as Ada Doom, Cold Comfort Farm)

"The street light makes my pussy hair glow in the dark—cotton candy with a glow." (Alexandra Paul as Sunny, 8 Million Ways to Die)

"Jew eat?" (Woody Allen as Alvy Singer, Annie Hall)

"Get your dick back in here!" (Demi Moore as Lt. Jordan O'Neil, G.I. Jane)

"Oh Ramon, your penis is so powerful! I'm coming! Okay, thank you. Get off me." (Mira Sorvino as Romy White, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion)

"I think I'll have a large order of…prognosis negative!" (Bette Davis as Judith Traherne, Dark Victory)

"C'mon Nicholas...you don't have to lick my ass. Just fuck me!" (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos as Laure Ash, Femme Fatale)

"Dear bitch...See how obsessive I allow myself to be? How would you like to be fucked with a meat cleaver?!" (Michael Biehn as Douglas Breen in The Fan)

"So they call me Concentration Camp Ehrhardt?" (Jack Benny as Joseph Tura as Col. Ehrhardt, To Be or Not to Be)

"I'm wet! And I'm still hysterical! (Gene Wilder as Leo Bloom, The Producers)

"Yeah, get the dynamite. And could you also bring me a regular coffee and a toasted corn muffin?" (Akiko Wakabayashi as Suki Yaki, What's Up, Tiger Lily?)

"Bitches leave!" (Kurtwood Smith as Clarence Boddicker, Robocop)

"Jesus! Where did she get the shoes? 'Whores for less?'" (Denise Richards as Kelly Lanier Van Ryan, Wild Things)

"How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?" (Cartman, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut)

"For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says 'shit' a lot, you know?" (Lisa Kudrow as Michelle Weinberger, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion)

"There is something wrong with your vagina!" (Tracey Ullman as Sylvia Stickles, A Dirty Shame)

"My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, all right? I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we're shooting tomorrow." (William H. Macy as Little Bill, Boogie Nights)

"Every time I sneeze, it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. And it's like it's not even happening to me, it's like I'm watching it on some crappy show like Melrose Place or some shit, right? And I'm the new character, I'm the HIV/AIDS character and I live in the building and I teach everybody that 'It's okay to be near me, it's okay to talk to me.' And then I die. And there's everybody at my funeral wearing halter-tops or chokers or some shit like that." (Janeane Garofalo as Vickie Miner, Reality Bites)

"What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch." (Parker Posey as Darla Marks, Dazed and Confused)

"We ask ourselves, is she black? Is she white? We don't care. She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts." (James Allodi as Video Director, Glitter)

"The swan ate my baby! The swan ate my baby!" (Kirstie Alley as Gladys Leeman, Drop Dead Gorgeous)

"How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?" (Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King, Blade: Trinity)

"This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture." (Terrence, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut)

"Shut up before I cut your face and nobody's gonna want to fuck your ugly cunt!" (Paula E. Sheppard as Adrian, Liquid Sky)

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Karras!" (Linda Blair as Regan Teresa MacNeil, The Exorcist)

"Your mother's cunt stinks like carpet cleaner." (Mickey Rourke as Henry Chinaski, Barfly)

"I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino." (Gary Busey as Angelo Pappas, Point Break)

"Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head." (Ryan Phillippe as Parker, The Way of the Gun)

"You're a real blue flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb, and full of cum." (John C. McGinley as Ben Harp, Point Break)

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." (Mr. Garrison, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut)

"After the blood come the boys like sniffing dogs, grinning and slobbering and trying to find out where that smell comes from. That SMELL!" (Piper Laurie as Margaret White, Carrie)

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye." (Johnny Depp as Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)

"She doesn't love me. She doesn't give a damn about me, you kidding? She's a damned tall girl. Cheap chorus girl. Whore all over town. She got into L.A., she said, 'Kachka la boobala, get me a cup of coffee.'" (Andrea Feldman as Jessica Todd, Heat)

