Ashley's new adventure!!

[LilAshley]

Hey everyone, I just got my next story up and posted on here. It's like a part 2 from an earlier one. I would love to hear feedback and thoughts about my new story (or even the old one if you read it too). Thanxxx.

Love,
Ashley


Part 1 :
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=58163


Part 2 (new!!) : http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=89448

 

[hiddenself]

Read both. As far as stroke stories go, they were ok (I thought the first was a little better than the second). But literary masterpieces they weren't. In fact, the plots you use and the flat way you lay them out are so banal that they read exactly like run-of-the-mill cheap porn. If that's what you were aiming at, I think you've succeeded quite well. It rates a 2 on my grading.

Personally, if you were to make a porno movie with those stories, I wouldn't watch it even if you were to pay me. As some people put it, there are so many times prong A can fit into slot B and that gets old very fast. Sex without spice, plot, tension, some psychological subtext is one of the most boring things. There's nothing original here.

As far as technique goes, the writing was competent. You do have certain mistakes, some of them more serious than others (see examples in the 1st paragraph of your 1st story). You also got a couple of awful cliches that may be a hallmark of cheap porn but do not make for an erotic or literary read.

I had always been a daddy's girl. Ever since he and my mom spilt (split) I had been living with just him. He was very attractive at 6' 2 200lbs brown hair and big brown eyes, and was a true ladies man (why is a 6'2'' 200lbs brown hair brown eyes male "very attratctive"? what have you told me to make me visualize this? ask almost any writer here and they will tell you that a laundry list of basic descriptive stats is one of the top no-no's if you aspire to write anything decent). As a bachelor (the girl was a bachelor?! -- this is what this means) I grew up seeing him with all kinds of women, mostly bimbos though. Ever since I was 18 he had been dressing me (what does this mean?) as well as fucking me. I had no problem with it, and most of the boys at my school didn't either (how did they know?). Daddy had always talked of showing me off to his friend but hadn't backed it up as of yet. However that would all change soon enough!!

IMO, you're wasting your writing skills with such crap. Why don't you try something more ambitious, more imaginative? Unless, of course, you're writing this for money, in which case, write on. Otherwise, what's the point?

hs

 

[sugardaddy]

Ashley,
I liked both parts of your story. I can just imagine that you and I are the charachters... And I always get a raging hard on while I read them.

As for the other poster's comments ignore them if you like. The point of writing is to express yourself and have fun. I know I had fun expressing myself while I was reading your story.

Sugardaddy

 

[sweetnpetite]

bump

(ps, hidden self, would you read mine and send me a PM?)