"No. Duh is a product of fear." (Beth Grant as Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko)

"Hey! Don't throw that kid in the pool!" (Pat Ast as Lydia, Heat)

"I think Eskimos are smug." (John Turturro as Chuck, Anger Management)

"I beat the shit out of some kids today, but it was for a purpose." (Billy Bob Thornton as Willy, Bad Santa)

"Dog will hunt. Get that bitch, Leatherface. Get that bitch. Dog will hunt!" (Bill Moseley as Chop Top, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2)

"I can smell your cunt." (Stuart Rudin as Miggs, The Silence of the Lambs)

"Don't bother with the head, the V of my crotch is what needs the attention!" (Edith Massey, Desperate Living)

"Oh, fuck my cock." (David Hyde Pierce as Henry, Wet Hot American Summer)

"If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mom smoked, I'd be dead." (Moira Kelly as Donna Hayward, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me)

"I'm going to have an abortion and I can't wait!" (Mary Garlington as Lu-Lu Fishpaw, Polyester)

"Plug it up! Plug it up!" (High School Bitches, Carrie)

"Same old Henry. Afraid of your own shadow. You know what, Henry? You're a regular barnyard exhibit. Sheep's eyes, chicken guts, piggy friends…and shit for brains! No good at departmental politics, no good at making money, no good at making an impression on anybody…and no good at all in bed! When was the last time you got it up, Henry? Huh? When was the last time you were a man in our bed? Now get out of my way, Henry, or I swear to God you'll be wearing your balls for earrings!" (Adrienne Barbeau as Wilma "Bille" Northrup, Creepshow)

"Let ol' Trixie sit up front with her big tits." (Madeline Kahn as Trixie Delight, Paper Moon)

"Fags in the showers! Fags in the showers!" (Panicking Jocks, Once Bitten)

"It must be weird not having anybody cum on you." (Robert Davi as Al Torres, Showgirls)

"Damn lot of corn raised in Hollywood these days too." (Ann Miller as Coco, Mulholland Drive)

"Good evening. Welcome to China Blue Airlines, Flight 69, nonstop service to paradise. We'll be taking off shortly. I'll be unbuckling your belt and seeing that big bird rise and rise, finally settling into the comfort only this wide body can provide. We're here to serve you. Please remember that, although we may run out of Pan Am coffee, we'll never run out of T-W-A-T." (Kathleen Turner as China Blue, Crimes of Passion)

"Where are my tits? Where are my tits?" (Rex Reed as Myron, Myra Breckinridge)

"What's a fuckass?" (Daveigh Chase as Samantha Darko, Donnie Darko)

"I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mister…Poopy Pants?" (Leslie Nielson as Lt. Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear)

"I don't want no white man looking at my Tampax!" (Jean Hill, Desperate Living)

"I'm erect. Why aren't you erect?" (Alan Rachins as Tony Moss, Showgirls)

"I like head cheese! It's good!" (Paul A. Partain as Franklin Hardesty, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

"Number 1, I don't remember how often I used to jerk off, but it was a lot. Number 2, I wasn't pissed off at my dad, even when I was old enough to know what he and mom were doing in the bedroom. Number 3, I don't look in the toilet before I flush it. Number 4, I haven't wet my bed for a long time. Number 5, why don't the two of you go fuck yourselves? I'm outta here." (Michael Douglas as Nick Curran, Basic Instinct)

"Don't get confused Tony. I don't fuck with the help." (Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira, Scarface)

"Look, you are not a lesbian. He's not a lesbian. You went and called up my friend Peggy and told her I was a lesbian. Well, I got news for you: I wish I was a lesbian. Because if I were a lesbian, I wouldn't be having this problem with you. I wouldn't have had you in the first place." (Sylvia Miles as Sally Todd, Heat)

"You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on some time." (Edy Williams as Ashley St. Ives, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls)

"I'll buy that for a dollar." (Various People, RoboCop)

"I remember your eyes—like pissholes in the snow." (Michael Caine as Cliff Brumby, Get Carter)

"Something bit me real bad." (Diane Nelson as Fat Woman, Mulholland Drive)

"I haven't felt this bad since I saw that Ronald Regan movie." (Marcy Goldman as Mrs. Geline, Airplane!)

"It's a clean telephone. Don't just think you can walk in here like that. Did you know that the germs can come through the wires? I never call and I never answer, it's a good way to get sick. Very, very sick. That's how I got so sick! Someone called me on the telephone!" (Catherine Gaffigan as Arlene, Sisters)

"Beth! Beth! If you're going into town can you pick me up something at the drugstore? Beth, come on, my husband is coming today and I need some lube…for my pussy." (Nina Hellman as Nancy, Wet Hot American Summer)

"If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb." (Jessica Campbell as Tammy Metzler, Election)

"Respect the cock...and tame the cunt. Tame it." (Tom Cruise as Frank T.J. Mackey, Magnolia)

"I'm Sylvia and my clitoris is in crisis." (Tracey Ullman as Sylvia Stickles, A Dirty Shame)

"Yes, yes, but first we must eat. Come. Good food, come." (Frank Oz as Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back)

"You can fuck me in the ass. You can cum on my face. Just keep it out of my hair. I just washed it." (Elisabeth Shue as Sera, Leaving Las Vegas)

"If you do this I will eat your face!" (John Lithgow as Bud Brumder, Orange County)

"He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a little while, and then, as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out. 'What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. If you tell anybody, I'm gonna kick your ass!' God. The only reason I let him keep up the charade is because the man's got a mouth like a hoover." (Joshua Jackson as Blaine Tuttle, Cruel Intentions)

"I sure was surprised the day Lisa Flanagan asked me for a ride home and ended up blowing me." (Chris Klein as Paul Metzler, Election)

"Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt." (Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?" (Talia Shire as Mrs. Silver, I Heart Huckabees)

"Yo, Weiner, you better get ready, 'cause at three o' clock today, I'm gonna rape you!" (Brendan Sexton III as Brandon McCarthy, Welcome of the Dollhouse)

"Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs." (Lizzy Caplan as Janas Ian, Mean Girls)

"Sorry, I never forget a face, especially when I've sat on it." (Kathleen Turner as China Blue, Crimes of Passion)

"There are certain social structures, Holly, that we have to adhere to that we don't." (Jackie Curtis, Women in Revolt)

"Jesus Christ." (Mara Hobel as Christina Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"We've got bush!" (Curtis Armstrong as Booger, Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise)

"This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town is like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked." (Al Pacino as Tony Montana, Scarface)

"I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny." (Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions)

"Metabolically, it's not my rhythm," (Judy Davis as Sally, Husbands and Wives)

"This is a giant cock." (Julianne Moore as Amber Waves, Boogie Nights)

"Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. I like to be alone when it goes in. To me, the cafeteria is like being with twenty girls all at once taking a dump." (Brittany Murphy as Daisy Randone, Girl, Interrupted)

"Earthquakes bring out the worst in people." (George Kennedy as Sgt. Lew Slade, Earthquake)

"I don't make nothin' out of horses, especially 'horse durves,' 'cause I don't know what they are, and neither do you." (Annie Joe Edwards as Venus, Bullets Over Broadway)

"I hate Illinois Nazis." (John Belushi as Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers)

"All you guys do is drink beer and hide!" (Dick Miller as Buck Gardner, Piranha)

"I have a part of you with me. You put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me strong." (Isabella Rossellini as Dorothy Valens, Blue Velvet)

"We're very healthy here. There's a health food store right around the corner. I go down there every night to get some nuts. Do you ever try any nuts? I'm into ecology. Health foods and all that great stuff. Avocados. Artichokes. You should see the way I make artichokes. Olive oil. Salt. Pepper. Fabulous. They come out delicious. Wish you could come over one night…for some artichokes and avocados. I'll cook on my hot plate. I like all the health foods. You name it, I eat it." (Andrea Feldman as Jessica Todd, Heat)

"Having trouble son? Take it out an put it in her hand." (Burgess Meredith as Harry Greener, The Day of the Locust)

"Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where it ought to be!" (Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody…I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was. But not anymore. And the thing is, I don't care what people think about me…because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay." (Hilary Duff as Sam, A Cinderella Story)

"Whores and metaphors don't mix." (Anthony Perkins as Rev. Peter Shayne, Crimes of Passion)

slant magazine
 
Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

- -Veronica In 'Heathers'


It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.

- Alex Delarge, "A Clockwork Orange"


Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love

- Annie Hall

Good. Bad. I'm the one with the gun.

- Army Of Darkness

First you want to kill me, then you want to kiss me. Blow.

- Army Of Darkness

Only promise me one thing, don't take me home until I am drunk...very drunk indeed!!

- Audrey Hepburn (Breakfast At Tiffany'S)

I've been going to this school for 7 years. I'm no dummy.

- Better Off Dead

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for SEGA.

- Brodie, Mallrats

" sometimes i enjoy the idea of a woman with a horse" banky

- Chasing Amy

You don't wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you gotta talk to 'em.

- Colors

Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb

- Dark Helmet, Space Balls

I know they were just kids...but man we beat the fuck out of them!

- Dogma

Pain heals, Chicks dig scars, and Glory last forever

- Falco, The Replacements


This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time

- Fight Club

What is your major malfunction numb-nuts? Didn't mommy and daddy give you enough attention when you were a child?

- Full Metal Jacket

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them.

- Full Metal Jacket

"What the hell is this?" "Its a Peace symbol sir." "What does your helmet say?" "Born to kill sir." "What the hell is going on?" "I guess I was just trying to point
out the duality of mankind."

- Full Metal Jacket

My mom's not home. She had to take my brother to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she was really stressed out. She hijacked a busload full of... penguins. It's sort of a family crisis. Bye!

- John Cusack, "Better Off Dead"

You can't lose something you never had.

- Kate Hudson, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making the world believe that he didn't exist.

- Kevin Spacey "The Usual Suspects"

If you don't turn rebel by 20 you got no heart. If you don't conform by 30 you got no brain.

- Kevin Spacey, "Swimming With The Sharks"

They say you live every single day for the rest of your live. All this is true except for one day, the day you die

- Lester Burhnam "American Beauty"


" I feel like Julia Roberts, only with out that hole prostitute thing"

- Shes All That


the only second chance we get is to make the same mistake twice

- State And Main

I'll kill a communist for fun, but for a green card..I'm gonna carve him up real nice.."

- Tony Montana...Al Pacino


"Why do you have to be suck a cunt?" "Im sorry for being suck a cunt."

- Welcome To The Doll House
 
Bien, je mordrai. Pourquoi votre titre de fil est-il en français ? :kiss: :rose: :confused:
 
I am the shadow on the moon at night, filling your dreams to the brim with fright.

-:The Nightmare Before Christmas :-
 
Jail said:
Bien, je mordrai. Pourquoi votre titre de fil est-il en français ? :kiss: :rose: :confused:
Click to expand...

:kiss: Jail :kiss:

Pourquoi sont vous en Australie? Le titre ... Je ne sais pas.

Keeps out the strays? :devil:
 
Hiv

A guy picked up a woman at a bar one night and took her home. On the way, she asked him if he had HIV. He told her he didn't. At his house she asked again if he had aids, and he assured her that he didn't. In bed, after they had begun to remove their clothes, she stopped and turned to him.

"You're sure you don't have HIV?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm sure," he told her, getting a bit annoyed. She finally stopped talking, and they had sex for hours, doing everything imaginable. Afterwards they were laying there in bed and she snuggled up to him.

"Look," she said, " It's too late now, so you might as well tell me if you have HIV."

"I told you I don't have HIV," he almost yelled.

"Oh, thank god," she sighed, "I wouldn't want to get that again."
 
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